no christmas spirit - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-12-2011, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
mamatoady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Western Michigan
Posts: 1,904
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I have no Christmas spirit, in fact, my mindset is becoming close to that of Scrooge.  I am recently divorced and I have 3 kids.  They are spending this first Christmas with their father 2+ hours away (except for my little one will be with me).  My ex has systematically destroyed every Christmas for me for the last 11 years and I was actually excited to be having a Christmas without trying to get him to engage with the kids on Christmas morning.  This was going to be MY year to do what I wanted, when I wanted.  I've made Chex mix, decorated a tree, watched a couple Christmas movies and bought a few presents.  My heart is NOT in it.  I just frankly don't care.  I'm trying to care...because I think I should...but I'd just as soon skip it all together.  In fact, the ONLY reason I'm having anything to do with it is for the kids, who would probably be devistated if I just said, "no Christmas"

 

I don't think I'm particularly sad about Christmas--it's not a longing for what should have been.  There is something of being stressed about money, but my family is kicking in.  I just don't care.  I would like to care.  I would like it to matter to me.  Everyone else is SO EXCITED about Christmas and I want to join in their fun. 

 

I was going to go to my moms with the little one for Christmas eve/day, but I'm thinking about just staying home--my toddler wouldn't know the difference and we're doing Christmas with my older two and family two days after Christmas.  But then everyone wants to "save me" because I "shouldn't" spend Christmas alone.

 

hmmm.  any ideas?  advice? thoughts? anything?

Sarah


Mama to girl (11), boy (7) and girl (4).  "Can't we all just get along?" joy.gif
mamatoady is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-12-2011, 05:45 PM
 
Koalamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Earth
Posts: 4,536
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
No christmas spirit here either. I am a regular ol scrooge. My neighbor is trying to save me and says that my kids will be damaged without the magic of the holiday. I was raised with christmas overboard and it ruined christmas for me. So we may get a tree, but hasn't happened yet. My kids like it, so I will get one soon, and I do get them gifts. That is about it. No family gatherings for me, no way!

My favorite way of enjoying the holidays is renting movies and eating a pint of ice cream. I may go for a walk to the lake with the kids and see if we can name animal tracks.

To get somewhat in the spirit of things (for the kids), I do put on some cheesy christmas music.
Koalamom is offline  
Old 12-12-2011, 06:10 PM
 
DextersGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere in the interwebs...
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am the same way, and I don't think at all that you are a Scrooge.  My hubby is deployed to Afghanistan and won't be home for Christmas (we just found out a few days ago).  DD is a teenager and thinks money magically appears whenever she wants something.  I, too, was Christmased to DEATH growing up, and the materialism of it all bugs me to pieces.  I'd just rather eat, spend quality time with family and call it a day.  All the gifts and decorating feel like WORK to me...and with DH gone, more work is not anything I need.

 

Now, let me just say that I love the ethos of Christmas.  I just hate all the manmade trappings.  The need to decorate the door.  The need to put up a billion lights and show off for other people.  Blah blah blah.  I love what Christmas is supposed to mean...not what it has come to mean.

 

What it has come to me just wears me out completely.  I'm so glad you posted this because I thought something was wrong with me.  lol

 

Christi

DextersGirl is offline  
Old 12-12-2011, 06:26 PM
 
cat13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I say you should stay home with your toddler and enjoy the day with just the two of you! Especially if you are already getting together with family later.

 

 


Mama Bear toddler.gif, Papa Bear treehugger.gif and Baby Bear (8/11) coolshine.gif

cat13 is offline  
Old 12-12-2011, 07:02 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,258
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 84 Post(s)

Imagine someone's LO just died and they attend their first party/holiday.  There is cheerfulness and laughter, decorations and great food, and wonderful people.  But being in mourning they just can't get over feeling a bit emptied by their loss.

 

Despite all your angry feelings towards your ex, you are feeling that same emptiness.  So your loss wasn't entirely unwanted, but it is still a loss and you are still adjusting.  Fake it a little for the kids, but cut yourself some slack.  You might have been more "into" Christmas because your ex spoiled it than you would have been had this not been an issue.  Or perhaps a little bit of both.

 

I hope I made sense.

 

Let this be a relaxing Christmas instead of a high-spirited, energetic one.  Tune out the rest of the world as best you can.  Give yourself time to heal.

 

 


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
Old 12-13-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)

I'm not a fan of Christmas either.  Family has always ruined it for me.  Dh's family used to send us lists of what they wanted.  Now I say not to all of them and just try to get through it with my little family. 

 

I get you though, find something you want to do for that day and do it!

Imakcerka is offline  
Old 12-13-2011, 09:27 AM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 7,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

 

Quote:
hmmm.  any ideas?  advice? thoughts? anything?

 

A nice medium.  You're totally entitled to keep it quiet and low-key.  Like said above, even if your break-up is a good thing, you're still in some mourning.  That's just fine!  But maybe push yourself a little bit, and go visit your mom for a while. 

 

I totally agree, most of it feels like work to me. 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
Old 12-13-2011, 10:07 AM
 
Ann-Marita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I, too, have zero Christmas spirit.  My main Christmas wish is that we are able to pay our mortgage and utilities while keeping food in the pantry.

 

I just can't get into buying any gifts when I KNOW we need that money for basics (food, electricity, water, phone, etc).  I don't even want to receive anything from DH (or even DD), because I know we don't have the money for ANYthing extra.  We're having to pull money out of life insurance just to get by each month, and now the life insurance has nothing left.

 

Our free couples counseling is on hiatus for the holidays, and won't start up again until February.  I don't know how DH & I will get through the holidays without fighting.  (Unless I, once again, just ignore the fact that my needs come last with him.)

 

Ho, ho, hum.

 

(That's sort of in between "Ho ho ho" and "Bah, humbug.")


Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

Ann-Marita is offline  
Old 12-13-2011, 11:34 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 31,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I usually do but not this year. We were forced to move ( due to dh job) somewhere I don't want to live and dh is having life threatening health issues. I'm really trying. I did joyfully shop for gifts. Maybe if I put on some Christmas music and bake some family Christmas recipes it will help? I don't know, I'm still trying to stay off of the secular Christmas season that starts in November and ends Christmas day and stay with the liturgical season, and it's still Advent. Ok I can go put on Gaudete, this Sunday is the 3rd Sunday in Advent after all. 

Arduinna is offline  
Old 12-14-2011, 08:33 AM
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)

This is what bothers me about Christmas.  You shouldn't have to worry about gifts all the holiday crud.  Your family is your gift.  And all well wishes your way.  Hope you have a stress free December.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann-Marita View Post

I, too, have zero Christmas spirit.  My main Christmas wish is that we are able to pay our mortgage and utilities while keeping food in the pantry.

 

I just can't get into buying any gifts when I KNOW we need that money for basics (food, electricity, water, phone, etc).  I don't even want to receive anything from DH (or even DD), because I know we don't have the money for ANYthing extra.  We're having to pull money out of life insurance just to get by each month, and now the life insurance has nothing left.

 

Our free couples counseling is on hiatus for the holidays, and won't start up again until February.  I don't know how DH & I will get through the holidays without fighting.  (Unless I, once again, just ignore the fact that my needs come last with him.)

 

Ho, ho, hum.

 

(That's sort of in between "Ho ho ho" and "Bah, humbug.")



 

Imakcerka is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off