What would you do? (death of a relative mentioned) - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What would you do with a deceased relative's personal laptop data?
Leave it on there as a reminder of him 1 6.25%
Change everything - login name, desktop pic, move pics/vids off computer 13 81.25%
Obligatory other 2 12.50%
Voters: 16. You may not vote on this poll

 
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#1 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all...I lost my young brother in law a few months ago to a year long battle with cancer. We're all on the mend, and doing as best as we can.

 

Here's some stickyness: we inherited his laptop. In fact, I'm using it right now. I haven't changed anything of his...his login name, his desktop pic, his files (lots of his pictures still on here). 

 

Part of me wants to leave this stuff on here, just because, KWIM? It makes me nostalgic, but I'm not sure how DH would respond to it all (BIL was his older brother) DH hasn't actually used the computer yet - I think he's avoiding it. What should I do with all of the data and 'reminders' of his bro? (DH has lots of pictures, vid clips, etc. of his bro in his home office so it's not like erasing BIL from memory, more like not having it in your face every time he logs into the computer).

 

Part of me wants to change the login name and desktop pic to something neutral so it's not a kick in the face to Dh's emotions when he does use it...and I want to put all of BILs files onto I dunno, a CD-ROM or flash drive.

 

Part of me wants to leave it on here just so it's...there. It does make *me* sad every time I log on, but I'm torn about whether leaving his info/stuff on here will make things better or worse over time.

 

Thoughts?

 

FWIW Dh wouldn't mind if I made a decision about this stuff, although I know it will make him sad to see it if I left it. 

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#2 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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I guess putting all of his personal items on a flashdrive would free up the computer, so there are not so many reminders, may work. Then the info is stored and can be viewed as soon as your DH is ready


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#3 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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you say that it makes you sad to see it, and it would make your husband sad to see it. i think you've answered your own question: store it on a device like a CD-ROM, just be sure to mark it clearly and store it in a special place so that it is preserved for all time.


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#4 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 10:06 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.  From my experience, it is hard to know when its time* to put away the reminders.  It makes you sad when you see it, but its comforting too.  There's no "bounce back" or "snap out of it" when it comes to losing someone you love.  Maybe I'm wrong but I think grief is a process you just can't rush through.  I think you will know for sure when its time to store the data elsewhere. 

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#5 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 10:21 PM
 
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I'd take his pictures and have them put into a book.

 

I'd take his videos and splice them together for a memorial video on youtube.

 

I'd save all his pics and videos on another device and then personalize the laptop.

 

That way, you and the family can have reminders available in an organized way, but it's not a  forced reminder.

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#6 of 17 Old 01-24-2011, 10:47 PM
 
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If you plan to use the laptop regularly then I would move files to a disc or flash drive or print things out and put it somewhere safe, change the log-in name and desktop picture.


If you don't plan to really use the laptop very often at all then I would leave much of it alone for now.


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#7 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 12:53 AM
 
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I am very sorry for your loss.  

What type of cancer?

Very sad.

I would leave t for a season, for awhile, in no rush to do anything with his data.  But that is just me.


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#8 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 01:08 AM
 
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I would store it somewhere, maybe a couple of copies on CD rom. Even if you decide to leave it on the laptop I'd still make the copies. Getting a virus or losing the information some other way would be really upsetting.

 

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#9 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 01:37 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I'd make multiple copies, no matter what you decide.  It would be devastating to lose all of his pictures if the laptop overheated or you got a virus.

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#10 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 06:38 AM
 
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I would make a back up of photos/video, making sure to watch out for unsavory ones and ask the family if they wanted them. I would keep the on the computer and ad a copy to my collection.   

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHZCAcSh7ls&ob=av2nl  here is a song for you.

 

 

Since this is your husband's brother I don't feel it is your place to do anymore, right now.  You are trying to move things so your dh does not hurt.  That is noble but that does not respect your dh need to grieve and do somethings himself.  I would give him a few months so he can change the rest, on his own, when he is ready, or more able to deal with you asking.  Before making the changes I would ask my partner.  He might not care "it's just a computer" or it might bother him.  

 

But please copy and share the pictures with the family, back those up.   

 

 

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#11 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 07:44 AM
 
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My little brother died at 25 in 2006. I got every picture of him I could find, scanned them, and put a slide show on my laptop. I left it for a few months.

I didn't want to keep living with constant reminders, so I had to put the slide show on a DVD and put it away.

I still have the flowers from his funeral. I still can't look at pictures of him with out feeling very sad.

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#12 of 17 Old 01-25-2011, 08:44 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss. 

 

I think it's fine to store the photos elsewhere. Everything you'd be doing would be reversible -- if you or your DH decided that you liked it better before, it'd be easy to load the photos back on and make them the wallpaper, screensaver, etc. 


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#13 of 17 Old 01-26-2011, 09:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*

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#14 of 17 Old 01-27-2011, 08:09 AM
 
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I would leave it on.

One its not  your to change. Two, its easier to deal with loss when your not in denial (grief is a process). Three, I would want to feel a tangible connection every time I touched the laptop.


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#15 of 17 Old 01-27-2011, 08:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

I'd take his pictures and have them put into a book.

 

I'd take his videos and splice them together for a memorial video on youtube.

 

I'd save all his pics and videos on another device and then personalize the laptop.

 

That way, you and the family can have reminders available in an organized way, but it's not a  forced reminder.

 

These are lovely ideas... I'm so sorry for your loss hug.gif


 


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#16 of 17 Old 01-27-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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I would leave it, unless he asked me to change it. You know your DH better and may know that he might like you to do it, though. 

For me, I wouldn't want my DH to do that to my bro's computer without asking me. I'm pretty sure it would upset me when I was finally ready to use it, unless I gave him the go ahead. 

So sorry for your loss. hug2.gif


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#17 of 17 Old 02-05-2011, 07:12 PM
 
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we did something similar with my late brother's laptop.  my mom uses it and there are a couple copies backed up of his data and his stuff.  i don't think we'll ever think of it as not my brother's laptop, but at least it is being used, which is what my brother would have wanted.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post

I'd take his pictures and have them put into a book.

 

I'd take his videos and splice them together for a memorial video on youtube.

 

I'd save all his pics and videos on another device and then personalize the laptop.

 

That way, you and the family can have reminders available in an organized way, but it's not a  forced reminder.



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