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#31 of 57 Old 08-03-2010, 11:20 PM
 
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Have your brother sell the house, take the money and buy a duplex in both your names. You live in half, him in the other half and you split the mortgage which should be close to what you are now paying in rent.
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#32 of 57 Old 08-03-2010, 11:26 PM
 
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I'd do it as long as you consult a lawyer and have a contract drawn up so that the house is legally yours. I wouldn't take anyone's word on a real estate deal, no matter how much I love them.

Once you pay your brother off, you can decide whether you want to stay in the house or rent it out.
Yes to all that.

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#33 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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A house for less that $12,000? I'd do it in a second.
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#34 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 12:59 AM
 
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YES!!!! Go for it!!!
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#35 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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The emotional costs could be devastating. I am concerned because you will be going through a divorce and trying to get pregnant while moving across the street from your mother who you recently moved away from.

I am assuming that you are not pregnant yet and have never been pregnant. I do not think you know what the next year is going to be like just on your body.

Please talk with your care provider, who is doing the fertility treatments, about the role of stress on your potential pregnancy.

Please do not be tempted by this. I know I do not know all the details but it does not sound like a good situation.
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#36 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:16 AM
 
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No.

This is not a cheap house. This is the most expensive house going. You're fooled because you get to pay less than $12K of the cost in money. The rest is going to come out of you in aggravation.

If you talked to a counselor about boundaries, the first thing he or she would probably say is that you should not buy this house. If you have three or four sessions with that counselor before you commit to the purchase, and the counselor doesn't think it's a bad idea, maybe it would be okay. But I think that's unlikely.

Your mom bought this house for your brother in the hopes that she could use it to control him. That's not working out so well, so she'd be happy to put you in there and see if the trick works better on you.
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#37 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by hotmamacita View Post
The emotional costs could be devastating. I am concerned because you will be going through a divorce and trying to get pregnant while moving across the street from your mother who you recently moved away from.

I am assuming that you are not pregnant yet and have never been pregnant. I do not think you know what the next year is going to be like just on your body.

Please talk with your care provider, who is doing the fertility treatments, about the role of stress on your potential pregnancy.

Please do not be tempted by this. I know I do not know all the details but it does not sound like a good situation.
I moved away from my mom many moons ago and I've been pregnant six times. Not that it matters much, just clarifying.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
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#38 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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It matters. I am so sorry for your losses.

I really hope good things for you.

Your extended family situation is concerning. It does not sound good for you.
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#39 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 03:19 AM
 
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I say go for it; and put up with the garbage for a year until it's paid off, and if it's still bad with your mom, rent it out. You won't find a deal like this ever again! Invest in some good and heavy blinds, shut the ringer off on the phone when you need silence (keep a cellphone that your mom doesn't have the number to, if you want to stay in touch with people); and some good locks on the doors. Also, make a point to go out often - or specifically keep your errands for when she's bugging you (so, if she's over, suddenly you have to go to the grocery store).

TAKE IT Aja, this is the break you deserve; and it's only 1 year or so more of suffering; and the trade-off is SO worth it.
This. Totally do it. You do deserve it; this sounds like providence to me. And maybe, just maybe, your Mom will change a little. Really. Try giving her the book boundaries. Or at least read it yourself

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#40 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 03:21 AM
 
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Right. No matter what happens, the worst thing that can happen is that you're back in the exact same position you're in now. Like I said, keep really freakin' busy for a year - heck, get a second job or something. Be away from home as much as possible; and your mother won't be a problem. In a year or so's time, you'll be in the clear to move wherever you want and rent out the house. This deal is golden - don't let your mom ruin it for you!
Also this.

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#41 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 03:57 AM
 
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A starter house for 12k.. heck yes. But that's me. If you're rich you don't care about such things.. you're not nervous about such things then don't. I guess it depends on how strong you are and how you can handle things. I wouldn't tell you brother your going to sell it or rent it since he's giving it to you at an insane price and you might lose him as a brother if he found out you just sold it. There's a reason he's not selling it himself.

Maybe he should just give it back to mom. I mean that was incredibly generous and I would love to be all over that. Now if it wasn't my mom and someone I couldn't stand boy I would want to poke my eyeballs out but just 12 months.. and then you can rent it or sell it and be really well off. It would be tough but I would suck it up.
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#42 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 08:24 AM
 
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On the other hand, if you get pregnant sooner rather than later, you might not be able to be out of the house as much as you might be counting on. A second job? Forget it if you have severe fatigue and morning sickness. When I was pregnant I was coming home at 5:30, falling asleep at 6PM, and getting up barely awake at 7:30AM, to start another day.

I'm getting a vibe that your family dynamics are quite unhealthy, and that your relationship with your brother is not necessarily better than with your mother. Only now he is siding with you, because he is mad at your mother.

How well can you set boundaries with your mother and your brother? Would you feel obligated to share the house with your brother, if he were to split with his girlfriend and needed a room? He might be quite certain that you owe him at least that. What if he decides to sell the house for profit and wants you to move out? Sure, he won't have any LEGAL rights, but he can make your life very, very miserable.

A year is a lot. 52 weeks. 365 days. If you are certain you can set firm boundaries, then it is a great deal. But again, if your mother harasses you, will you be able to call the police? If you are going to be sucked into your family madness, then it might be too much.

My kids are 8, 5 and 2!
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#43 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 09:52 AM
 
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First, a question...

Why doesn't your brother just rent it out himself? Or sell it? If something is holding him back from either of those actions, that something (even if it is just emotional pressure from mom, no legal hold-ups) has a bigger-than-average chance of holding YOU back from renting it out or selling it when you want to.

Now, my experience...

I was in a similar situation. A house was offered to me/us (not free and clear, there's a mortgage). I was pregnant. The house was owned by and located near my drama llama mother's house. We took it because the finances - it seemed financially stupid not to take the deal. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I'm still, nearly 15 years later, still enduring the consequences. Still living in a house that I do not like, and can't get out of.

And now my opinion...

No way in hell would I LIVE there. If you can take it and RENT it right away, without having to live there, that might be OK. But then, why doesn't your brother do this? That could be a key bit of information.

Facing divorce, and pregnancy - there's no way in hell that I would move to be across the street from someone who has shown they will resort to drama games that include criminal actions (harassment, letting the air out of tires).

Having been there, done that (or at least something similar), NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH THE MENTAL ANGUISH that this situation could cause you.

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#44 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 11:47 AM
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Not only would I not buy this house if I were you but I would also change my name and move to LA or NYC or somewhere else big and anonymous.
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#45 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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no way would I do it if it were me.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#46 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 12:04 PM
 
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I wouldn't. But I would pay 6 figures not to live anywhere near my MIL. Literally. I've considered it.
I live across the country from mine. Thank goodness it seems to be far enough.

To the OP. Don't Do This! Sanity is priceless.
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#47 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, it looks like all of my waffling was for naught. My brother changed his mind. Why?

He doesn't want to be so far away.

It's like watching a bad movie. But fortunately I get to just watch and not have to participate. I'm bowing out of the whole thing. I don't care what happens anymore. I will be happily a few cities away in my peaceful little apartment with my tomatoes and no one to screw up my plans. I'll buy a house on my own terms when I'm good and ready. And it will have nothing to do with either one of them.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#48 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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That's the spirit!

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." ~A.U.
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#49 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:31 PM
 
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oh how disappointing.

the carpet yanked out from under you.

the choice taken away.

but i love your thoughts. you and your tomatoes will flourish in the peace.


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#50 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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What a blessing!!! I mean I don't know what I'd do because continually I'd be questioning if I did the right thing or not. Its great to have the decision made and you in the place your meant to be.

I hope everything else goes as clearly for you!

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#51 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 06:28 PM
 
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Just out of curiosity, why did your mom buy your brother a house and not you? Feel free not to answer.
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#52 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 07:12 PM
 
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What a blessing!!! I mean I don't know what I'd do because continually I'd be questioning if I did the right thing or not. Its great to have the decision made and you in the place your meant to be...

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#53 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just out of curiosity, why did your mom buy your brother a house and not you? Feel free not to answer.
My stepsisters family had already bought her a house, and my mother figured that since I was married I should be able to buy my own house. My brother is 24 and single and therefore, needed a house.

Had I known that there would be a staying single gift involved, I would've waited till I got mine before getting married.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#54 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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I wish there was a "like" button like there is on facebook,lol.
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I get to just watch and not have to participate. I'm bowing out of the whole thing. I don't care what happens anymore. I will be happily a few cities away in my peaceful little apartment with my tomatoes and no one to screw up my plans. I'll buy a house on my own terms when I'm good and ready. And it will have nothing to do with either one of them.
This is where I click "like" You sing it girl. You will be better off where you are at!!!
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#55 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 07:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wish there was a "like" button like there is on facebook,lol.
Personally, I think that everything should have a like button. I want this tee shirt.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#56 of 57 Old 08-04-2010, 08:46 PM
 
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Personally, I think that everything should have a like button. I want this tee shirt.

want one!
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#57 of 57 Old 08-05-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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I really think that your brother changing his mind is a blessing in disguise. You do not need the drama, your sanity is more valuable than the money you'd save.

I love your attitude

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
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