s/o of etiquette for dinner guests - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-28-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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I call them Pastatarians. I have yet to meet a vegetarian that actually eats a lot of vegetables. The ones I know eat lots of cheese pizza and other such foods, and none of them are new to the lifestyle. I'm sure that healthfully-eating vegetarians exist somewhere....


 

 


I am one -- just so you know we aren't mythical creatures!! lol.gif

I went to a fair recently and one of the tents had rubber food showing portion sizes for everything (incl. veggies) and my jaw dropped -- our typical dinner will include 2-3lbs of veggies. And we eat it all.

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Old 05-28-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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I'm finding this whole discussion very interesting, I've been lurking as it has gone on and finally decided to post with my related issue to see what others think.  My husband has a cousin, K, who is an extremely picky eater but doesn't have any actual allergies or intolerances.  The biggest problem is that she has a virtual laundry list of likes/dislikes that are kind of difficult to keep up with and at times esoteric to the extreme.  She only eats meat off the bone, and cooked to extremely well done, will only eat veggies out of a can, with the exception of lettuce, but only if it's iceburg lettuce, and she throws a huge stink if anyone dares to serve what she calls "fancy, gross" lettuce like romaine or mesclun mix or whatever.  K doesn't like fruit very much, and she is brand loyal to the extreme in the event that she will actually eat chips or dip (has to be made by brand X and the correct cut, eg no ridged potato chips.)  She also doesn't usually like "fussy" cake from "fancy bakeries" and has proclaimed this on various occasions when someone has birthday cake or whatever from one of those places.

 

It's gotten to the point where we honestly don't bother to try and keep up anymore with K's preferences and demands.  It's exhausting to the extreme to try and accomodate her, especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate it if we do and she gets bent out of shape if we get it wrong.  Thankfully, we only have K over maybe a few times a year for birthdays or other special events.  So honestly, am I wrong to be at the point now (nearly 12 years since I first met my husband) to have given up on trying to meet this cousin's food related demands?  I just don't know what to do anymore, and my husband, having known her his whole life is so impatient about the whole thing I think he may just lose it with her the next time she complains about the food we serve.


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Old 05-28-2011, 11:07 AM
 
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I'm finding this whole discussion very interesting, I've been lurking as it has gone on and finally decided to post with my related issue to see what others think.  My husband has a cousin, K, who is an extremely picky eater but doesn't have any actual allergies or intolerances.  The biggest problem is that she has a virtual laundry list of likes/dislikes that are kind of difficult to keep up with and at times esoteric to the extreme.  She only eats meat off the bone, and cooked to extremely well done, will only eat veggies out of a can, with the exception of lettuce, but only if it's iceburg lettuce, and she throws a huge stink if anyone dares to serve what she calls "fancy, gross" lettuce like romaine or mesclun mix or whatever.  K doesn't like fruit very much, and she is brand loyal to the extreme in the event that she will actually eat chips or dip (has to be made by brand X and the correct cut, eg no ridged potato chips.)  She also doesn't usually like "fussy" cake from "fancy bakeries" and has proclaimed this on various occasions when someone has birthday cake or whatever from one of those places.

 

It's gotten to the point where we honestly don't bother to try and keep up anymore with K's preferences and demands.  It's exhausting to the extreme to try and accomodate her, especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate it if we do and she gets bent out of shape if we get it wrong.  Thankfully, we only have K over maybe a few times a year for birthdays or other special events.  So honestly, am I wrong to be at the point now (nearly 12 years since I first met my husband) to have given up on trying to meet this cousin's food related demands?  I just don't know what to do anymore, and my husband, having known her his whole life is so impatient about the whole thing I think he may just lose it with her the next time she complains about the food we serve.


I think in that case, I would ask her for a very specific list of a couple things she WILL eat (including the brands) when you invite her over. Just tell her you want to pick up a couple of pre-made or quick-to-cook meals and ask her what she'd enjoy. It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the dislikes, so asking her what she LIKES might work better? Otherwise, if that doesn't work, I guess just tell her you're having XYZ and she's welcome to bring over anything she'd like. My mom does that to me more often these days (I'm not picky but have a lot of restrictions) and I'm happy to give her a few ideas of things I'd like or just bring over my own food, as long as she lets me know a few days ahead of time what she has planned!

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Old 05-28-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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I think in that case, I would ask her for a very specific list of a couple things she WILL eat (including the brands) when you invite her over. Just tell her you want to pick up a couple of pre-made or quick-to-cook meals and ask her what she'd enjoy. It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the dislikes, so asking her what she LIKES might work better? Otherwise, if that doesn't work, I guess just tell her you're having XYZ and she's welcome to bring over anything she'd like. My mom does that to me more often these days (I'm not picky but have a lot of restrictions) and I'm happy to give her a few ideas of things I'd like or just bring over my own food, as long as she lets me know a few days ahead of time what she has planned!



Thanks, this is pretty much what I'm inclined to do with K in the future.  I'm also running into some family culture issues with my husband and his family, who are all pretty tired of K's extreme pickiness and feel like they need to put their foot down with her issues because they are so detailed and difficult to follow sometimes.  It shouldn't be so hard to try and be nice, you know, and if my husband wasn't so irritated about the whole thing I would leave it to him to handle on his own and just stay out of it completely.

 


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Old 05-28-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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It almost sounds like your MIL is going out of her way to ignore your being a non red meat eater..

If I have someone as my guest over for dinner I do prepare something to their tastes etc...veggie allergies whatever within reason...

If they still don't like what I made, well I don't really want to hear about it thanks, either eat it or don't I don't care but don't tell me you hate it yk...

 

As a guest at someone else's house I ALWAYS end up trying whatever it is they make regardless of whether I think I will like it or not. I was just brought up that way and I'm not a vegetarian or anything so it isn't incredibly difficult but there was one time I choked down a sweet potato with pineapple and PEEPS at a BF's family's Easter dinner. I did it because it was the polite thing to do and it wouldn't kill me. 

 

This was my issue in the other thread. People work really hard to prepare big meals and if they don't know about your preferences or whatever and they make something you just don't like (different from being a veggie or allergic) I think it isn't too much to ask to at least try it, or pass on it and don't bring attention to the fact. I'm the cook in my house and I think I tend to get a little defensive about people not eating my food because I really do bust my butt to make delicious meals. Thats my own issue though.

 

So your question... As a guest I eat what I am offered because I find that the polite thing to do. Period. I don't have to deal with being a vegetarian who is being served meat though so it's not a hard rule for me to follow.


My husband used to do that until he went to meet a girlfriend's parents. He ate their homemade pickles to be polite (he hated pickles) and then threw them up all over their front step. That's precisely why I don't eat things I don't like to be polite. I don't want to barf, even just gagging is horrible.
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Old 05-31-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Lolagirl View Post

I'm finding this whole discussion very interesting, I've been lurking as it has gone on and finally decided to post with my related issue to see what others think.  My husband has a cousin, K, who is an extremely picky eater but doesn't have any actual allergies or intolerances.  The biggest problem is that she has a virtual laundry list of likes/dislikes that are kind of difficult to keep up with and at times esoteric to the extreme.  She only eats meat off the bone, and cooked to extremely well done, will only eat veggies out of a can, with the exception of lettuce, but only if it's iceburg lettuce, and she throws a huge stink if anyone dares to serve what she calls "fancy, gross" lettuce like romaine or mesclun mix or whatever.  K doesn't like fruit very much, and she is brand loyal to the extreme in the event that she will actually eat chips or dip (has to be made by brand X and the correct cut, eg no ridged potato chips.)  She also doesn't usually like "fussy" cake from "fancy bakeries" and has proclaimed this on various occasions when someone has birthday cake or whatever from one of those places.

 

It's gotten to the point where we honestly don't bother to try and keep up anymore with K's preferences and demands.  It's exhausting to the extreme to try and accomodate her, especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate it if we do and she gets bent out of shape if we get it wrong.  Thankfully, we only have K over maybe a few times a year for birthdays or other special events.  So honestly, am I wrong to be at the point now (nearly 12 years since I first met my husband) to have given up on trying to meet this cousin's food related demands?  I just don't know what to do anymore, and my husband, having known her his whole life is so impatient about the whole thing I think he may just lose it with her the next time she complains about the food we serve.


Regarding the bolded, no I don't think you're wrong. I'm all for being polite and accommodating guests, but really the guests should at least be, I don't know, 1% involved in helping things go smoothly? There's a tipping point at which their behavior becomes so unreasonable that the host simply cannot shoulder the burden of trying to bow to their every whim. If a grown woman is going to throw a fit about romaine vs. iceberg lettuce or whether her potato chips have ridges or not, to the extent that she is unable to eat any of what's offered and will make everyone else's meal miserable over it, then IMO she has a psychological issue requiring treatment and can't be dealt with just by trying to appease her neuroses. 


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Old 05-31-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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In this situation, I would spend no time worrying about her because honesttly, it will be an issue everytime. Where I dont  have issues with people who dont eat red meat or maybe someone dislikes a certain pepper or dosent eat mayo, having a huge laundry list, I could guarentee my house is not the first place she would run into this issue so I would hope she ate before she came because she would go hungry at my house. I dont mind if a 4 yr old who didnt get his nap today who is a picky eater throws a fit over it, I do have an issue with a grown up who does the same though. She would not be invited back.
 

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Originally Posted by Lolagirl View Post

I'm finding this whole discussion very interesting, I've been lurking as it has gone on and finally decided to post with my related issue to see what others think.  My husband has a cousin, K, who is an extremely picky eater but doesn't have any actual allergies or intolerances.  The biggest problem is that she has a virtual laundry list of likes/dislikes that are kind of difficult to keep up with and at times esoteric to the extreme.  She only eats meat off the bone, and cooked to extremely well done, will only eat veggies out of a can, with the exception of lettuce, but only if it's iceburg lettuce, and she throws a huge stink if anyone dares to serve what she calls "fancy, gross" lettuce like romaine or mesclun mix or whatever.  K doesn't like fruit very much, and she is brand loyal to the extreme in the event that she will actually eat chips or dip (has to be made by brand X and the correct cut, eg no ridged potato chips.)  She also doesn't usually like "fussy" cake from "fancy bakeries" and has proclaimed this on various occasions when someone has birthday cake or whatever from one of those places.

 

It's gotten to the point where we honestly don't bother to try and keep up anymore with K's preferences and demands.  It's exhausting to the extreme to try and accomodate her, especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate it if we do and she gets bent out of shape if we get it wrong.  Thankfully, we only have K over maybe a few times a year for birthdays or other special events.  So honestly, am I wrong to be at the point now (nearly 12 years since I first met my husband) to have given up on trying to meet this cousin's food related demands?  I just don't know what to do anymore, and my husband, having known her his whole life is so impatient about the whole thing I think he may just lose it with her the next time she complains about the food we serve.



 


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Old 05-31-2011, 02:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lolagirl View Post

I'm finding this whole discussion very interesting, I've been lurking as it has gone on and finally decided to post with my related issue to see what others think.  My husband has a cousin, K, who is an extremely picky eater but doesn't have any actual allergies or intolerances.  The biggest problem is that she has a virtual laundry list of likes/dislikes that are kind of difficult to keep up with and at times esoteric to the extreme.  She only eats meat off the bone, and cooked to extremely well done, will only eat veggies out of a can, with the exception of lettuce, but only if it's iceburg lettuce, and she throws a huge stink if anyone dares to serve what she calls "fancy, gross" lettuce like romaine or mesclun mix or whatever.  K doesn't like fruit very much, and she is brand loyal to the extreme in the event that she will actually eat chips or dip (has to be made by brand X and the correct cut, eg no ridged potato chips.)  She also doesn't usually like "fussy" cake from "fancy bakeries" and has proclaimed this on various occasions when someone has birthday cake or whatever from one of those places.

 

It's gotten to the point where we honestly don't bother to try and keep up anymore with K's preferences and demands.  It's exhausting to the extreme to try and accomodate her, especially since she doesn't seem to appreciate it if we do and she gets bent out of shape if we get it wrong.  Thankfully, we only have K over maybe a few times a year for birthdays or other special events.  So honestly, am I wrong to be at the point now (nearly 12 years since I first met my husband) to have given up on trying to meet this cousin's food related demands?  I just don't know what to do anymore, and my husband, having known her his whole life is so impatient about the whole thing I think he may just lose it with her the next time she complains about the food we serve.


The fact that she's got so much pickiness and is RUDE about it gives you the right to not invite her to anything involving a meal.
 

In fact, I'd start inviting her a couple hours late for events that involve meals. Just like perpetually late people get told that everyone's meeting for dinner at 5am, to keep them from inconveniencing everyone and making the meal unpleasant.

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