Facebook "friends", are you really friends with them all? Do you do "friend lists sweeps"? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
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Do you say anything when they post offensive things on their walls? Do you notice or get offended when you are "unfriended"? Do you accept random friends or friends from forums? Just curious about your facebook habits.

I recently "friended" my neighbor b/c he wanted to keep in touch in case he moved (he moves soon). He's an all right guy in some ways so I said sure let's be facebook friends. If he wasn't my neighbor we would never have met and would not be friends as there is a huge age difference and we have very different lives. I don't pay much attention to his wall posts b/c 1) he's in love with a new girl and their lovey dovey posts make me want to puke and 2) his friends are really immature and love to find new ways of calling him gay for fun. I'm probably going to "unfriend" him soon b/c he just told me some of his facebook friends are big "dealers" and he keeps them as FB friends so he can see what they are up to. My profile is pretty private, but even so I don't want that type of people to see me at all.

I have another friend, a girl from high school that I recently found on FB. We were both happy to find one another. She had a loss and is now all about adding and liking pages to help further the cause, and I do "like" the cause or page if she suggests it to me. The other day, she got upset b/c not all of her 268 friends "liked" it so she said she was going to do a "friend sweep" and those that didn't "like" the page would be gone. I don't always get her requests though or see that she has "liked" the page herself.

A few other friends also do random "friend sweeps" from time to time and I've also done them. I do them with people I may have "met" on-line and chatted to once or twice and then never again. I also unfriended a few old school friends b/c we had caught up all ready and then never chatted or messaged again.

I sometimes say something if I see something offensive on their walls, it depends on how well I know the person and how offensive it is I guess. I don't say anything about my neighbors wall, I just scroll away really fast! lol I've had a few small debates on my wall about circ though, but it's ok in the end. NO one has ever unfriended me after them.

I have accpeted friends from forums that I've beenon before or from games that I've played, but since having my son I'm more selective I guess about who sees my profile. I'll get a lot of friend requests and check who our mutual friends are before I accept them. I get a little paranoid when we have no friends in common and they don't send a little message with their request about who they are and why they want to "friend" me. I always think it's my X or a friend oh his or something.
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#2 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 01:18 PM
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I don't think I have any friends that are people I've never met in person... I have high school, college and summer job friends, family, and current friends. My profile is only viewable to friends so their friends can't see anything. I don't accept requests from people I don't know.

I do have a few friends that I block because all their posts are negative or are weird horoscope, quiz or "what character are you most like." I should just unfriend them but haven't gotten around to it.

DH, on the other hand, will accept requests from anyone and everyone. He thinks of it as networking... I'm not sure what his privacy settings are.

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#3 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 02:53 PM
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All of my fb friends are people I've known in person at one time or another.  They aren't all close friends or anything though.  There are a few from high school who I don't know well, but I don't really care to sweep them because they don't post offensive things and I don't post overly personal ones. 

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#4 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 03:11 PM
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All my FB friends are IRL friends.  Some I may not have seen in a long time but we are still close so I feel no need to do a "sweep".  I also never "like" a page or become a "fan" of anything because I don't want to be that public.

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#5 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 04:05 PM
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My facebook friends are all real life friends, people I knew in high school (not necessarily friends back then, but we've all grown up a little in 25 years), women I know from ICAN...some of whom I've met in real life and some I haven't, but they're some of my best friends in the world, and people I know from the old Iron Maiden bb.


I've never done a friend sweep. I am thinking about removing one old friend. He hasn't offended me or anything, but he collects friends (I have under 200 - he has almost 2,000), and doesn't really talk to anyone. Almost all I ever see on his wall is "J has such-and-such new friend" or "J is/isn't attending such-and-such event". There's just no reason to have him there, yk?

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#6 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 04:25 PM
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A couple of people I am fb friends with I have not met in person but have known them long distance for maybe 7 to 10 years. I consider them good friends.

The rest of the people I know irl. I don't add random people and I have de-friended people I end up just not having anything in common with. I would have de-friended a few people if they weren't family.

I wouldn't de-friend someone for not liking a cause or page.

I would notice if someone de-friended me because I have a small number of fb friends. I might feel offended depending on who it is.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#7 of 17 Old 02-06-2011, 06:08 PM
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I use fb as a 'forum' and although I do have some irl friends on there, I also have mdc friends too (a lot, actually) and some random people that I enjoy :)  I'm pretty fiesty, so it's nice to have a place that's not, uh, moderated orngtongue.gif

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#8 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 09:37 AM
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I use Facebook mainly as a way to keep in touch with friends/family who live far away.  I've just over 45 friends and I don't check/update my page very often - maybe once or twice a week.  There are a few people who have very different political opinions than I do, but their posts aren't usually offensive.  Sometimes, I'll reply to a post if I have the time to get into a friendly debate.  Otherwise, I just ignore them - I've never felt the need to block or defriend anyone.  I would notice if someone defriended me, but I wouldn't take it personally. 

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#9 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 09:54 AM
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I know all of my friends on facebook IRL, although many of them are people I went to high school with and some I really don't "know". Others I didn't know very well in high school, but I feel much closer to them now. The only unfriending situation I have encountered is a girl I knew from LLL. She responded to a freecycle ad I had for a bike trailer, and an hour after she had picked it up, she put it for sale on craigslist. I was ticked and wrote her an email saying so. She unfriended me that night.



I guess I do have one "friend' who I don't know. I accepted his request because it said my DH was friends with him too. Come to find out DH has no idea who he is either. I've kept him on though because he is so entertaining to me. He is like the result of Rush and Sarah Palin having a child who was then raised by the trailer park man with no shirt they interview after the tornado. His views on absolutely everything are 100% different than mine, but most are so out there it makes me laugh. For example, recently he announced that he will no longer be drinking any New Belgium beer because he noticed on the packaging that the brewery is wind power driven. He also is callin for a boycott of some company because they donate a portion of the profits to help polar bears. For shame! lol.gif

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#10 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 01:03 PM
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The vast majority of people I'm friends with on fb I know IRL. There are a few people on there I've never met in person. 3 are MDC mamas I hope to meet, a few are midwifery school classmates (online program), and a few are midwives. I'm also fb friends with several relatives I've never actually met IRL. I've done some cleaning house, getting rid of a bunch of fb friends. 


I post a lot of updates regarding GLBTIQQ rights. I've caught my cousins calling each other "gay" or saying something is "gay" on their fb pages. I respond by posting a link to Wanda Syke's "That's So Gay" commercial right on their page thumb.gif. There is a handful of people I can count on to respond or "like" my links (my DD, my aunt, my former college professor (anthropology), and one of my friends who is a youth minister). 


I'm not opposed to being fb friends with MDC members. If you play Petville, PM me.I need more neighbors. lol.gif  


However, I do have a bit of an internet addiction I'm trying to overcome.

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#11 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 01:10 PM
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i will only friend people who i sincerely want to communicate with.  i will accept friend requests from anyone i've known in the past, but if they never make any attempt at communicating with me, i will unfriend them.  i'm not in the business of collecting friends as i feel some folks are.


i don't notice when people unfriend me.  i've been offended by some things that friends have posted (usually someone with extremely different political or social views than myself), but have never commented.  i really don't want to get confrontational on facebook.

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#12 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 03:26 PM
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I'm not on Facebook anymore, but when I had an account I was only friends with people with whom I had frequent contact IRL -- I had fewer than 30 FB friends.


I got a bit caught up in the "Hey, I remember you!" thing at first, where you friend anyone you've ever known, but I quickly realized that after the initial "OMG hi!!" I never heard from them again, so I culled all of them and became super picky about who I friended. 

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#13 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 03:49 PM
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I have 223 fb friends.  About 40ish are from a mommy forum.  We have all stayed in touch these past 5 years and last year made our own private group on fb instead of using the forum.  The rest are family and friends (some old friends from highschool, some co-worker friends and the rest good friends)

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#14 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 03:54 PM
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I have been unfriended a few times. I dont take it personally. A few deleted their acct and my XSIL who knew me my whole life, thus how she met BIL deleted me when he got engaged to DW#2. I find it amusing more than anything. She also deleted all my nieces/nephews etc.


I noticed younger people, like in their early 20s, if you meet someone even just once, they are then your FB friend. I have a few like that. A collegue of DH's-his son is in his 20s and also a FB friend of mine. I call him my FB hottie. He is also entering the same profession, so he friended DH and then me. He is a cute kid (26, not a kid but...) and comes thru town, always calls us. His friends are also FB friends of mine. When DH saw him and his buddies a few weeks ago in Denver, they all remarked how "cool" I was. HUH? They also liked all my parenting, political issues etc I post about. DH and I get a laugh out of it. His father is also a friend and we call him my FB stalker.


When I first got on a few years ago, it was fun catching up with people, finding them etc. Some, after catching up, you realize why you lost touch.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#15 of 17 Old 02-07-2011, 04:04 PM
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I am really friends with the majority of my list.  Some are people from my hometown that we like to keep up with each other, and Facebook is an easy way to do so.  I do go through every once in awhile and "trim the friend tree."  I did it recently with some people who were causing drama unnecessarily, and one got all offended and texted me about it.  For real?  How old are we, 12?  She wanted to know WHY?  I ignored the text - because she knows good and well why - and it cemented right there why she needed to be gone.


Anyway, I've been unfriended a few times, and I am not offended by it in the least.  It's Facebook.  I have more important things going on!

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#16 of 17 Old 02-14-2011, 07:15 PM
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I have done friend sweeps before, but typically ones that I have never really had any contact with on FB, they just added me to add me.  I keep family members and the friends that I have a lot of contact with, but as someone else said...if I don't hear from them after they add me, then they get removed.  I sweep about once a year or so.  I have a bunch of friends from another forum I go to, but I've been a member there for a couple years and know them pretty well.  I don't add anyone that I don't know and have common friends with.  If they ask to add me and I don't know them and we have no common friends, then they get ignored. 


I also have my acct set up so that my mom and dad cannot see what I post on my wall unless I choose for them to.  They only ever really go on there to play the games, and I'm set up as one of their neighbors even though I don't play the game, and they never post on their walls.  Who knows if they read them, though.  I didn't used to have it set up that way, and my mom FREAKED out on my for posting asking my friends to pray for my mom who was in the hospital.  Now she gets filtered if need be. 

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#17 of 17 Old 02-14-2011, 07:23 PM
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I just deleted like, 60 people from my friends list. It felt great! There were a bunch of people that I only met a handful of times from a local mom's group, I never even hung out with them cause they were too far away. Also, a bunch of people from where I used to live/work who I never talked to on FB. I would find myself wasting lots of time stalking their pages feeling bad about my own life (we moved and I don't have a ton of friends here). Now I am just friends with family and people that I actually talk to/hang out with and/or who are active on FB.

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