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#1 of 26 Old 06-10-2013, 06:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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When I first signed up for facebook, I thought it was an excellent way to keep in touch with far away friends and extended family members. For many users, I supposed facebook is still a fulfilling experience but I am just sick of it now. Instead of keeping in contact with everyone I feel even more left out, especially with extended family. Does anyone else feel this way about fb or has anyone had an experience like this?
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#2 of 26 Old 06-10-2013, 06:41 AM
 
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Absolutely! Exactly why I deleted my account in January. I moved away from my home city where i had an amazing community to my husband's city during our first pregnancy. The move had been planned for awhile, and I love our current city. However, the very instant I left my home, all of my peers started their baby boom, and I began my spiral of "if only" and "missed out again!". Oh, it was just a constant frustration source that filled me with unnecessary emotional tumult and wistfulness. I do not regret where I am now, and have a great life. I feel much better remembering all of them with fondness as I continue to stay busy paying attention to my own life and what actually involves us. Losing Facebook was like losing a ton of baggage and hundreds of people chattering in my ear while shoving their latest instagrams in my face. What a relief! smile.gif
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#3 of 26 Old 06-10-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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I think I remember reading about some study linking Facebook to feeling bad about yourself a few months back. Not sure of the validity, but you're definitely not the only one to experience this phenomenon. 

 

Just remember that quote warning against comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. What people choose to share on Facebook may not accurately reflect their life, you know? I've shared here before that there have been times when I've gone to the beach with another mama and her kids, and she spent the whole day yelling at them, complaining about everything, etc., and then the next time I log on to Facebook there are 10 "fun looking" pictures of our trip on her newsfeed, with the caption, "Another fabulous day for the Jones family!!!" 

 

So yeah, take everything with a big fat grain of salt. 


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#4 of 26 Old 06-13-2013, 09:21 PM
 
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I can't stand facebook! I don't like getting messages about the minutiae of everyone's day. I simply don't care what you had for dinner. I feel guilty if I don't respond, yet really, what am I going to say? My sweetheart of a daughter-in-law shares every detail of her life with her facebook world, and I am happy for her that it helps her feel in touch with the family. But I can't figure out how to gracefully opt out of this without insulting her and her entire very large, facebooking family. Her 75 year old grandmother reports on her bingo games. I swear I am not making this up! Her brother reports on his progress in his online gaming. She regularly shares photos and cute stories about my grandchildren - adorable of course, but enough is enough. 

 

Whew. I feel better. Thank you.


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#5 of 26 Old 06-14-2013, 11:59 AM
 
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Do not feel bad about responding to every little post!  Frankly I'm a little self conscious about posting too much.  It kinda seems desperate.  Maybe you have a smaller group of FB friends.  No one notices if I don't post for a long time. 

 

The online games you might be able to block, if they're posting automatically to Facebook.  A few years ago I got sick of seeing the constant stream of people's progress in Farmville. I found I could block everything Farmville related.  Then it was Angry Birds, and currently, Facebook informs me that my friends are playing Candy Crush. Whatever.

 

Now if the grandmother is simply entering her score when she gets home from bingo, I don't think you can block that!  You can block Grandma-in-Law, though...

 

The food thing I don't get. Specifically, pictures of dishes partly eaten.  I kinda enjoy seeing someone's picture of something really nice or unusual they're getting. This one couple regularly goes to high end restaurants, and share what they're eating and what fabulous wine they're drinking. I get a kick out of that!  Just don't show me a half-eaten dish.  Yuck. 

 

I love that I'm in touch daily with friends and cousins I haven't seen in decades.  On the other hand, I regret that I can't continue assuming that some of them aren't anti-science conspiracy theorists. eyesroll.gif

 

I still like FB a lot.  I just don't like how much I'm on it. 

 

Edited to add, I really resent the commands from people to post this now or you aren't a good person. Cancer awareness, domestic violence, animal abuse, autism awareness-  all great issues to educate yourself about.  But please, don't imply that I don't care just because I don't want to repost your useless post.  It's insulting and simply illogical.


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#6 of 26 Old 06-14-2013, 02:13 PM
 
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Edited to add, I really resent the commands from people to post this now or you aren't a good person. Cancer awareness, domestic violence, animal abuse, autism awareness-  all great issues to educate yourself about.  But please, don't imply that I don't care just because I don't want to repost your useless post.  It's insulting and simply illogical.

 

Those are sooooo dumb. "Like if you hate cancer, ignore if you don't care." Ugh, I cannot roll my eyes hard enough. More like, "Like if you're a brainless lemming, ignore if you're capable of rational thought."

 

The really silly thing is that those are typically fronts -- pages created to artificially get lots and lots of likes, then sold to a business who can then say, "We have over 1 million likes on Facebook!" 


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#7 of 26 Old 06-15-2013, 12:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

 

The food thing I don't get. Specifically, pictures of dishes partly eaten.  I kinda enjoy seeing someone's picture of something really nice or unusual they're getting. This one couple regularly goes to high end restaurants, and share what they're eating and what fabulous wine they're drinking. I get a kick out of that!  Just don't show me a half-eaten dish.  Yuck. 

 

The half-eaten food thing is just weird, but I've (fortunately) only seen it a couple of times. I have one friend who posts almost everything she cooks - but she is, admittedly, a very good cook, and tackles a lot of gourmet type dishes.

 

I love that I'm in touch daily with friends and cousins I haven't seen in decades.  On the other hand, I regret that I can't continue assuming that some of them aren't anti-science conspiracy theorists. eyesroll.gif

 

I'm sorry to say this made me laugh. I have one cousin who has political/religious views that are totally different than mine...but we're very similar in other ways, and have always gotten along well. She and her husband are both just wonderful people. So, when she posts on certain topics, I just ignore it...and I'm sure she does the same with me. Several years ago, they moved to a small town several hundred miles away, and I've only visited once (last summer). I love being touch with them on Facebook.

 

I still like FB a lot.  I just don't like how much I'm on it. 

 

Edited to add, I really resent the commands from people to post this now or you aren't a good person. Cancer awareness, domestic violence, animal abuse, autism awareness-  all great issues to educate yourself about.  But please, don't imply that I don't care just because I don't want to repost your useless post.  It's insulting and simply illogical.

 

I posted a rant about those a year or two ago, even before I knew about like farming. That kind of crass, blatant emotional blackmail just irks me. I don't even post the ones I agree with, because of the tone.


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#8 of 26 Old 06-15-2013, 05:06 PM
 
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I enjoy facebook. I get the real news with all the extra non news taken out. fortunately I have some good friends (homeschoolers) who post fascinating articles that are very enjoyable. I knew about Turkey way before the newspapers mentioned it here due to fb. same with morocco.

 

I have some pretty radical friends and I am so grateful for all the things I have learnt from what they have posted.

 

I ignore the stupid stuff.

 

I like keeping in touch with other people's lives and enjoy chatting with family and friends far away. there is something in chatting which is diferent than talking on the phone and I enjoy that conversation.

 

I don't socialize much on fb. or post personal thoughts. I comment mostly.

 

there are lots of meaningful details I get to follow on fb - like day by day account of my friend adopting his son from china, a moment by moment account of a friend's birth.

 

dunno. I like it.


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#9 of 26 Old 06-18-2013, 02:56 PM
 
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In regards to fb and extended family... Its more an issue of someone posting something about a get together or BIG news and wondering WHY was my family not invited or WHY didn't we hear about this news. Kind of like people forget that what they post on FB EVERYONE sees. I kind of liked it better when I had no idea anything was going on with these people, then I would not have to feel left out in the first place. 

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#10 of 26 Old 06-18-2013, 04:46 PM
 
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That 's business as usual with dh's family. I found out sis in law was pregnant when mother in law mentioned in passing on someone else's page something about a bayby shower. A reminder of the pre-Facebook, too many times to ignore instances where we were left out of the loop.
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#11 of 26 Old 06-19-2013, 08:13 AM
 
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I know someone who found out that her MIL had passed away by reading it on facebook. Her husband had not yet been told. shake.gif


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#12 of 26 Old 06-19-2013, 03:29 PM
 
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Wow - that's harsh! We recently lost a family friend, and her daughter was adamant that nobody post until her grandkids had been contacted.

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#13 of 26 Old 06-19-2013, 03:43 PM
 
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I find Facebook to be a place where you find out what you're missing out on. Its always made me feel sad or left out, not connected. People post about what they've done, who they've done it with and the pictures to go along with it. Its like they're showing off. And then there are the boring folks who just post about what they ate or what games they are playing. Any way you go about it, all it does is make me wish i was with those people or i wish i hadnt wasted my time reading boring posts. Its far better to talk on the phone, pay a visit if you can or, at the very least, email. FB is just for show, its not personal, its basically a popularity contest that ends up making people feel left out.
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#14 of 26 Old 06-23-2013, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah the mom in law and sis in law situation was horribly handled. These days I'd rather not post anything. I'm 37 weeks today and will not be posting pics of the baby when he arrives. It seems so impersonal like posting a new pair of shoes I got. I guess I'm old fashioned but I think family and friends should call or visit.
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#15 of 26 Old 06-24-2013, 09:03 AM
 
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It happened again!  We found out just yesterday that the same SIL is pregnant when she posted how much she hates morning sickness.  This is nothing like finding out via Facebook that your MIL passed away.  It's simply eye-roll worthy. 


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#16 of 26 Old 06-25-2013, 05:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Journeymom, that is awful! I'm sure there was a more tasteful approach to make her announcement. Some people are attention seekers.
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#17 of 26 Old 06-26-2013, 06:13 PM
 
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I hate facebook. When it first started I was in college and we could only see people from our own university. That was sort of fun. But now, I'm so over it. I hate finding out about pregnancies, engagements etc online. So I closed my account and never looked back.

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#18 of 26 Old 06-26-2013, 06:14 PM
 
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I wanted to add that my family is on myheritage.com and I love it. It's a much more personal way to talk to family nembers

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#19 of 26 Old 06-27-2013, 08:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Scottishmommy that sounds like a great idea. I've never tried myheritage.com, maybe I'll give it a go this week.
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#20 of 26 Old 07-03-2013, 09:33 AM
 
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i am debating doing away with my fb as well. I have drastically reduced my online social life and now with the big riff between my sister and if i deleted facebook and no longer even knew about most events, what the heck would peoople think then? I fell off the earth? would they even care? haha, i don't know but i made facebook mostly for family and there have been many times i have gotten po'ed because of things posted on there mostly from family. I think i am at a crossroads though, after leaving my drama filled marriage i just have a VERY low tolerance for BS. I tell myself if i wouldn't stick it out in drama for the kids in my marriage then by goodness I am not going to continue in unhealthy anything, whether it is FB, family, friends, dating, too much online time etc. I refuse...


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#21 of 26 Old 07-03-2013, 05:01 PM
 
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i made facebook mostly for family and there have been many times i have gotten po'ed because of things posted on there mostly from family.

 

Yes.  My dd proudly and prolifically posts her political/social views on Facebook.  I'm proud of her.  She finally blocked her grandmother/my MIL when Grandma was simply too graphic in her description of the kinds of sex people will inevitably have if same sex marriage is allowed.  eyesroll.gif

 

Is this hypocritical?  Dd's friends get a little crude with their political comments occasionally.  I'm not thrilled about it, but they're teens, and occasionally I remind dd that her aunts and uncles see her posts as well. MIL's comment was crude, but she's an adult, my daughter's grandmother.  She should know better.  It was the last straw after a few embarrassing comments on dd's posts.  The woman doesn't have sturdy filters on her mouth. 

 

Was that hypocritical, being okay with dd and her friends occasionally getting colorful, while being shocked and fed up with MIL's comments?


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#22 of 26 Old 07-04-2013, 12:45 PM
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I got my facebook account so that I could learn the ropes. . . my dd was wanting an account.  One day, I just deleted all my "friends" that were family.  I left my sisters and one far away cousin on.  One cousin messaged me about it and I explained; we came to an understanding and she is a "friend" again.  Basically, my political views are much different than all of dh's family.  I also didn't like the TMI that a particular SIL posted.  I didn't feel that I could pick and choose from that side of the family without causing a rift.  Therefore, I eliminated them all.  When asked, I say "I don't do family on facebook."  This has been very good for me because I felt that my tolerance of them was getting worse when I saw them on facebook.  

 

There are a few "friends" that were friended out of 'social politics'.  I have used fb's controls to limit what I see from them, etc.  I have all "game announcements" blocked.  I don't play any of the games.  I do like to post stupid stuff that happens to me (my cat hitched a ride on top of my car once--cat was safe/it was a funny story, but I didn't want to call everyone to tell them about it).  I post pictures of some stuff, my sister in Hawaii likes these updates.  I don't post daily updates or anything like that.  If a friend does, I "limit" them through fb controls.  

 

I do like connecting with my dd via facebook.  That sounds wrong, but we have a great face/face relationship! Really!  It is fun for her to link something and have me like it.  I like seeing what she thinks is funny/important/exciting.  Her viewpoints have grown and developed and she has learned to be online safely and to think before she posts. 

 

Anyways, I don't mind it.  

 

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#23 of 26 Old 07-04-2013, 07:00 PM
 
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I call it the Fbook. I never had an account and most of my book club ladies have now dropped their accounts. They all say it is too political and a big time suck. Even my two teens can be found avoiding it lately. There are plenty of other forums out there for special interests,hobbies and such. No need for all the Fbook drama.
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#24 of 26 Old 07-07-2013, 03:31 PM
 
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I really like facebook, but I have a good friend who just can't deal with it. It really does help me stay connected to some people who have drifted a little. I'm older than a lot of y'all (49 now!), and have friends who are the same age, but didn't have kids. We drifted apart when I had kids and got connected with the mom groups. It's nice to reconnect with those folks. There are some folks from high school and my hometown that I am not really close with and a few folks that I have hidden (relatives on DHs side mainly) and I do sometimes control who can see what I post (not acquaintances, only close friends). I have a fairly large number of friends, though, and I think that's what makes it work for me. I am fb friends with a lot of people from throughout the different stages of my life. My friend who couldn't hang with fb had a small number of friends and was getting friend requests from people she went to high school with and didn't want to stay in contact with. She didn't want to share pix of her kid or tell them what she was up to. When you have a large group of fb friends it's more like a community newspaper or community-wide gathering than a dinner party. 

 

We're facebook friends with a lot of DH's college friends and it's such a great way to stay in touch with them. They and their spouses and families are a great group we really love, but they're very far flung (Seattle, New York, PA, KS, sometimes Europe, etc). We used to have New Year's Eve party every year before we had families and they would come from all over. It's like a mini-reunion on fb all the time. I have good friends in LA from my brief sojourn there and I'm able to stay in touch and see their kid growing up. 

 

I think the key for me is to really manage my friends. I hide the ones I don't want to see (have a couple who like to post about their selling businesses — thirty-one, etc; and one or two who like to post about their bunions, etc) and control who gets to see what I post and I have enough other friends and other likes (causes, pages, bands, authors) that I get to see something I am interested in instead. My friend who only had 35 or so friends was only seeing status updates from people she wasn't that interested in. 

 

I'm also fairly self-conscious and don't update my status a whole lot. I'm more likely to "share" an interesting tidbit (shared about the chromatic typewriter today, which is really cool) or to comment on someone else's status. I do really like social media for its organizing abilities. I've gotten involved in some political protests about issues I really care about because I saw it on fb. My friend without fb also cares about these issues, but she didn't know about the protests.


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#25 of 26 Old 07-08-2013, 08:46 AM
 
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Yes, FB was great for reconnecting with high school and college friends for those of us who graduated when the internet was a baby, before everyone had email and before social media.

 

I do like seeing pictures of my friends kids and hearing what they are up to. But my FB use is a bit different than many in that I'm not really friends with anyone I see in real life. My family uses google+ more now so that is where I go for family stuff. I like having friends and family sort of separate. There is definitely more melodrama with in-laws so their not being on FB makes it a more pleasant place. FB is mostly people I went to college with. I hide the games, defriend the people that really annoy me, hide posts with big pictures that I find unpleasant, etc. I have just over 100 friends but really should go through and defriend some.

 

It is in how you use it but it's a can or worms. Someone once described it like a dinner party where no one has given any thought to the guest list. You get the ex boyfriend making a lewd joke in front of your great aunt...


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#26 of 26 Old 07-08-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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Someone once described it like a dinner party where no one has given any thought to the guest list.

Ha, that's perfect! lol.gif

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