S/O: is it customary to have a shower for second babies where you live? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do people throw showers after the firest baby where you live?
All the time 30 25.21%
Not usually 77 64.71%
Other 12 10.08%
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Old 06-12-2010, 08:07 PM
 
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where I live, no baby shower, nothing organized and certainly NOT before the birth ! .. if there's a registry, it's usually because the grand-parents and other relatives are numerous and all excited about the birth etc ....

so people usually turn up with a gift of their own choosing or arrange to drop by "to see the baby" or post something in the mail, usually AFTER you've sent them a birth announcement (which can be VERY simple, for my first child, I just sent a photo taken on the day of the birth, and wrote the vital statistics an name on stickers that I factory lined slapped at the back of each photo & stuffed the prepared enveloppes I had braught at the maternity, I did it in the middle of the night after the second night feed when I couldn't go back to sleep...)

usually presents are clothes, although co-workers usully ask in advance and make a group present that can be big/something that was needed)

my second baby was so tiny & people usually don't want to buy "birth size" so much so that 90% of the clothing I got ended up not the right season ...
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:21 AM
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Showers for every baby where I live. I love it!

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Old 06-13-2010, 12:23 AM
 
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It's not done here, and I'm fine with that. Honestly, if we had showers for every baby and wedding, I'd never get a Saturday free. And showers are generally about helping someone get set up for a big change in life - setting up house for the first time (even if that's rarely the case) or needing baby stuff. It's not really for the baby as much as it is for people who are becoming parents.

That said, if invited I will usually send a gift if it's someone close but I don't feel obligated to go.
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Old 06-13-2010, 01:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
Yes, to that in my area (aka 5+ years between 1st & 2nd siblings=shower for second). I've also seen showers for a second pregnancy that resulted in a multiple birth.
Yeah, and I forgot to mention, I've seen showers if the first one was a boy and the second one was a girl (or vice versa), even if there's only a few years in between the babies.

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Old 06-13-2010, 03:00 AM
 
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I was told it was inconsiderate to have a shower for any child after the first. I barely had one for my first.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:03 AM
 
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I voted that it happened all the time where I live, but I honestly don't know. I haven't been to a baby shower in years. I've seen people in my playgroup throwing them for people with several children. For that matter, I had both a baby blessing kind of shower and a smallish shower for my second. I lived in a different state and had different friends. The one friend wanted to do a lunch with just me and another person, and give me baby clothing. They came in handy, because my baby's were over 4 years apart and born in different seasons.

Now baby gifts sent in response to an announcement, I think those are common with siblings. I got a number of gifts for my second child. I also didn't get gifts from some people, which is fine, it's just sometimes people will send personalized keepsake gifts for the first child, so it seems like if you are going to send a gift, it would be when it was something personalized, you know? I'm talking grandparents, not friends.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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In my circle it's not that common and I didn't have a shower for my second (although I think that was partly because my first baby died and we never did figure out if there was an etiquette around giving back the gifts...we ended up keeping them and using them.)

But I have to say I'd just go and have a good time at any shower. I might downgrade my gift for a second, or focus on something for the mother.

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Old 06-13-2010, 01:14 PM
 
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Here, it just depends on the individual and their family. Some people I know had baby showers for second and third children, others don't because it's not accepted in their family to.

ETA: I had a mother's blessing for my second, and my MIL tried to throw me a baby shower but it was a bust... and I expected it to be.

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Old 06-13-2010, 03:05 PM
 
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I'm in Toronto Canada, not unless there is a big age gap.

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Old 06-13-2010, 10:43 PM
 
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I'm in midwestern Ontario and in my group of friends and all of our churches, it's typical to have a shower for each new baby. I think it's great to celebrate every baby!
As I said in the other thread, even my friend who had her 7th child had a shower, well actually two - one from her friends and one from church.

It's not just about getting "stuff" for the baby, it's mostly just an excuse to get together and talk about baby related things, see the new arrival etc.
Regardless of how much stuff you may already have, it's aways nice to have *some* new things for each child.
AND after 2-3 kids, a lot of essentials can be pretty used up.

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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Old 06-14-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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I voted Other. Under regular run-of-the-mill circumstances, i.e. children close together, same sex, etc. No.

SOMETIMES if the second child is a different sex, MAYBE. My mom had one with my sister (her sister threw it for her) but me and my sister are 14.5 years apart. She had NOTHING but a few fav outfits from when I was little. No toys, clothes, gear. She needed EVERYTHING, and my sister was a definete surprise.

I have heard of Diaper showers. If someone wanted to throw a shower for me with DS2, it would have been for all the necessities, diapers, wipes, baby wash, etc. But I wouldnt have registered anywhere, which is expected for showers around here.

I also think that the work showers are usually done when the co worker is the one pregant. I wouldnt expect an office to throw me a baby shower if my husband was who they worked with.
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Old 06-14-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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I wouldn't say it is "customary" which in my mind suggests a tradition, but it is common to see. Child age differences over 5 years, a child of a different gender, or a family that has moved recently would all be prime targets I think..

I am on kiddo #5, and I got a baby shower.. My youngest is 5, we moved two years ago, and this is our first girl.. so people were asking me if I was going to get one so they could come.. Pretty sure I have only had two baby showers.. this one (last month) and one that was 13 years ago.

In 13 years time, my first son's crib was recalled, I have tossed out expired carseats (more than I care to think about actually), downsized (considerably) baby clothing due to a move.. and dealt with a house flood/mold issues.. discovered what BPA was, and realized my oldest's bottle had it and tossed them.. do people really expect baby stuff to last?

I had ONE person remark about "baby showers for first time moms" before I was even pregnant.. I was pretty surprised, but then the person making the remark was from Texas originally and is over 60 years old, and not a mom at all so I think she had a different mindset than everyone else I know.
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Old 06-14-2010, 12:39 PM
 
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I said other because it depends. Where I live(or maybe it's just my family) a 2nd shower is not normal but if there is a large gap someone will throw another shower(maybe small, maybe big). Also, if it is known that the new baby is a different gender than any older children the family with throw a small family shower with gifts being only clothes and gender specific/consumables as gifts. For a new baby of the same gender and/or closely spaced family will just bring a small gift when they first meet the new baby(usually a small gift for baby and a slightly bigger gift for older sib).
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Old 06-14-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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Here in Louisiana it is common but not customary to have baby showers for each baby. I have had one with all of my children. My first was a traditional shower in my native Kentucky and was huge. My family is large so all of my aunts, cousins, and friends were there. With my second it was a small gathering of friends who got me a high chair and we sat around and ate. My third was just 3 friends who surprised me at my house one evening with good food and company. One henna painted my belly. I got a new outfit for the baby, a blanket, and some socks. With number 4 I had a bigger shower at church with some friends. We had good food and I got a few gifts. I had given everything away after #3 so it was nice to have people give us a few outfits and some bath stuff. We also painted letters for her room.

I personally have no problem going to showers for each baby. I love hanging out with my friends and having good food and company.

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Old 06-14-2010, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by tanyam926 View Post
I haven't read all the responses but I just wanted to write that this is one instance where I say etiquette be damned.

I don't care how many babies someone has or how many showers someone has, it is always fun in my community/circle of friends/family to have a little celebration when someone is expecting a baby. I have never thought badly of someone for having a baby shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. Never. I really enjoy shopping for something thoughtful for the new baby, maybe something that I found very useful for my children or that I know they don't have. I also always include something for special for the mom, bc all moms deserve a litte pampering after having a new baby, even if it's not their first.

In my experience the moms to be whose showers I have been invited to were not entitled, worried about the gifts types of people.

So I say party on! No matter what you call it, whether gifts are brought or not (and IME most people LOVE baby shopping, even for something small), having a new baby is something to celebrate. Plus, not everything from the first baby can be reused, there are many things that a new mother might need for a subsequent child. If I knew anyone who was the type of person to tsk tsk over this kind of thing I wouldn't really want them to come anyway.
Totally agree. I'm going to a baby shower for baby #2 of a friend in a couple weeks, and I'm excited! It's about celebrating the mom and the new baby, and everyone loves shopping for little baby things. I'm not offended at all. And it's a SUPER sweet mama who's had a VERY rough pregnancy. It's a nice excuse to all go to tea
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Old 06-14-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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I'm also in the PNW and all the moms I know that have had multiple babies did have another shower. I'm not a fan of the idea unless the mom really NEEDS stuff. I'm all for a celebration though.
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Old 06-14-2010, 02:24 PM
 
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I voted not usually. If the 2nd baby comes within a couple years after the 1st then there typically isn't a baby shower. If the 2nd baby is 5+ years after the first there is sometimes a shower thrown.

So many factors influence it though. When my dp's brothers wife had a baby almost 2 years ago dp's mom threw her a baby shower. DP's brothers wife has another child (who was 7ish when the baby was born) BUT that boy was from a different relationship and the mom/boy recently moved from Canada to Kentucky so didn't have any baby stuff.

I have one ds, who is 6. DP and I will probably try to have another baby in 4ish years so ds will be 10ish. DS is not dp's bio-child. I would be shocked if dp's mom didn't throw a baby shower if/when I get pregnant, even though I have another child. I have absolutely nothing from when ds was a baby (except a few special outfits) so it would be much appreciated

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Old 06-14-2010, 05:12 PM
 
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I'm not sure (I don't think its super common to have a second baby shower here..........but every once in awhile I'm sure it happens)

HOWEVER - if I ever get pregnant with a boy (big IF ) I will get someone to throw me a shower............I literally have NOTHING for a boy since my husband loves the color pink and everything but the crib would have to be bought

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Old 06-15-2010, 12:54 AM
 
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Nope, just a first baby.
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Old 06-17-2010, 03:58 AM
 
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Pretty much everyone but me regardless of the gap between kids has one with EVERY kid around here. I went to the last 3 of my SIL's (didn't know her yet when she had the first). I didn't have one the second time around because I didn't enjoy the first one. Everyone assumed I'd have one and asked when it was. When I said I wasn't having one they shot me a weird look and said, "whY!?"

They said, "You need someone to throw it? I'll throw it. You can just have it at your house. It will be so much fun. I can't believe you weren't going to have one! Why isn't your mom throwing one for you?"

My answer, "No thank you.... and at my house!? So you want me to have to deal with cleaning, keeping my dogs quiet, letting a bunch of other kids tare my house apart, dishes, and having to entertain and keep everyone happy and included. Like I said, thanks but NO THANKS! Oh, and my mom isn't throwing one for me because she knows me much better than that!"

People here also seem to like to have an engagement party, bridal shower, bachlorette party, bachlor party, co-ed pre wedding party, reception, and maybe even another informal type of reception after the honeymoon.... followed by a house or apartment warming party... then a baby shower! I think people are just cheap around here and try to rake in as much free stuff and excuses to get drunk as possible. *shrug*

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Old 06-17-2010, 04:14 AM
 
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Not all the time, but lots of moms do have showers for the second child

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Old 06-17-2010, 06:23 AM
 
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I had a shower for all my babies. They all deserve a celebration in my opinion.

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Old 06-17-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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I've noticed it's pretty common here (Mississippi/Deep South) and I always thought they were just supposed to be 'diaper/wipe' showers for the 2nd one but really there are no rules and people make just as much of a fuss the first time as the 2nd time. I turned down a 2nd one when offered for me. It was kind of my friends, but I had 4 baby showers for the first (which was insane) and I had two boys and everything I already needed, so there was just no need and would have been overkill. I would have loved a Blessingway though, but those are not known around these parts.

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Old 06-17-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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Can't really say here in New England... haven't been invited to any baby showers out here. But back home in the Midwest it's not common to have a second baby shower and if one does it is somewhat frowned upon. Celebrations for the new baby... yes. Showers with gift registries and all that... no.
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