Would this be in poor taste? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Would this be in poor taste?
Yes....this is not the time to celebrate a new life. 5 5.10%
No....people would love to meet him 93 94.90%
Voters: 98. You may not vote on this poll

Talk Amongst Ourselves > Would this be in poor taste?
momtoS's Avatar momtoS 05:05 PM 02-14-2011

I had a baby. Beautiful baby. Then my brother went missing. And was found dead. He completed suicide.


The past couple weeks have been a blur.


I would love to have a get together for everyone to meet the baby. People got to see him briefly at the service etc.


But would this be considered in poor taste, considering that my dear brother just died?

Agatha_Ann's Avatar Agatha_Ann 05:26 PM 02-14-2011

I'm so sorry for your loss hug.gif

I'm sure you brother would want you to celebrate your new baby. Hugs mama.  

applecider's Avatar applecider 05:51 PM 02-14-2011
I personally think it would be nice to have that light in this time of everyone's darkness. So I say go for it.

And I am very sorry for your loss.hug2.gif
mrsdocmartin's Avatar mrsdocmartin 06:40 PM 02-14-2011
You deserve some joy! hug.gif
*bejeweled*'s Avatar *bejeweled* 06:49 PM 02-14-2011
I am sorry for your loss. candle.gif I am sure that everyone would love to meet your baby at this time.
Momsteader's Avatar Momsteader 06:50 PM 02-14-2011

Another vote for go for it! Your family would probably relish the change to celebrate new life and a new beginning.

Annie Mac's Avatar Annie Mac 06:50 PM 02-14-2011

I am sorry. What a tragedy for your family. I do think you should celebrate the birth of your baby. It is a joyful occasion and shouldn't be overshadowed by a sad one.

Mama2Bug's Avatar Mama2Bug 07:32 PM 02-14-2011

I am so sorry! I left this thread open and DD checked the first option. (She didn't do it on purpose- just likes to use the mouse!) Of course you should celebrate your baby. I'm sure he would bring a lot of joy during a painful time. hug.gif

2xy's Avatar 2xy 08:11 PM 02-14-2011

Ummm.....I think you are in the wrong thread....


OP, celebrate your baby.

sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 08:16 PM 02-14-2011

I'm sorry for your loss.


Congratulations on your new baby!


(Mama2Bug's dd, I see you know how to copy and paste, too)

liliaceae's Avatar liliaceae 08:35 PM 02-14-2011
I'm so sorry, Mama. I've been thinking about you. I'm sure everyone would love to meet your baby, and it would not be in poor taste at all.
purslaine's Avatar purslaine 08:40 PM 02-14-2011

I would go for it but keep it low key.


meemee's Avatar meemee 09:09 PM 02-14-2011

absolutely mama. a celebration is a celebration.


sept is the month (different years) my dd was born and the month my bro also comitted suicide.


its a bitter sweet month for me.


dd and i have a special celebration together in memory of my bro.


however i will say as pp said see how your parents feel and then plan accordingly.


i knew in my case i would have to keep things low key coz my parents were absolutely devastated. they struggled to pull themselves together for the living child they had.

Sol_y_Paz's Avatar Sol_y_Paz 09:09 PM 02-14-2011

There was recently a death in my family, well actually 3 in the family if you are counting these past few months as recent.  2 were elderly and the last death was way too young and that person meant the world to me, everything to me, we were so close. I am still paralyzed from it very deeply.  

I absolutely wouldn't have a formal get together to meet baby anytime soon in light of your recent events but that is just me.  And if anyone proposed such a thing in my own family I would not go.  I don't feel like celebrating or being social at all and I am not alone in that feeling among my family members.

eclipse's Avatar eclipse 09:27 PM 02-14-2011
I think both you and your baby deserve to be celebrated, even in light of your brother's death (maybe especially in light of it). I think you should go ahead and plan it, and just not be offended if some people choose not to attend because they don't feel up to it yet.
Smokering's Avatar Smokering 09:57 PM 02-14-2011


I think both you and your baby deserve to be celebrated, even in light of your brother's death (maybe especially in light of it). I think you should go ahead and plan it, and just not be offended if some people choose not to attend because they don't feel up to it yet.

Yep, that. I think it might be a good idea to keep it low-key - not a big, balloony, streamers-y, gamesy type party - but absolutely not in poor taste to let people meet your baby! People might be glad to have something else to focus on, briefly. Just expect that it will be a bittersweet occasion, and probably not "all about" your baby as most gatherings of this type are - but that's OK.


How are you holding up?

Adaline'sMama's Avatar Adaline'sMama 07:57 AM 02-17-2011

I am so sorry for your loss. As I remember correctly, your baby was just days old when your brother went missing. Im sure that must have been so very diffucult. candle.gif


I cant imagine anyone thinking its inappropriate. A new baby is a wonderful joy to share during a time of sorrow. My grandmother passed when DD was just a few weeks old, and most of my family saw her for the first time at the funeral or while we were visiting her as she was dying in hospice. I think they would have loved it if I had had a post birth shower or something that they could have attended.

momtoS's Avatar momtoS 08:10 AM 02-17-2011

Yes my brother went missing one and a half days after I had my baby. His wasn't found for a few days after that.


Thanks for the replies. I am considering having something low key.....

Linda on the move's Avatar Linda on the move 01:46 PM 02-17-2011

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


I agree with the others that it would be wonderful to have a celebration for your new baby. I think it could be very healing for everyone.  Congratulations on your baby!!!


(are YOU doing ok? I'm concerned that because of everything that happened, you could be at higher risk for PPD. Do you need to talk to someone? Do you need some extra support?)

lolar2's Avatar lolar2 01:51 PM 02-17-2011

My cousin and I both found out we were pregnant soon after our grandmother died. The family celebrated as much as possible because it was such a comfort.

HollyBearsMom's Avatar HollyBearsMom 02:00 PM 02-17-2011

My only caution would be is to be gentle with yourself. Your body and your emotions have gone thru *a lot* and the strain of having even a low key get together could quickly become overwhelming. Make sure to accept help when offered and be prepared with an "exit strategy" if the party becomes too much.  Have a friend or your partner cover if you need to take a break.


This is both a joyful yet difficult time for your whole family but to celebrate life is a wonderful thing.



pianojazzgirl's Avatar pianojazzgirl 02:32 PM 02-17-2011

I'm sorry for your loss mama. 


I voted wrong... I meant to click "no", but clicked "yes" instead....


I think having a get-together for people to meet your new baby is a great idea.  In the aftermath of tragedy being around a new baby could be just the thing to bring a spark of light into the lives of those who are grieving.

graceomalley's Avatar graceomalley 02:51 AM 02-18-2011

It sounds like a lovely idea!  A little ray of sunshine to help your family's pain can never be a bad thing.  

ancoda's Avatar ancoda 10:53 AM 02-22-2011

I think a lot of people would love the chance to meet your baby.