The main thing apparent here, meemee, is that you'll never get it because you have an attitude that displays complete refusal to let go of what's going on in your own mind enough to grasp what other people here are trying to say to you. In your mind you already have it figured out. In your mind, you think that there are completely seperate aspects of how people use this word and one of those completely lack racial implications altogether. You've shown yourself completely unwilling to let go of that idea and grasp other mindsets. Why you came here asking the question from "horse's mouths" I'll never know, because you're not willing to listen to what "horse's mouths" are trying to tell you. You're more content to take the words of children you've talked to (yes children) and completely disregard the words of grown adults who have actually been those children in the near past.
I am 30 years old. I was one of those kids at one point who very occassionally used that word. It was not frowned upon, depending on how it was used. My dad even occassionally uses the word in marginally negative way when he's upset with some one, depending on what that person did and the mindset that person was in and motivations behind it. It is very rare that he uses it. No one here looks down completely upon the use of the word DEPENDING ON THE RACE OF THE ONE USING IT.
Since i've grown up some and learned differently, I don't use the word anymore. You are actually talking to the adult form of the "horses' mouths'" that you've already spoken to. I was that young girl who defended you once. I probably would have even been stupid enough to defend you if you came and came and confronted us the way you did, not knowing any better, and I probably would have looked back and thought to myself and ask the friends that were with me "Remember that time that silly lady that came and talked to us about the n word when we were kids? Can you believe I stood up for her? I was such a pushover back then. We should have cussed her out and sent her on her way."
Frankly what it seems like is you taking advantage of young kids who were in a setting in which they knew they would have gotten into trouble for telling an adult what they "really" wanted to say, some of which (such as the young girl) were not of the age where they could fully grasp the understanding of your questions the way a seasoned adult could enough to fully give you the answers you are looking for, and you seized that opportunity to put them on the spot. Things that you asked here I could have never answered at that age, and only recently *got* in the last couple years. Such as simple questions people ask, they are in essence ascing you to sum up an entire 2 or 3 centuries worth of history in a single sentence for them. History that, as a teenager, I wasn't even fully aware of yet. Such as the whole meaning and changing inflections behind the N word. That's a complicated question. One that will raise hackles for some, and you took advantage of these teenagers to stroke your own curiosity knowing that it would be crushed to smithereens by an adult.
i've given you good information here admist my objections to this thread. Others have as well. You've dismissed everything everyone here has had to say. At this point, i'm not sure what you're looking for ,and honestly, I"m not sure you are either.