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Old 01-28-2011, 07:38 PM
 
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Mine isn't a "cleaning miss", but a funny story anyway.  I needed a crochet hook to fix a snag in a sweater and MIL said she had one in her knitting bag.  She got the bag out from the back of a closet as she hasn't been knitting in quite a while.  She handed me the bag and then left the house to go somewhere.  I looked through the bag-no crochet hook, but a pretty explicit sex book!

I'm sure she hid it there years ago and forgot about it when she stopped knitting. 

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Old 01-28-2011, 07:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Smokering View Post

What does one do with a belly-and-breasts cast? I've always wondered. Does one display it, and just not invite Mennonites over? Or stash it deep in a cupboard and look at it fondly every time one retrieves a snorkel or gumboots from its innards?  Or repurpose it as an arty garden planter? Or what?


 

I keep mine prominently displayed in our living room, I like to think it keeps my father-in-law from visiting too often.

 

The last time my step-dad was here my hubby and him were on the comp together (they're both geeks) when my step-dad pulled up a Chrome browser window that shows the top 10 sites visited, and yeah youporn.com was one of the first displayed...hubby said they both acted like nothing happened then the history was erased the first chance he got.


Julia, mama to Bumpa 2008, and The Mole 2011

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Old 01-28-2011, 08:33 PM
 
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It hasn't happened yet, but I'm just waiting for the day my parents or my inlaws find a condom wrapper when they come to stay. I always think I clean them up but then I'll find one under the bed or in the corner or something. Oh well, we're not kids.

 

My actual story involves me being the guest, not the other way around. My mom and I were staying at my mom's BFF's house for an extended time when the BFF was having medical problems. I was a teen. And I had my period, and was putting my used pads, wrapped up of course, in the bathroom trash. I didn't expect their dog to come and shred it, but she did. UGH. It was everywhere, it was bloody, it was absolutely disgusting and I was mortified. It took me a good while to clean up too.

 

It's amazing what people (cough, me) will share under the so-called anonomity of the Internet.
W
 

 Right after DH and I started dating, way back in 2002, we spent an entire weekend locked in his room. He got arrested right after that, and his mom came into his bedroom to try and find his paycheck so she could cash it and bail him out. She found about 12 used condoms next to the bed. Yep...it is amazing what kind of gross things we did at 18! The experince was complete with my halloween red fishnets hanging from the light fixture (I still wonder why she doesnt like me....).

 

On a more recent note, while my parents were at my house after DD was born, they found mouse poo in my pantry. That was embarrassing, especially since I had tried so hard to clean for my entire 3rd trimester! Also, there was once some reason for my father to need to move my sofa when he was over. I had cleaned really well before they came over, but of course, under the sofa lay 2 beer cans, a pacifier that had been 1/2 chewed by the dog, and (yea!) my drivers lisence that I had been driving without for about 2 months.


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Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

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Old 01-29-2011, 01:53 AM
 
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We had people over for dinner once and I had cleaned the downstairs very well but not the upstairs at all. I didn't expect dh would take everyone all the way through the house to the attic. The big contrast between the main floor and the parts of the house that I didn't expect people to see was embarrassing.

 

 

 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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Old 01-29-2011, 08:11 AM
 
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biglaugh.gif This is all too much. It's so nice to know I'm not the only one out there!

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Old 01-29-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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When I was 7 months pregnant with DS, we moved to a new apartment. A couple of co-workers of DH helped us. When DH and they were lifting the mattresses off the frame, they found our stash of um...toys that I forgot were under the bed. DH quickly picked them and threw them into a box. 

 

 

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Originally Posted by Smokering View Post


What does one do with a belly-and-breasts cast? I've always wondered. Does one display it, and just not invite Mennonites over? Or stash it deep in a cupboard and look at it fondly every time one retrieves a snorkel or gumboots from its innards?  Or repurpose it as an arty garden planter? Or what?


I had DS paint his/my belly cast when he was 5, which we thought was pretty neat. It now sits on a shelf in my closet.


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Old 01-29-2011, 10:30 AM
 
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Mine was recent.  We were refinancing our house and we had to do the appraisal.  I did not know they took pictures of the house.  I figured they walked through with a little checklist. 

 

Well, i just had a baby and was recovering from a c/s and also have a 2 year old and 6 year old.  I did the minimal cleaning and figured she would get it - i just had a baby.  Yeah.  So, i had been reorganizing the bathroom closet that morning and had left a few things out. 

 

One of those things was a ginormous box of Magnum condoms.  they were on a perfectly clean counter and so so obvious.  So, not only did she see them but they were in the pictures.  Luckily i remembered as she came down the stairs with a red face and smirk so i moved them before my dad came to work on hooking up the heater.



Congratulations! thumb.gif

Yeah, dh thought it was HILARIOUS!  He said she probably thought i was too busy having lots of s*x with a well endowed man to bother cleaning.  HE of course was not embarrassed in the least.
 

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Old 01-29-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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I used to work as a loan processor for a mortgage broker.  The appraiser may or may not have noticed.  Our's once went and did the appraisal and when we got it, there were naked pictures of them on Harleys prominently displayed on a dresser.  We had to get new photos.  She hadn't noticed.  It was hilarious.

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Originally Posted by a-sorta-fairytale View Post

Mine was recent.  We were refinancing our house and we had to do the appraisal.  I did not know they took pictures of the house.  I figured they walked through with a little checklist. 

 

Well, i just had a baby and was recovering from a c/s and also have a 2 year old and 6 year old.  I did the minimal cleaning and figured she would get it - i just had a baby.  Yeah.  So, i had been reorganizing the bathroom closet that morning and had left a few things out. 

 

One of those things was a ginormous box of Magnum condoms.  they were on a perfectly clean counter and so so obvious.  So, not only did she see them but they were in the pictures.  Luckily i remembered as she came down the stairs with a red face and smirk so i moved them before my dad came to work on hooking up the heater.



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Old 01-29-2011, 01:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by a-sorta-fairytale View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtYourCervices View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by a-sorta-fairytale View Post

Mine was recent.  We were refinancing our house and we had to do the appraisal.  I did not know they took pictures of the house.  I figured they walked through with a little checklist. 

 

Well, i just had a baby and was recovering from a c/s and also have a 2 year old and 6 year old.  I did the minimal cleaning and figured she would get it - i just had a baby.  Yeah.  So, i had been reorganizing the bathroom closet that morning and had left a few things out. 

 

One of those things was a ginormous box of Magnum condoms.  they were on a perfectly clean counter and so so obvious.  So, not only did she see them but they were in the pictures.  Luckily i remembered as she came down the stairs with a red face and smirk so i moved them before my dad came to work on hooking up the heater.



Congratulations! thumb.gif

Yeah, dh thought it was HILARIOUS!  He said she probably thought i was too busy having lots of s*x with a well endowed man to bother cleaning.  HE of course was not embarrassed in the least.
 



DH's mother found his ginormous box of Magnum condoms while helping him move. Embarrassing on so many levels.

 

When my brother was 16 he bought a car. He had been driving it around for a bit, showing it off to his girlfriend, but it needed some work done. The neighbors were out in the driveway admiring his cool new car while my dad was trying to find the book for the car under the seat since he couldn't find it in the glove compartment. He pulled out a bottle of spermacide, looked at it, and tossed it aside not knowing what it was. Everybody else nearby knew what my dad had just found and were laughing hysterically while my brother stood there red faced. And that's how we found out my brother had lost his virginity.

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Old 01-29-2011, 07:14 PM
 
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Not a guest, but when the delivery men came to bring our new bed and take away the old one, the young, cute guy took off the mattress. Someone (ie. me) forgot to remove the toy from under the mattress, I grabbed it and ran!


It took me a minute to figure out you didn't mean a Lego:)


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Old 01-29-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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We had people over for dinner once and I had cleaned the downstairs very well but not the upstairs at all. I didn't expect dh would take everyone all the way through the house to the attic. The big contrast between the main floor and the parts of the house that I didn't expect people to see was embarrassing.

 

 

 



My husband ALWAYS does this. It makes me so mad when he takes them into the master bathroom to show them the wallpaper, and my dirty underpants are laying in a wad on the floor or something.


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Old 01-29-2011, 09:01 PM
 
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Okay, now I know that I'm totally lame.  My only horror was that the cable guy was flitting away dust bunnies as he was repairing our box.  Whew, I need to re-evaluate things.


"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
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Old 01-30-2011, 07:38 AM
 
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We just moved and when the movers pulled the computer desk away from the wall, there was a decomposed mouse carcass behind it!  I'm pretty sure it was one of my cat's "gifts", but eeeeewwwwww!


~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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When I was a kid my mom had this huge, beautiful ceramic tray with a lid, from Morocco or Egypt or whatnot. She kept it on the coffee table.  Guests came over and commented on it and Mom proudly took the lid off to display it ...and there was moldy food from when she'd used it weeks before.  I still remember, we'd had a party with shish kabob. Oh man, that was stinky.  The lid was so big and heavy, the stink hadn't leaked out.

 


I am laughing right out loud at this one. Your poor mom!!


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Old 01-30-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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This one is actually kind of sad.

When I was sixteen I was living with my dad for a year while my mom went off and "found herself". My dad had absolutely no idea what to do with a sixteen year old girl, and left me pretty much alone for the entire year because he was either working or hanging out with his crazy girlfriend. Anyways...

Poor guy decided to clean my car for me one day without telling me first and he found a syringe in the back seat (left by a diabetic friend) and a couple of condoms in the glovebox (from a box that we had used to decorate someone's car). Poor guy had to work himself up for a full week to talk to me about it, and he's probably still recovering! I don't know if he believed me when I told him why they were there, but he didn't change his behavior any so, meh.
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Old 01-30-2011, 03:31 PM
 
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FWIW, my belly/breast cast is hanging in my bedroom.  Most of the men who have been to my house have seen it.  Most just pretend that they hadn't seen it, one turned completely red, and a couple openly admired it.

 

As for embarrassing incidents, they are all sex related. orngtongue.gif

 

Like a PPer, I once had a toddler bring out a bottle of lube, thinking that it was lotion.  My parents were over at the time.

 

Even more fun was when a preschool child found and brought out a pair of HANDCUFFS during a family birthday party.  So my parents, ILs, and all of our siblings were there.  My mom thought it was an awfully strange toy for a 4yo, while by sister and BIL tried to stifle their laughter. 

 

But the best story had to be the time my 5yo DD and her 4yo friend found a vibrator in my nightstand drawer during a party.  I heard giggling coming from the bedroom, and I figured they were jumping on my bed or something.  So I yelled, "girls, what are you doing in there?" and out they walk into the kitchen with a huge black vibrator, vibrating.  That was a little embarrassing. 

 


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Old 01-30-2011, 03:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat View Post

We had people over for dinner once and I had cleaned the downstairs very well but not the upstairs at all. I didn't expect dh would take everyone all the way through the house to the attic. The big contrast between the main floor and the parts of the house that I didn't expect people to see was embarrassing.

 

 

 



Why do DHs do this when they know only the downstairs has been cleaned for guests? My DH also likes to show off the laundry room, which is a mess every day, but especially when we're having people over because it's the room where I stash stuff from other rooms at the last minute. And by stash I  mean throw/pile up haphazardly. Agh. 


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Old 01-30-2011, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH likes to take people through the unfinished basement part when he does a tour.  Luckily it is very organized but I don't sweep in there very often.  I've always wondered why he likes to include that.  Clearly, it is a husband thing.  LOL.

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Old 01-30-2011, 05:25 PM
 
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Oh, dear. I had blocked this one out...

 

I had a friend over, and my potty training daughter complained that she had a rash. Oldest DD asked if she should get the lotion for her, and I said sure, that potty training DD should be able to put the cream on herself. About 2-3 minutes later, potty training DD came running onto the porch, full speed, naked from the waist down, screaming that her labia hurt. 

 

I scooped DD up, running to the bathtub, yelling "What happened? What happened?!" With my friend following me, to see if HE could help (like, call 911 if we needed it).

 

Oldest DD said "I just gave her the lotion so she could put it on herself." As DD held up a bottle of Nair she found in the top shelf of the medicine cabinet. You know that "Baby lotion scented Nair"... yeah, oldest DD thought it was actually baby lotion. Potty training daughter put depilatory cream all over her genital region, and my mail friend was there to witness it all. 

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Old 01-30-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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When one of DH's friends was over, he had to use the bathroom and DH noticed that he was in there for quite some time and left shortly after.  DH discovered after he left that there was NO TOILET PAPER in the bathroom, at all, anywhere sulkoff.gif   We were so embarrassed and felt so bad for the guy.



Did he possibly use it all up?  I would think it would be less embarrassing to have called DH over and asked him for toilet paper than to pull his pants up and leave.  Or maybe he used his hand, who knows.  I'm trying to think what I would do in that situation, and if I was too embarrassed to call out for toilet paper, I'd probably just use one of their towels and then take it home to wash, if it wasn't a really nice towel.  LOL

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Old 01-30-2011, 06:03 PM
 
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FWIW, my belly/breast cast is hanging in my bedroom.  Most of the men who have been to my house have seen it.  Most just pretend that they hadn't seen it, one turned completely red, and a couple openly admired it.

 

As for embarrassing incidents, they are all sex related. orngtongue.gif

 

Like a PPer, I once had a toddler bring out a bottle of lube, thinking that it was lotion.  My parents were over at the time.

 

Even more fun was when a preschool child found and brought out a pair of HANDCUFFS during a family birthday party.  So my parents, ILs, and all of our siblings were there.  My mom thought it was an awfully strange toy for a 4yo, while by sister and BIL tried to stifle their laughter. 

 

But the best story had to be the time my 5yo DD and her 4yo friend found a vibrator in my nightstand drawer during a party.  I heard giggling coming from the bedroom, and I figured they were jumping on my bed or something.  So I yelled, "girls, what are you doing in there?" and out they walk into the kitchen with a huge black vibrator, vibrating.  That was a little embarrassing. 

 



All of you with the "found item" stories need to childproof your nightstand drawers! I speak from experience. 2whistle.gif


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Old 01-30-2011, 06:42 PM
 
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When I was in college I used to house sit for a professor of mine and his wife. Their house was mega nice and huge with guest rooms and all but they would make up their master bedroom for me to stay in while I was there (because it had the hot tub directly off of it so I could use it when I wanted- seriously this was the best job ever lol) but one time they had forgotten to empty the master bathrooms trash can and it seriously had like 3 used condoms in it- ewwwwwww! 


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Old 01-30-2011, 08:01 PM
 
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I was hosting a knitting group at my house and so my living room was full of middle aged women. My friends 3 yo ran out of my bedroom screaming "I got money, I got money" thankfully I asked to see it and it was a condom! I took it before (I think) anyone but his mom noticed and we had quite the laugh over it. I was several shades of red though.


~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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Old 01-30-2011, 08:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmbutts View Post

When one of DH's friends was over, he had to use the bathroom and DH noticed that he was in there for quite some time and left shortly after.  DH discovered after he left that there was NO TOILET PAPER in the bathroom, at all, anywhere sulkoff.gif   We were so embarrassed and felt so bad for the guy.



Did he possibly use it all up?  I would think it would be less embarrassing to have called DH over and asked him for toilet paper than to pull his pants up and leave.  Or maybe he used his hand, who knows.  I'm trying to think what I would do in that situation, and if I was too embarrassed to call out for toilet paper, I'd probably just use one of their towels and then take it home to wash, if it wasn't a really nice towel.  LOL


I'm sure there was none in there to begin with :(   DS was at the stage of unrolling toilet paper and I would often leave it in a heap by the toilet and use it that way.  Before DH's friend came over, DH did a quick look-over and saw the heap of tp as garbage and removed it without checking to see if there was any more tp in the bathroom.  I really wished that he had called out for some help!  He doesn't seem to hold it against us, though! thumbsup.gif

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Old 01-31-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post

A bottle of lube. Well, technically it was my toddler. I had it behind the bed and my in-laws came to visit. My 3 yo decided to sneak around to find some chapstick, found the lube and brought it out asking if she could have lotion on. o.0


LOL!  The same sort of thing happened to me.  My 3 year old DD went into the side table drawer while my sister was babysitting, pulled out a "toy," and brought it to her.  My sister, who was probably 16 at the time, was horrified. 

 

Another story came to mind...

 

Last year, my sister borrowed my van and took my 3 year old DS with her.  He wanted to watch a video so she went digging into the glove compartment and found another "toy."  This one was recently purchased, still in packaging, but she was like "REALLY?  HOW MANY DO YOU NEED?"  It was mortifying!

 

I swear I'm not trying to torture my sister and I'm not a pervert.  LOL.

If you had another kid, I bet your sister avoided babysitting when they turned 3.
 

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Old 01-31-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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You guys are great!

I once went to a friend's house, probably a year after I'd started getting my period, and after going to the bathroom, she came out and said, "I think you left something on the back of the toilet . . ." Of course, it was my used pad, wrapped in TP. To her credit, she was very nice about it, even though she wasn't usually very tactful or kind. She said that it could happen to anybody or something. redface.gif

I used to have a job where we all lived out in the bush in tents (treeplanting), and I had washed some underwear in the river (I ran out of clean ones and we didn't get a day off to go into town). I then hung them up on a low clothesline in the sun. That evening I saw one of the huge dogs in camp running around, throwing my underwear in the air and ripping them up with great abandon. He was so exuberant that everyone saw him. One guy watched him for a second and then said to me, "I wonder whose underwear those are?" and then turned to see what I had to say in response (in a completely conversational fashion). I'm sure that by the look on my face and the shade of crimson that I'd turned, he figured it out, but I muttered, "Yeah, I bet they're pretty embarrassed," and forced myself to stop watching so he wouldn't know they were mine. The worst part is that I then had one LESS pair of underwear, and had to wash them even more often!

Thanks for the stories!

On a farm with our kiddo (nearly 2), two dogs, two cats, ten goats, two donkeys, nine sheep, a bunch of chickens, and a husband (in the winters). We have another on the way!
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