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#31 of 57 Old 04-23-2012, 07:11 AM
 
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Dang, I also saved my parents loads. :-)  I got a lovely black velvet dress that I actually could rewear, for way under 100 bucks iirc.  Mom did take me to get my hair and nails done but nothing hugely expensive or anything.  My boyfriend bought tickets, drove us and another couple in his dads car, paid for dinner,and we did have a picture taken. 

I worked by that time and I may have paid for some, I can't remember.  I just know, like with most things, if my parents were paying for something, it was because they could and chose to and gave me a spending limit, not because they "had to" because all the other parents did.

 

There is no way in hell I'd spend more than I could afford on something unnecessary just because my kid said all the other people were.  especially if they were being bratty about it.  hells no.


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#32 of 57 Old 04-23-2012, 10:26 AM
 
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I haven't noticed that about the dresses at all. Actually, I thought most of the young women in my son's grad class looked amazing.


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#33 of 57 Old 04-23-2012, 03:43 PM
 
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I saved my folks a ton of money too, when I graduated.  In fact, I was so low key about the whole thing that it was my mom who insisted that I *needed* a fancy dress and went out and bought one for me.  (Without me seeing it or giving any other input into it, but thats another story).  Otherwise I was just going to wear a simple dress and call it done.

 

That said, our high school graduation was held in our school gym, our after grad party was a "dinner cruise" around the harbour ($75), and I had my hair put up for the occassion ($40).  Our year book was $25.  At the time I worked a part time job on the weekends and took in typing for a Dr's office, and so I paid for everything.  My parents only paid for the dress and that was only because my mom insisted on the dress. 

 

Looking back, I would never have chosen that dress.  Early 90's style, with big puffy sleeves, tulip knee length skirt, in a shimmery emerald green.  <shudder>


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#34 of 57 Old 04-23-2012, 04:48 PM
 
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My sister and I always found prom dresses that were on clearance late summer/fall. My mom paid for them (maybe $40 max each?) and we'd save them until the spring. Of course that gave me plenty fo time to pull it out and try it on all winter. winky.gif A

 

 


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#35 of 57 Old 04-23-2012, 05:24 PM
 
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Honestly, I almost didn't go and not because I didn't want to. My parents weren't paying for a dress and I didn't have the money to buy it myself.

 

A friend borrowed one of her sisters dress, brought it over, did my hair and announced that we were going. The dress was hideous, I had no date, and the dance was boring, but I can say I went.

The next year I planned ahead better and sewed a dress (a simple black dress was up to even my modest skills) and went with a group of friends. Most of my friends got in huge fights with their boyfriends and I spent most of the evening in the bathroom comforting friends. Once again, I can say I went.

 

I'd chip in what you are comfortable with and from there she can come up with a way to afford a more expensive dress, figure something else out, buy a dress in budget, or simply skip the prom. You and she will then have a year (or 1/2 a year if this issue will come up at homecoming) to make sure that you both have the same expectations for next year and you can both plan accordingly.


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#36 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 06:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyGG View PostThe next year I planned ahead better and sewed a dress (a simple black dress was up to even my modest skills) and went with a group of friends. Most of my friends got in huge fights with their boyfriends and I spent most of the evening in the bathroom comforting friends. Once again, I can say I went.

 

Both my dresses were made for me for Jr. and Sr. prom. A woman from my youth group was a seamstress; for Jr. prom I picked a pattern of a simple halter cocktail dress in a great green/black material (depending how you looked at it) and I think I bought the crinoline/slip that went underneath. For the Senior prom I found a couture dress in a magazine that was basically two pieces, a floor length skirt and a strapless bodice; I found some great gold/black metallic rose material and similar in stripes. Both were really unique dresses. It may actually be cheaper to have a simple but great looking dress made--and then you can say "I had my dress made for me" wink1.gif.

 

I think that my parents paid for the material and notions and probably paid for my hair too, I bought the accessories, my boyfriend borrowed his brother's Cougar to drive and paid for the tickets.


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#37 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 07:30 AM
 
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"My friend's dresses all cost $400"

 

"Well, gee, they must not have been able to find as good a deal as you did - that perfect dress we found was only $60, maybe we can put a little more money toward xxxxzzzzyyyy then"

 

 

 

See if you can get her to shift her thoughts about it, a $60 dress can be a perfect dress too.

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#38 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 11:22 AM
 
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hmm...thinking back to my own grad, and I can't remember what mom paid for my dress. I had mine made, though. Mom and I had hit about 10 stores (torture, as neither one of us likes to shop), and we simply couldn't find anything that I'd wear (most was lacy and/or pink - I didn't, and don't, do lacy or pink) that fit me. I had huge biceps (still do), and most dresses simply wouldn't go over my arms. The ones that would, or that were strapless, thin strapped, or very short sleeves, were too long in the torso, or too tight in the bust, or...something. I just don't have a body type that's easy to fit off the rack. This isn't usually a problem as I live in loose t-shirts and jeans/sweats. But, it made shopping for a grad dress hellish. I'd have happily bought second hand, although that involves soooo much torture (aka shopping).

 

I've been all over the map on the few occasions that I've really dressed it up - tailor made, but not particularly expensive, grad dress, super expensive wedding dress, super cheap bridesmaid's dresses (they were $25.00 each, and we bought two extras, so a family friend could make any alterations that were needed...and then she made a flower girl dress out of the scraps). it just depends on what I need/want and what I can find. I'd have been sooooo thrilled to score a $60 dress that I liked, but I've never been able to relate to the "well, this dress cost me XXXX dollars!!" kind of thinking. If I were prone to bragging about that kind of thing, I'd be more likely to brag that I spent less than anyone else. Spending money's just not that hard....


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#39 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 11:28 AM
 
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We are still far away from that issue with my DD, but my step-son is in grade 7 and I often see his girl-classmates in designer jeans. I cannot justify putting my own behind in a pair of $300 jeans, and my DSS goes through so many pairs of jeans that it's ridiculous (he plays soccer on the breaks), so that's just not something that I see happening. However, the same attitude as with the prom dresses can already be seen with Christmas gifts (so and so got an iPad2 for Christmas, etc.) 

 

I can only say that while I understand how stressful for a child it is when her dress is the cheapest, they need to understand that their parents do their best. I had a dress for my prom, that my grandmother had sewn for me. But when parent committee requested that we "donate" money towards presents for the teachers, that my family didn't have - I refused to go. My girlfriend and I ended up going to a restaurant and having a private fancy dinner instead :)


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#40 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 12:08 PM
 
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My wedding dress was $25 at a church bazaar.  Altered by my friend, it looked amazing.  My older daughter was being independent and bought her own prom dress for $35 without me.  She looked adorable.  We did spend on shoes and up-do, so maybe $250 more?  Now it's the younger one's turn.  She ordered a bunch on line from Nordstrom's to try on and return.  She picked a $130none, and she'll need shoes too, but no fancy hair for her.  Then the tickets, flowers, transportation if there's a party bus or limo to share.  But WE raised them.  This will probably be their "splurge when they're young", and they'll have that to look back on fondly while they shop consignment shops later.  ;)

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#41 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 01:56 PM
 
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I'm pretty fresh out of high school, to be honest... lol. I just graduated in 2008! I know things have changed even in those four years.. but not THAT much. 

Dresses really don't have to be that expensive. My parents gave me $100 toward my dress and they paid for my ticket sometimes (I went more than one year). If I wanted a dress that cost more than that, I could use money that I earned from working. If I didn't want to work, then I guess I could spend more than that!

I knew other girls who only bought dresses that were clearance-priced after prom season and then wore them the next year. I always found something at least on sale. I think my most expensive dress was $140. If you shop around, you can find something really truly nice for less than $200. Definitely. Although, from what I gleaned from girlfriends when I went off to college, it is a little harder to find something reasonably priced if you live in a big city (like NY/Chicago). As with all things in the city, I suppose...

 

So, I say set a price limit based on what you can afford and find reasonable... and then let your daughter moan and groan if she finds it unacceptable. I doubt she'll end up at the ball in a pumpkin carriage. ;)

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#42 of 57 Old 04-24-2012, 05:56 PM
 
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My parents didn't allow me any money for prom at all. We were never really the kind of family where the idea that everyone else was doing something was any reason to do it. This had its good and bad, and I only went to one or two school dances in high school, which were pretty casual and I wore stuff I already owned. But at prom time I actually had a boyfriend and wanted to go to his prom. I had some money in clothing allowance because I practically never bought clothes, so I used that, and then my aunt (with whom I was staying at the time to do an internship) kicked in some in exchange for me helping her with some clerical work. My dress cost over $300, but my aunt and I had looked so many places and at less expensive dresses and it was the perfect one. I got shoes from Payless ($10), borrowed jewelry from my aunt, and did my own hair & makeup.

 

I acquired a thrift store prom dress and a clearanced one for under $25 each while I was in college, and wore one of those three dresses to every college dance.

 

Years later I would wear a $100 prom dress as a wedding dress.

 

I haven't really thought yet how I'll approach this with my daughter, but then again, she can't even walk yet, so I have some time.

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#43 of 57 Old 04-26-2012, 06:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by giraffee View Post

We are still far away from that issue with my DD, but my step-son is in grade 7 and I often see his girl-classmates in designer jeans. I cannot justify putting my own behind in a pair of $300 jeans, and my DSS goes through so many pairs of jeans that it's ridiculous (he plays soccer on the breaks), so that's just not something that I see happening. However, the same attitude as with the prom dresses can already be seen with Christmas gifts (so and so got an iPad2 for Christmas, etc.) 

 

And it's all relative smile.gif. My nephew was a day student at a boarding school--the type that diplomats from NYC send their children to and offers sailing as an after school sport. This was provided by my sister's MIL and he lived with her and his Aunt (at gma's newly rebuilt house on the beach) while attending. Though his gma was quite well off (and provided for the education of he and his sister through college and a trust for his brother who is disabled, when she passed) most of his classmates were on another level; she had to explain to him why they couldn't afford to do certain things that his classmates could.


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#44 of 57 Old 04-26-2012, 06:18 PM
 
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I would pay whatever the amount I needed to find a decent dress ( budget permitting).

 

DD is graduating from middle school this year, and I originally told her I would pay up to 200, but she knew (as did I) that the goal was a rocking good dress - not a particular price range.

 

She actually found 2 great dresses - both around 75 dollars.  She settled on one, and in a fit of generousity, I bought her the other.

 

Someone upthread said there is a difference in value and cost and I agree.  

 

If she loves a dress around 60$, then that is the dress she should get.  

 

 

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#45 of 57 Old 05-01-2012, 04:19 PM
 
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Dd just bought her senior prom dress for $130. So I paid for it. We had said we'd chip in, but hadn't said an amount, but that was at the upper of what we were going to pay. She paid for her own ticket, and will probably pay for her own shoes. I will pay for hair if she wants it done. There is no way she was going to have a $400+ dress bought for her.
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#46 of 57 Old 05-01-2012, 07:38 PM
 
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I bought my winter formal dress at a thrift store for $3 so my mom footed my whole prom bill.  I think it was $70 for the dress, but who knows how much I spent on jewelry and shoes.  I have two girls and hopefully they'll want to at least try looking at thrift stores or on Craigslist when the time comes.  If not then I'll give a budget and they can pay what they spend over that.  I'd probably be much more willing to drop money on a pair of shoes verses a prom dress b/c the shoes will get worn again, but  you're only wearing a prom dress once.


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#47 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 07:24 AM
 
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So DD has been telling me about "prom proposals". The guy orchestrates a clever, inventive way to ask a girl if she will be his date to the prom. It's become a "thing" to make a big production - like a band playing behind him while he asks her in front of everyone at lunchtime in the cafeteria.

 

No wonder the dress has to be a big, expensive deal, if this is the type of effort that goes into the prom experience and other occasions. In the past couple of years, she's attended a few big coming-of-age celebrations - Bat Mitzvahs and Quinceanearas - for her friends. DD and I had a pretty good conversation about what is left to look forward to, if parties are like this when you are 16. It makes a wedding look like small potatoes.  

 

I'm wondering if the "prom proposal" is just her school or is this happening elsewhere? 

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#48 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 07:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

So DD has been telling me about "prom proposals". The guy orchestrates a clever, inventive way to ask a girl if she will be his date to the prom. It's become a "thing" to make a big production - like a band playing behind him while he asks her in front of everyone at lunchtime in the cafeteria.

 

Oh my.  Can you imagine the embarrassment if she says  "no" ?????

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#49 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 07:33 AM
 
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Oh my.  Can you imagine the embarrassment if she says  "no" ?????

 

 

Yeah, I know. Isn't it hard enough being a teenager without adding huge expectations and big risks..... 

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#50 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 07:52 AM
 
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      Quote:

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

I'm wondering if the "prom proposal" is just her school or is this happening elsewhere? 

 

My first thought was these kids have seen one too many flash mob wedding proposals on you tube. So I googled to see if the prom proposal is a trend, and sure enough it is.  

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/20/elaborate-prom-invites-ge_0_n_1440850.html

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/story/2012-03-07/The-art-of-the-ask-Teen-prom-proposals-get-creative/53397698/1

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#51 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 07:57 AM
 
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      Quote:

 

My first thought was these kids have seen one too many flash mob wedding proposals on you tube. 

 

For sure, it's the offspring of the over-the-top wedding proposal. I was thinking about those poor women who have "the question" broadcast on the big-screen at NBA or MLB games. 

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#52 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 03:36 PM
 
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For sure, it's the offspring of the over-the-top wedding proposal. I was thinking about those poor women who have "the question" broadcast on the big-screen at NBA or MLB games. 

 

For me, that would be an automatic "no". Any guy who thinks he knows me well enough to propose marriage, but would still make such a huge public spectacle of our private lives, is not going to be a good match. But, some people probably enjoy that kind of thing...

 

I've been married twice, and I've never had a proposal at all. Both my marriages were the result of an understanding between me and the guy in question. There was never any need to propose.


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#53 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 09:19 PM
 
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I haven't read past here, but I think your choice is just fine. My parents were so broke that I couldn't even get senior pictures. I was literally the only person in my class who didn't get them done by someone other than the lame photographer who took all the undergrade's pics. It is a big deal, and the reason why is because you feel different. Whether that's wrong or right. Have the convo with her about how it doesn't matter. She'll hear you. And she will be SO SO happy to go in a dress that's rockin. She'll be okay ~ she is 16 after all :)

 

And don't let people on discussion boards make up too much of your mind ;)

 

 

 

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imakcerka i TRIED explaining how this won't matter in 2 years and she yelled that "it matters NOW!!11!" i am somewhat ashamed to have a child who thinks this way about *stuff*. i never knew how much other girls spent on their prom equipment, it didn't even matter to me. my 9th grader doesn't care, either. apparantly people talk about my oldest and she is known to be the "poor kid" in school, somehow? i think she is just full of it, honestly.

 

i am taking her today, dh talked to other parents at work and after cutting out the ones who spend thousands, the norm in this area seems to be $250-300 so that's what we're going with. If she'd just lift a finger around the house without being told repeatedly i'd handle it so much better! her whole attitude about everything lately has me down on her lol i was her age, of course, but i was doing so much more and worked all the time. my parents didn't pay for much at all.


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#54 of 57 Old 05-03-2012, 09:39 PM
 
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For me, that would be an automatic "no". Any guy who thinks he knows me well enough to propose marriage, but would still make such a huge public spectacle of our private lives, is not going to be a good match. But, some people probably enjoy that kind of thing...

 

I've been married twice, and I've never had a proposal at all. Both my marriages were the result of an understanding between me and the guy in question. There was never any need to propose.

I would have loved it if DH had proposed at a Chicago Bears game. We knew we were getting married, but we each wanted the proposal so there would have been no chance of his getting shot down.


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#55 of 57 Old 05-08-2012, 01:50 PM
 
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This article made me think of this thread - interesting read.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-05-01/features/sc-fam-0501-prom-costs-20120501_1_prom-dresses-high-school-prom-prom-experience


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#56 of 57 Old 05-09-2012, 04:30 PM
 
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and this news report reminded me of this thread. http://shine.yahoo.com/summer-kick-off/michigan-teen-makes-prom-dress-starburst-wrappers-162500376.html

 

i wonder how teens would feel if one made the dress themself.


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#57 of 57 Old 05-09-2012, 04:40 PM
 
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and this news report reminded me of this thread. http://shine.yahoo.com/summer-kick-off/michigan-teen-makes-prom-dress-starburst-wrappers-162500376.html

i wonder how teens would feel if one made the dress themself.

Here's another one - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/regan-kerr-soda-can-prom-dress-colorado_n_1467574.html

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