So what if you don't believe it all... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 70 Old 07-31-2011, 09:25 PM
 
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I think virtually all of you are missing the point. 

 

 

 

 

I may be speaking for myself here, but since I've been around MDC for almost 10 years now (hell, my kids were born and raised on MDC!) I feel qualified to say this: for most of us, the whole point of MDC, way back in the beginning, was to provide a place where we could feel NORMAL.

 

I don't need to explain myself here when I casually mention family cloth, or nursing a four year old, or having a homebirth, or unschooling. I don't need to get into the entire explanation and philosophy with someone who has never heard of any of these things, buys the mainstream party line on the topic, and will likely either dismiss what I'm REALLY trying to talk about because they think I'm a whacko, or they will proceed to argue with me about how I'm ruining my children by not CIO, not forcing them to eat foods they hate, and not using babysitters so I can have "time to myself" when all I really wanted was some advice about a nosy neighbour. There are a million websites on the Internet where you can discuss CIO, vaccinating, and how best to apply timeouts. I don't want or need this place to be one of those sites.

 

 

MDC is HOME for all those who question the mainstream (even if you end up agreeing with some of it), all of us who go out in the world and have to use code words or hide things or explain ourselves beyond reason to total strangers or others who should really learn to keep their opinions to themselves. You don't walk into a gay bar and start discussing the potential downsides to legalizing gay marriage. You don't walk into a Catholic Church and start asking whether they really believe Mary was inseminated by the invisible man in the sky or maybe, just maybe, she and Joseph did the nasty before they were married. Even if you think the people you are going to are nuts, partially nuts, or even just a tad looney, YOU ARE GOING TO THEM, not the other way around. It is completely disrespectful to walk into their home, church, campsite, whatever and start stirring up the same old tired arguments they deal with whenever they walk out into Mainstream Land. 

 

Virtually nobody on these boards agrees with everything 100%, but I respect each and every mother here for her decisions AND if I have a mainstream viewpoint to argue I will keep it to myself out of that same respect. The non-vaxing mother has already gotten it from her doctor, mother-in-law, friends, neighbours, and probably the clerk at the grocery store. She doesn't need to come here and have me questioning her decisions. 

 

Keeping your "un-MDC" opinions to yourself is not about silencing debate, being some kind of exclusive clique, suppressing diversity, or any of that. It's about respecting the people who come here because this is one of the few places (and, ten years ago, was pretty much the only place) where people who do things differently can feel free from the continual onslaught of "conventional parenting wisdom". 


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#62 of 70 Old 08-01-2011, 08:29 AM
 
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Piglet68:  That was just excellent.  I mean, really.  Really.  'Nuf said.  thumb.gif


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#63 of 70 Old 08-08-2011, 12:03 AM
 
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AMEN Piglet68....AMEN! 

 

 

I've been here almost as long as you....and feel exactly how you feel. I feel safe here. I would hate for that to go away. 


Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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#64 of 70 Old 08-08-2011, 07:03 AM
 
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Piglet68:  Thank you so much for saying it way better than I could!


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#65 of 70 Old 08-08-2011, 10:10 PM
 
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Piglet, I think we both raised our kids here! You are an old and good "face" and it's nice to see you around here still when I pop in.

 

Absolutely you belong here if you feel you are getting some support and wisdom. I have been here for years and there are things I don't do personally and other things I do (or did when the kids were younger). What I admire about the mamas here is the following:

 

1. They make educated decisions.

2. They don't bow to the norm.

3. They follow their hearts.

4. They listen to their children.

5. They support others along their journey.

 

 

Just my story in brief-- I had two epidural births by choice because of past abuse issues. It was the right choice for me, but because of the other mamas here I learned of things I could do to empower my birth experiences including delayed cord cutting, pulling the baby up onto my chest myself, and inviting several women I loved and trusted to the birth.

 

I did not bf either child. One simply would not latch on and yes, I had lots of support and education, and tried for 5 months while pumping full time. But I did learn to hold her while I fed her so that she knew that milk came from me, and I let her self-wean. My second child had major feeding and digestive issues and was tube-fed for 5 years and because of what I learned here, I still did the AP thing with her but I found my own path with it. Today both children are attached, wonderful kids.

 

I toyed around with homeschooling and did it for a couple of years in my dd's very early years but ultimately chose to send them to school. However I also learned here about different alternatives and they go to a charter school.

 

I chose to vaccinate both kids, but I learned how to stretch them out, especially for my dd who was sick during her early years.

 

Each of us is a unique person with a different set of tools and circumstances. I think the biggest trap is being judgemental instead of supportive. If people had judged me in my early days at MCD instead of the huge amt of support and gentle education, my life and my children's lives would have been a lot different.


7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#66 of 70 Old 08-10-2011, 08:54 PM
 
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piglet68 that was really excellent! I wish we could make that a sticky on the home page of forums.

Deb, Mom to Madeleine 8/2005 and Maia 11/2009 Nick: and Chris
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#67 of 70 Old 08-11-2011, 01:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by USAmma View Post

What I admire about the mamas here is the following:

 

1. They make educated decisions.

2. They don't bow to the norm.

3. They follow their hearts.

4. They listen to their children.

5. They support others along their journey.

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#68 of 70 Old 08-11-2011, 02:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by USAmma View Post


1. They make educated decisions.

2. They don't bow to the norm.

3. They follow their hearts.

4. They listen to their children.

5. They support others along their journey.

 

 


Yes, this is exactly what I'm looking for on MDC as well. That sums it up nicely.

 

And about "not bowing to the norm"...I personally would like to be part of changing "the norm." I'd love to see "crunchy" things like extended breastfeeding (to use one example) become "the norm." If extended breastfeeding became "the norm", I would bow to it, because it's still the right thing to do. So for me it's less about going against "the norm" than about doing what evidence shows is best and what feels right to me.

 

 

 


Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DDenergy.gif(Born 10/09/08 ribboncesarean.gif). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!

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#69 of 70 Old 08-11-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CI Mama View Post


Yes, this is exactly what I'm looking for on MDC as well. That sums it up nicely.

 

And about "not bowing to the norm"...I personally would like to be part of changing "the norm." I'd love to see "crunchy" things like extended breastfeeding (to use one example) become "the norm." If extended breastfeeding became "the norm", I would bow to it, because it's still the right thing to do. So for me it's less about going against "the norm" than about doing what evidence shows is best and what feels right to me.

 


I totally agree with you, except that I still wouldn't consider it "bowing to the norm" if the things I do were the norm. It's doing what I feel is best for my child. My mom left my brother intact in 1963, over active opposition from the medical and nursing staff. I left ds1 intact in 1993, when it was an accepted, but still somewhat unusual, decision. I also left ds2 intact in 2005, when it was the norm. The norm had nothing to do with any of those decisions. Our personal beliefs in the right of our sons to genital integrity (whether we'd have phrased it that way, or not) made the decision for us.

 

I don't deliberately go against the norm, for the sake of doing so. But, I also don't consider it to be "bowing to the norm" when I happen to make a more "mainstream" decision, yk? The mainstream is...the mainstream. It's not right or wrong, simply by virtue of being the mainstream.

 

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#70 of 70 Old 08-11-2011, 02:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post




I totally agree with you, except that I still wouldn't consider it "bowing to the norm" if the things I do were the norm. It's doing what I feel is best for my child. My mom left my brother intact in 1963, over active opposition from the medical and nursing staff. I left ds1 intact in 1993, when it was an accepted, but still somewhat unusual, decision. I also left ds2 intact in 2005, when it was the norm. The norm had nothing to do with any of those decisions. Our personal beliefs in the right of our sons to genital integrity (whether we'd have phrased it that way, or not) made the decision for us.

 

I don't deliberately go against the norm, for the sake of doing so. But, I also don't consider it to be "bowing to the norm" when I happen to make a more "mainstream" decision, yk? The mainstream is...the mainstream. It's not right or wrong, simply by virtue of being the mainstream.

 


Yes, this is the point I was trying to make, but you said it better! wink1.gif

 


Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DDenergy.gif(Born 10/09/08 ribboncesarean.gif). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!

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