Feeling a little bummed out.. - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-26-2010, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My recently turned 3 year old told my mom I yelled at her, put her on time out and bit her!!!

We do use time outs (more like time ins really) and while I certainly raise my voice on occassion, I haven't done it lately and I have never bitten her!

I know kids this age say all sorts of things, but we purposely had one child so that we could be the best possible parents and I'm feeling a little bit like I let her down - like I should never yell at my kid because I only have one and should be able to do a better job it. I know this is not reasonable, but there you go.
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Old 08-26-2010, 01:44 PM
 
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I'm sure grandma understands that you would never bite her. Like you, I tried very hard to be a gentle mother, and for the most part I succeeded. Once, when my daughter was 4 and we were having a small battle of wills, my daughter picked up the phone and called my mom, telling her in detail all about how "mean" I was. I was mortified, but grandma knows how we do things here, so she knew most of it was a story.

Don't beat yourself up about this - you are doing fine!
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Old 08-26-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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When my son was that exact age, I came home one day and found out from my dw that he had pinched my daughter and so she had to separate them shortly before I came home. I went to talk to ds about it, and he told quite the story involving dw leaving to go get pizza and him and his sister being home alone and so he "couldn't get help" when his sister was bothering him, and so forth. My dw had absolutely not done any such thing (its actually a funny thought because my dw is a super protective mama...she's paranoid sometimes just walking out of a room our kids are in), and it was weird because when ds said it, it totally looked like he believed it...100%.

I really think there is a developmental piece here in which kids are realizing some falibility in their parents. These stories aren't an expression of how they think about us (I can't imagine my ds thinking about the very protective dw as someone who would abandon him and his sister), but an experimentation with fears larger than us. What if I am all alone? What if big people who have power over me try to hurt me?

Parenting is hard, hard work. Even with one. I have a feeling, though, that your daughter is going to turn out just fine.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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Old 08-26-2010, 10:07 PM
 
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DS1 said that I don't feed him and that he's always hungry because we never have any food.

What he MEANT was 'there isn't enough junk food and I don't want to eat fruit'.

It's complicated.
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Old 08-26-2010, 10:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post
DS1 said that I don't feed him and that he's always hungry because we never have any food.

What he MEANT was 'there isn't enough junk food and I don't want to eat fruit'.
Yep, we'll go to my parents' house for dinner and my daughter will say, "I'm starving! I haven't eaten all day!" Luckily my parents know that's not true, but it still bothers me to hear her say that!

We all make mistakes, and if the worst you've ever done is raise your voice a couple times you are doing better than 99.9% of parents out there - myself included! I raise my voice more often than I would like... I'm working on it.

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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Old 08-26-2010, 11:41 PM
 
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DD told my mother that we locked her in a dark closet for several hours once! Luckily, grandma has experience with children already and knows we would never do something like that.

:::
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Old 08-27-2010, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for responding everyone. I was feeling particularly sensitive yesterday and you all made me feel better
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Old 08-27-2010, 09:25 PM
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we joke at our playgroup about food. whenever the kids are there, they eat SO many muffins (during tea time) and fruit (from the fruit picnic), that it's like we don't feed them. all of us have a joke about it. we know it's not true.

i agree with Sierra, though. i do think that this is working out some archetypal stuff that they are just able to experience and express. it's powerful work, and strange. i'm going to look up some information about it (stiener probably), and see what the situation from that perspective is, now that yu have me thinking about it.

and, i'm sure you bite her each tuesday. isn't it what we are supposed to do? tuesdays are for biting?
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Old 08-28-2010, 12:22 AM
 
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When my oldest dd was in Kindy she had daily journal time where they would draw pictrues and then the teachers would write down the stories for them. DD wrote a very long story with lots of detailed pictures about how I went to jail. I went to back to school night and it was proudly displayed on her desk for everyone to read. I kinda freaked out until the teacher told me they knew I had not gone to jail and I should hear all the stories kids have come up with over the years.
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