If you died, would your DP keep up all your crunchy habits? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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He's also said he'd get breastmilk from SIL, which I'm actually OK with (and I'm sure SIL would be, too), but I'm not sure DH realises just how much of a commitment that would be. So I hope someone would point out that he should try to find donor breastmilk from, y'know, other women as well. :p


I was talking to DH about this last night and I mentioned the term "milk banks" and he CRACKED UP! lol.gif He didn't believe me that milk banks are a real thing!!!

But I was (pleasantly) surprised to hear DH say that he'd do pretty much everything we do now. I've never been sure if he's entirely on board or just hanging on for the ride.

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#32 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 05:38 AM
 
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I somehow did not consider that DH would totally run to his mom! OMG that woman is insane and I hope to God DH wouldn't listen to a word she said! My DD would be crying it out, getting spanked every 5 mins, eating conventional and not even whole foods in 2 seconds! Well if he wasn't there anyway...but IDK he is easily influenced by his mom and DD is a very HN intense child (almost 2 y/o) so I would really worry about it now.

 

IDK though I have to give him some credit that when MIL was here the other day and she YELLED at my DD to sit in the chair...when we were both right there and were just ignoring it, on purpose, DH did tell her she's not allowed to discipline our child, and certainly not raise her voice to her.

 

DD didn't even care or know she was in "trouble" b/c she doesn't get yelled at so she just though grandma was a weirdo pretty much...it was actually kind of funny.


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#33 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 06:29 AM
 
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Totally OT.

 

this caught my eye.
 

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I suspect DH would keep using water to wash his hair. His hair got a lot thicker once he stopped using shampoo, and it's cheaper and less hassle, so I doubt he'd go back to the conventional route. (Unless his new wife thought it was gross, of course!)

Just water? really? i assume he doesnt have super fine hair with an oily scalp does he?


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#34 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 06:40 AM
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I don't know.  I think my DH would do what he could, but obviously, with me not home to do a lot of it, things would fall by the wayside.  I think that the healthy eating would be the hardest for him to keep up because he just doesn't cook much.  Everything else is pretty much habit at this point.  Interesting question!


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#35 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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I somehow did not consider that DH would totally run to his mom! OMG that woman is insane and I hope to God DH wouldn't listen to a word she said! My DD would be crying it out, getting spanked every 5 mins, eating conventional and not even whole foods in 2 seconds! Well if he wasn't there anyway...but IDK he is easily influenced by his mom and DD is a very HN intense child (almost 2 y/o) so I would really worry about it now.

 

IDK though I have to give him some credit that when MIL was here the other day and she YELLED at my DD to sit in the chair...when we were both right there and were just ignoring it, on purpose, DH did tell her she's not allowed to discipline our child, and certainly not raise her voice to her.

 

DD didn't even care or know she was in "trouble" b/c she doesn't get yelled at so she just though grandma was a weirdo pretty much...it was actually kind of funny.



Ah- I envision several of these moments in the near future. *sigh*

 

I love my husband, but his family is NUTS.  I can hope that DH would gravitate to my family if something happened to me- he gets along with them better, but that family attachment is pretty strong.  As I said, I'll just have to live out of spite to keep them out of things. 

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#36 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 08:05 AM
 
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i don't know... we're weirdly crunchy/uncrunchy.  dh does like the cloth diaps but i do the laundering and assembling of the clean ones. 

i think life would change dramatically, as he'd have to go to work at some sort of conventional job and then would have to figure something out about child care.  i'd hope i guess that he would remarry quickly. 

with him working ft as a single parent i don't know how much livestock/garden/homecooking etc he could actually maintain.  or if the kids were older then it might work a little better, they'd just be forced into early farm child-labor like i was. 


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#37 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 09:15 AM
 
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As for AP, he would do all of it. We are in total agreement about parenting stuff.

As for food, well, I sometimes wonder how he kept himself alive before I came along lol.gif Seriously, the man can not cook. Although he has been influenced to eat healthier since I've known him, I'm sure he'd be going to McDonald's more often, and buying less organic produce.

 


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#38 of 60 Old 08-11-2011, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just water? really? i assume he doesnt have super fine hair with an oily scalp does he?

He pretty much does! When we met his hair was really thin - not thinning from the front, like male pattern baldness (his dad still has a full head of hair, and I suspect DH won't ever go bald), but just sort of... seethrough. He has odd-coloured hair, very mousey pale brown, almost grey, and you could see every little mark on his scalp behind it. It wasn't abnormal or anything, just on the thin side of things.

 

My theory is that he had a sensitivity to SLS; it's pretty common. When I got into alternative haircare I convinced him to try water-only washing, and his hair has thickened up quite dramatically since then (although we do eat a better diet than he did before we got married, as well - still, I'm pretty sure it's the haircare). Because his scalp isn't being cleansed so aggressively with surfactants, it's learned not to produce as much oil, so his hair doesn't look any dirtier than it did under conventional haircare.

 

I know of several other people who've regained hair thickness with alternative hair care (I used to write about natural hair care a lot, and was involved in a long-hair forum). Happy to share any info if you're interested! I currently wash my hair with a mix of weird ingredients, depending on the day... last time I washed it, I used shikakai and apple cider vinegar.

 

ETA: Also, sorry if I triggered existential angst in anyone here! It was meant to be a light-hearted thread. :p Statistically, most of us will outlive our husbands anyway, right? :p (Just to, um, lighten the tone...?)


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#39 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 02:06 PM
 
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Mine would still CD, BW, cosleep and probably still shop the farmer's market for local food.  I think he might look for donor milk or at least accept if it was offered (I know several of my friends would likely offer).  He would have to put the kids in daycare and they will go to public school anyway.


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#40 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 02:47 PM
 
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ETA: Also, sorry if I triggered existential angst in anyone here! It was meant to be a light-hearted thread. :p Statistically, most of us will outlive our husbands anyway, right? :p (Just to, um, lighten the tone...?)



Very unlikely in my case, as he's over seven years younger than me...and I suspect my various mental health issues will end up shortening my life span a bit. But, the topic doesn't freak me out. I fully intend to live long enough to raise our kids to adulthood, anyway - barring getting hit by a bus, or something, of course. (hmm...I'm sure it's happened, but I've never actually heard a story of anyone getting hit by a bus. Why do we always use that one?)


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#41 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 03:21 PM
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off topic-- gardening.

 

i've decided to bite the bullet and do flowers. i know it's not frugal at all, but to be honest, i love to garden. so, i'm doing a container garden so that -- if we move -- i can take any plants with me. in areas where things would stay -- such as the agapanthus -- i'm taking them form other's gardens (i'm suggesting that I go in and divide for them, and take any plants that they don't want), and using wildflower seeds that will grow quickly (and cost $1 per packet). so, those are free or very low cost, i just have to do a bit of work for them. :D but any expensive plants -- including herbs, flowers, etc -- will be in pots so that i can take them with if I want/need to.

 

DH also doesn't like to get dirty, but he's not aspie, just neurotic. :)

 

---

 

also off-topic: being hit by a bus. . .

 

big news here. a runner was hit by a bus just a few months ago, and it was a big deal (of course). people jay walk a lot, and the bus drivers really move. in this case, she just stepped out in front of the bus -- no one knows why -- and died within minutes. sad really.

 

it does happen, though it is rare.

 

 

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#42 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 04:02 PM
 
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Quote:

 

also off-topic: being hit by a bus. . .

 

big news here. a runner was hit by a bus just a few months ago, and it was a big deal (of course). people jay walk a lot, and the bus drivers really move. in this case, she just stepped out in front of the bus -- no one knows why -- and died within minutes. sad really.

 

it does happen, though it is rare.

 

 

 

That sounds as if it was probably a suicide, honestly. We had a family friend who was hit by a train, and we strongly believe it was deliberate. I also have a friend who tried to suicide by bus years ago, and the driver stopped in time. Sadly, depression often leaves no room for the person to think about how it will affect the driver...
 

 


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#43 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Was that the Manners Mall thing? I heard about thar. I can't believe they put a road through! Haven't been to that city for years, but I love it. (ETA: Storm Bride, if it's the same incident, it may well not have been suicide - there was this outdoor mall thing and the government suddenly put a road through for buses, and people speculated that she probably just wasn't looking, because nobody was used to expecting traffic in that area yet. It caused a bit of a stink, because nobody was too happy about the road going through in the first place.)

 

Where I live, I haven't heard of anyone being hit by the buses, but I wouldn't be surprised. A few of the drivers are terrible. I went on one recently and the driver spent the entire trip gasping, braking suddenly and swearing under her breath. We didn't actually hit anything, but it wasn't comforting...

 

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Very unlikely in my case, as he's over seven years younger than me...and I suspect my various mental health issues will end up shortening my life span a bit.

I hear ya. My family tree is relatively clean of cancer and the like, but we do have a strong tendency to go insane and kill ourselves or, occasionally, others.

 

According to Dr Google, though, women outlive men by 8 years, so you may yet live longer than your husband. But other sources said 5, 6 or 10 years, so... who knows. I suspect I'll outlive DH, though; he has a slightly dodgy liver, eats WAY too much chocolate, and plans to take up motorbiking again when we're richer. He's already crashed, what? Five times?

 

Indicentally, imagine being the poor soul whose name really was Dr Google...

 

zoebird: I have a few containers too (we rent), although they'll be a pain to shift - I have a couple of half-barrels, one with a lemon tree in it, and I really don't know how we'll move it next time we move house. I wish we had our own place - I'd like a rosemary bush, and some berries, and climbing roses, and things like that. (Well, ideally an orchard and chickens and a cow, y'know, but I'd settle for the rosemary bush.) And I want to make one of those living playhouses out of sunflowers. DD would love it.


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#44 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 04:11 PM
 
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The baby (when it's born) would be formula fed and put in disposable diapers, I'd be thankful if he deigned to use the same chemically cleaners that I do (but the house would likely be a sty!) They'd have clean clothes to wear, though. They'd eat more processed foods and fewer veggies.

 

But the really important things, like spending time with them and listening to them, he'd do. His side of the family are really mainstream... yelling & spanking for discipline... and it really bothers him. He's a school bus driver and has found that the best way to get respect from kids is to treat them with some... and he can't go too far wrong with that!

 

ETA: he hasn't ran anyone over, but he came home looking a little pale one day when a toddler had got away from his mom and ran out in front of his bus. He slammed on the brakes and stopped in time. The mom was pretty traumatized so he helped her calm down, and didn't have time to freak out himself until he was driving again!


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#45 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 07:06 PM
 
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At first I thought, pfft, no way, he'd ditch all the crunchy stuff as soon as I'm in an urn.  But then I really thought about it, and I think (hope) that he knows how important some things are to me and would love me enough not to run out and vaccinate the children, or start spanking them.  Although the food he eats himself is crap (he's diabetic for a reason, and nocturnal to boot, so there is very little I can do to change his diet), he is very on-the-ball about what food the kids eat, whether they are getting enough of this or that.  He certainly wouldn't make his own granola cereal like I do, but it's not like he's be feeding them Lucky Charms (because he doesn't like sharing his Lucky Charms, in truth, LOL) or Coco Puffs or doughnuts.  I think he would probably cosleep.  The kids are 5 and 7 now, and recently started sleeping in their own room, but DH is a total sucker for a stuck-out bottom lip and a "please may we sleep in your bed tonight?"

 

It would be a different story if the kids were younger.  CDing would have gone right out the window (dude, he used to throw away poopy prefold when he was out with the kids alone!  WTH?).  I honestly don't think he would know anything about donor milk.  Kiddos would be FF for sure.  He was never keen on babywearing either.


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#46 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 07:43 PM
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stormbride: that was my initial thought, too, becuase it's hard to get hit by a bus, busses being so large and easy to see. but, in this particular case, she was actually not looking the right direction when crossing. It's nearly happened to us -- because they drive on the other side here.

 

smokering: we were upset about manners mall too! we went to the public hearing about it as well, but to be honest, it's actually ok. people are quite cautious about it, but yes, a young woman was hit by a bus there -- she was listening to her Ipod, down at the cuba street end, where cuba street turns into a pedestrian/road -- and it's hard to tell where cuba st ends and manner's mall rd begins there, and so, there it went.

 

for a while there, buses across town were honking *constantly* to warn people that they were coming! it's seemed to slow down, but people also seem to be using crosswalks more now!

 

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#47 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 07:47 PM
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mummoth -- that's so tough, too. bus drivers really struggle with it around here -- meaning with all of the jaywalking -- after these recent incidents. and of course, those drivers are now in therapy over it. it would be extremely frightening!
 

a friend of mine was on a bus that hit an elderly woman (she couldn't see the crosswalk sign effectively), and so she stepped out and got hit. The bus driver was so freaked out, he started screaming at the dead lady (she died instantly, too) about how irresponsible she was. it really traumatized my friend. I explained to her that he just couldn't cope with what happened, and it was the only way his brain could make sense of it -- not that he's a bad guy. I know that bus drivers can get surly, but i don't think that they are so surly that they would consciously scream at the people who died in front of their buses, you know?

 

i truly feel sorry for everyone involved in these accidents. they have to be pretty horrific.

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#48 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 10:00 PM
 
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Not many busses around here. 

 

But to answer to OP. we're so far past all of the baby/toddler AP things... I suspect that DH would have a hard time finding a balance between working full-time and finding the time/eergy to keep up the eating better, less media type of life that we have.  But I think he would do his best.  The livestock/gardening... I think he'd keep it up if the kids wanted to (which they'd want to).   I'm pretty sure he'd send the kids to the local charter/ democratic-ish high school once they graduate from their current charter elementary school.  I doubt he'd keep up with their music lessons, both because he doesn't have the time and because he doesn't value music as much as I do.  But I have no doubts that he'd be a good dad.  That's pretty much the important part.

 

I know this has been discussed before, but the lines seem to blur when kids get older. 


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#49 of 60 Old 08-13-2011, 11:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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At first I thought, pfft, no way, he'd ditch all the crunchy stuff as soon as I'm in an urn.

Ooh, that brings up another interesting point: would he dispose of you according to your wishes? :p

 

My current plan is to be donated to medical science, assuming it wants me. I don't really like the idea of being dissected by med students, but I figure that a) I'll be dead, and won't care once the time comes, b) they dispose of your filleted remains afterwards, for free, and c) I'd rather have a memorial service (ie sans body) anyway, because coffins at funerals give me the heeby-jeebies. Plus, who knows? They might discover a way to prevent my nose from happening to other people.

 

DH is aware of my wishes, but I wouldn't put it past him to go squeamish or feel bad for some reason and decide to bury me the good old-fashioned way after all. Again, I'll be dead, so I won't care, but I don't want him to spend money (burial is EXPENSIVE!) out of some misguided concern for my dignity. Plus, being embalmed for no good reason is totally un-eco-friendly.


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#50 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 05:27 AM
 
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My plan is to donate my organs and cremate the rest of me and bury me in the backyard (secretly b/c I think it's against the law or something?) and plant a tree over me...this is contingent upon us ever having our "dream home" and lots of land so I *hopefully* will be passed down generation to generation as oppose to being sold off with the house once DH is gone.

 

He says he wants to be buried BORING! LOL I think it's a waste of money and I so do not understand the embalming thing it freaks me out big time.

 

When I had DD one of the first things I said to DH was "If I end up hospitalized or dead and can't nurse the baby RUN to a LLL leader and tell her we need donor milk" he still says that to this day and I'm like "she's almost 2 y/o I think she will be ok now.."

 

If I died right now he would be in big trouble! We are in our early 20s and he is a student and works full time but we don't have any money for daycare and I SAH with DD. He certainly could not afford a nanny or anything either. IDK what he would do honestly.


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#51 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 06:57 AM
 
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Ooh, that brings up another interesting point: would he dispose of you according to your wishes? :p

 

My current plan is to be donated to medical science, assuming it wants me. I don't really like the idea of being dissected by med students, but I figure that a) I'll be dead, and won't care once the time comes, b) they dispose of your filleted remains afterwards, for free, and c) I'd rather have a memorial service (ie sans body) anyway, because coffins at funerals give me the heeby-jeebies. Plus, who knows? They might discover a way to prevent my nose from happening to other people.

 

DH is aware of my wishes, but I wouldn't put it past him to go squeamish or feel bad for some reason and decide to bury me the good old-fashioned way after all. Again, I'll be dead, so I won't care, but I don't want him to spend money (burial is EXPENSIVE!) out of some misguided concern for my dignity. Plus, being embalmed for no good reason is totally un-eco-friendly.


I don't know.  And in the end, it doesn't matter to me.  In fact, I've already told DH what I intend to do with his body (cremate and keep his ashes, or scatter them, or scatter part of them)  I am not a grave-visitor.  Never have been (although I like visiting old graveyards, I don't visit graves of family) and he complains that it's been 40 years since he's been to his parents grave, so I told him that I'd cremate him and keep him with me, which makes him feel better.  I told him I'd prefer to be cremated as well.  But in reality, I am 35 and DH is 63, so if I die before him it will likely be when the children are still young (ie, within the next ten years).  If the children want a pretty grave marker for me, I'm sure he'd give in.  And that's cool with me.

 

ETA:  I feel very strongly in donating my useable organs, and I've thought about it a lot, so it's not just a "yes" I said when I got my driver's license.  However, I don't think DH has ever really given organ donation much thought since he cannot be a donor (diabetes).  Unless someone specifically asks for my organs, I doubt it would cross his mind.


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#52 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 08:25 AM
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We are really more "green" and environmentally concerned than we are NFP or AP.  

 

He would drop the cloth diapers in a hot second.  Also, we have recurring ant infestations and he would get some really powerful ant blasting shit and go all nuclear on the house.  He'd also take weedkiller to the yard and the garden.  These seem to be his hot button things.  He agrees that they matter, but find them irritating and is just looking for an excuse to do these things.  

 

I think he would do OK on the cleaners and personal care products for the kids.  When we met, he knew that using non toxic, non polluting cleaners was important, but if you put the word "green" on the label, he'd buy it.  I explained to him that this is often a marketing term rather than an actual meaning.  So he knows the brands that I use.  He'd be totally lost if the brands I buy were discontinued! 

 

Cosleeping?  No freaking way.  We do it about 1/2 time now and he does not like it.  

 

He will buy organic, but then get take out from McDonald's.  He's already weird like that.  

 

We are into GD - no hitting and no yelling.  I get the feeling he would be more of a yeller if I let him.  But I don't see him smacking the kids.

 

The only one that really matters to me is the GD issue.  What he feeds the kids, if he recycles, etc - most of that is just surface stuff.  But if he were to hit the kids - I would HAUNT him from the grave.  

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#53 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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However, I don't think DH has ever really given organ donation much thought since he cannot be a donor (diabetes).

You can't donate if you have diabetes? I didn't know that. Not even, like, corneas?


If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#54 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 02:29 PM
 
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You can't donate if you have diabetes? I didn't know that. Not even, like, corneas?


Hmmm.  You may be right.  I was just going by what his doctor at the VA told him, but perusing the internet I found that that is outdated information (not surprising from the VA, though).

 


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#55 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 10:39 PM
 
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I've told DF very specifically that I want my organs donated. after that I would prefer to be cremated, though buried would also be okay. I've taken classes where we used the body lab though, so absolutely not being donated to science. 


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#56 of 60 Old 08-14-2011, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've taken classes where we used the body lab though, so absolutely not being donated to science.

Ooh, do tell?


If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#57 of 60 Old 08-15-2011, 10:15 AM
 
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We're out of the diapering and baby wearing stage. DH would definitely keep eating the way we do now, but he would be buying rather than making them at home.

DH has told me many times that he would have a hard time dating or living with another woman if she didn't have the same crunchy values I have. If she didn't line dry, cook from scratch or garden he knows I would be disappointed in his choice.

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#58 of 60 Old 08-15-2011, 08:38 PM
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you can bequeath your body to a medical school, or to a group that provides bodies to medical schools. 

 

i would prefer cremation, if organ donation is possible, then after organ donation. everyone knows how i feel about it.

 

the toughest thing about organ donation is how they have to ask the survivors. essentially, if there is no will/living will, then they have to ask next of kin. and they have to ask about every organ. "Are you willing to donate the eyes? Eyes are commonly utilized. . ." and then you sign. It's a lot of paperwork, and a person is with you the whole time, and it takes darn near forever. It would be so easy if you could just sign something that said "donate all organs" or "donate all organs except" and the next of kin simply had to sign it or something, but no, the law is the other way. :) because they can choose to not donate anything, even if it is your wishes.

 

anyway, in my living will, i have a lawyer who makes these decisions and would have to sit through it. I'm sure my lawyer likes me, but honestly, they are not as invested emotionally as family members, and so they can more easily follow the letter and color of the will. 

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#59 of 60 Old 08-15-2011, 08:55 PM
 
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Ooh, do tell?


it was for a undergraduate class, and the students were respectful, the TAs were not, most had a pretty morbid sense of hummer and went around slapping cadavers thighs and cracking jokes about them. just didn't make me feel like that's how I would like my remains treated. 

 


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#60 of 60 Old 08-15-2011, 09:22 PM
 
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Pretty sure that dh would do things different than me if I died. THOUGH PERFECT given the terrible situation he would be stuck with if I DIED...

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