do you like/love your neices and nephews? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 89 Old 10-16-2010, 01:55 PM
 
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i have 10 neices and nephews on dh's side, of those, i love 3, really like 2, and can't stand the rest.
do you like your neices or nephews? do you love them? does it matter if they are blood or not?
I have two nephews and three nieces.

My brother from my father's side who I've never met, but have been Facebook friends for a long time, has a 1 1/2 year old son. I don't know him, never met him, so I can't honestly say I love him, but he is my nephew, so I would do anything for him.

My sister has a 9 year old daughter, a 2 1/2 year old son, and one month old twins. My oldest neice, I was her second Mother until she was 2 1/2, then I moved out of state. In all honesty, I love her, but she has severe behavioral problems, so sometimes I don't like her very much. My nephew, I never really had the same relationship with, but he likes to talk to me on the phone, and even though I only see him a couple times a year, for some reason, he's crazy about me... and I'm crazy about him. I love him and I like him. The newborn twins, I haven't had a chance to meet yet. I love them because they are my nieces, and I like them 'cause I can hear them squaking when I'm on the phone with my sister, but I don't know them yet, know what I mean?

I had neice (Husband's brother's daughter) before my (ex) Husband left me. I never really knew her, so I can't accurately say whether I loved her or not, but she was a sweet little girl and I liked her.

From my family's perspective... my son is the nephew. They love him and they like him, very much. My former stepdaughter... the loved her and they liked her, however I can see a bit of a difference- it was easier for some of them to drop her when my (ex) Husband left, then it would be for them to drop my son. This does NOT apply to all my family, though, just some of them- some of my family miss my stepdaughter as much as I do, never thought of her as "step", just family.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#62 of 89 Old 10-17-2010, 02:39 AM
 
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I have three nieces, two of whom I deeply love & feel a connection with that is similar to my connection with my own children. The other I love because she's my niece, but I don't particularly love to be around her.  She's 4, BTW. The other two are 8 months and 9. The 4-year-old is the 9-year-old's sister.

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#63 of 89 Old 10-17-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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I have 2 nephews and 2 girls that I think of as my nieces (they are actually DH's oldest daughters children, which would make me their step-grandmother, but I'd rather be "aunty" LOL I'm 34!). Of my nephews, J is almost 8 and W is 3. My girls are almost 7 and almost 5, so we mesh well as a family. I love J, and am fiercely protective of him, but am generally baffled and annoyed by him. I think it has something to do with how SIL is raising him. He is very sensitive and she belittles it and as a result he acts really strange when something is bothering him. For example, we went to an amusement park this summer, really really really hot. So we got ice cream. It immediately started dripping. J has always been very particular about his clothes (sensory issues) and he starts crying and shouting that he doesn't want the ice cream any more but won't say why. No one is getting it, no one notices that it's dripping on his pants, and he gets more upset. I walk toward him with a napkin and say "Jamesy, it's getting on your pants" and he verbally attacks me, then takes the napkin, wipes his pants, and everything is fine. I was shocked by his outburst, but also very sorry that he was so embarrassed by his reaction (crying) that he lashed out in anger. And sorry to say it, but although I LOVE my brother, he can really be an a$$hole sometimes, and I see that in my nephew J.

My other nephew, W, is so freakin' awesome and I love him to bits. He is 100% rambunctious, danger mouse, boy. He's a little pudge-ball and I adore him. He's a handful, though, and I'm glad he's not mine, but I sure enjoy visiting him LOL!

My other "nieces" I love, but I'm not really attached to them, really. They are 6 and 2. I guess it's because DH's daughter is really emotionally detached and the closed-minded superior holier-than-thou type of crunchy granola. She's better than us, so we haven't really had a chance to get too close to her kids. But I still love them!

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#64 of 89 Old 10-17-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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When she has her own kid, she will drop the doting, so don't worry about it
I'm sure! In fact, I put all the expensive one time worn stuff she's gotten my son in a seprate box, so she can use them for her kiddlet.

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#65 of 89 Old 10-17-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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I just have 1 niece and 2 nephews (all my SIL's) and I love them in the way you generically love family members outside your immediate family, but I don't like them a whole lot. They're all really awful and bratty.
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#66 of 89 Old 05-30-2011, 08:30 PM
 
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I have one niece and one nephew. The niece is cool. The boy...well I don't want to go into too many personal details but, he is very hard to be around. Sometimes I don't know what to do, his behavior is tearing our family unit apart! As an example he became very violent a couple of weekends ago over not being able to get his dessert before dinner was done. He responded by seriously injuring a family pet. He is 11, not exactly a baby. greensad.gif

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#67 of 89 Old 05-30-2011, 10:52 PM
 
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I don't have many- just three nephews and a niece and they are all still pretty young so there really isn't anything not to like! The oldest is only 8, the youngest just turned 2. They are all pretty well behaved and they love when we come to visit. I'm very close to my sisters.

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#68 of 89 Old 05-31-2011, 07:09 AM
 
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i wish i had a neice or nephew.  im and only child, and i have one brother in law who will never have children.  it makes me kind of sad that my kids will never have first cousins.   all of my aunts and uncles on my moms side (all five of them) loved me like i was their own.  i have one first cousin, who i love like a brother... if he ever has kids i can call them my neices and nephews.

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#69 of 89 Old 05-31-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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I have 4 nieces and nephews on my side and 4 on dh's side.

I honestly don't really know them... maybe see them once a year and that is all the contact we have. They are all okay kids and I feel some affection for them. I'm not sure how to describe it because I don't think there are degrees or liking and loving and it is influenced by my relationship with their parents too. If we weren't related I might not want to hang out with them all and maybe they'd feel the same.


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#70 of 89 Old 06-01-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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I have one niece, 14, who I love like a daughter! My sister and I are VERY close and I was there when my niece was born. I was only 18 at that time and my sister was a single mom so for the first two years of my niece's life we all lived together with my mom. She is my only niece and will probably be the only one. She loves my boys SO much...

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#71 of 89 Old 06-01-2011, 08:46 AM
 
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I have 3 nephews, and 1 niece on my family's side.... and I only get along with my oldest nephew who's like a younger brother to me. The other 2 nephews live with someone other than my sister, so I don't know them. And, while I love my niece, I can't stand how snotty, whiny, "Im entitled to get whatever I want" attitude she has. Plus, my niece was borderline physically abusive to my kids when they were toddlers. She has special needs and uses them as a crutch to get away with everything, and I don't approve!!

 

We have 1 nephew, and 1 niece on dh's side. I have never met his niece, and the nephew is a sweet boy but he is turning into a little monster with the way he's being parented.


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#72 of 89 Old 06-01-2011, 11:43 PM
 
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My dh has 6 neices and nephews. 3 are his brother's kids, 3 are his sister's kids. We were pretty close to his sister's kids when we were dating and when we first got married. They were 4, 2, and 7 months old when I met dh and we kinda of played house by having them spend the night with us, taking them to Disneyland, and doting on them in general. They were 12, 10, and 8 when we had our first child, and we definitely grew apart from them. We just didn't have the time or energy for slumber parties and doting. I'm sure they were resentful. Now, they are bratty teenagers...and I can seriously only take them in small doses. They are actually 20, 18, and 16. They all act entitled and they aren't exactly the nicest people. The girls love our kids though. They Take the baby from me as soon as we show up where they are, and entertain our 6, and 9 year old. So, yah, I love them. But it's not the same as it was when they were little. 

 

My brothers don't have kids, but will hopefully soon. I can't wait!!! I'm hoping they get pregnant soon so my baby can have a cousin the same age! I think it IS different because they are MY Family...not dh's. oh well!


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#73 of 89 Old 06-02-2011, 04:27 AM
 
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LOVE my sister's kids.  LOVE them.  Dh's sister's kids?  Meh.  They grew up in a tough situation, so it's not *really* their fault, but they're really whiny, demanding and generally disrespectful.  His family lives all of 30 minutes away and I think the last time we saw them was Christmas.  I'm sure he's sadder about it than I, but if he asked we'd go so that says something....

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#74 of 89 Old 06-02-2011, 06:25 AM
 
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I only have one niece right now (who is almost exactly one month older than my DS) and I adore her.


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#75 of 89 Old 06-02-2011, 06:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittyhead View Post

i wish i had a neice or nephew.  im and only child, and i have one brother in law who will never have children.  it makes me kind of sad that my kids will never have first cousins.   all of my aunts and uncles on my moms side (all five of them) loved me like i was their own.  i have one first cousin, who i love like a brother... if he ever has kids i can call them my neices and nephews.



It's ok, I don't have any cousins at all, I make up for it with friends. I know it's not the same thing, but my BFF's kids are like cousins to my kids. I don't know if it will carry on into adulthood, but at least they'll have had a close relationship when they were kids.

 

I adore my my 2 nieces, my sister's daughters. They are teenagers, and it is a big joy to be their aunt.

My husband's only niece/nephew is an adult now, but I've known him since he was 11. I love him, too.


Mama to my 2 boys
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#76 of 89 Old 06-05-2011, 03:13 AM
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Huh. I'd never thought about it.

If any of my sisters had a baby I'd automatically love it, and would be horrified by the mere suggestion of not doing so. I mean, it'd be my niece or nephew, and I'm very close to my sisters. (Who all totally adore DD - my younger sisters see her all the time, mother her, babysit happily and generally think she's the bee's knees, which is awesome. I didn't expect they'd be so "into" her, especially my oldest sister.)

DH's sister's son, though? I.... dunno! I like him well enough, I like SIL pretty well... I'd be sad if he died, but only because of the general tragedy of the thing, not because I'd miss him in particular. I'm enthusiastic about him to DD because she loves babies, and he's a nice little kid, but - he's one. We haven't really got a relationship yet. But then, that wouldn't matter if it were my sister's baby...

That sounds kinda cold, doesn't it. I guess I'd say I don't feel a moral obligation to love him. Maybe because I'm so close to my own family, or because DH's family and I have certain philosophical disagreements, I can't think of his family as "real" family very easily. I sometimes forget that MIL and FIL are just as genuinely and completely DD's grandparents as my parents are! (Then again, that might be because we had the "main" or "real" grandparents and the "other" grandparents growing up, and I've heard that's pretty common.) I'd never be one of those people who refers to her MIL as "Mum", f'rinstance.

So... friendly relationship, but nothing that feels particularly kin...ly. I guess.


Yes, that does sound cold.

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#77 of 89 Old 06-05-2011, 03:15 AM
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To answer the OP, I have one niece and one nephew, and yes I love them. They are not being raised at all like my children and they are DH's brother's kids but so what? They are family. I don't see them very often because they live on the other side of the world but I enjoy them when I do see them.

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#78 of 89 Old 06-06-2011, 08:15 PM
 
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I have two nieces and a nephew, all on my husband's side. Do I like them? Sure. But I don't know the kids anymore, I haven't seen/talked to them in... So long that I can't even remember the last time I did so. So no, I wouldn't term what I feel for them as love. If I were to be more of a part of their lives after they grow up and are able to come around without their parents (don't talk to my SILs anymore, H still in contact though), I could see loving them as they were loveable kids when I knew them. But as it stands, I don't know them. I'm closer to my neighbors' kids than I am to "my" nieces and nephew.

 

But if and when my siblings decide to have kids, I'd assume I'll love them... I'm not generally a free love type of person, so I'm not sure how it will play out. But as I love my siblings, I think that will extend its way over to their children.


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#79 of 89 Old 06-07-2011, 11:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

On a related note.. why is there no gender neutral term for niece/nephew? One of my brothers coined the term "nephlets" Whats frustrating is when I try saying something like, "My brother's wife is pregnant! This will be my _th _____" my nth WHAT?! Seriously!


ROFL, I say niecephews myself.

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#80 of 89 Old 06-08-2011, 12:24 AM
 
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I have one sister by blood and 5 step siblings. My sister lives far away so we only see her once a year and she brings her son with her. I like him well enough but am very sad for him. He has always struggled with his gender, ever since he was a little baby, and my sis and her exdh and now fiance are very into him being a boy. It is downright painful to see him struggle to please them while still wanting to be himself. He knows my house is a safe place to be himself, that he won't be judged. Last thanksgiving we had a very long discussion about my beliefs about gay people. He said something about something being f-word and how his momma told him all f-words were going to hell so he didn't want to be a f-word. I let him express himself and then told him how our family viewed things. And that we believed using that word was not okay. He didn't know there were adults in the world that felt differently from those he was around (he was raised on an army base in the south).

My stepsiblings all have kids. I'm not even sure how many they have. I've met three of their kids and they seem nice enough but I certainly don't love them.

I love all of my DH's siblings kids. They live pretty far away so we only see them three times a year but they are pretty cool.


Good for you for supporting your nephew. Even if his parents never change their opinion, it's great that he has an adult to turn to who accepts him fully! 

 


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#81 of 89 Old 06-08-2011, 12:27 AM
 
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I only have 1 niece, and she was born in January. My step-brother and his wife live on the other side of the country as me, and we were never too close, but now that we are friends on Facebook, I find that we are connecting more than we normally would. I can't say I really love her, but I probably would if I met her.


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#82 of 89 Old 06-08-2011, 11:40 AM
 
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I dont have any of my own.  My ex's sister has kids, they are ok but I dont love them.  pretty sure the only kids I will love are my own


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#83 of 89 Old 06-09-2011, 06:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Smokering View Post

Huh. I'd never thought about it.

If any of my sisters had a baby I'd automatically love it, and would be horrified by the mere suggestion of not doing so. I mean, it'd be my niece or nephew, and I'm very close to my sisters. (Who all totally adore DD - my younger sisters see her all the time, mother her, babysit happily and generally think she's the bee's knees, which is awesome. I didn't expect they'd be so "into" her, especially my oldest sister.)

DH's sister's son, though? I.... dunno! I like him well enough, I like SIL pretty well... I'd be sad if he died, but only because of the general tragedy of the thing, not because I'd miss him in particular. I'm enthusiastic about him to DD because she loves babies, and he's a nice little kid, but - he's one. We haven't really got a relationship yet. But then, that wouldn't matter if it were my sister's baby...

That sounds kinda cold, doesn't it. I guess I'd say I don't feel a moral obligation to love him. Maybe because I'm so close to my own family, or because DH's family and I have certain philosophical disagreements, I can't think of his family as "real" family very easily. I sometimes forget that MIL and FIL are just as genuinely and completely DD's grandparents as my parents are! (Then again, that might be because we had the "main" or "real" grandparents and the "other" grandparents growing up, and I've heard that's pretty common.) I'd never be one of those people who refers to her MIL as "Mum", f'rinstance.

So... friendly relationship, but nothing that feels particularly kin...ly. I guess.


While some would say cold, I feel the same way.  I am an only child so none here.  DH has a sister who has a DS 6 mos younger than my DS.  She does not like me, I'll admit I am not a fan of hers and I am not a fan of how he is being raised.  Threatening to spank your 6 yo son at Thanksgiving because he's acting badly does not make me think nice things about you.  Also, DH's nephew is rude and mean to my kids.  I would not be surprised if he gets into some trouble at some point for bullying.  DH also has a brother who is in his early 30s and I would be surprised if he ever has kids. I can honestly say that I do not love this child.

 


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#84 of 89 Old 06-17-2011, 08:30 AM
 
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We only have one nephew, my DH's brother's son. BIL is a loser through and through, in jail right now, actually.  My IL's end up with the little one who is now 5 a lot of the time, as his mom works shifts.

 

Anyway... I don't know if it's just a 5 year old thing, and I don't know because my children are toddler and unborn, but O..M...G.. we just can't stand him. he's obnoxious, and he's rude, and he's impatient, and he's noisy, and he's ill behaved 99% of the time. 

 

IL's totally enable the behaviour. They bring him into town, and we go out and he won't eat, but then they reward him with ice cream. He is constantly guzzling pop and iced tea. I've seen him with an Iced Capp once (he was THREE!). I don't think I've seen him be fed/eat anything that could be remotely construed as healthy- never a fruit or a vegetable. It's terrible. I can't blame the kid, it's totally lazy parenting and too much grandparent "spoiling".

 

And ILs wonder why we won't be sending our DD for overnights and weekend visits....


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#85 of 89 Old 06-25-2011, 02:30 PM
 
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Interesting topic.

 

I have 3 nieces, 3 nephews. They're all age 7 and younger. I like them all quite a lot, even though I don't see the boys or 2 girls as often as I'd like (they all live in another state). One of my nieces lives w/ her dad [my youngest bro] in the same house as us.

 

I'm not particularly close with any of them, but I enjoy their company when we're visiting. I recognize that each one has their own talents and personality and I just take them as the individuals they are. I don't expect the 1 yr old to be like her 5 yr old sister, or for my brother's 3 yr old to be like my own 3 yr old. One of my nieces has some asperger syndrome traits (not diagnosed) but she couldn't be more different than my aspergers diagnosed 11 yr old. I like them. They're neat little people. 

 

To me, liking someone is bigger than loving them. I'm not sure why. 

 

One of my brothers does not like my 11 yr old. That really hurts. He blames it on my parenting. (Yet, his child is only 2.) Worse still, my 11 yr old knows it. :( I would never dream of letting any child know I dislike him or her. 


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#86 of 89 Old 06-27-2011, 04:49 PM
 
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I have 5. I like them in the way that I don't know them. Perhaps if I knew them on a deeper level I'd hate them lol. So in that.. see them once every few years aquaintance type like. Love? Yeah I guess so. This has actually been bothering me a lot lately. I kind of feel that part of my family was stolen from me. I never had a chance to like nor dislike them since they were kept so far away from us. So I'm a little bit bitter? I blame their parents. I am closer to age to my neices/nephews than to my half siblings. I felt my siblings should have taken the reigns and tried to have a relationship with me since i was just a child and really needed family. But they went off and started their own thing and never visited us again. Now the same could be said for me but I was young when they were born. Not like I had a car or anything.  I did spend one short summer bonding very closely to a nephew. He begged me to steal him away.. just me and him. He hated his mom and step dad and frankly so did I. but I was 18 and he was 9. And again no car! lol... just kidding I felt awful but I just gave him a hug and told him he'd be ok. I thought about every day for 15 years. Dreamed of going back and thelma and Louis'ing it across country and we'd be best buddies. Found him on facebook after years of googling him and while he added me he won't talk to me. Maybe he forgot who I was. Might not have been as big a deal to him as it was to me since I never bonded with a sibling (he has 2). He now has his own kids and me too. Yes we started at the same time. I'm so sad he won't answer my fb messages (there were only 2). He probably thinks i'm a crazy person and has zero memory of me.

 

DH has 4. Ages 6-18. I like them. They're nice. I really don't KNOW them either though. Time flies and I don't even remember knowing them when they were 8 but I do think they didn't live in the same city so once a year just doesn't cut it as family to me.

 

It's pet peeve of mine. Family. Family is not people you see and say hi to once a year. Family is deeper than that. Whenever I call my aunt (once a year) she moans and groans how much family I have.. uh counsins who are in their 50's working on their grandchildren who have fond memories of me when i was 2 months old and say "hi" once every 5 years doesn't count as family.. the kind when the stuff hits the fan you can go running to without a bat of an eyelash. When you're sad you don't call up distance cousins whom you never speak to. I want FAMILY. the kind that irritate you and call you once a week just to make sure your alive family. I just have enough aquaintances.

 

 

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#87 of 89 Old 08-28-2011, 06:19 PM
 
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i like love 2 of them like 1 of them sometimes and the rest i dont like much.


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#88 of 89 Old 09-04-2011, 09:44 PM
 
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I love my nieces and nephews. I am an only child so they are all on dh's side. I connect with some of them more easily than others and I am deeply concerned about a couple of them but I love them all. I don't really think about whether or not I "like" them or not. That isn't the point of being their aunt, as far as I am concerned. The love of my aunts and uncles made a big difference in my life no matter how often or rarely I saw them. The ones I delight in being with are easy - but to me it is just as important to let the ones whose behaviour or attitudes I struggle with know that I love and care about them. They behave the way they do for a reason and even though I might find it difficult to be around, as one of the adults in their family I find it important to be loving and to keep some connection alive for them. It doesn't cost me anything to love these kids and teens I have known since they were babies. I don't love them the same way I love my own kids or even my best friend's kids but I definitely love them.

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#89 of 89 Old 09-05-2011, 08:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post

I love my nieces and nephews. I am an only child so they are all on dh's side. I connect with some of them more easily than others and I am deeply concerned about a couple of them but I love them all. I don't really think about whether or not I "like" them or not. That isn't the point of being their aunt, as far as I am concerned. The love of my aunts and uncles made a big difference in my life no matter how often or rarely I saw them. The ones I delight in being with are easy - but to me it is just as important to let the ones whose behaviour or attitudes I struggle with know that I love and care about them. They behave the way they do for a reason and even though I might find it difficult to be around, as one of the adults in their family I find it important to be loving and to keep some connection alive for them. It doesn't cost me anything to love these kids and teens I have known since they were babies. I don't love them the same way I love my own kids or even my best friend's kids but I definitely love them.

 

 

This was great for me to read - thanks :)
 

 

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