Accepting compliments for things outside your control - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 07-28-2011, 10:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have trouble accepting compliments for things outside of my control.  Some examples might be, "Your state is so beautiful" or "Your husband is such a great guy."

 

I have a hard time saying thank you.  It feels like I'm taking credit for something that really has nothing to do with me, yet I hear other people say thank you for these kinds of comments.  I feel like I'm being impolite if I don't thank people, but it feels awkward saying thank you.  I prefer saying, "Yes, this is a beautiful area" rather than thanks.

 

How do you deal with these kinds of compliments?  How do you expect others to respond?

 

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#2 of 18 Old 07-28-2011, 11:16 PM
 
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I just agree with it. I think what they are saying is not so much a compliment as a comment on something that impresses/surprises them or something similar. I'm sure they don't expect a thank you, just an "I know, right?" sort of response.


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#3 of 18 Old 07-28-2011, 11:26 PM
 
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say "YOU are so right." everybody likes to be right. it's a win-win.


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#4 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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"I think so too!" is my usual reply.  Soemtimes I'll tack on a "I'm so glad you like it!" or something like that.  Not really appropriate if they say my DH is a nice guy, but perhaps if they say we live in a beautiful area LOL.


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#5 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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yeahthat.gif To all the previous posters. I will usually say something about how lucky I feel, so "Your DH is a great guy" I would say "He is! I am really blessed to have him" or "Yes it is beautiful, we are grateful to live here!"  

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#6 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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Sometimes I say something like, "Aw, thanks for saying that," or something similar.  I mean, everyone likes compliments every now and then, even if it's something I am not directly responsible for.  I like when people say that DD has beautiful eyes, or other things, and I really do appreciate them voicing it, I just can't take credit for it.


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#7 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 08:30 AM
 
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I don't see those things as compliments -- just someone noticing something positive.

 

How I respond depends on whom I'm talking to. If someone is saying my state is pretty, I make might a nice comment about the state they live in, or say that it looks esp. nice in the spring, or something like that.

 

It's just a conversation -- the goal is to keep it going in a positive direction.


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#8 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 08:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

I don't see those things as compliments -- just someone noticing something positive.


I agree, they're just pointing out something positive. I just agree, saying something like, "Yeah, I love it here too. Where are you from?" 


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#9 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 08:39 AM
 
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I don't even get how someone saying "your state is beautiful" is a compliment to you?

 

I agree with everyone else, just agree with them and move on. 

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#10 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 09:36 AM
 
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I think thank you would be odd to say in those circumstances since you didn't do anything. Usually you would just agree or acknowledge how they feel.

 

I'm so glad you like it.

It seems really popular.

We get a lot of tourists in our area in the fall.

I think so too!

I agree.

It is one of our favorites too!

Not many people notice that. You are very perceptive.

My favorite part is (insert quality here).

Yeah, I feel pretty lucky/blessed!

 

 

 


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#11 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 12:20 PM
 
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Did you mean for this to sound as rude as it does? eyesroll.gif


quote name="Alyantavid" url= I don't even get how someone saying "your state is beautiful" is a compliment to you?

 

I agree with everyone else, just agree with them and move on. 

[/quote]


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#12 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 01:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post

Did you mean for this to sound as rude as it does? eyesroll.gif

 

Uh oh, I must be dense -- I don't see how the statement you quoted is rude. One person isn't responsible for how beautiful their state is, right? If someone tells me they're from Vermont and I say, "Oh, it's so beautiful there!" I'm not really complimenting them, I'm just stating my opinion about the place they happen to live. So if I tell someone I'm from California and they tell me they think it's a beautiful state, I don't take it as a personal compliment. 


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#13 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 01:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post

say "YOU are so right." everybody likes to be right. it's a win-win.


So true!

 


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#14 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 02:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post

Did you mean for this to sound as rude as it does? eyesroll.gif


quote name="Alyantavid" url= I don't even get how someone saying "your state is beautiful" is a compliment to you?

 

 

I agree with everyone else, just agree with them and move on. 

[/quote]
 


How is it rude?  I'm honestly surprised that if a person commented to the op that her state is beautiful, she'd take that as a compliment.  When someone tells me my state is beautiful I say something along the lines of "oh it really is! You should go see......"  Saying thank you has never even crossed my mind.  I certainly didn't create any of the beauty of my state.

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#15 of 18 Old 07-29-2011, 02:56 PM
 
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Hmm, the state thing is kind of a compliment, in that it's the sort of thing you say to be approvingly polite and/or to express enthusiasm to a relevant party. "I'm from Massachusetts"; "Oh, that's a beautiful state!" doesn't seem too different from "Sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my skirt"; "It's a lovely skirt". In both circumstances - unless you made the skirt - the person's sort of complimenting your taste, in choosing clothing or places to live. And the reverse would be an insult, which is the opposite of a compliment: "I'm from Massachusetts"; "Man, what a dump that place is!" would probably offend you, even though you presumably didn't make the state dumpy any more than you made it beautiful. You know?

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#16 of 18 Old 07-31-2011, 05:06 AM
 
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Whether or not "You're state is beautiful" is meant as a compliment, I would find it odd if someone replied "thank you" after hearing that.  I think a more appropriate response would be something like "yes, it sure is, have you even been to the mountains, they are they gorgeous in the fall"...or something like that.   While is someone said "That is a lovely skirt" a simple "thank you" would be appropriate,, although something like "thank you, I found it at x" would be appropriate as well.

 

As far as the "your husband is a great guy" remark,..again I think something like "yes, he sure is, I'm so blessed" would be appropriate.  Saying "thank you" seems that it would be odd.


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#17 of 18 Old 07-31-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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I normally go with "I agree" in those situations.


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#18 of 18 Old 07-31-2011, 12:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia View Post

Whether or not "You're state is beautiful" is meant as a compliment, I would find it odd if someone replied "thank you" after hearing that.  I think a more appropriate response would be something like "yes, it sure is, have you even been to the mountains, they are they gorgeous in the fall"...or something like that.   While is someone said "That is a lovely skirt" a simple "thank you" would be appropriate,, although something like "thank you, I found it at x" would be appropriate as well.

 

As far as the "your husband is a great guy" remark,..again I think something like "yes, he sure is, I'm so blessed" would be appropriate.  Saying "thank you" seems that it would be odd.


I agree to some extent, although saying "thank you" doesn't always mean that you're taking credit for whatever is being complimented -- sometimes it just means, "Thank you for saying something nice."

 

Kind of like how "I'm sorry" doesn't always mean you're taking responsibility for whatever happened, you're just sorry the person is going through something difficult. It actually drives me batty when I say "I'm sorry" to someone as a sympathetic gesture and they say, "It's not your fault." eyesroll.gif It makes me want to huff, "Fine, then I rescind my condolences, you semantic neanderthal!" 


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