Very quickly, I have a very dear friend that has a toxic relationship with his family. My friend is a young adult, previously lived with a relative in another state where he had a job and friends. He moved back in with his parents because they were going to help him with school. For various reasons, the school thing hasn't worked out. I happened to be on the phone one day when said friend's mother came in and started an argument, at the end of which my friend declared (in tears) that it was time for him to move out. I knew that there were a lot of issues, but this was the first time I ever witnessed it, and I was horrified. I offered him a place to stay until he gets on his feet, and I offered to help him move out. I have the means to help, so I offered. Going back to where he was before is not an option. Also, there are a lot of opportunities out here that would be really great for him to have access to... schools and work etc. Anyway, this was about two weeks ago, he's spent the time since looking for work/school stuff.
So he tried to do the straightforward thing and tell his mother that he was leaving, that he would prefer to leave on good terms, etc. At first, her reaction wasn't too bad... but by the end of the day she was telling him he was going to fail, that all of his stuff would get ruined, and she made some assumptions about me and my family that were really off the mark and insulting. The night ended with her telling him she wanted him out by tomorrow (Friday). I can't help him out until Saturday because of an appointment that I have Saturday morning. So far, I've given him the phone number that should help him find a place to sleep if they really kick him out tomorrow. He has all of his stuff packed and his legal documents and everything ready to go.
There are two problems... One... he's been told that he can't take his stuff (computer equipment mostly) with him if he leaves. They go back and forth over this, but his things have been used as leverage more than once today, and he doesn't know what he can do about it... if anything. It all belongs to him, though some of it came from christmas/birthday gifts.
Two... I live in a different state than he does. I am more than willing to let him stay with me to help him get into a better situation, but it can only be temporary, and I don't know what help will be available to him as a non-resident. He is a hardworking guy with a good head on his shoulders, so I'm not worried about him mooching off of me or something... But I don't want this to be more difficult for him than it has to be.
I don't really understand why this is such a big deal. The guy is an adult, and it's a bummer that what they planned didn't work out... but to go from telling him they don't want him to leave to kicking him out in less than a few hours time is really upsetting to him. I want to help him if I can, but I don't know what else I can do, or even if what I offered to do is actually helpful.
I could use some advice. :(
Can he move out while his family is a work today?
He can't move out today because he has nowhere to go until I can go and get him, and I can't get him until tomorrow. They've relented a little and told him he can stay until then... but since they have gone from one extreme to the other in the course of one day, I really don't know if they wont change their mind again before today is over.
I'm also really worried about confrontation with his parents, just because I don't like confrontation at all... I'm a pretty laid back and private person. But I'm determined to help him if he needs it. I really hope they aren't there when we do the actual moving.
How did it go?
Me, DS, and DD Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly We love our forest valley home, our goats and chickens, and wild harvested food-medicine
Sorry for the delay, but everything went really well. He is here now, and has been for a few weeks... he had a very promising job interview this morning, and he is doing really well in general here so far. I think that being out of a stressful environment has made some things a lot easier for him, even though he is striking out on his own... which is by no means easy, but he seems a lot happier.
Thank you so much everyone for your advice, it was really helpful. :)
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