Does anyone else get annoyed when asked to bring something to a party? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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It doesn't bother me. I, personally, don't enjoy having tons of people over very often, and it makes me feel better about recipicating. The norm here is to be asked to be bring one thing, usually a salad or a desert. It means the gathering has a wider variety of food with less work for the hostess.

 

The only time it bothered was when the person was doing a theme party and was VERY specific about what to bring. It was a PITA.

 

Here, it is the norm to NOT to this if is an occasion when presents are expected, such as a birthday party.


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#62 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 08:35 AM
 
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I think it should be left to the guest to ask what to bring.  Something about inviting and requesting at the same time feels very different to me that inviting, letting someone ask what they might bring, and answering (without being too picky, of course).  I realize that the end result is essentially the same, but just the basic etiquette of invite -> rsvp w/ request of what can be brought -> suggestion (oh, a side dish or salad would be lovely!) seems so much less annoying than someone inviting and saying, "Please join us, and bring xyz!"

 

 

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#63 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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I don't mind "bring a dish to share and/or your favorite beverage"

It takes a village to party, I say.

 

I do mind "bring something for the grill, a side dish, and your choice of beverage".

 

The latter has only happened a couple of times. And on one occasion the host didn't even man the grill. The guests had to step up and do it. That's called not knowing how to be a host.

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#64 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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On the other hand.. my niece throws big family gathering parties and plays up how much work she's putting into it when what she does it to cook say, a large turkey, and that's it.  She invites people and makes a HUGE deal of getting them to RSVP right away (on facebook, mind you) and when they do, she specifies exactly what they are to bring, how much, using what recipe, or exactly where to buy it.  

 

For example, earlier this spring she hosted one of these events and when DH responded that he would be able to attend, she told him to go buy two $30 cakes from a specific bakery (no where near his house, or hers- it was a 45 minute drive out of the way) for people to have for dinner.  I found that pretty over the top.  



OK, so I think that's what would bother me, RSVPing to a party, and then being told what to bring when I didn't know it was that kind of a party.  I'd feel put on the spot.  But I must say, that's never actually happened to me.  The biggest thing that happens to me is being invited to these big group all day meeting things where it's local for everyone else, but a 2.5 hour drive for me, and they are potluck.  And I just can't manage the food at that point, unless I bring chips or something premade, but it's LLL so you can't do that and keep your crunchy cred. LOL

 

The turkey thing, rofl.  I've had the opposite problem in my family, where my sister reluctantly said she'd host dinner but didn't want to do all the work of cooking I assured her she didn't have to, we could all contribute.  I offered to bring bring the roasted turkey, a honey-baked ham, the stuffing made the way my mom liked it, and homemade gravy, and she thought that was great.  But she still bought a turkey, Stovetop stuffing, jarred gravy because she didn't think we would have enough food.  After I managed to transport my 22 lb turkey that I had lovingly basted every half hour and which had this beautiful golden brown skin, she didn't serve it.  She had thrown a turkey in a covered roaster and cooked it all night while she slept.  We packed up leftovers for everyone, but my turkey still did not get carved, so I took the entire thing back home again because they didn't want to keep it.  I was quite annoyed and decided that was the end of potluck Thanksgiving.   And sure enough, the last time I was asked to bring pies, the person still went out and bought pies!  

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#65 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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The turkey thing, rofl.  I've had the opposite problem in my family, where my sister reluctantly said she'd host dinner but didn't want to do all the work of cooking I assured her she didn't have to, we could all contribute.  I offered to bring bring the roasted turkey, a honey-baked ham, the stuffing made the way my mom liked it, and homemade gravy, and she thought that was great.  But she still bought a turkey, Stovetop stuffing, jarred gravy because she didn't think we would have enough food.  After I managed to transport my 22 lb turkey that I had lovingly basted every half hour and which had this beautiful golden brown skin, she didn't serve it.  She had thrown a turkey in a covered roaster and cooked it all night while she slept.  We packed up leftovers for everyone, but my turkey still did not get carved, so I took the entire thing back home again because they didn't want to keep it.  I was quite annoyed and decided that was the end of potluck Thanksgiving.   And sure enough, the last time I was asked to bring pies, the person still went out and bought pies!  



Had the exact same thing happen to me. I told my in-laws if they did the ham I would do the rest. Baked bread to make stuffing, premade homemade cream of mushroom soup and homemade fried onions for green bean bake...... Hauled everything 3 hours up to the in-laws to find I couldn't fit a thing in the oven because my father-in-law had made two kinds of stuffing, canned sweet potatoes, canned cranberries,........ Basically everything I was making only canned and full of corn syrup or stuff my husband (their son) was allergic to.

 

My small revenge was that I had made everything vegetarian for my SIL and so she didn't touch the vegetarian stuffing FIL made for her or basically anything he made.


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#66 of 94 Old 08-29-2011, 11:03 PM
 
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Had the exact same thing happen to me. I told my in-laws if they did the ham I would do the rest. Baked bread to make stuffing, premade homemade cream of mushroom soup and homemade fried onions for green bean bake...... Hauled everything 3 hours up to the in-laws to find I couldn't fit a thing in the oven because my father-in-law had made two kinds of stuffing, canned sweet potatoes, canned cranberries,........ Basically everything I was making only canned and full of corn syrup or stuff my husband (their son) was allergic to.

 

My small revenge was that I had made everything vegetarian for my SIL and so she didn't touch the vegetarian stuffing FIL made for her or basically anything he made.



Mmmmm, that all sounds so good now.  My mom, who specifically said she really wanted the homemade stuffing like dad used to make it, ate the darn Stovetop stuffing.  I had to get up and go find the stuff I made for her, because, darn it, I made it at her request!  I think she was too full to eat any, but she did take some home, thankfully.

 

Now if I have anyone over for Thanksgiving and they ask if they can bring anything, I tell them what I'm serving and let them know they can bring any dish they think will make the holiday more festive.  The last Thanksgiving dinner I had at a friend's house, I told her I was bringing an Atkins cheesecake for my husband, and asked what else I could bring, so she asked me to bring pies.  I asked if a pumpkin and a pecan were OK, and she said that was great, but since they really like pumpkin pie, she went out and bought some from Marie Callender's along with Cool Whip.  I made whipped cream and two homemade pies, but I think I was the only one who ate my pumpkin pie and whipped cream.  

 

I think by that time in our relationship they were just thinking, "I'll give her something easy, pie, she can even buy it!"  And I'm thinking, "Cool, I get to try that new pie and cake Bible cookbook, no point in even eating pie if you just get it at a store" and they're all, "Noooooo, why is she baking, just buy the freaking pie from Marie Callender's already!  And bring Cool Whip!"  While I'm all, "ewww, hydrogenated oils, no thanks!"  

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#67 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 12:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post

I've noticed lately that guests are being expected to bring a dish to parties. These parties aren't "potlucks", but usually get togethers where the host provides the main food and the guests are asked to bring everything else. For some reason I get annoyed by this, and I'm not sure why. I throw parties all the time, and have plenty of appetizers I can whip up in a hurry, so it's not like I don't know how to cook or something. I guess I just kinda want to be a guest and not have to worry about bringing food? I always bring wine to parties no matter what, but preparing a dish, transporting it, etc is a little more labor intensive. Does this irk anyone else?
ETA: I am not bitching about potlucks. I think potlucks are awesome and fun.


i don't get annoyed or find it rude, simply because i have a few dishes that i love showing off and people give me really positive feedback, so it cheers me up and gets me into the party atmosphere. plus i try to get the recipes for the stuff i find tasty, that can be a great ice-breaker for meeting strangers.


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#68 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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It's the venue I think. A potluck is a potluck, someone inviting you over to a dinner of course you ask if there is anything to bring like dessert. However being told you're bringing potato salad... yuck or they need you to bring a maindish... pretty much the meal is not very cool. I've hosted numerous dinners and I never have made them potlucks after the first one. Simply because I refuse to eat other peoples food but I've worked in large offices where you're picking cat hair out of guac, getting sick off of someones chicken or offered something someone had sitting in the fridge a few days... not pleasant!

Not everyone is as careful, and some people my husband says have iron guts. I know that's extreme but my one and only potluck seriously 5 people got sick, not kind of sick but horrendously sick. And it was all due to the neighbors chicken salad. Though it was tasty... it certainly left a lot of room to doubt her cooking. And since I've pretty much been scared off of the potluck idea.
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#69 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 12:11 PM
 
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i personally love the opportunity to bake something that won't all get consumed by me or dh (neither of whom needs to eat a whole bunch of brownies...)

and dd loves to bake with me.  so, it's pretty standard that we show up with something baked. 

i think, too, it depends upon the size of the party as to what is taken by guests.  when we go to dinner parties at which there are only a few families, we usually take a host/ess gift (wine mostly) and a dessert (unless it's a birthday party for somebody who hasn't asked for me to make a cake) and a side.  dh likes to make baked beans. 

if it's a potluck, and i am pressed for time, i'll take dessert or if there's not time, a big bowl of salsa (homemade) and chips or something of the like plus the host/ess gift. 

i guess we don't go to parties where we're not supposed to bring anything.  it's pretty much a given that you show up with food, everywhere i've been or parties i've/we've had.  

and if it's a party we're having, we're down to an annual shindig at this point, to which a ton of people come-- there is no way to cook THAT much food, but this year we're doing some smoked deer and one of our goats.  plus cake and whatever else we can manage to cook.  and the booze.  dh brews a few 5 gallon kegs of special stuff, and other folks bring stuff, and we have homemade wine.  so we provide the alcohol and meat and then some. (the party is b/c our anniversary and all 3 of our birthdays happen within the same month)

but i love love love that people bring stuff to eat at parties, there's healthy food and spinach dip and lots of other stuff in between.  it makes me super happy to see all the delicious things that people took the time to prepare and share recipes and try new things, especially for dd. 


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#70 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 12:26 PM
 
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we're doing some smoked deer and one of our goats.  plus cake and whatever else we can manage to cook.  and the booze.  dh brews a few 5 gallon kegs of special stuff, and other folks bring stuff, and we have homemade wine. 

 

Wow, what a party! That's awe inspiring.


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#71 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Viola View Post

And sure enough, the last time I was asked to bring pies, the person still went out and bought pies!  



 

Argh. That drives me NUTS. My MIL does this every year. She will request that I make pies "because DH likes them." Then buy at least one additional dessert per person plus whipped cream and ice cream. And then be annoyed when not enough of the purchased items are eaten.

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#72 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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We usually have a big Twelfth Night party and I make food from the three traditional homes of the Three Wise Men; North Africa, India and the Middle East.  It's great fun to cook for and I'm up to my eyeballs in couscous, spices and marinating meat for days ahead.

 

That's awesome. I absolutely love it.
 

re: the "party vs. potluck" thing. I think that a potluck is simply proposed differently. "Potluck" has no outside picnic connotation to me (hey - I live in the Pacific Northwest, where we can basically never count on picnic weather) at all. I just expect different things when I'm invited to a party vs. a potluck. And, I would find it kind of weird to be invited to a party and then asked or told what to bring. In some cases, I'd probably back out. However, I'm not much of a socializer, and I don't even remember the last time I went to a party, except for family ones (was at a big family barbecue just last night, because my stepbrother and his family are in town and are leaving on Wednesday). It's just not something I do.


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#73 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mmmmm, that all sounds so good now.  My mom, who specifically said she really wanted the homemade stuffing like dad used to make it, ate the darn Stovetop stuffing.  I had to get up and go find the stuff I made for her, because, darn it, I made it at her request!  I think she was too full to eat any, but she did take some home, thankfully.

 

Now if I have anyone over for Thanksgiving and they ask if they can bring anything, I tell them what I'm serving and let them know they can bring any dish they think will make the holiday more festive.  The last Thanksgiving dinner I had at a friend's house, I told her I was bringing an Atkins cheesecake for my husband, and asked what else I could bring, so she asked me to bring pies.  I asked if a pumpkin and a pecan were OK, and she said that was great, but since they really like pumpkin pie, she went out and bought some from Marie Callender's along with Cool Whip.  I made whipped cream and two homemade pies, but I think I was the only one who ate my pumpkin pie and whipped cream.  

 

I think by that time in our relationship they were just thinking, "I'll give her something easy, pie, she can even buy it!"  And I'm thinking, "Cool, I get to try that new pie and cake Bible cookbook, no point in even eating pie if you just get it at a store" and they're all, "Noooooo, why is she baking, just buy the freaking pie from Marie Callender's already!  And bring Cool Whip!"  While I'm all, "ewww, hydrogenated oils, no thanks!"  


Ok, did you really have to post this? I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant and have gestational diabetes and now all I can think of is homemade pies and real whipped cream!

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#74 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 02:49 PM
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I don't even remember the last time I went to a party, except for family ones (was at a big family barbecue just last night, because my stepbrother and his family are in town and are leaving on Wednesday). It's just not something I do.



We rarely attend family parties because none of my family lives within 1000 miles of me, and my DH doesn't like most of his family. Our friends are our family....truly. If we suddenly got evicted and had to be out by the first of the month, 90% of our friends would be here to help us. I think maybe one or two family members would show up. So in a big way, the parties we attend seem like family parties to me.

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#75 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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We rarely attend family parties because none of my family lives within 1000 miles of me, and my DH doesn't like most of his family. Our friends are our family....truly. If we suddenly got evicted and had to be out by the first of the month, 90% of our friends would be here to help us. I think maybe one or two family members would show up. So in a big way, the parties we attend seem like family parties to me.

 

I get that. After my divorce (well, a couple of years before, really - that marriage poisoned everything in my life), we all kind of drifted, but I had some friends like that for years. And, I found the vibe for social stuff was very "family" styled...very casual. Honestly, I think one of the reasons I don't go to (or give) many parties is because I really don't like more formal socializing, where I even have to worry about this stuff. I like to have a circle of friends/family where we can go, "oh, yeah - gonna have a party, and was hoping for cheesecake, but my cheesecake sucks (it doesn't :) ) - would you mind bringing yours?" or "can't afford to feed everyone, but I have a slab of salmon on the freezer - if I throw it on the grill and make a green salad, can you guys bring the rest of the meal?" or whatever. The etiquette of it just doesn't even come up. I do much better that way.
 

 

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#76 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 04:07 PM
 
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she went out and bought some from Marie Callender's along with Cool Whip.  I made whipped cream and two homemade pies, but I think I was the only one who ate my pumpkin pie and whipped cream.

 

 

huh.gif  I can't imagine passing over home made pie for store bought. I'm sure the Marie Callender's was fine, but still!


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#77 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 04:21 PM
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huh.gif  I can't imagine passing over home made pie for store bought. I'm sure the Marie Callender's was fine, but still!



Hmmm....homemade doesn't always equal "good." I'm not directing this at anyone here, but I've tasted some pretty awful homemade desserts. At least there is consistency with something store bought and brand name, y'know? Maybe some people are just skittish to try something they might not like? My ex was like that. He'd always order the same thing when we went out because he was so afraid of not liking other things.

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#78 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 05:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

 

 

I did recently get an invite from a mother to a birthday party that read

 

Please bring 10 to cover your childs meal and goodie bag. 


 

 


omg TACKY.  i unlurked to say that.  holy cow.

 

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#79 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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I've never really thought about this, but now that I am, I realize that it makes me feel a little put on. I am a chef, and so I feel the pressure to make something "amazing", mainly because people are always coming up and wanting to know what I made. I recently actually just made a fruit salad for a party and that was kind of refreshingly easy!


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#80 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 07:46 PM
 
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This thread reminded me of the ridiculous specific thanksgiving demand letter. 

 

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

 

Here is a sample of the letter

"The Mike Byron Family

1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok."

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#81 of 94 Old 08-30-2011, 08:39 PM
 
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This thread reminded me of the ridiculous specific thanksgiving demand letter. 

 

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

 

Here is a sample of the letter

"The Mike Byron Family

1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok."



OMG.  How- disturbing!

 

Of course, I seem to have married into this sort of family, so now I have to figure out how to survive these things.  ICK!

 

1. I'd be forced to show up with about 30 lbs of mashed turnips in a plastic garbage can, and I'd stick a trowel in it to serve. 

2. I might bring ice cream, but probably I would show up with flan or something instead, just to watch her twitch. 

3. The flan already has a sauce.  :P

4. I would OBVIOUSLY be forced to show up with one of those big 5 gallon water jugs and a dispenser.  Oh, and a bunch of dixie cups to keep it fancy.  

 

 

 

I don't think I'd get an invite for the following year.  Darn. 

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#82 of 94 Old 08-31-2011, 10:19 AM
 
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The way I see it is that if I am asked to bring something, it is, by definition, a potluck.  I really enjoy these types of get-togethers.  I love trying many other people's food at one event.  My dh and dd also are adventurous eaters, so it's almost like a cultural experience in food and we always have fun eating at potlucks.  I don't think invitations have to be titled "Potluck Pitch-In" or whatever for it to be understood that if everyone brings a dish, it's a pitch-in.

 

If it's a seated dinner party, the hostess is not going to ask for anything to be brought and I will know not to bring anything (other than a gift for the hostess) simply by how the invitation is worded.  Even a cocktail party has paired foods and drinks and buffet dinners have a rhyme and reason that an outside dish would disrupt.  If asked, I have no problem bringing something.  Dictating what I bring to more formal dinner or cocktail parties would not even make sense.  However, I wouldn't mind at all for a friend to ask me to bring something to help her out and make it less stress on her.  It's always nice for everyone, including the host and hostess to be having fun.

 

If I'm asked to bring something, it is casual, and I expect that kind of "party".  But "party" doesn't always mean PARTY(!!!).  Follow the hostess' lead.  Otherwise, decline the invitation if not comfortable with what you're being asked to do (bring).

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The way I see it is that if I am asked to bring something, it is, by definition, a potluck.  I really enjoy these types of get-togethers.  I love trying many other people's food at one event.  My dh and dd also are adventurous eaters, so it's almost like a cultural experience in food and we always have fun eating at potlucks.  I don't think invitations have to be titled "Potluck Pitch-In" or whatever for it to be understood that if everyone brings a dish, it's a pitch-in.

 

If it's a seated dinner party, the hostess is not going to ask for anything to be brought and I will know not to bring anything (other than a gift for the hostess) simply by how the invitation is worded.  Even a cocktail party has paired foods and drinks and buffet dinners have a rhyme and reason that an outside dish would disrupt.  If asked, I have no problem bringing something.  Dictating what I bring to more formal dinner or cocktail parties would not even make sense.  However, I wouldn't mind at all for a friend to ask me to bring something to help her out and make it less stress on her.  It's always nice for everyone, including the host and hostess to be having fun.

 

If I'm asked to bring something, it is casual, and I expect that kind of "party".  But "party" doesn't always mean PARTY(!!!).  Follow the hostess' lead.  Otherwise, decline the invitation if not comfortable with what you're being asked to do (bring).


I'm not sure, but I get the feeling that at least some posters are talking about parties where they're invited, accept the invitation, and are then told that it's a "bring a dish/potluck" sort of affair. That does seem rude to me, even though my friends and family mostly do potluck-type get-togethers.

 

And, the post about the birthday party, where the mom was expected to bring $10.00 to cover her child's meal and loot bag, just appalled me. I kept ds1's birthday parties really, really cheap when he was little, because I was broke. My sister has never had loot bags at all, because she has no money. "Providing" loot bags, and then billing the parents, is just tacky.


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#84 of 94 Old 08-31-2011, 12:22 PM
 
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I hate being asked to bring a dish. I never show up empty handed, but bringing a bottle of wine or candy as a gift  is different than being expected to bring the food for a meal.  I have one SIL who is a foodie, and will actually tell you exactly what to bring and what recipe to use when you make it!  Last Christmas, she made me make this insanely complicated cheesy potato dish with very expensive ingredients, that tasted exactly like your run of the mill scalloped potatoes and took all day to make.  That wasn't quite as bad as the year she told us to bring wine for 40 people and told us the exact vintage.  It was over $300, and I don't even drink.

 

If you want to have a party, have a party.  And I loathe potlucks, both attending and bringing stuff.  It's always a bunch of dishes that don't belong together that I'm afraid to eat. 

 

I also hate it when I've invited people for dinner and they show up with random dishes that they expect me to serve after I've told them they didn't need to bring anything. 

 

 

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I don't mind being asked, mostly because we're vegan and I will know I can at least eat what I brought.I don't expect events that are hosted by our non vegan friends or family to have special things made just for us. I don't like other people bringing things to parties I throw though, I like to cook and kinda pride myself on preparing every detail. People always ask if they can bring something and I usually just say if they have a type of soda or liquor they like to bring that( we're weirdos who don't drink soda). I've had my fil, who ASKED if he could come to our house for thanksgiving, bring an entire turkey when I made sure to tell him that if he's coming we were keeping it vegan. Yeah, I wasn't too pleased that my dinner I spent HOURS on was invaded by a giant dead bird.


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That wasn't quite as bad as the year she told us to bring wine for 40 people and told us the exact vintage.  It was over $300, and I don't even drink.

Yikes! Did you do it? I'm meek and confrontational, but even I wouldn't fork out $300 on command! I don't drink either, but even if I did.... yeowch!

 

 

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I've had my fil, who ASKED if he could come to our house for thanksgiving, bring an entire turkey when I made sure to tell him that if he's coming we were keeping it vegan.

Are you sure he didn't think he was being helpful? Kinda like "Well, Ravensong probably won't want to cook a turkey if she's vegan, so I'll bring my own"? I can imagine an older guy in particular just not even computing that Thanksgiving could be had without turkey. Still, I can imagine how off-putting it must have been to have Ye Olde Dead Fowl show up...


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I hate being asked to bring a dish. I never show up empty handed, but bringing a bottle of wine or candy as a gift  is different than being expected to bring the food for a meal.  I have one SIL who is a foodie, and will actually tell you exactly what to bring and what recipe to use when you make it! 


I've come across this before (online, I mean), and I find it beyond rude. I can't even begin to imagine doing that. I can see "please don't bring a mayo based salad, because Aunt Pam gets sick when she eats mayo, and in the confusion, we may forget to tell her" or some other specific instruction like that. I just can't wrap my brain around dictating a specific recipe!

 

Last Christmas, she made me make this insanely complicated cheesy potato dish with very expensive ingredients, that tasted exactly like your run of the mill scalloped potatoes and took all day to make.  That wasn't quite as bad as the year she told us to bring wine for 40 people and told us the exact vintage.  It was over $300, and I don't even drink.

 

I'm not usually very confrontational, but I'd tell her to take a hike. That's absolutely outrageous. Dictating the vintage is just like dictating a specific recipe. It's just not cool. And, even for a party where everyone is pitching in, you don't get one guest to provide wine for everyone!

 

If you want to have a party, have a party.  And I loathe potlucks, both attending and bringing stuff.  It's always a bunch of dishes that don't belong together that I'm afraid to eat. 

 

The idea of coordinating dishes has always interested me. I guess I do it a little bit (would serve rice with some things, but not with others, tend to use particular veggies more with some meats than others, etc.). But, in general, I don't even worry about that stuff. Especially with a big spread (as most potlucks are), I'm not going to be eating everything, anyway. I try the things that appeal and leave the rest.

 

I also hate it when I've invited people for dinner and they show up with random dishes that they expect me to serve after I've told them they didn't need to bring anything. 

 

That's come up a few times in this thread, and I've seen it before, as well. That just seems to rude. I get bringing food (chocolates, biscuits, etc.) as a hostess gift. I get bringing wine (or beer or liquor) for the same reason. I really don't get showing up with food when you've been specifically asked not to, and expecting the host(ess) to serve it. If I had some special dietary requirement, I'd talk to the host ahead of time. Since I don't, I expect to eat what they serve. I don't think that's rocket science.



 


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#88 of 94 Old 08-31-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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I also hate it when I've invited people for dinner and they show up with random dishes that they expect me to serve after I've told them they didn't need to bring anything. 

 

That's come up a few times in this thread, and I've seen it before, as well. That just seems to rude. I get bringing food (chocolates, biscuits, etc.) as a hostess gift. I get bringing wine (or beer or liquor) for the same reason. I really don't get showing up with food when you've been specifically asked not to, and expecting the host(ess) to serve it. If I had some special dietary requirement, I'd talk to the host ahead of time. Since I don't, I expect to eat what they serve. I don't think that's rocket science.


 

This is largely regional/cultural. In the part of the Midwest I live in you really do need to just tell them something they can bring when they ask or you really will get whatever they feel like bringing. If you are all about food coordinating asking for drinks is always safe. Asking them to bring something non food also works (so for example - some crafts to entertain the kiddies, your guitar, paper plates, whatever) You could list of the 12 courses you will have and say "so, really we don't need anything" and a pie would still show up. So just ask them to bring whatever they want to drink and call it good. It's not worth worrying about to me. "Don't bring anything" is just not an answer that actually computes.


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Are you sure he didn't think he was being helpful? Kinda like "Well, Ravensong probably won't want to cook a turkey if she's vegan, so I'll bring my own"? I can imagine an older guy in particular just not even computing that Thanksgiving could be had without turkey. Still, I can imagine how off-putting it must have been to have Ye Olde Dead Fowl show up...



I was VERY clear about it being a meat free meal. He asked me about a turkey and I told him we were keeping everything vegan. It was a very last minute thing, the in-laws attending that is. I told him I had a lovely vegan roast made and to not bring anything. He's the kind of person who thinks he'll die without meat at every meal, so I viewed the turkey as his weird tag-along life preserver, lol. Next year I think it will just be us for a meal.


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#90 of 94 Old 08-31-2011, 04:54 PM
 
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This is largely regional/cultural. In the part of the Midwest I live in you really do need to just tell them something they can bring when they ask or you really will get whatever they feel like bringing. If you are all about food coordinating asking for drinks is always safe. Asking them to bring something non food also works (so for example - some crafts to entertain the kiddies, your guitar, paper plates, whatever) You could list of the 12 courses you will have and say "so, really we don't need anything" and a pie would still show up. So just ask them to bring whatever they want to drink and call it good. It's not worth worrying about to me. "Don't bring anything" is just not an answer that actually computes.


That would drive me completely bonkers. I guess it must be regional,  but people who don't listen to me, for whatever reason, make me nuts.


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