(Update #11; Unexpected Update #25!) Guest didn't contact me about the concert, I went without her, now I'm in the paranoid after place - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have front row tickets to a concert tomorrow night. I am so excited about this. I bought two front row tickets, one for me and one for my friend who would be driving. I had asked her if she'd be able to go with me a couple weeks ago, and she said she should be able to go. Then, when I bought the tickets, she said she'd "probably" be able to go. I haven't heard from her since Monday, and I'm nervous that she's going to back out at the last minute. I'm not prepared to drive in Atlanta on a Saturday night.

 

The last time I had any contact with her we were texting back and forth, and I asked her if it was still looking like she'd be able to go. Suddenly, the texts stopped. I called her home phone yesterday and she didn't pick up. I left her a message and she hasn't called back. I just texted her cell phone a little while ago, and still no response. Should I assume her "probably" became a "no"?

 

I'm nervous b/c I really don't know her well. We just met last month (I only moved here a few months ago). She doesn't work. She's a very devoted housewife (no children) and if her husband says he needs her to massage him after his online gaming marathons she'll just ditch me.

 

I had another friend who was supposed to be backup, in case my friend ditched me at the last minute, but she just got roped into babysitting for some other friends b/c she figured my friend wouldn't flake on me.

 

When is it okay to invite somebody else to go?

 

Anybody here live near Atlanta want to go to a show? lol.gif

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#2 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 04:53 PM
 
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When is it okay to invite somebody else to go?

 



I would text her now and say, "It's looking like you can't go tomorrow? I need to know by tonight if you can make it or your ticket will have to go to someone else." Then call around and find a friend who can go, and tell her you'll let her know first thing in the morning. 


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#3 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 05:31 PM
 
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Are you going to Philips? I have been there a few times and it is really easy to get around that area, I mean really, really easy. It is one of the (only, imo) parts of Altanta that is user friendly! Parking garages and such right there, boom.

 

Just in case you go by yourself, just wanted to give you some encouragement!!

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#4 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm going to the Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular at Center Stage.

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#5 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Limabean, I sent her that text you suggested and now I'm contacting backups.

 

I'm double checking with my original backup to make sure she can't make it, now I'm going to contact some other people I know just in case. Seriously, if anybody here is interested in going and would be able to drive, PM me! They're great seats.

 

If I can't find a friend who is able to go, I may just have my husband take me & 10 y/o DD to the concert. What could DH do with 4 y/o DD on a Saturday night in Atlanta?

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#6 of 33 Old 01-07-2011, 06:30 PM
 
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For a one-time thing like a concert, 2 hours of driving isn't that bad. But maybe they could go to a movie?

 

Tangled has a number of 9pm 9:30pm or 10pm showings, as does the new Narnia movie. Dinner, movie, a hunt for a 24 hour grocery store to get those little individual servings of ice cream. Could take up the same time as the concert.

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#7 of 33 Old 01-08-2011, 03:48 PM
 
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Did you find someone to go with this evening? (fingers crossed for you...)
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#8 of 33 Old 01-08-2011, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I ended up taking my 10 y/o daughter to the show and we had a blast! My husband drove us, and he played video games and read stories to our 4 y/o in the van.

 

I still haven't heard from my friend who I was originally supposed to go with. I fear the (new) friendship has been irreparably harmed. greensad.gif

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#9 of 33 Old 01-08-2011, 09:17 PM
 
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Glad you and your DD were able to go. How sweet of your DH to driveyou there and entertain your 4 y/o while waiting for you.

 

She should have at least called you back if she wasn't able to go but thankfully everything worked out!

 

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I ended up taking my 10 y/o daughter to the show and we had a blast! My husband drove us, and he played video games and read stories to our 4 y/o in the van.

 

I still haven't heard from my friend who I was originally supposed to go with. I fear the (new) friendship has been irreparably harmed. greensad.gif



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#10 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 01:47 AM
 
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I'm afraid you're right about the friendship. Hold off on bad thoughts, though, until you know for sure that she wasn't in an accident or something.

 

eta: which would be the only sort of thing to be a reasonable excuse for blowing you off for two weeks. If she was sick, she could call.

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#11 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 09:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Due to our previous interactions I believe her excuse will have something to do with being a "submissive wife". If her husband requires her attention she'll drop everything. If he feels it's not appropriate for her to go to the city to see a show, she'll follow his lead. She's 30 years old and has been married for 10 years. She was raised Mormon (just for background info).

 

Several times she invited me to spend time with her down at the community center or gym, and after a little while her husband would show up and request her to come home. It always confused me because she has a cell phone and he could have easily texted her his request.

 

But, even if her husband did tell her not to go to the show she should have at least contacted me to let me know!

 

Though I'm a bit befuddled by the whole submissive wife thing, I have been understanding and supportive in the past. Not that we have an extensive history... like I said, we only met last month. We were hanging out 2-3 times a week up until a week ago. At first she apologized for leaving so abruptly when her husband came around. She was afraid I'd interpret that as rudeness. I told her I understood, and she was so grateful that I didn't read more into it. The women who work at the community center witnessed her leaving fast on the heels of her husband, and made funny faces after my friend left, saying something about the lack of modern feminism being odd. I shrugged and stood up for my friend, explaining it was part of her cultural and religious upbringing. They "got it", and accepted her behavior. It really wasn't a big deal. I changed the subject quickly afterwards.

 

I worry that her husband is telling her not to be friends with me. I just get a really odd vibe from him. He will barely look in my direction, and only addressed me once, when we first met, leaning over, reaching his arm out at a great distance to shake my hand. I worry that there may be some jealousy issues going on there. He thinks of himself as a techy guy, but he currently "works" as an online poker player, "working" for 18 hours a day. Seriously. I don't know how he makes a living off of that! He'll take an evening off once a week to go down to the gaming shop and play in a card tournament. Several dozen people go and play in the tournament each week. My husband is a techy guy and has a very good job in his field. He started going to the gaming shop a couple months ago (before I met my friend and her husband), and out of the 5 times he went, my husband won the tournament 4 times. My friend's husband hasn't won any of the times my husband went. My husband is pretty well liked and is a fun guy to play with. The one week my husband didn't show up, apparently a bunch of guys were asking about him.

 

Then, there's the fact that my friend makes jewelry from plastic neon beads. They're not my style but I definitely encourage her with her jewelry art. They're fun. I'm working on vinyl record art and the girls at the community center have been asking me about it & getting excited about my pieces. I guess my art is generating more buzz. But my friend sells her jewelry in stores! She's teaching a jewelry making class next month! I'm just a hobbyist! My friend started asking me to create some vinyl pieces for her to include in her jewelry, which I did, but I haven't seen her since then.

 

I sense there's some competitiveness & jealousy going on. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this. I'm at the paranoid place after being ditched. shrug.gif

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#12 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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Something sounds off to me, it surely doesn't sound like the husband is a godly man- so does the wife practice without the husband? It sounds more than wifely submission, it sounds like domination. Domination worries me...

 

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#13 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 11:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Something sounds off to me, it surely doesn't sound like the husband is a godly man- so does the wife practice without the husband? It sounds more than wifely submission, it sounds like domination. Domination worries me...

 



 

I don't believe her submission has anything to do with current religious beliefs. It's more about her cultural upbringing and being taught growing up that a submissive wife is a good wife. 

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#14 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 02:38 PM
 
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But submission is still different than the husband coming to the gym and bringing his wife home- that to me equals domination. Sure she could believe that she has to do whatever he says, but he wouldn't demand things of her if he isn't trying to dominate her.


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#15 of 33 Old 01-09-2011, 08:20 PM
 
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Um, I'm Mormon and I would NOT attribute that level of submission to being raised Mormon. There's something else weird going on there. I've been Mormon my whole life and the only Mormon women I've known who were that dominated, were in abusive relationships.

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#16 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 03:51 AM
 
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Um, I'm Mormon and I would NOT attribute that level of submission to being raised Mormon. There's something else weird going on there. I've been Mormon my whole life and the only Mormon women I've known who were that dominated, were in abusive relationships.


 

This. I'm not a Mormon myself, but have mostly Mormon family. Her behavior does not sound typical of a Mormon upbringing at all. It, sadly, screams of a woman in a abusive relationship who is scared and trying to hide the abuse.

I know you're not really friends with her- (and, regardless of her situation, it was crappy to not notify you she wasn't coming), so I don't know if there's an imperative for you to do something here, but, if she tries to reconnect with you, I wonder if you might consider expressing concern gently?

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#17 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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Honestly, 1 month into a friendship I would just consider this an indication that she and I aren't cut out to be friends. 


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#18 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Honestly, 1 month into a friendship I would just consider this an indication that she and I aren't cut out to be friends. 



I kind of figured that. 

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#19 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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Um, I'm Mormon and I would NOT attribute that level of submission to being raised Mormon. There's something else weird going on there. I've been Mormon my whole life and the only Mormon women I've known who were that dominated, were in abusive relationships.



 Agreed! I'm Mormon too, and I do not see the two as being related or that being submission. I know I am considered a submissive wife by some of my friends, but my husband would never treat me like that. My husband does have the final say in our home when it comes to the big decisions, but I am respected and honored in my position as wife and mother.

 

That being said, I can see my DH not necessarily wanting me to go out of town with someone I had known for a very short time, but ultimately he would trust my judgement and I would have called if I couldn't make it....that part is strange to me.

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#20 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

Honestly, 1 month into a friendship I would just consider this an indication that she and I aren't cut out to be friends. 



I kind of figured that. 



Oh okay. Your post #11 made it sound like you're hoping to continue the friendship. 


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#21 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 10:01 AM
 
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I would just move on.

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#22 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

Honestly, 1 month into a friendship I would just consider this an indication that she and I aren't cut out to be friends. 



I kind of figured that. 



Oh okay. Your post #11 made it sound like you're hoping to continue the friendship. 



I've decided the friendship is over before ever really beginning, but a part of me wants to figure out the root cause of being ditched. It doesn't really matter, but I am taking the rejection a bit personally.

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#23 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 12:46 PM
 
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I've decided the friendship is over before ever really beginning, but a part of me wants to figure out the root cause of being ditched. It doesn't really matter, but I am taking the rejection a bit personally.


I would too. It's much easier for me to dispense the advice of "let it go" when I'm not the one in the situation. wink1.gif I hope she contacts you with a reason at some point (and I hope she's okay). 


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#24 of 33 Old 01-10-2011, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just going to let it go. I'm disappointed our friendship ended so abruptly with no apparent reason. But, I'm glad I got to go to the show with my daughter!

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#25 of 33 Old 01-12-2011, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, she just got ahold of me. She was in the hospital. She contacted me as soon as she got out. She's not even home yet. She is staying with some friends/family who are taking care of her. She'll be okay.

 

I'm still talking with her, but I just wanted to give a quick update on the situation.

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Um, I'm Mormon and I would NOT attribute that level of submission to being raised Mormon. There's something else weird going on there. I've been Mormon my whole life and the only Mormon women I've known who were that dominated, were in abusive relationships.



Yup.  Born and raised here and I would agree with mamaofprincesses 100%. 



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Well, she just got ahold of me. She was in the hospital. She contacted me as soon as she got out. She's not even home yet. She is staying with some friends/family who are taking care of her. She'll be okay.

 

I'm still talking with her, but I just wanted to give a quick update on the situation.



Yikes, did you find out why she was in the hospital?  And especially why she didn't go home to her husband afterward? 


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#27 of 33 Old 01-12-2011, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofprincesses View Post

Um, I'm Mormon and I would NOT attribute that level of submission to being raised Mormon. There's something else weird going on there. I've been Mormon my whole life and the only Mormon women I've known who were that dominated, were in abusive relationships.



Yup.  Born and raised here and I would agree with mamaofprincesses 100%. 



Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

Well, she just got ahold of me. She was in the hospital. She contacted me as soon as she got out. She's not even home yet. She is staying with some friends/family who are taking care of her. She'll be okay.

 

I'm still talking with her, but I just wanted to give a quick update on the situation.



Yikes, did you find out why she was in the hospital?  And especially why she didn't go home to her husband afterward? 


Yes, I know why she was in the hospital. Her husband is with her at their friend's house.

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#28 of 33 Old 01-12-2011, 03:36 PM
 
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yikes! I always feel terrible when things like that happen.


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#29 of 33 Old 01-12-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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On one hand, it's good news that she didn't just blow you off.  Then there's the other hand!  I hope she feels better soon.  Glad that your friendship is still open.

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#30 of 33 Old 01-12-2011, 09:48 PM
 
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I'm so sorry your friend was in the hospital.  I'm so happy she really is a friend!

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