If you are on the computer, are you available for casual conversation? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: If you are on the computer, are you available for casual conversation?
Yes 28 45.90%
No 7 11.48%
Sometimes/other 26 42.62%
Voters: 61. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is one of my pet peeves... I won't say which side I'm on yet...

ETA: I don't mean chatting online, I mean in real life (to spouse etc.)

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#2 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 03:28 PM
 
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I am almost only on the computer when I am at work, but always available for casual conversation LOL I usually save that for my break time though....

 

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#3 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 03:35 PM
 
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I work from home. I think it would be too strict if I was off-limits for casual conversation all day. So I'm open to it unless I indicate that I'm busy.

 

It works because my "can I talk to you later?" or whatever is respected and nobody gets upset. So there's no resentment or guessing. If DH talks to me, he knows it's cool unless I say otherwise.

 

DH is the same way - I consider him open for conversation unless he does the "uh-huh" thing, which is not a purposeful "hint"; it's just him being distracted. So I just recognize when he's engaged with what he's doing and drop the conversation. It works because usually he's open to it. It would not feel good to me if it were "don't bother me when I'm on the computer - ever."


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#4 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 03:41 PM
 
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Yep. If I have headphones on and I'm watching a TV show on netflix, you might have to wait a second for me to pause, but I'll glady do so.


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#5 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 03:58 PM
 
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If I'm emailing or posting, sure. But most of the time when I'm on the computer I'm reading, and I hate it when people talk at me while I'm reading because I don't get much time for it. People seem to respect a book but not the screen.

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#6 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm I guess I am pretty selfish then. I just can't stand for DH to talk to me while I'm on the computer. I am home with him all day and computer time is my zone-out time. I prefer for DS not to talk to me either, though since he is only 2 I have more tolerance. I miss having a laptop, then I could at least escape to another room!!!

I WAH too so I know I'm on the computer a lot. I need to cut down. But it's just about the only time to myself I get... and often only 5 or 10 minutes here & there... *sigh* I'm irritable lol

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#7 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 04:08 PM
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I don't think I have a choice if I would be or not!

Either DD is asleep or occupied and I'm good or she is at me and I'm not on the computer, or I'm with DH and he is busy reading or something or if he's bored he's trying to chat with me but getting frustrated because I am distracted so once again I lose the computer. I don't shut myself off just because I'm on the computer.

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#8 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 07:26 PM
 
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I first I was confused by your question, OP, because I didn't know if you meant live people or those little PMs that come up on places like Facebook!

 

If it is a live person that I live with, then it depends.  If I have to do work, then it is understood that I need too work without interruptions.  Silly interruptions, not serious stuff.  If I'm just surfing the web or on the computer for enjoyment, then it is an open playing field, and I'm available for talk, interruptions, whatever.  


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#9 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 09:12 PM
 
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It depends on what I'm doing. If I am reading or typing something I'd rather not be chatting. If I am playing a game or watching something then it is okay.


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#10 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 09:34 PM
 
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It depends on what I'm doing on the computer. At this moment, I would be perfectly ok with someone engaging me in conversation, but say I'm doing homework or work work (not that I have any right now, though I'm going back to school in september) then no, if you try talking to me and it's not an emergency then I will just ignore you.


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#11 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 11:17 PM
 
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It depends on what I'm doing. If I'm right in the middle of a serious post - one that requires a lot of thought or is emotionally fraught - then I'm not. I'm also not available for casual conversations if I'm in the middle of figuring out the banking or writing up my reports for the homeschooling system we use. If I'm reading something very involved, I may or may not be open to chat, but will probably want a few seconds to switch gears.

 

If I'm just mucking around on Facebook or most of my MDC time? Sure - not a problem. I have the computer on most of the time when I'm home, so I'm on and off of here like a ping-pong ball, anyway.

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#12 of 29 Old 05-19-2011, 11:34 PM
 
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i read the question thinking about IMing. So I said yes. but if it means other people in the house, well.. okay, i guess the answer *still* is yes, but if I'm reading something long (news article, blog post, etc) or trying to type up a thoughtful email or something, I really want people to stfu until I'm finished, yknow?! lol. if I'm going something more casual, like a message board thread (provided there's not a super long post i'm trying to read) or my FB feed, then it doesn't bother me a bit if dh talks to me. when i'm just reading short blurbs people post on fb, interrupting to talk to someone doesn't make me lose my train of thought in the same way it would if it were a longer article or post of some sort. With IMing, you can see the message flashing, finish the sentence/paragraph/post you're on and read the message when you're darn well ready to look at it! so even if i'm in the middle of something i'd rather not have interrupted, it doesn't seem as intrusive. 


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#13 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 03:04 AM
 
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I answered thinking you were talking about messaging through the computer and for that I said no.  I pretty much never use chatting features because I am not a fast typist and I get stressed out trying to respond quickly enough- LOL (I do realize you don't have to respond as quick as when speaking in person but it still stresses me out!).  However, at home or work, I am always free to chat about something unless I am in a time crunch.


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#14 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 04:29 AM
 
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Quite often, yes. I have no problem saying when I am not, though.

I'm a morning person.  We actually do exist.
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#15 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 05:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ha sorry I didn't make the post clear enough!! Yeah the chat thing doesn't bug me (though I only chat for work really) but it drives me insane when a real person interrupts me. I'm always in the middle of reading a long article or post and it's hard for me to keep my place one the screen -- in a book, at least I can hold my place with a finger... I think I really hurt DH's feelings though. On the one hand, there are plenty of times I sit down or hang around with him and he barely says a word to me (so that's often why I get up & get on the computer!) but on the other hand, seeing that so many people ARE okay with interruptions makes me think I need to learn to have more patience and tolerance for it.

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#16 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 05:10 AM
 
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OT, but I am like this about the phone.  If I have a phone to my ear, DO NOT try to talk to me, tell me to ask the other called a question, or try to just become a part of the conversation.  I might terminate the call and throw the phone at you.  lol Not really, but Im that adament about it.

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#17 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 05:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Ha sorry I didn't make the post clear enough!! Yeah the chat thing doesn't bug me (though I only chat for work really) but it drives me insane when a real person interrupts me. I'm always in the middle of reading a long article or post and it's hard for me to keep my place one the screen -- in a book, at least I can hold my place with a finger... I think I really hurt DH's feelings though. On the one hand, there are plenty of times I sit down or hang around with him and he barely says a word to me (so that's often why I get up & get on the computer!) but on the other hand, seeing that so many people ARE okay with interruptions makes me think I need to learn to have more patience and tolerance for it.


No you don't. What needs to happen is that your dh needs to respect you saying "reading, shush!" and then you need to go over and let him know you can talk now when you finish. What also needs to happen is that you need to tell him out loud "hey, I'm here now, want to talk?" and then let him know "okay then, I'm going to my computer" if he isn't talking to you.

 

Because it sounds like your dh has the same instinct that kids get where as soon as you're doing something else they can feel your attention leave and they promptly move to get it back.

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#18 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 05:46 AM
 
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Yeah, I agree, it's not (necessarily, at least) you that needs to change.

 

I wrote I was available but I also included the context that I am on the computer all day (because I work from home). If I only got 10 minutes a day to jump on, I would definitely want that to be respected.

 

My feelings would be hurt if DH were on the computer for hours and hours but I couldn't talk to him. I'd feel like he was shutting me out of half his life or something. But if he needed 20 minutes to unwind, or was in the middle of something he was putting his focus on, I wouldn't be hurt at all - knowing that I'd have his attention some other time.


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#19 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 06:39 AM
 
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Only when I'm working or doing math.   No one is allowed to speak when I do math.  

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#20 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 08:34 AM
 
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I work at home a number of days in the week too (and also many times will work at least for some minutes at night/on the weekends) as does DH.  For me when I'm actually working (vs. on MDC or FB because I have seriuos problems actually getting started when it comes to work), I really need that time respected.  I swear I have some random version of ADHD that only comes up when  I need to get work done (don't get me wrong I actually enjoy my job but I just have such a hard time concentrating it's ridiculous) so I need my full concentration.  That being said if I'm looking at facebook or something that's fine (unless I might want to finish reading a post or something). 

 

DH, on the other hand, can and should be distracted when it comes to work because he has the tendency to get over-involved to the point he'll forget to eat or go to the bathroom so he really NEEDS to be distracted and pulled away from it.  So if he's working, unless he's writing an important email, I will chat with him every now and then to bring him back to reality (and he knows that and understand that's what I'm doing).

 

BTW, our talking time is normally when we're doing stuff.  Like cleaning, picking-up, cooking.  We normally do these activities together and that's our chatting time (well, and we work together too...) so we actually talk quite a bit during the date itself so he doesn't feel the need to talk to me while I'm on the computer as much (now DD is a totally different story but I've pretty much given up looking at the computer when she's around unless she's watching TV). 

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#21 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 09:52 AM
 
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I'm usually available to DH when I'm on the computer. If I'm studying, I'll let him know, and he'll usually let me concentrate. But I can't imagine not being available. Someone is often on the computer around here.


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#22 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 10:06 AM
 
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When I first read your post I was one of the people who thought you were meaning online chat.  I don't usually have the time to chat online with certain people because they do not understand why I have to get up every 2-3 minutes to deal with my children for several minutes before I can come back and write one to two sentences and then leave again.

 

As far as people talking to me that are in the same room as me it really matters what I am doing.  If I am on here or another forum community then yes I am available to talk.  If I am in the middle of a long article then be quiet till I am done. If I am watching a TV show on the computer please only interrupt once, say all you need to say and then leave me alone to have some zone out time.


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#23 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 10:27 AM
 
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Ok I totally get you on this. Since I associate my computer with work it's not the same. At home for me, it's the TV. I have a couple of favorite shows I want to watch them with no interuption. I don't want casual conversation or comments from DH about my choice of shows LOL I want to watch and enjoy :-)

 

I think everybody deserves this whether it's the computer, video games, a good book, painting... As long as it's a reasonable amount of time and not all evening or something.

 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Hmm I guess I am pretty selfish then. I just can't stand for DH to talk to me while I'm on the computer. I am home with him all day and computer time is my zone-out time. I prefer for DS not to talk to me either, though since he is only 2 I have more tolerance. I miss having a laptop, then I could at least escape to another room!!!

I WAH too so I know I'm on the computer a lot. I need to cut down. But it's just about the only time to myself I get... and often only 5 or 10 minutes here & there... *sigh* I'm irritable lol


 

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#24 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 11:09 AM
 
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i can't stand talking on the phone so the best way to talk to me is IM or text.

 

ETA: i think i misunderstood the question. i thought you meant "available" online to chat.


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#25 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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I think a side issue of a person wanting to converse with me while I'm using the computer is that they usually move to stand close beside me or behind me and stare at what is on my screen while they chat. It invades my personal space and is annoying when maybe I don't want to share/comment on what I'm reading or typing.

As I said before it isn't a big deal for me to converse while playing a game or a video so much.


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#26 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat View Post

I think a side issue of a person wanting to converse with me while I'm using the computer is that they usually move to stand close beside me or behind me and stare at what is on my screen while they chat. It invades my personal space and is annoying when maybe I don't want to share/comment on what I'm reading or typing.


That, EXACTLY, is another huge issue for me!!! I like privacy, I don't like someone standing over my shoulder watching what I'm reading/typing, I can't stand being watched.

Plus we are literally together ALL DAY. At some point I guess I just don't want to talk (or stare at each other in silence) anymore and just want to divert my attention elsewhere.

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#27 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 01:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat View Post

I think a side issue of a person wanting to converse with me while I'm using the computer is that they usually move to stand close beside me or behind me and stare at what is on my screen while they chat. It invades my personal space and is annoying when maybe I don't want to share/comment on what I'm reading or typing.

As I said before it isn't a big deal for me to converse while playing a game or a video so much.


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#28 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 01:45 PM
 
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I gotcha. We are together ALL DAY also. I often make it a point to be in separate rooms and then we come together to eat. They know when I go in my room and close the door it's my private time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat View Post

I think a side issue of a person wanting to converse with me while I'm using the computer is that they usually move to stand close beside me or behind me and stare at what is on my screen while they chat. It invades my personal space and is annoying when maybe I don't want to share/comment on what I'm reading or typing.


That, EXACTLY, is another huge issue for me!!! I like privacy, I don't like someone standing over my shoulder watching what I'm reading/typing, I can't stand being watched.

Plus we are literally together ALL DAY. At some point I guess I just don't want to talk (or stare at each other in silence) anymore and just want to divert my attention elsewhere.


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#29 of 29 Old 05-20-2011, 02:57 PM
 
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If I'm working then I am working and am unavailable. If I'm doing the taxes or something else that requires concentration then I am also unavailable. If I'm reading MDC or ordering something on Amazon, then of course i can chat.

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