If I told you I wasn't going to attend your wedding because... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 04-08-2011, 08:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the feedback. There are a lot of factors at play and I'll need to figure it out. I do love the groom and he stood up at our wedding, but unfortunately we haven't spent very much time with him in the past decade (we moved across the country) so I guess I"m feeling a bit disconnected.

 

OTOH, there is something special about how weddings bring people together. I also have a job and already am struggling with the first year of keeping DS occupied during the summer, so leaving town just as school starts is not great timing on this end - I'll finally be back to a regular working schedule. I only get 2 weeks worth of paid time off a year (we would probably go Thurs-Mon).

 

Lots to consider, I appreciate all the points of view.

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#32 of 40 Old 04-08-2011, 08:28 AM
 
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I home educated my kids during that age.  Two of my children are now in school.  I would not pull them out for a wedding.  At that age, it takes longer to adjust.  Missing days in elementary school can be harder to catch up, since you are still building foundations.  I personally feel elementary grades are more important than high school because in high school maturity and skills to catch up and figure out what you have missed. 

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#33 of 40 Old 04-08-2011, 08:28 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it either. I'm the parent that has no issues keeping her kid home for a powder day in the winter but right after school starts, nope. DD1 ended up missing 6 days of 2nd grade a little over a month after school started. I wasn't thrilled about it in the least, but it was completely unexpected due to both parents having work trips that did not go the way they were supposed to and the kids got dragged along for the ride. 


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#34 of 40 Old 04-08-2011, 09:07 PM
 
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It wouldn't offend me. Weddings are fun, and I think they are important, but not worth tons of stress and a miserable flight and whatever else.  I would only fly across the country for a wedding if it was a very close friend or immediate family member of dh or I.


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#35 of 40 Old 04-08-2011, 10:17 PM
 
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My husband's brother got married, and I was really excited about going to the wedding, but basically, I wasn't invited.  FIL was trying to figure a way for me to go, using hotel babysitters, but it was clear that most people didn't want me to go because of the fact that it wasn't family friendly.  So I didn't go.  My only regret was that my husband's other brother died a couple years later and he never met our second child.  I wanted to bring my new baby to introduce her to people, but it just didn't work out.

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#36 of 40 Old 04-09-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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Haven't read all the replies, OP, but if this is the wedding of one of your's DH's college friends and you're not positive whether they would miss you if you stayed home from the wedding, I say that you have a very good reason to sit this wedding out.

 

IMO, it's just not a good idea to let a kid miss school during the first few weeks of school. There's so much going on in the formation of the social dynamic of the classroom community in those first few weeks of school that I would be really reluctant to allow my child to miss school. Kinda sounds to me like you don't like the idea of your DS missing school either, and there's nothing wrong with that.  

 

Believe it or not, I have been to plenty of weddings where one spouse/partner attended stag for whatever reason. It's not that uncommon a phenomenon. Heck, I stayed home from my BIL's destination wedding in another country last summer. DH and I couldn't afford to take all three of our kids with us, and even if we could have, I would have been the person missing out on all the fun to tend to the kids. I figured I'd be better off staying behind and having fun with the kids, and the four of us had a great time while DH and BIL's wedding party drank and partied themselves silly 3000 miles away!

 

OP, I say let your DH go and have a great time, and don't feel a bit guilty about staying behind, should you decide to do so. Just express your sincere regrets to the couple in a nice card and send a nice wedding gift, and then enjoy a few days of one-on-one time with your DS. smile.gif


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#37 of 40 Old 04-09-2011, 11:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nola79 View Post

Well, I wouldn't be offended by it. I also wouldn't pull my son out of school for a wedding either, unless it was very close family.


My kids are 14, 10 and 7.  I have pulled them out of school for two things - took dd1 out of (forget if it was kindergarten or 1st grade) to attend a friend's wedding in Canada.  Wedding was on a Friday so with border crossing, we couldn't be sure we'd make it if we left at 3:00.  I actually sent her to school for the morning and we left at lunch.  At the reception, the groom did a toast that I still remember so fondly - he said "all the people I love in the world are in this room".  Isn't that the sweetest?  SO worth taking her out a half day of school!  Oh, and the other thing I took the kids out of school for was when Graeme Base (Australian children's author/illustrator - one of my favorites...) was in town for a book reading/signing at a bookstore 40 minutes from our house.  10:00 a.m. on a school day... who scheduled that???  Maybe the only time they could get him while he was in town?  I considered it worthy of pulling my kids out of school, and still do.

 

Given the situation you describe, I don't think the bride and groom will be offended.  Anything that requires plane tickets is a fairly big deal - which I'd expect for you to do if I was your sister or dear friend, but not dp's college buddy.  Dp should absolutely go - which it sounds like he is.  That is all that is required.  Nice of them to invite all of you, but you aren't all required to go.  However, I wouldn't use school as an excuse - cost, distance, your job wouldn't offend me.  But not wanting to take a six year old out of school for three days might offend me if I were close to you.
 

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Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

We can have 11 absences before getting a truancy letter.  So annoying. 

Here we can have 11 in a semester (two semesters per school year) before having to go before the attendance board - but this is only upheld in the high school I believe.  Excused (even with a doctor's note) still counts against you.  If the board finds against you, you lose credit for that semester - which means that you wouldn't graduate with your class!  My dd1 is a freshman in high school and missed more school this year than the rest of her years combined I bet.  She had pneumonia twice, strep throat and eye infection once each.  Geez.  We had doctor notes and the board found in our favor.  It was stressful though.
 

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Originally Posted by Viola View Post

My husband's brother got married, and I was really excited about going to the wedding, but basically, I wasn't invited.  FIL was trying to figure a way for me to go, using hotel babysitters, but it was clear that most people didn't want me to go because of the fact that it wasn't family friendly.  So I didn't go.  My only regret was that my husband's other brother died a couple years later and he never met our second child.  I wanted to bring my new baby to introduce her to people, but it just didn't work out.

You were invited.  Your child was not invited.  That doesn't equal most people not wanting you to go.  If you chose not to go because it was adults only, that is your choice.  But you were invited.
 

 

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#38 of 40 Old 04-10-2011, 07:11 AM
 
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You were invited.  Your child was not invited.  That doesn't equal most people not wanting you to go.  If you chose not to go because it was adults only, that is your choice.  But you were invited.
 

I don't exactly agree with this.  When people decide not to include children or allow people to bring a date, I think it sends a very definite message.  "It would be nice if you showed up, but we really don't care all that much." 

 

Now, I'm all in favor of people having child free weddings if that's what they want, but it does mean that some people who have kids will decline.  The people who have those kinds of weddings need to realize that, and not be offended when people would rather stay home with their kids than attend the wedding without them.

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#39 of 40 Old 04-11-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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I wouldn't pull my child out of school for much and definitely not for that particular reason. Send your dh on his own.

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#40 of 40 Old 04-12-2011, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

It's dh's college group? Then send him and tell him to have fun.



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