Texting etiquette ~was this rude? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have this one friend with a kid the same age as mine, and we meet about every couple weeks. We also have a wider group of AP mamas and are in the process of forming a regular playgroup. We had one of these playgroup meetings here at my place yesterday. This friend and I usually communicate through text messages. I texted her the week before to let her know some of us were meeting here and would she like to come. I knew before this that she had a visitor that week (the week I sent the message), and that she was going on vacation soon, so I kind of assumed she wouldn't be able to come but wanted to invite her just in case, and to include her.

 

I never heard anything back from her. This has happened before ~where I contact her about possible plans and never hear back from her, rather than a text back saying no.

 

Am I just being overly sensitive, or is that kind of rude? I mean, whenever I get any sort of invitation anywhere, whether it's by email, phone call or text message, I always reply, even if I can't make it. I realize my friend may have been in another country (on vacation) and text messages cost more when you're out of the country, but we're talking 50 cents rather than 15 cents. I suppose she might have turned her phone off altogether, but seeing as this happened before I think she just ignores invites when she can't come. Would you do that? Would that bother you if someone else did?


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#2 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 10:22 AM
 
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It bothers me too. I've been trying to get in contact with a friend all summer and haven't heard anything at all from her. How about a simple, "I'm really busy and can't make it." eyesroll.gif

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#3 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 10:42 AM
 
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I think texting in general is rude but if this is how you normally communicate and she typically doesn't respond, I would jus think it is her way.  I would clarify with her something like "So if I don't hear from you I should assume you aren't going to be able to make it, correct?"  Or, "Just so we are on the same page" kind of thing.

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#4 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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I find that rude too.  Honestly, it really depends for me on who it is.  There are a couple of people who have done this to me and I have just stopped inviting them.  If they can't text me back, they must not be interested, and I'm not going to waste my time chasing people down finding out if they want to be included.  There are certain friends I've had for a long time that I just let things like that go, but wait for them to connect again before I try.  Thats just my style though I guess...

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#5 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 11:04 AM
 
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I agree that texting lends itself to rudeness, partly because it's so abbreviated that there's no room for niceties, and partly because it demands an immediate response in a way that an e-mail doesn't. a phone call can go to voice mail if you're busy, but a text just buzzes away -- it's like someone repeatedly tapping you on the shoulder, going "hey ... hey ... hey!" and expecting you to drop what you're doing.

 

That's not so much about this particular situation, though -- it's just why I don't let people text me! Did you specifically ask for a response, or just say "Hey, we're meeting, come by if you can make it"? Did it affect your plans at all to not know whether she was coming?

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#6 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 12:05 PM
 
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If it's that important to you that you get a reply, call.

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#7 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

If it's that important to you that you get a reply, call.



WORD!!!  This is my thinking too :)

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#8 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 01:19 PM
 
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I think its probably really likely that she thought something like "well, my response is really long, Ill text her back in a little while." and then just forgot. I do it all the time for people who send me a text. If I am in the middle of a texting conversation with them, I never just quit responding. That is rude. But if I understand correctly, you just sent her the message and she never got back to you? I might send another one, just to be sure. Sometimes people tell me the sent me a text and Ive never gotten one.

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#9 of 16 Old 08-11-2011, 01:30 PM
 
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I'd be a little annoyed that she didn't respond if she was in town, but I wouldn't expect a text back from someone on vacation. When I'm on vacation, I try not to answer my phone for anything that isn't vacation-related or an emergency, and by the time I'm home I may have received a bunch of texts that I already forgot about. Just my opinion.


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#10 of 16 Old 08-12-2011, 12:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies.

 

Just for clarification, we live in Germany and here text messaging is a very normal way for people to make plans. I think lately it's also become common in the US, but here at least it's been pretty much the main way people make plans for years.

 

I agree next time I'll just call her. I guess I don't because it takes longer, is easy to get sucked into a whole conversation and costs more, and I have a toddler so can rarely give my attention elsewhere very long (it's taken me several attempts to get this posted, lol) ROTFLMAO.gif

 

In any case, after thinking more about this I realize I just shouldn't even care so much actually. I really like this woman, she and I are becoming good friends, and I know she likes me too. When we do connect and meet, she is very communicative and gets right back to me (or initiates the texting), so I guess I just need to accept this is her way of saying no I can't. Glad to know I'm not alone in finding it kinda annoying tough.....


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#11 of 16 Old 08-12-2011, 10:39 AM
 
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I'm with you on the texting, OP. Some people still find it inherently rude, but for people who routinely communicate that way among their circle of friends and family, that isn't an issue, especially since you say this friend typically is responsive and communicates via text frequently. So I'm sure she's not sitting there going, "A text?!? How very dare she?!?" wink1.gif 

 

That said, I'd give her a pass since she was on vacation. I typically don't respond to anything -- I check my phone very infrequently while I'm away and may not even see something until I get back.  


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#12 of 16 Old 08-12-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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OP, I'm glad you figured this out. But I'm too chatty today so I'm going to post a response anyway.

The texting part doesn't matter. It does not matter what medium you chose to communicate. You invited her, she should have answered you. If she didn't get your text immediately she should have done you the courtesy of explaining.

So no, youre not over sensitive, she is a little rude, inconsiderate, flakey, whatever you want to call it. She's done this to you before so now you know this about her. But you like her friendship regardless, and that is a good thing.
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#13 of 16 Old 08-12-2011, 09:02 PM
 
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i wonder if its her thinking too - since you guys are such good friends - that "hey she knows i am away (or have company) so cant come".

 

however which etiquette are you talking about? is she german? perhaps their etiquette is not to reply 'known answers'. just throwing it out there.

 

btw I just love love love your avatar and that it matches the smily on your signature.  


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#14 of 16 Old 08-13-2011, 07:57 AM
 
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A text message that is not responded to should be followed up.  It could have not been delivered or missed. We have tower work being done about a mile away.  Anyone with my model of phone is having intermitted issues because of this.  It isn't suppose to happen, but it is. 

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#15 of 16 Old 08-13-2011, 12:51 PM
 
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Texting to me seems so informal that I don't really expect a response.  I am usually doing it because it's the most immediate or only way I can get a hold of someone, and I figure if I get no response, that's like a no.  I couldn't use my cell phone at all when I was out of the country last year, so I wouldn't have been texting.  I think if it's going to cost someone 50 cents, I wouldn't expect a "No, I can't make it" text back, honestly.

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#16 of 16 Old 08-13-2011, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

i wonder if its her thinking too - since you guys are such good friends - that "hey she knows i am away (or have company) so cant come".

 

however which etiquette are you talking about? is she german? perhaps their etiquette is not to reply 'known answers'. just throwing it out there.

 

btw I just love love love your avatar and that it matches the smily on your signature.  


Maybe you're right and she just figured I'd know. Although I wasn't sure and thought it was actually in a gap between the visitors and vacation, which is why I figured to invite her even though I didn't think she'd come.

No, neither she nor I is German. I just asked DH (who is German), and he said it depends on who it is, that he also has friends who ignore texts if they can't come to whatever it is, but he and most people do reply regardless.

He also reminded me it's not worth caring much about, and he's right.

 

Oh and glad you like the avi. That's my Max....he gets a real kick out of seeing the world upside-down and does that move all the time!

 


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