Question for those of you who are in happy marriages... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 60 Old 02-13-2013, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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General question - for those who are in happy marriages, what do you think makes it happy?  What makes it work?

 

My parents divorced when I was a teen, and although I had several long term relationships in University, they never worked out.  I ended up getting married, but for the wrong reasons and now my marriage hasn't worked out.  It occurred to me that growing up, I didn't have a very good model for how a good marriage is supposed to work, and I didn't end up figuring it out in my own marriage.

 

So what makes your marriage work?  What makes it successful? How do you make a good marriage?  What do you look for in a partner and what role do you play in making the marriage work?

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#2 of 60 Old 02-13-2013, 11:30 PM
 
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Well, I'm on my second marriage. (My ex evolved into an emotionally abusive drug addict. I made some mistakes, but I couldn't have saved the marriage, even if I hadn't. Oh - and he also came out of the closet about 5-6 years ago, so...yeah.)

 

I'm very happy. What makes it work? We both consider the other's feelings and perceptions. I don't assume my crappy day with the kids was worse than his crappy day at work, and vice versa. We both try our best, and we both accept that sometimes, one party's "best" is better than the other's. We don't keep score. When we're irritated by little things, we remind ourselves of all the big things we love and appreciate. We make each other a priority, in both big and little ways...and understand when there are times when that's not really possible.

 

What do I look for? I don't really know. I fell for my ex while we were still in high school, because he seemed to appreciate me for what I was. I was a bit of a freak at my high school, and my ex liked all the things everybody else seemed to hate. We were just really, really good friends - same taste in music, mostly the same taste in movies (except that he liked horror movies, and I never have), similar interests, compatible groups of friends, etc. We were together for almost seven years before we got married.  It was just...really, really comfortable, yk? (And, now, 13 years after the break-up, I can still engage in conversation with him on a "chit chat" level more comfortably than with most.)

 

DH? I met him completely by accident. He was just a friend from a music forum, and now he's the love of my life, father of three of my four children, and the most rock solid man I've ever met.


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#3 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 11:43 AM
 
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I don't know what makes one marriage work while another doesn't.

 

I didn't marry dh for the sake of being married or for someone to save/serve me. I didn't marry him for financial security.

I wasn't actually looking for a relationship when we met. The guys I was attracted to tended to be slightly non-mainstream and funny.

 

I instantly felt very comfortable with dh in a way I haven't with anyone else ever. I feel like I can tell him anything.

Since we have been married (13 years) I have held a traditional support/nurturing role but not like dh is my child. I don't tell him what to do or baby him.

 

Dh has had issues with severe anxiety and I know I make him feel safer somehow... kind of an anchor.

I just think we just bring out the best in each other. We have helped each other grow as people.

 

I genuinely like being with dh. He is affectionate, intelligent and funny. He is pretty responsible and loyal I would say. He doesn't drink, smoke or use drugs. He is usually easy going. He makes me feel loved and desirable.

 

We share common interests but don't agree on absolutely everything.

 

I don't assume dh can read my mind. I don't play games or hint. I tell him right out what I want and feel. I listen. I try to understand what he wants and feels.

 

I don't know if that helps.


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#4 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 12:22 PM
 
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My partner and I have been together for over 20 years now. And I can probably sum up our longevity as a couple by saying that we have more to learn by staying in the relationship than by leaving it. As long as that remains true, we'll stay together.

 

(Actually, we did break up and get back together at one point, but as neither of us dated other people during that hiatus, which lasted about 18 months, we now consider it another chapter of our relationship.)

 

Are we happy together? Yes, most of the time. We like each other, we have similar goals, we are a great parenting team, we are never bored. We've been through a lot together. We keep growing.


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#5 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 02:16 PM
 
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My wife makes me laugh, and I make her laugh.  We enjoy each other's company.  We both believe that it is important to have our own interests and friends and to spend time doing things separately.  We love being together, but we don't have to always be together.  We have quite a bit in common and similar backgrounds and values.  When we started dating we were both ready for a relationship and we were both looking for marriage and a family.  I think the fact that we had both been through therapy and some bad relationships taught us a lot about what we wanted in a relationship and how to be in one.  Communication is very important to us.  We don't believe in leaving things unsaid so that sores fester and become something bigger later.  We are different in many ways, but our skills complement each other's so that we make one great whole.  Marriages take work for sure, but there's no one else I would rather put in the effort for.  It's worth it.  I would say if you don't feel like it's worth working on a relationship, it's not worth staying in. 




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#6 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 08:04 PM
 
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He's a good person, a good man, a good husband, a good father and a good friend.  What makes our marriage work is that because all of those aforementioned things he is are subjective, he tries to be a good person, man, friend and husband to me, and a good father to our child.  I also think our shared commitment to a lifetime marriage is very helpful.  Divorce is not an option for us.  I don't judge it, but I won't do it.  He feels the same way.  We knew this getting married to each other.  We're going to be married, so we might as well not be miserable.  My means of keeping my end of the marriage up is to keep him happy to be married to me, usually.  Some days he probably can't stand me.  That's OK as long as those days are not the majority.  It's as a little as wearing lip gloss when he comes home from work and as big as knowing when I'm laughing at him too much and stopping the laughing.  We do not stop trying.

You should know, I've been married since 2008 so I am a real expert on this subject.  winky.gif

But seriously, sadly we see people who are married as long or a shorter amount of time than us and their marriages are already visibly crumbling.  I intend to teach our child(ren) that we marry for life.  There is something enriching about a lifetime commitment simply because.

Edited to add/  I have a good, strong example of lifetime marriages in my family (21 marriages, 3 divorces, 2 involved abuse), but not all of them are happy.  The unhappy marriages seem to involve a lot of jerky behavior.  So my impression is that marriages work best when people are not jerks.

Whoops, forgot to add my generation to the marriage list. 


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#7 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 08:55 PM
 
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Common interests and hobbies that we do together and enough separate hobbies and interests that we aren't always tied at the hip. We have a joke about "low expectations", too. Meaning, we try not to get worked up over "how this is supposed to be" and focus instead on what works for us. We read similar books, though not the same ones all the time. We share chores and he was a great parent for the little kids. And for the teens, he's such a philosopher that they seek out his opinion on things sometimes rather than coming to me who might over react on their pontifications of life.

Our sex drives are a bit mismatched, so we have to "give and take" some on that issue. Mine high, his low.

And sometimes we are little too yin-yang. Meaning .. what makes it go can also drive you a bit bonkers but we get through.

We met in Latin class in high school. Within seconds of speaking to him, I knew my future was with this man.

We keep trying new things. We've taken dance classes, we've learned to snowshoe. He wants to try Japanese archery, so I'm trying to find us a class. Not only are these things typically, "date" times but they give us more shared experiences together.

And we've been together long enough to have had really good years and really bad years, so we can weather the storms. We celebrate 25 years this summer. I'm quite happy about that.
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#8 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 09:00 PM
 
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Oh - a couple of people mentioned it, but I don't think I did...dh can make me laugh, or at least smile, under almost any circumstances. I find that to be very, very important.


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#9 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 09:23 PM
 
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I learned many aspects of a healthy marriage from the example of my parents, but also found some traits of my parent's marriage undesirable. I worked to make sure that I could change those traits, and I put the good ideas and practices to work in my own marriage.

My husband, on the other hand, learned how to have a strong marriage by NOT following his parent's example. His mom has been married four times and his father three times (his third marriage is a strong and happy one). My husband really wanted to find a strong, lasting, passionate, and respectful love. He has always gone his own way, so thinking about his own habits and behaviors and adopting the ones he wants has never been a problem.
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#10 of 60 Old 02-14-2013, 09:43 PM
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My dh and I both have parents that have stayed together.  All of our grandparents have had good, strong marriages as well.  I don't mean to say that a long marriage = a happy one, but it did appear that our families have had happy marriages.  I do think we learned a lot from our parents.  That being said, there are things that work for my parents that wouldn't work for me.  I have found solutions to some problems by looking at dhs parents or by coming up with our own solutions.  DH and I started dating in high school and got married at 21.  We came from two different faiths (Catholic and Mormon).  We have been married for over 17 years now.  This is what has worked for us. . .

 

It was necessary for us to find our own path.  Meaning, our parents/family are great support, but we had to learn to be each other's support.  We had to look to each other when making decisions.  For us, moving away from family for a time was great because it gave us no other option but to become stronger as a unit. 

 

We also learned to respect each other.  This sounds obvious but sometimes isn't.  Not everything needs to be shared.  Also, we each have separate interests as well as things we like to do together.  Sometimes we need space too and that is ok.  It isn't good to take those needs as if there is a problem with you.

 

We aren't selfish.  I really think that "selfishness" ruins a lot of marriages.  DH and I think as a team.  We are both "family first" in mindset.  I don't mean that we ignore personal needs, etc but that we try to see how our decisions will affect our family.  We try to balance individual and family.  

 

Also, you know the saying "don't go to bed angry".  Well, we don't believe in it.  :-)  Seriously.  Often, if we are disagreeing it is better for us to get a good night's sleep and then discuss it in the morning.  I think that adults (not just children) tend to be snappish, quick tempered, close minded when they are tired.  

 

Don't blame.  So we made a bad investment.  "WE" made it.  It doesn't help to say things like "why did you talk me into this"  Blaming doesn't help.

 

Amy


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#11 of 60 Old 02-15-2013, 08:23 AM
 
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my marriage broke up. but i have around me a lot of 'happy' marriages and some very unhappy marriages. 

 

my own observation is this - first they do have something in common - either interests together or the other person interesting. there is some shared space somewhere (my fav. couple hardly do 'anything' together except watch tv. but they have allowed each others individuality and they live a life together and apart and have found the balance.)

 

for me inspite of everything i think there is ONE thing that makes a marriage work. provided there is some shared commonality.

 

just digging your heels in and willing to do the work. 

 

i learnt a lot from my marriage. about myself. and saved myself another broken marriage even though i passionately loved the guy. today i am great friends with him and his gf and am their regular babysitter after gparents. he was the kind of person who felt fulfilled taking care of someone. he had to feel 'needed'. that the person couldnt function without him emotionally. that is so not the person i need.

 

so truly to have a successful marriage - you really need to know yourself. 

 

some people come out of the womb knowing themselves. like my dd. and some have to wait till their 40s. like myself. 


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#12 of 60 Old 02-15-2013, 05:28 PM
 
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My husband and I are very happy together, but it took a lot of work to figure out how to be happy together even though we love each other.

 

We are very different people, and while we both admire the others strengths, we used to despise the other's weaknesses. We've learned to back off on that, and just accept what is, and focus on what we like about the other one.

 

We both deeply value our relationship and feel lucky and blessed to have each other. I think this is key, and that without BOTH partners feeling this way, there's nothing to get a couple through difficult times.

 

We both take responsibility for our own happiness. It is not my job to figure out how to make him happy, and it isn't his job to figure out how to make me happy. This is HUGE.Back in the old days before we hit our relationship stride, I put a lot of energy into trying to make him happy, and found it frustrating when it didn't work. I also blamed him a lot for my own feelings. A turning point in our marriage was when I stopped all that nonsense.

 

I didn't know what to look for in a partner, and feel that I got lucky. We spent a lot of time drinking together -- we were both idiots. bag.gif

 

With hindsight, my husband's traits that have helped us figure out this marriage thing are character traits. He is honest, hardworking, responsible, not about his ego, and feels that being a "good man" is about how he does as a husband and father.

 

My part to play has been to avoid bringing all the crap from my family of origin into my marriage, to truly deal with my own sh*t, to take responsibility for my own feelings, to communicate clearly about what I need, and to give him space to be himself.


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#13 of 60 Old 02-16-2013, 09:45 AM
 
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FWIW, I asked my dh what he felt made a happy working marriage and he said pretty much what I posted previously. So maybe having similar views on what your marriage should be like helps a great deal. Dh's parents divorced after 15 miserable years and my parents stayed married peacefully for 40 so we had different examples but came to the same conclusions.

 

I do think treating each other with respect is pretty basic to keeping a relationship going.

The unhappy marriages I know of seem to usually have one person's feelings and opinions constantly overriding the other person- also things like often putting down or embarrassing the partner in front of others, minimizing your partner's emotions, often speaking negatively to others about their partner when their partner is not there, breaking trust with your partner, blaming the partner for things going wrong even if it could not be prevented, treating the partner like a child, and hiding things from your partner often (your real emotions or things you have done).


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#14 of 60 Old 02-16-2013, 08:49 PM
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Honestly, I think it takes both physical chemistry AND friendship to make a marriage work really work well. 

 

Dh's (rude) friend once asked him, "What do you and your wife [me] have in common?  Because I don't see anything."  

Dh replied, "We've got love in common."  Yep, I think that sums it up!  So, the friendship part of marriage doesn't have to be "we do everything together," but rather, "we really like each other and  find each other interesting."  

 

And if you're single and looking for love, stay off hormonal birth control!  (I'd use condoms).  Because the pill really messes up your "radar":

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/201005/how-the-pill-could-ruin-your-life

 

I also have to say that when I saw dh (then boyfriend) playing with my niece, I instantly knew what kind of father he'd be (a good one.)  That mattered a lot, too. 


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#15 of 60 Old 02-17-2013, 09:03 AM
 
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A and A…that was a great link!  Thanks.


There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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#16 of 60 Old 02-17-2013, 09:20 AM
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A and A…that was a great link!  Thanks.

 

 Welcome!  It is fascinating stuff.  


"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#17 of 60 Old 02-17-2013, 09:49 AM
 
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I do think treating each other with respect is pretty basic to keeping a relationship going.

The unhappy marriages I know of seem to usually have one person's feelings and opinions constantly overriding the other person- also things like often putting down or embarrassing the partner in front of others, minimizing your partner's emotions, often speaking negatively to others about their partner when their partner is not there, breaking trust with your partner, blaming the partner for things going wrong even if it could not be prevented, treating the partner like a child, and hiding things from your partner often (your real emotions or things you have done).

 

yeahthat.gif We've been married 20 yrs this fall. It wasn't all easy and there were years when we didn't get along as well as we do now (postpartum hormones did a number on me for a long time), but we respect that we are our own people and we don't try to control the other. We do have in common a similar viewpoint toward life. I think he's handsome, but he thinks I'm joking when I say it. He's very self-effacing, very conscientious, with a dry wit. I'm a work in progress. We've been through a fair amount of life's ups and downs—birth of kids, deaths and long illnesses of parents—an weathered it. I would say our marriage is as strong now as it's ever been.


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#18 of 60 Old 02-17-2013, 10:09 AM
 
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DH & I have been together 10 years. I was 16 when we started dating and knew right from that first day together that this was the guy I was supposed to spend my life with.
Our relationship works so well I think because we communicate with each other. Both of our parents are divorced and even though we were young (16 & 20) when we staryed dating, we both agreed to always talk about our feelings, and we do! We also "fight fair", give each other turns to state their case, ask questions to better understand each other. In 10 years we've only had one rough patch where we wanted to throw in the towel but we stuck it through and came out even happier!
DH is my best friend, my rock, he inspires me every day. We are equally the same as we are opposite. He is an amazing father and a very loving husband.
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#19 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 08:00 AM
 
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He's a good person, a good man, a good husband, a good father and a good friend. What makes our marriage work is that because all of those aforementioned things he is are subjective, he tries to be a good person, man, friend and husband to me, and a good father to our child. I also think our shared commitment to a lifetime marriage is very helpful. Divorce is not an option for us. I don't judge it, but I won't do it. He feels the same way. We knew this getting married to each other. We're going to be married, so we might as well not be miserable. My means of keeping my end of the marriage up is to keep him happy to be married to me, usually. Some days he probably can't stand me. That's OK as long as those days are not the majority. It's as a little as wearing lip gloss when he comes home from work and as big as knowing when I'm laughing at him too much and stopping the laughing. We do not stop trying.

 

Yes, character counts for a lot (maybe the most) when it comes to long-term successful relationships.   People really don't change that much (unless they experience a huge, life-changing event) and the selfish, 25 yo that does't put a relationship first is likely going to be a selfish 50 yo that still does't put a relationship first.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

 

The unhappy marriages seem to involve a lot of jerky behavior. So my impression is that marriages work best when people are not jerks.

 

This made me laugh out loud.  So true! 


Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#20 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 08:28 AM
 
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I do think treating each other with respect is pretty basic to keeping a relationship going.

The unhappy marriages I know of seem to usually have one person's feelings and opinions constantly overriding the other person- also things like often putting down or embarrassing the partner in front of others, minimizing your partner's emotions, often speaking negatively to others about their partner when their partner is not there, breaking trust with your partner, blaming the partner for things going wrong even if it could not be prevented, treating the partner like a child, and hiding things from your partner often (your real emotions or things you have done).

yeahthat.gif

 

I especially agree with the bolded.

My husband and I have been together 25 years.  We decided early on to always treat each other with respect - and politeness, which might sound like a minor thing but we think it can make a difference.  We saw couples who treated strangers better than each other and that negative behavior can become a habit or make small issues seem bigger than they really are.

 

I had a failed marriage prior to this one.  I blame it on his lack of character (he had an affair and left me for the other woman).  In hind sight, there were signs or insights into his personality I didn't pick up on; but I should have.    So, I think it is also important to really look at the person you are marrying and have a good understanding of who they are and how their past can affect a marriage.  (e.g.  I knew my ex had a messed up childhood...but I didn't understand how that could affect our relationship. Not that all people with bad childhoods cannot have good marriages...it just might require acknowledging the past and extra consideration/work for both people.)

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#21 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 02:22 PM
 
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DH and I have been married for 11 years, together for 18. There's no magic that makes it work, we're just a good match. We care about each other, we don't want to hurt each other's feelings, we want to help each other, we see ourselves as a team, we celebrate each other's accomplishments, we laugh together, we just ... like each other!

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#22 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 05:45 PM
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 and the selfish, 25 yo that does't put a relationship first is likely going to be a selfish 50 yo that still does't put a relationship first.  

 

 

 

Not necessarily.  People CAN change when they're 50, but you (general "you") may not want to wait that long for them to change!!  


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#23 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 06:37 PM
 
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My marriage is falling apart, but I saw some things mentioned that didn't work for me. I'm not trying to tell others they are wrong just pointing out that I was fooled.

I saw my then boyfriend with nieces and nephews, and he was *very* different as a father. I should have listened more to his stories about his childhood.

As a Catholic, divorce was not an option. He said he had strong Lutheran ties, and felt similarly. I am now considering divorce, as I am miserable with him.



The red flags I missed:

Friends who tried to tell me that he behaved differently when I wasn't around. I thought they were jealous.

A constant drive to compete.

A tendency to tell me how I felt about things (like competition) and believed.

A tendency to respond to what he wanted me to like or want, rather than what I told him.



If I were to give advice on choosing a spouse, it would be "listen to your instincts". Don't worry if you can justify your feelings. Trust them instead.


I am glad there are so many good marriages being represented here!!

I think many of the things said are terrific!! Just be aware that some people can fool you.
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#24 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 07:08 PM
 
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Oh - a couple of people mentioned it, but I don't think I did...dh can make me laugh, or at least smile, under almost any circumstances. I find that to be very, very important.

This is a big part of my marriage too.

I've known my dh since I was a teenager, and we were both different then. Our relationship lasted a few years and was not great when it ended. We would sort cross each others paths now and again, but I knew that I could never be with him in a serious way. But during the time we were apart, which was another few years, he really changed. Or maybe it would be better to say that his way of relating to other people changed. And it was something that was huge and apparent in the way he treated others as well. So I do think that people can become better versions of themselves, but it takes time, and work, and desire. And it was all him, I may have been part of what made him want to be a better him, but I couldn't have forced it to happen. It happened when I wasn't invested anymore, when he had no one to fall back on but himself. I think he didn't like what he saw when there was no one to reflect an idealized version of himself back to him.

We are respectful of each other, mostly considerate of the things the other feels. We are very open with each other and communicate. We actually had a diffiucult time recently with communication because, in part, I didn't make some feelings I'd been having clear to him. And it was huge painful mess. So talking about things that aren't working before they get to be a big problem is pretty important smile.gif

And ultimately, we get along really well. We are actually good friends so we enjoy spending most of our time together. I think that helps too.

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#25 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 07:12 PM
 
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I saw my then boyfriend with nieces and nephews, and he was *very* different as a father. I should have listened more to his stories about his childhood.
My ex was also absolutely amazing with his nephew, and the few other young kids we were occasionally around (we had pretty much the first baby in our circle, other than his sister's little guy). It made me gooey, and I thought he'd be a fabulous dad. He was a fabulous dad...for about the first year and a half or so. You can't always tell by that kind of stuff, I agree.

The red flags I missed:

Friends who tried to tell me that he behaved differently when I wasn't around. I thought they were jealous.

A constant drive to compete.

A tendency to tell me how I felt about things (like competition) and believed.

A tendency to respond to what he wanted me to like or want, rather than what I told him.

You know...the red flags are funny. The only thing I really missed was that I underestimated the impact our different upbringings was going to have. His family was mostly on welfare when he was growing up, and his dad was/is an alcoholic conman, and his mom, whlie being a very nice person in many ways, was the queen of "life is just so unfair to me, and I'm always the one who gets the bad breaks". I'm not sure he had any clue what taking responsbility for oneself even looked like, yk?
Other than that...I still can't look back and see anything. He fooled me about a lot of things, and he fooled most of his friends. Heck - when we broke up, most people thought it was all my fault...until they got a load of what it was like to actually live with him (several friends offered him a place to land after he moved out), and what he was like when he didn't have my income and willingness to bear the burden to camouflage his behaviour.
I think it's really easy to blame ourselves for missing red flags, but...a lot of the time, we only recognize certain things as red flags from having been through it, yk?

If I were to give advice on choosing a spouse, it would be "listen to your instincts". Don't worry if you can justify your feelings. Trust them instead.
In general, I completely agree with this. It wouldn't have made a difference for me, as I really had no doubts about my ex at all. But, it would make a difference in a lot of cases.

I am glad there are so many good marriages being represented here!!

I think many of the things said are terrific!! Just be aware that some people can fool you.
Yes. This. I was with my ex for 6.5 years before we got married, and he didn't turn out to be who or what I thought he was at all.

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Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#26 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 07:24 PM
 
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Not necessarily.  People CAN change when they're 50, but you (general "you") may not want to wait that long for them to change!!  

 

Yeah. I know a couple who got together when he was 34, and she was 17. I never thought they had a prayer (and was honestly pretty icked out by the whole thing). She's in her early 40s now, and he's...60,  guess? They're still together, and have a pretty solid relationship. I eventually realized that they were on about the same emotional/maturity level when they hooked up, and grew up together.


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Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#27 of 60 Old 02-19-2013, 07:39 PM
 
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in high school the big news was a classmate dating an older guy. a guy in his late 30s with grey hair. oh the gossip.

 

i heard they got married after graduation.

 

25 years later they were one of the happiest couples at our class reunion.

 

if i believe the outward appearance around me i'd say there are mostly 'getting along well' couples around me - but the few really connected couples - not that often.


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#28 of 60 Old 02-20-2013, 10:03 AM
 
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We have been married since 1995 and have had a range of good and bad here. I think you can create a good marriage. Happy is probably a poor focus. All marriages have ups and downs and emotions, generally, are fickle. Commitment, character, and respect matter. It is hard, perhaps impossible, to have a healthy marriage with major issues like addiction, mental illness, etc. But barring that I think it can be done.

Two resources that I think are the best to repair/restore a problem marriage or, better yet, to prevent the problems in the first place are Imago therapy and Gottman's work. There are books that step through those processes so a therapist wouldn't be necessarily in many cases. I'll do amazon links.

Getting the Love You Want (Imago--deeper/more intense; very powerful communication technique)
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Gottman--more accessible/easier; studied and then incorporated what really does make relationships work or fail)

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#29 of 60 Old 02-20-2013, 11:19 AM
 
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Does anybody want a thread where we look at marriage help books and discuss them? Maybe talk about what we tried; what worked; what failed.
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#30 of 60 Old 02-20-2013, 01:49 PM
 
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pek if i remember right, parents as partners have a list of resources in the forum. 


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