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#121 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

I have a pretty terrifying vision of mainstream super-monitoring crossed with AP... you'd never get a second of peace. Oh wait that's me, I'm living that... redface.gif I really have to work on my phobias lol!

Huh! That's weird that that showed up as my quote! I never wrote that!


But you are really willing to stand outside the car for an hour and wait for the mom to return? (Not just you, I saw others post similar sentiments...) I guess the reason I'd call the cops is not because I'd want to get the mom in trouble, but simply because I wouldn't be able/willing to wait indefinitely to ensure they stayed safe. My 2.5yo is virtually always with me and he'd be screaming & melting down after just a five-minute wait, but maybe that's just my kid... and if I was alone, I'd be way too bored & antsy to just sit there watching the other car. Hmm, maybe I'm just selfish.

I certainly woudn't want to, I'll tell you that much. But I would probably do it, because I'm a softy and would have that scenario running through my head. I've seen way to many woman is really unwinable situations, so I'd probably err on the side of caution before getting the cops involved. That's coming from someone whose dh is a cop!


 
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#122 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 12:39 PM
 
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I've left my kids alone in the car, and we've had many, many discussions here about this topic and I know neither side will agree, so I'm not trying to convince anyone that my practices are OK, even though they are OK to me. But I honestly can't see leaving children alone in a running car.  I guess different topics hit us differently, but I never leave my kids in the car when it's running, not even if I am stopping at a mail box.  If I get out of the car, the car is off, the keys are in my hand.  If my husband is staying in the car, he puts his own key in and runs the A/C, but I figure that's fine if he's there.  If you have to leave the air conditioning on, it's not safe to leave them in the car.  

 

I leave my dog in the car a lot, which is common around here.  So many people drive with their dogs and take them places, and often leave them in the car. I've seen a lot of stuff on facebook about how this is just something you should NEVER do, but I think part of it is just that the temperature and weather can be so different here than in other places.  I went to Florida two weeks ago for vacation, and I couldn't even imagine walking my dog outside in that heat.  But where I live, we've had July days in the mid-60's, and if you are in the shade, the heat isn't a problem even when the temperature is higher.  However, in the summer, I don't leave my dog in the car because dogs overheat more quickly than humans, and I can't guarantee being in shade.  So I have to lock her in her kennel in the house.  

 

But the thing is, if someone comes up and challenges me on leaving my kids in the car, I wouldn't tell them to mine their own dam business.  Mankind should be their business, and maybe they do really have a point.  I'm open to suggestions most of the time, if they are given in a nice way.  

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Really? I totally know five year olds who are capable of sitting in a car for a few minutes with the doors locked watching their baby brother or sister. You dont know what she was doing or what she had to go through. 
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#123 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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Oh, that is SO funny. Sad too of course. Sorry you had to deal with it. At least you were there for those kids in case something happened.

 

There's just no way that's acceptable. The ages, the location, etc. Personally, I don't think there's any hard fast rules that apply to every kid and every age. I wouldn't judge a mother for doing that in front of someone's house for a few minutes,  but plenty of people would want her to be arrested. I think your instincts were right on.

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#124 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 01:18 PM
 
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Oh, and I meant the picture was so funny, not the situation.

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#125 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 07:38 PM
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she was obviously pretty upset with the situation, but it's unfortunate that she's functionally illiterate. 

 

i often find that people are upset when they feel 'caught' doing something that they think/feel is wrong, or when they feel harassed about something (eg, someone has been telling her over and over that she shouldn't do X). 

 

as to the situation -- 

 

at the most basic level, i don't have a problem with kids being left in cars for a bit so long as temperatures aren't at issue and the parent can either see them, or understands them to be safe even if the child is out of the parent's sight line, or the children are old enough to be ok if they wake up alone in a car (eg, 5+ yrs old) and find their way into their own home once they do wake up.

 

i think there are risks in leaving young children alone in cars on hot days, when the car is running, and when you cannot see them. these have been discussed a great deal, and i personally don't feel that a child at 5 is mature enough to 'watch' an infant while mom goes into a shop. Maybe a 8-9 yr old, perhaps even a 7 yr old -- so long a the trip inside is under 15-30 minutes. But, again, I would hope it is on a cool day, and the car is not left running even then.

 

But i think that my biggest concern -- or paranoia -- would be A. someone hitting my car with my kids in it because people drive like maniacs in parking lots or B. someone actually taking the children. I know that B is very rare (strangers taking children is rare), but it does happen and it scared the b-jezuz out of me. particularly because it was something that my parents often talked about when i was a kid -- how blond babies are often stolen, sold into sexual slavery, and so on. So, i'm completely irrational about it, i'm sure.

 

So, i prefer to keep my eyes on my child. He's only 3 though. 

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#126 of 143 Old 08-13-2011, 07:52 PM
 
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I would do the same thing, OP.  After dealing with CPS, I am MUCH more reluctant to call CPS/cops on children.

 

I have left my dd in the car alone from 1+, but only as I run into the gas station to pay.  The car is already off, and I lock the doors.  I can see her from the registers, and if it's busy, I just throw the money on the counter.  Anywhere that there is a wall between me and her (like Target), definitely not.  She either goes with me, there is an adult in the car with her, or I go without her in my care (like at daycare or with my mom).

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#127 of 143 Old 08-18-2011, 02:18 AM
 
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i thought you guys might find this following article interesting. i havent checked out all on this link coz i heard the show on radio.

 

http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2011/07/26/138603776/when-does-a-person-start-to-boil


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#128 of 143 Old 08-19-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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I didn't read every response to this, so sorry if someone else already made this point. I won't leave my dd in the car, just not something I'm comfortable with. Obviously some mothers find it all right to leave young kids in the car alone with no worries of their safety. MY issue with that is it is not just about your child's safety then. I've seen my six year old brother send the family car flying down the drive way and into the busy street. I don't want to have to deal with YOUR child hitting me or my car in the parking lot because they've been left alone in a running car. I've already been backed into once by an inattentive driver in a lot. He may have been going slowly, but trust me, it is still not fun to be hit. It also scared the crap out of my dd. 


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#129 of 143 Old 08-23-2011, 06:26 PM
 
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car running, bad idea. hot day, (even a warm day!) bad idea. but otherwise, i don't really have a problem with it. i wouldn't do it myself, and if i saw it i'd try and wait until the mom returned, in that particular situation, anyway. as for leaving your kids in a turned off, windows open car, near or outside your house or outside a smaller, less hectic store than target, sure, i've done it, and i would never judge someone else for doing it either. 

 

the chances of someone coming and stealing your child right out of your car (locked or not!) are miniscule, probably right up there with them coming INTO your house at night and stealing them out of their beds. it's just really not a likely enough scenario for me to spend much time avoiding it. the health dangers (overheating or the car moving) are much more serious and likely, and if it's a situation where neither of those are an issue, there's no reason a child buckled into a car seat should come to harm.

 

as for the differences between a rural and urban area, i live in a very densely populated neighbourhood in a large city (equivalent to some areas of NYC). we have street parking, and so it is completely unavoidable for me to leave my child buckled in her seat unattended sometimes. i wouldn't leave her to nap (unless i sat out on the front porch), but i am totally comfortable unloading groceries and taking them upstairs and stuff like that while leaving her in there. in fact, she's very easy to transfer while asleep, but if she weren't i probably would have left her out there a bit longer. 

 

 

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#130 of 143 Old 08-24-2011, 06:01 AM
 
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Those poor kids! How sad that they will be in the custody of  that woman till adulthood.If she keeps up this behavoir though it will not be for long.

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#131 of 143 Old 08-24-2011, 04:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mattemma04 View Post

Those poor kids! How sad that they will be in the custody of  that woman till adulthood.If she keeps up this behavoir though it will not be for long.



Wow!  I don't think its sad at all.  You are seeing a tiny glimpse of this mother.  How condescending :(

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#132 of 143 Old 08-24-2011, 07:12 PM
 
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What is really sad is that some mother on the internet is saying she shouldnt have custody of her kids just because of ONE thing she knows about a woman. Damn, I hope you never do anything wrong.
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#133 of 143 Old 08-26-2011, 06:05 PM
 
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I didn't read every reply, but just my 2 cents...

 

I wouldn't be that quick to call CPS over something like that, but I would sure as hell stand there until the woman came out to make sure the kids are okay... and I sure as hell would call the police if there was no sign of mom or dad for a while. I think it's quite a different thing leaving kids to go into a place as massive as Target than it is to run in a convenience store where you can see your kids through a window. I sure as hell wouldn't ever leave the kids in a running car. There are just too many things that can go wrong, and assuming that your kid wont think to do anything like that is just foolish. My oldest once put a bunch of toilet paper in the fish tank... just because. There isn't always rhyme or reason to the things kids do, so who knows. The point is, the worst case scenario is so bad, it's better to just forsake your convenience and bring the kids in with you.

 

Hopefully at least, that confrontation spooked that woman enough that she won't do it again.

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#134 of 143 Old 08-26-2011, 06:22 PM
 
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I've never understood all the fear about kids being left in cars on not too hot days for 10 minutes or so. The fears people seem to manifest about this seem so crazy to me. Like, "what if you get involved in a hold up, or have a heart attack, or get hit by a car?" All of those things would be dangerous with a kid, and at that rate, it would be incredibly dangerous to have a heart attack while driving, but no one worries about that too much.

 

Anyhoo, leaving a car running with kids in it seems dumb to me, because someone is liable to steal the car, even perhaps not noticing the kids. I would certainly call the police for that, but probably try to talk to the mom gently first. People need to give each other a little more grace and have personal conversations rather than calling the cops, IMO. I had a neighbor call the town about some annoying shrubbery I had, and I wish she would have just said something to me. Promote community.

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#135 of 143 Old 08-26-2011, 07:37 PM
 
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I guess when you are entrusted to care for these little perfect lives, sometimes unnecessary chances are not worth taking. Now whether anyone thinks it was necessary due to some circumstances we don't even know is an interesting issue.

To me, being in a public situation and leaving my kids to their own while I do what I have to do is unnecessary, To others it may not be. I don't view my car as a safe place... but then again I have Bebe's kids so I really don't think I can trust the two dare devils on their own in my car. Nor do I feel comfortable with doing so. And really that's all that matters. What you feel comfortable with. And the law of course since it's illegal in most states to leave a child in a vehicle alone. However that's an age thing that I believe some of you may want to look into. Just in case.
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#136 of 143 Old 08-26-2011, 09:30 PM
 
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wow, what an ass! i've encountered similar situations, i just stay with the car so the kids have someone there. when the parent comes up, i'll just say "i watched them for you, never know what can happen" and go on about my own dam business ;)


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#137 of 143 Old 08-27-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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This is illegal where I live.  I personally know a woman who was not 20 feet from her running car, at a sidewalk sale in clear view of her car with her children in it, and was arrested on the spot when a police car pulled up.  


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#138 of 143 Old 08-28-2011, 10:26 AM
 
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I think the problem is that people seem incapable of making a differentiation between a parent who takes steps to ensure the safety of their child(ren) sleeping in a shady place with windows down, or a parent running in to quickly pay for gas or grab a gallon of milk in a small town and cases where parents simply don't take the time or energy to care about what is best for the child. It's not as simple as x is always bad, but y is always right. 

 

I thought a great deal about this post when I found the following news story.  I'll link it here, but it's certainly not something to read if you are easily triggered by cruel or tragic events.  

 

http://www.kxlh.com/news/child-who-died-in-hot-car-may-have-been-beaten/

 

It's being painted by the same brush as people who simply leave a child in a car to run into a store, and I think it's important to see that this simply isn't a situation where an otherwise caring parent/guardian stepped away for a few moments having made sure the child was safe and comfortable. 

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#139 of 143 Old 08-28-2011, 01:11 PM
 
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I wonder how old is old enough to be left in the car while a parent runs into the store? I'm not talking on a super hot day (though, with an older kid, the car could be on with A/C running and the doors locked).  I know it depends on the kid, the town, etc., but, I was thinking about it, b/c people let kids walk home from school alone, or walk to a friend's house alone, or stay home alone, or stand outside a store or bathroom alone.  So, there has to be a point, before like age 16, where it's acceptable to leave a kid in a car and run in for an errand. 


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#140 of 143 Old 08-28-2011, 06:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

I wonder how old is old enough to be left in the car while a parent runs into the store? I'm not talking on a super hot day (though, with an older kid, the car could be on with A/C running and the doors locked).  I know it depends on the kid, the town, etc., but, I was thinking about it, b/c people let kids walk home from school alone, or walk to a friend's house alone, or stay home alone, or stand outside a store or bathroom alone.  So, there has to be a point, before like age 16, where it's acceptable to leave a kid in a car and run in for an errand. 



I think that's somewhat flexible, as kids have different maturity levels, etc. But, a few years ago, I mentioned here that ds1 (then 14) would stay in the car with his younger siblings while I went into the grocery store (to buy up to a half dozen items - not a large grocery shop), in moderate. to cool weather. I had a few people say they'd never take such a chance, because a carjacker could take the car, if only a 14 year old were present. I think that really shows how freaked out people are about this, as 1) I've never heard of a carjacking around here, and 2) ds1 was, at that time, at least 4 inches taller than me (he's now more like 7" taller), had several inches on me in the shoulders and had a few years of Tae Kwon Do. Anybody who was going to steal a car with him inside was definitely going to do it with my short, overweight, then-pregnant self inside, yk?


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#141 of 143 Old 08-28-2011, 07:48 PM
 
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I wonder how old is old enough to be left in the car while a parent runs into the store? I'm not talking on a super hot day (though, with an older kid, the car could be on with A/C running and the doors locked).  I know it depends on the kid, the town, etc., but, I was thinking about it, b/c people let kids walk home from school alone, or walk to a friend's house alone, or stay home alone, or stand outside a store or bathroom alone.  So, there has to be a point, before like age 16, where it's acceptable to leave a kid in a car and run in for an errand. 



IMO- it varies.  I am comfortable with it for a SUPER short errand within sight with my oldest (almost 10.)

 

 

Once I would be comfortable with them getting through the parking lot alone, or being at that store alone, I suppose?  I won't leave mine outside of a large shopping area (Target/Walmart) but would outside of our local grocery store and MIGHT if the littles fell asleep and I realized I forgot xyz when I got groceries.  I'd stop at the smallest store in the larger own, but I might be out of sight for 5 minutes or less.  I'd probably try to avoid that, but if the weather was ok and I was in a pinch- sure.  In another couple years when DD has her cell phone I'd be fine with it.

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#142 of 143 Old 08-29-2011, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think here in maryland you have to be 8 years old. If you are caring for another child it's 12/13 I believe.


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#143 of 143 Old 08-30-2011, 06:34 AM
 
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I suppose it's best to know the laws of your state and the decide the maturity level of your children. Here in Texas I can leave my 8 yr old in the car. We're in an are that if it was a cool day and the windows were open I'd come back to find a few of her friends and a mom standing outside the car talking to her. It wouldn't be an issue. And yes I've done this once. DD wanted a snack after school and so I stopped across the street to get it but she didn't want to get out of the car... lazy and I'm her maid. So I can understand how some situations can be okay. I just think it's hard for some people to imagine seeing a few small kids in a car in a busy parking lot. That's hard to see for me as well.

It doesn't sit right to for me. Though my mom used to leave me in the car while she went in the local gym to work out. Or she'd leave me in the car for doctors appointments and the time she got a crown... Oh and the time she went on a date and didn't want to pay for a babysitter... she had the money she just wanted to get a new dress. He turned out to be a fireman and gave my mom the what for over that one.
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