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#1 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious: is it terribly inappropriate for underwear to show briefly under skirts when girls are playing on play structures and they go upside down?

 

There is a mom at my daughter's school who has mentioned about ten times now how her girls would "never be allowed to wear skirts without shorts underneath", etc, etc...

 

I let her know that I don't have a problem with it, but she persists. I think it's time for me to really speak up! But maybe I'm clueless? My daughter is 6 , FWIW.


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#2 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:03 PM
 
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My dd is 7 and she usually wears skirts with shorts built in or tights. From a perspective of modesty, I honestly couldn't care less if her underpants show. They're little girls for heaven's sake. But I also know that the school "culture" might draw unwanted attention or even teasing, which I would prefer to avoid for my dd's sake.
 


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#3 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the input. My daughter was actually laughed at one day, and wanted to wear a skirt with built-in shorts the next day, but now she is back to not caring.


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#4 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:27 PM
 
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The norm at our school is for girls to wear "bike shorts" under skirts or dresses. (Target and Gymboree both sell them in the spring -- basically short leggings.) It would be pretty unusual for a six-year-old to not have them on where I live.

 

I have a 6 y.o. DD in first grade and I wouldn't allow her to go to school without them, just as I don't allow her to wear leggings as pants. Leggings under a dress? Yes. Leggings with a t-shirt that ends at her waist? No.

 

Maybe also influenced by the fact that I have a nine-year-old son who thinks it's totally hilarious and will point it out if he can see your underwear.

 

To answer your question -- yes, I guess I do feel it's inappropriate. At our school, multiple grades play together. My nine-year-old doesn't need to see your daughter's underwear. IMO, because you asked.

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#5 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, really? No leggings unless under a skirt? Don't mean to sound snarky, just surprised. I guess I just don't see what's so different about underwear versus a swim suit. The mom in question allows her daughters to wear bikinis, but freaks about underwear...?
 


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#6 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:38 PM
 
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Yeah, the leggings thing is a real pet peeve of mine. My son is in third grade, and there are girls who wear white, skin-tight leggings with a small t-shirt. To me, that is not appropriate for school. Wouldn't bother me so much in first grade, but I figured I'd just set the rule for my family from the beginning.

 

For the record, I don't allow DD to wear bikinis, either! Granted, that's partly because she's really fair.

 

If the prevailing culture at your school is that girls wear something under their skirts/dresses, I'd probably go along. In America, underwear is kinda private, you know? And bathing suits aren't. It's a contextual difference, but there it is.


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#7 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 01:41 PM
 
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Wow, really? No leggings unless under a skirt? Don't mean to sound snarky, just surprised. I guess I just don't see what's so different about underwear versus a swim suit. The mom in question allows her daughters to wear bikinis, but freaks about underwear...?
 


I feel pretty much the same way you do, but I've come to realise that just like with nursing-in-public, there are a lot of people with opinions on the matter that make no sense to me.  I'm pretty sure that it's considered tactless to bring up the subject as many times as the other mother did, though.

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#8 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 02:06 PM
 
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I don't care about underwear showing under a skirt. DD1 wears skirts with just her underwear all the time. If people start teasing her, she can decide how she wants to handle it, but it hasn't been a problem to date (she's homeschooling, though).

 

I don't get the thing about underwear, personally.


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#9 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 03:51 PM
 
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My daughter is also six and in school.  The kids in her class would certainly CERTAINLY start up something if they could see a girl's underwear on the play structures.  They are all about butts and underwear and potty words right now.

 

It's also the norm, and possibly part of the uniform, for girls to wear shorts or leggings or tights under their skirts so a girl not doing so would certainly stand out.
 

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#10 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 04:19 PM
 
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I've been thinking about this a lot because I have a friend, like yours, who freaks out about underwear/bare legs, but puts her DD in a bikini. It doesn't make sense to me... and also led me to think about this whole issue a bit more.

I don't have a daughter, but if I did I would probably not let her wear a bikini (at least not until teenage or so, when you totally lose control over their wardrobe!) And I guess if I really think about it, I might also request that she wear leggings or shorts under skirts, until she reaches an age where she isn't likely to be tumbling around.

My 3yo DS sometimes wears a skirt, and he does wear shorts or pants underneath. This is just how it happened, not something I've insisted on, but I admit I'm more comfortable with it this way, and I'm not sure what I'd do if he wanted to just wear a skirt & underwear.

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#11 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 04:29 PM
 
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The norm at our school is for girls to wear "bike shorts" under skirts or dresses. (Target and Gymboree both sell them in the spring -- basically short leggings.) It would be pretty unusual for a six-year-old to not have them on where I live.

 

This is how it is at schools here too.  The teachers remind the parents to have their girls wear shorts or leggings under skirts, especially on PE days.  Kohl's has "scooters" in toddler sizes for girls, which are skirts with shorts built in, so DD wears those on preschool days pretty often.  Not to mention when you sit down, your skirt can ride up, and it's not like little girls wear knee-length skirts.

 

I get it.  Underwear is private and bathing suits aren't. 


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#12 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 05:17 PM
 
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Personally, I would want to afford a little modesty if it were my daughter and have her wear leggings or bike shorts under her skirt.  I don't have a daughter but I certainly would be horrified if my own underwear was showing.  I know young children are innocent to the reasons behind modesty but that's no excuse to dismiss it.  What if there were some pervy dude at a park watching the little girls play on the jungle gym?

 

Never in a million years would I put my daughter in a bikini.  I see girls in bikinis at my seven-year old's swim lessons and it makes me cringe.  I'm not necessarily a prude but bathing suits don't offer a lot of coverage to begin with.  I guess I should come clean and admit that I wear a tankini with a swim skirt attached.  I hate having to be absolutely sure that my bikini line is acceptable (ha!).  I know, isn't it silly?  Social acceptance is what it all comes down to.


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#13 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 05:23 PM
 
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If it were my daughter - 

 

There would be leggings or biker shorts under the skirt. I don't think it's appropriate to show chonies - no matter who you are, male or female. (I constantly tell my boys that they are never allowed to wear their pants in such a way that their chonies are showing. Ever.) And I do not trust other people to keep their hands to themselves. (How many stories do we hear about school/church staff getting touchy with the children?)

 

I'm also one of those moms who doesn't think little girls need to wear bikini's, for the same reason. 

 

*shrug*

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#14 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 05:50 PM
 
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I didn't read all the responses, but I don't think it's a big deal if girls' underwear shows briefly, especially at age 6.  But, it does seem to be the norm around here too to have the girls where shorts under dresses and skirts.  Totally was not the norm when I was a kid, but things have changed I guess.  I remember hanging upside down on the monkey bars, holding my dress up over my underwear.  I don't remember being teased about it at all.


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#15 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 05:53 PM
 
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DD is 5. We don't allow bikinis. 

 

I also do not permit her to play on places where people will see her underwear if she has only a skirt on. Underwear cannot be shown (by anyone in any context) according to our district's dress code, and that includes little girls in skirts. You cannot participate in PE if you're wearing a skirt with no shorts underneath it. It's just inappropriate to me to flash your underwear to everyone. I have no problem being labeled prudish about it.

 

Leggings are NOT PANTS! I hate that people wear them that way. When I can see the tag of your leggings through the fabric, it's not thick enough to be pants. Leggings were intended for wear under really long sweaters/shirts or with skirts in the fall and spring. It's not something we would permit anyway, but our school doesn't permit leggings as pants. We don't live in a conservative area, so I don't think this is a permissiveness issue. We just live in a place where people value a sort of propriety that dictates not showing people your underclothes or wearing razor-thin fabrics as pants. I don't generally see, for example, adult women with their panty lines showing. Leggings fall under that category.


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#16 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 06:03 PM
 
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I know young children are innocent to the reasons behind modesty but that's no excuse to dismiss it. 

 

Well, i don't understand the reasons behind modesty myself, and see no reason not to dismiss it. I take into account that it's apparently very important to a lot of people, but it's not even slightly important to me.

 

What if there were some pervy dude at a park watching the little girls play on the jungle gym?

 

umm...what if there were? Is he not going to look at a girl who has leggings on underneath? I don't get this line of reasoning (have seen it many, many times, though - you're definitely not alone).

 

 

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And I do not trust other people to keep their hands to themselves. (How many stories do we hear about school/church staff getting touchy with the children?)

 

And...leggings or bike shorts will protect against this in what way? I was "touched" (groped, molested, whatever you want to call it) by an elementary school janitor who never saw me in a skirt, let alone a skirt with my underwear showing. I wore jeans - every day. Usually, they were "painter pants" (lots of side pockets for tools, etc. - very tomboyish). Making a child wear bike shorts isn't going to protect them from perverts.
 

I'm also one of those moms who doesn't think little girls need to wear bikini's, for the same reason. 

 

I don't buy bikinis for dd1, mostly because bikinis are designed to show off an adult (or close to it) figure. I think it looks ridiculous when some little girl is wearing a bikini style swimsuit with cups for her breasts, etc.  My MIL buys most of dd1's bathing suits, so they're mostly one piece designs. I'd like to find a good tankini, just because they're a lot better for using the bathroom and such.

 

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#17 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 06:15 PM
 
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I would send DD with leggings or tights, but just because most little girls have no clue that their underwear is visible while they are playing. I wouldn't see the need for a pre-teen or teenager, since they are aware of their body and clothes. (Not to say that underwear in and of itself is some sort of secret)


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I've stated this on threads like this before:

 

IMO, underwear are there to keep your butt from showing or to keep from rubbing up against your pants. If you arent wearing pants, then what exactly is the point of undies? To keep your butt from showing. Why do you need two layers to keep that from happening. 

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I didn't push the shorts until second grade when I realized that underwear doesn't cover nearly enough on a flexible child. A swimsuit or bikini is form fitting and generally does. It was very unnerving to glance over at the playground and see my child's underwear not covering everything it should and I didn't want someone else having that awkward moment so I got dd shorts.
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#20 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 07:00 PM
 
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My girls have always worn shorts or leggings under dresses. No shorts equals no dress in my house. I am not a prude. My girls can wear bikinis if they want to, one loves them, one will only wear one pieces. We are very nudity friendly in our house but underwear IMO is private. I don't want to see it regardless of what gender or ages you are, potty training kids exempted of course! Both my girls actually prefer to go commando which I am fine with as long it is done in the right clothes, sometimes underwear is needed though. My 6 year old would be mortified if a classmate saw her underwear. And that isn't neccessarily my teachings, more the age. I rarely see girls without leggings or shorts under dresses.

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I understand that clothing choice does not stop predators from being predators, I didn't say that it would. It doesn't change the fact that I don't think it's appropriate for chonies to be seen by anyone, and I would choose to have my daughter wear shorts or leggings under a skirt. And it doesn't change the fact that I would do it because I don't think they should be seen and I don't trust people who see it to see the innocent thing that is happening (playing on the playground, etc)

 

I chose one piece suits or tankini's for my daughter. When she was 17 she went to a different state to see some family and came back with a bunch of bikini's that her aunt had bought her. *shrug* Whatever. lol

 

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And I do not trust other people to keep their hands to themselves. (How many stories do we hear about school/church staff getting touchy with the children?)

 

And...leggings or bike shorts will protect against this in what way? I was "touched" (groped, molested, whatever you want to call it) by an elementary school janitor who never saw me in a skirt, let alone a skirt with my underwear showing. I wore jeans - every day. Usually, they were "painter pants" (lots of side pockets for tools, etc. - very tomboyish). Making a child wear bike shorts isn't going to protect them from perverts.
 

I'm also one of those moms who doesn't think little girls need to wear bikini's, for the same reason. 

 

I don't buy bikinis for dd1, mostly because bikinis are designed to show off an adult (or close to it) figure. I think it looks ridiculous when some little girl is wearing a bikini style swimsuit with cups for her breasts, etc.  My MIL buys most of dd1's bathing suits, so they're mostly one piece designs. I'd like to find a good tankini, just because they're a lot better for using the bathroom and such.

 


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#22 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 07:44 PM
 
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In my eyes, "my daughter would never be allowed to wear skirts without shorts underneath" when the kid is six is pretty much equivalent to "my daughter would never be allowed to have visible leg hair" when she's 14. They're both stupid, useless, superficial social convention requirements that make no sense except maybe as some kind of religious proscription. (I mean it makes no sense that they're required. If you just personally prefer to wear shorts under your skirt and shaved legs, then it totally makes sense to do it.) I do them both to avoid negative social consequences. I'd probably require my young daughter to do the same. But I'm sure as heck not going raise a stink or think badly when someone else disregards these conventions.

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#23 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 07:54 PM
 
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I think we had some of these arguments in the bikini thread this summer, and I'm not even going there. 

 

Beyond modesty, my girls find wearing shorts under their dresses allow them to be more "rough-and-tumble" and protects sensitive skin on the inner legs from scrapes when they climb around on logs and rocks.  In fact, they prefer their knees covered as well.  But this practicality is beside the point folks are discussing on this thread.


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#24 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Such interesting food for thought! Thanks to all who replied :)


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#25 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 07:57 PM
 
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Philosophically, I have zero objections to little kids wearing skirts with just undies, or bikinis, or leggings as pants.  And little kids are so innocent that I think they could literally run around naked and they wouldn't be immodest. 

 

And yet, I encourage DD to wear pants under a skirt in the winter because it's warmer.  In summer, I encourage but don't require her to wear shorts or leggings under a skirt because I think it looks more proper.  (I don't think kids who just wear undies look improper.  Mostly it's none of my business.)  Context is important.  We talk about how it shows respect to others and ourselves by dressing in a way that is appropriate to the occasion.  And in the heat of summer it's find to wear a floaty little sundress.  Context.  But I think that being more rather than less covered makes me feel more comfortable when we are out walking, etc.  And I'm the mom she has, and I feel more comfortable for her when she is wearing a little bit extra.  But that is me.  Other people with different upbringings might feel comfortable in different clothes, or with their kids in different clothes.  I think it is completely rude to suggest (or imply) to another parent how they should dress their kid.  Horrifically rude.  And that is part of being modest too, knowing the limits of what you should be commenting on.  :)

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#26 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 09:22 PM
 
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this is one of the things that each family decides for themselves.

 

it really doesnt matter what i think. for some its inappropriate, for some it isnt. i dont think there is anything to argue about this. no one is right. no one is wrong. 

 

i wouldnt speak up. what would that do. just let it be. she'll say it a few times and then shut up when you dont change. 


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#27 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 09:28 PM
 
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Slightly off topic but in the same vein, I was once told to put a shirt on my three year old daughter at a water fountain where kids were running around to cool off from the heat.  I was dumbstruck because there were plenty of bare chested little boys running around in their shorts.  But someone found my daughter not having a shirt on offensive.  It did not matter that she was 3.

 

I would hate for my daughter to have worry about her panties showing instead of just playing.  Someone up thread mentioned holding their dress up so that it doesn't fall down and show her underwear while she played on monkey bars.  I would view this as a problem.  I don't want my daughter to have to think about taking that precaution.  I want her to just play -- like her boy pals.  Putting girls in pants takes care of that.  If she wants to wear a dress/skirt, then a little short underneath goes a long way in protecting her freedom to play in whatever position she wanted.  

 

All this said, philosophically, I have NO problem with the whole thing. at. all. 

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#28 of 50 Old 11-06-2012, 10:19 PM
 
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I remember a time when my dd was 3 and we were at an indoor playgroup. I looked over from the other side of the room and she was hanging upside down from the monkey bars in a dress and no panties. She must have dressed herself that day, but I lunged across the room pretty fast. So I guess I'm just happy when she has underwear on.
 

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#29 of 50 Old 11-07-2012, 06:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post

this is one of the things that each family decides for themselves.

 

it really doesnt matter what i think. for some its inappropriate, for some it isnt. i dont think there is anything to argue about this. no one is right. no one is wrong. 

 

i wouldnt speak up. what would that do. just let it be. she'll say it a few times and then shut up when you dont change. 

This is what I assumed, too, after the first time or two. But she keeps dropping hints--it's been about ten times now! I just want her to back off. Yesterday she randomly asked me how old I am. WTF does that have to do with anything? Maybe nothing! I am probably reading too much into it :)


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#30 of 50 Old 11-07-2012, 06:58 AM
 
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My DD wears shorts under skirts. A really economical way to get a bunch of under-skirt-shorts is to just cut the legs off of last year's leggings. They usually still fit fine in the waist, they're just too short or worn at the knees. So that way, I get a bunch of what we call "undershorts" without spending any money. You don't even have to hem where you cut, since it's a jersey fabric it just rolls a bit and doesn't fray.

That said, it's really rude of that mom to keep bringing it up to you, and now asking questions about your age. She sounds like someone to avoid.

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