"You get what you get, and you don't get upset." - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-15-2012, 06:45 PM
 
Banana731's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the wild Midwestern Woods...
Posts: 3,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We've always said, "you get what you get and you don't complain..." kind of sing songy. We're homeschoolers and apparently clueless about the actual format of the phrase XD I'm going to try the "throw a fit" phrase and see if they take a shine to it.

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

Banana731 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-16-2012, 10:24 AM
 
mama24-7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: with the dust bunnies
Posts: 2,436
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)

I have worked in day cares & schools so I understand why it is used in situations where there are multiple children.  Day care & school, schools & the school system are not set up in a way that makes it so that the emotional needs of the children can be met.

 

I do not like the phrase.  I think that it is dismissive of the person/people to whom it is being said.  It is just another way of saying, "I don't want to deal w/ your emotions so don't even bother."  Because I have worked w/ multiple children at once, I know that it does not take much more time to say something along the lines of, "I have a variety of this treat, so I will give you each one & if you'd like to trade w/ one another for your preference you can."  No, it doesn't shut things down like the phrase in question does, but it is a respectful way of letting those who are getting the treat know that the giver realizes the exact treat the receiver gets may not work for them.

 

It has been said that adults aren't going to throw a fit over a treat.  That's probably true.  But adults throw fits all the time (road rage & its many milder forms of flipping the bird, cutting people off, etc.).  Maybe if these adults had been helped in dealing w/ their feelings & frustrations when they were little, they wouldn't still be so upsetable as adults.  I've been saying this kind of thing for years (see my sig).

 

Sus


Baby the babies while they're babies so they don't need babying for a lifetime.
mama24-7 is offline  
Old 07-16-2012, 10:57 AM
 
HappyHappyMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5,894
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 36 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
I do not like the phrase.  I think that it is dismissive of the person/people to whom it is being said.  It is just another way of saying, "I don't want to deal w/ your emotions so don't even bother."  Because I have worked w/ multiple children at once, I know that it does not take much more time to say something along the lines of, "I have a variety of this treat, so I will give you each one & if you'd like to trade w/ one another for your preference you can."  No, it doesn't shut things down like the phrase in question does, but it is a respectful way of letting those who are getting the treat know that the giver realizes the exact treat the receiver gets may not work for them.

 

I like the above (bolded) and will keep it in mind to use. Thanks!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
It has been said that adults aren't going to throw a fit over a treat.  That's probably true.  But adults throw fits all the time (road rage & its many milder forms of flipping the bird, cutting people off, etc.).  Maybe if these adults had been helped in dealing w/ their feelings & frustrations when they were little, they wouldn't still be so upsetable as adults.

 

yeahthat.gif


hh2.gif Head over to the Holiday Helper forum and be a part of this wonderful Mothering tradition! joy.gif

Wondering about Mothering in general? Check out Mothering's User Agreement! smile.gif

HappyHappyMommy is offline  
Old 07-16-2012, 11:13 AM
 
hempmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We use this all the time- it doesn't take a huge group for things to get out of hand. I have three kids, plus any number who are over. I remember it from my youth as the "throw a fit" conception. I actually think what maybe happened is somebody got finicky about the hick pronunciation of "get" you use if you use "fit" and changed it to "upset." To my mind that's why it works, though- it sounds like down home wisdom or somebody's granny or something as "git," lightens the mood, in the way a platitude from on high does not. And it's also only about behavior this way. We can talk endlessly about the probability of it actually being true that you ALWAYS get green and you NEVER EVER get orange, 6 year old, but I am just not up for hearing one more second of yelling today.

hempmama is offline  
Old 07-16-2012, 01:15 PM
 
ollyoxenfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I've never heard the phrase before this thread. I don't particularly like it even though I understand the purpose, so I wouldn't use it myself.

 

The closest that I have come to using such a phrase is saying "That's all you get 'cuz that's all we've got". It's mimicking a funny, singing birthday card that DD once received a few years ago. That's the phrase that ended the verse and we all thought the card was funny (the rest of the verse was odd and quirky and appealed to our family's weird sense of humour). I use the same sing-song intonation when I say it, so it's kind of an inside joke. Also, my kids are older and understand the concepts of moderation and acceptance. It doesn't come across as a mini-lecture - at least, I hope not. 

ollyoxenfree is offline  
Old 07-17-2012, 12:02 AM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,638
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post

Day care & school, schools & the school system are not set up in a way that makes it so that the emotional needs of the children can be met.

 

I do not like the phrase.  I think that it is dismissive of the person/people to whom it is being said.  It is just another way of saying, "I don't want to deal w/ your emotions so don't even bother." 

 

 

I don't think wanting a specific color of treat or a flower on a piece of cake counts as "emotional needs."  Not one bit. It's just a preference. That's all. I think we do children a disservice we  fall to see the difference between emotional needs and preferences. We teach them nothing. 

 

I don't buy that getting one's way all the time as a child helps one grow into a respectful adult who can drive through town without throwing a fit. I'm not sure what does help with that, but I don't think it's getting the right color of treat.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
Old 07-17-2012, 07:24 AM
 
mama24-7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: with the dust bunnies
Posts: 2,436
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post

I have worked in day cares & schools so I understand why it is used in situations where there are multiple children.  Day care & school, schools & the school system are not set up in a way that makes it so that the emotional needs of the children can be met.

 

Sus

Hmmm, I'm thinking there's more that I should have added here:  "...so that the emotional needs of the children can be met & these places are not set up to effectively deal w/ the children's emotions (and by effective I mean in helping the child learn from the emotions & experience NOT shutting the emotion down & moving on to the next thing)."

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
I do not like the phrase.  I think that it is dismissive of the person/people to whom it is being said.  It is just another way of saying, "I don't want to deal w/ your emotions so don't even bother."  Because I have worked w/ multiple children at once, I know that it does not take much more time to say something along the lines of, "I have a variety of this treat, so I will give you each one & if you'd like to trade w/ one another for your preference you can."  No, it doesn't shut things down like the phrase in question does, but it is a respectful way of letting those who are getting the treat know that the giver realizes the exact treat the receiver gets may not work for them.

 

It has been said that adults aren't going to throw a fit over a treat.  That's probably true.  But adults throw fits all the time (road rage & its many milder forms of flipping the bird, cutting people off, etc.).  Maybe if these adults had been helped in dealing w/ their feelings & frustrations when they were little, they wouldn't still be so upsetable as adults.  I've been saying this kind of thing for years (see my sig).

 

Sus

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I don't think wanting a specific color of treat or a flower on a piece of cake counts as "emotional needs."  Not one bit. It's just a preference. That's all. I think we do children a disservice we  fall to see the difference between emotional needs and preferences. We teach them nothing. 

 

 

Fair enough.  It does not count as an emotional need.  If you value children as people & you value peoples wants & desires, it counts just as much as someone you'd like to have in your life when they have a choice (such as a friend, lover, etc. vs. children who do not have a choice about being a part of their caregivers lives for most of their childhood).

 

And the word "just" minimizes whatever comes after it.  It's just another way of saying," I don't think what you want is important."  How about changing what comes after it: "she just wants to hold the baby," "she just wants to nurse the baby again," etc.  As w/ everything, used rarely, it's not the same as when it's the usual way of talking & thinking.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I don't buy that getting one's way all the time as a child helps one grow into a respectful adult who can drive through town without throwing a fit. I'm not sure what does help with that, but I don't think it's getting the right color of treat.

It's always interesting to me how when someone doesn't agree w/ me, they add or expand incorrectly onto what I've said.  Where did I say the bolded part?  IMO & IME what helps w/ that is allowing children to have a choice when it's possible so that when it's not possible, they don't have to protest & get all upset because they rarely get their way.  If someone rarely/never feels power they won't feel powerful.  If someone rarely/never has control over things in their lives, then they won't feel a sense of control over their lives.

 

I hope you won't choose to take any of this personally and/or be offended; this is just a discussion as far as I'm concerned. orngbiggrin.gif

 

Lastly, I don't get much typing on the computer time.  While I will be reading, I may not respond further.

 

All the best,

Sus


Baby the babies while they're babies so they don't need babying for a lifetime.
mama24-7 is offline  
Old 07-17-2012, 09:32 AM
 
The4OfUs's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 4,897
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post

It has been said that adults aren't going to throw a fit over a treat.  That's probably true.  But adults throw fits all the time (road rage & its many milder forms of flipping the bird, cutting people off, etc.).  Maybe if these adults had been helped in dealing w/ their feelings & frustrations when they were little, they wouldn't still be so upsetable as adults.  I've been saying this kind of thing for years (see my sig).

 

Sus

 

 

I think there's a fine line between helping someone learn to deel with feelings and frustrations, and making them think that all decisions in their life, even minor ones, are very important and should be weighed and negotiated and analyzed - it's all about perspective.  And I don't think that it has to be done in a snotty or dismissive way, but it also doesn't need to be overrcomforting a kid wailing about a popsicle.  Teaching perspective is tough - perspective about yourself, others, your place in the world, needs vs wants, etc.......and IMO is one of the most important skills a human being can have, right up there with empathy. 


Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
The4OfUs is offline  
Old 07-17-2012, 09:28 PM
 
NiteNicole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,580
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

 

I think there's a fine line between helping someone learn to deel with feelings and frustrations, and making them think that all decisions in their life, even minor ones, are very important and should be weighed and negotiated and analyzed - it's all about perspective.  And I don't think that it has to be done in a snotty or dismissive way, but it also doesn't need to be overrcomforting a kid wailing about a popsicle.  Teaching perspective is tough - perspective about yourself, others, your place in the world, needs vs wants, etc.......and IMO is one of the most important skills a human being can have, right up there with empathy. 


Agree agree agree agree AGREE!!!

NiteNicole is offline  
Old 07-17-2012, 10:49 PM
 
Flower of Bliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,577
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've mostly heard this phrase as "you don't throw a fit too."  My girls regularly bicker and even throw fits over the color of their cups/plates/bowls etc.  I don't encourage that behavior at all, nor do I see giving one child or the other a pink cup versus an orange one as meeting an emotional need.  However, the phrase totally rubs me the wrong way.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I told DD1 that it was not to be said in our home. 

 

I prefer telling my children things like "Your choices are an orange cup or a glass cup."  I'll also echo back "you really wanted the pink cup."  Something about the phrase just feels disrespectful to me. 

 

There have been a few others that my kids have heard in random class type settings that I really dislike, or that totally amuse me.  We had a kindermusik teacher who would always tell them to "Sit on your pockets"  These were toddlers.  DD generally didn't have pockets and when she did, they were generally on the hips, not the back.  She absolutely didn't get the phrase.  I say "sit on your bottom" or even "your bottom needs to stay on the floor (seat, etc)"  It seemed way over the top concerned about referencing the butt.  And criss cross applesauce seems weird to me too.  When did that phrase start?  We called it sitting cross legged or Indian sitting.  I can see how Indian sitting could be offensive, but applesauce???  Guess I'm just generally not a fan of cutesy phrases for kids in classrooms.


SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

Flower of Bliss is offline  
Old 07-18-2012, 01:36 PM
 
claras_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: California Central Coast
Posts: 2,733
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormborn View Post

Here it's  a matter-o-fact "Take it or leave it" with a follow up "I don't want to hear any whining!" if needed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post

I first heard that when my kids were in kindergarten--the don't throw a fit part, not the don't get upset.  I've never heard that version.  But I really liked it because my kids seemed to get it.  I mean they would throw fits about stuff and for whatever reason, this almost seemed empowering to them.  Like it was OK, they were all in the same situation, they were all going to get something, they didn't have to stress about who was going to get what.

But now I feel like it's been overused.  We had a party in school earlier in the year, and a boy passed out one of the treats his mom had brought, and my daughter did not want to eat it, and he used that phrase, kind of indicating that meant she had to eat it.  And I told her she did not.  So I think some kids interpret it differently.  Like not throwing a fit means you have to eat something you don't like, and that's not what it means to me or my child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post

I have worked in day cares & schools so I understand why it is used in situations where there are multiple children.  Day care & school, schools & the school system are not set up in a way that makes it so that the emotional needs of the children can be met.

I do not like the phrase.  I think that it is dismissive of the person/people to whom it is being said.  It is just another way of saying, "I don't want to deal w/ your emotions so don't even bother."  Because I have worked w/ multiple children at once, I know that it does not take much more time to say something along the lines of, "I have a variety of this treat, so I will give you each one & if you'd like to trade w/ one another for your preference you can."  No, it doesn't shut things down like the phrase in question does, but it is a respectful way of letting those who are getting the treat know that the giver realizes the exact treat the receiver gets may not work for them.

It has been said that adults aren't going to throw a fit over a treat.  That's probably true.  But adults throw fits all the time (road rage & its many milder forms of flipping the bird, cutting people off, etc.).  Maybe if these adults had been helped in dealing w/ their feelings & frustrations when they were little, they wouldn't still be so upsetable as adults.  I've been saying this kind of thing for years (see my sig).

Sus

I heard it the first time (the "don't throw a fit" version) from my dd1's best friend, when they were in pre-K. She's going into second grade now and I don't like it any better than I did the first time. Couldn't figure out at the time why I didn't like it, other than the tone in which it was delivered.

The problem with rhymes like that is that young kids taunt each other with rhymes all the time. It's been something that dd1 (and I) have had to deal with in her first two years of school. As an adult, I much prefer a more straightforward, unrhymed approach to the issue.

For what it's worth, "not throwing a fit" is something we've had to work with dd1 on from the time she was a toddler. And it's not because we cater to her every whim, creating a false sense of entitlement.

Mom of two girls.
claras_mom is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off