need advice on how to deal with this 'stealing' issue and my extended family - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-03-2013, 09:14 AM - Thread Starter
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I posted some of the gory details in the low income support thread but I would like some advice on how to proceed. Here is the jist of the situation:


Back story, sister owes me 400$ and told me she would pay me back in May and then come May said she could not pay me back. She then refused my calls for the past 7 weeks. I was pretty upset, but sucked it up and left her a voicemail last week inviting her to my son's bday party this past weekend. She and her kids actually show at the party. She says she has a new bf and we talk okay during the party etc. Xdh gives ds a large amount of money in cash for his bday gift. I put it in my purse. I go about the party and then go to leave (it was at xdhs house) and the envelope with the money is gone. I immediately think it could be my nephew or my sister so i call her up and she is pretty calm about it and she surprise actually answers. I even accuse her of taking it etc. Fast forward the next day and I had told xdh, and one aunt also told ds his money was missing. I was so distraught. I talk to my sister in the morning as she said she was going to ask my nephew and I wait for her call. She does not call me< I call her. She said she confronted him and he ran off. We talked for a long time. I tell her I am going to file a police report. I tell her they may question her, I tell her they may fingerprint my purse I have no idea. Etc. I was using everything in the book to get the money back. Half thinking she took it....Still not sure. I ask her for nephews contact info and she never gives me his girlfriends number.I let her go, she calls back in 5 minutes and says she calls his gf's house and that my nephew admitted to taking it and that he brought it back to the house but she is at work now so cannot get it to me until the evening. Fine, we end the conversation and then she calls back later and says she had her other son count the money and there was only 300$. It was suppose to be 505$. Okay fine, maybe he kept some, long story short I only get 325$ of the money back. I still have no verbal confession from my nephew. I still do not know what happened to the rest of the money.



So I still do not know how to proceed. I am upset, I feel like because i have no actual confession I cannot rule out my sister. I feel like I need to let my other family members know exactly what happened so that they can protect themselves. I have a feeling my sister was lying about the situation. She is hard up for money and she is seeing this new guy i know nothing about. Both my nephew and sister have stolen in the past, i thought that they had straightened out but people change and can change back and can fool you.


SO what to do? I played the guilt trip so hard on my sister to get the money back and xdh asked if i would confront her about if she took it and i told him no, I would try to get the money back first then decide what to do, and i am shocked that i even got any money back but I did. I feel like I want to throw her whole family to the curb, which means i have to out her to my whole family and pretty much tell them that they have to choose between us. My other option is to stay silent and not attend family functions without explanation. Because some of the money is still missing and my sister swears my nephew said there was no more that was all, i am wondering if she just took some of it once he returned it? I haven't spent the money and I am just holding on to it not sure what to do.

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#2 of 5 Old 07-05-2013, 06:37 PM
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I wouldn't stop going to family get togethers because of them but I wouldn't allow them in my house anymore and I would tell them why...And I wouldn't leave my purse unsupervised when they are present at anothers home...And I would tell others why when they asked...


When you steal from a child..You have hit the bottom of the skumbag pool in my opinion...irked.gif

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#3 of 5 Old 07-05-2013, 06:47 PM
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That sounds like drug addiction. And it sounds like she is the one who took it. Her behavior says so, especially since she is keeping herself as the go-between between you and your nephew. The nephew probably has no idea what has transpired. Does she have some kind of addiction problem?

I would treat is as I would a child with a behavioral problem: try and avoid opportunities for the behavior to come up. Do not leave money lying around. Do not have her to your house. You can keep the lines of communication open with her but don't enable her.

I'm sorry. What a lousy situation.
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#4 of 5 Old 07-06-2013, 06:06 AM
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next time in this situation i would put any money given immediately

- under my shirt/top in one of these thin pouches with a cord around your neck ....

- or you can fold up a fabric hankerchief or thin piece of cloth & sew both short side leaving an opening on top that is the length of a bank note and attach it to a flat piece of elastic (with safety pins if you don't have time to sew it) that goes around your waist (with the money safely on top of your underwear & under your trousers or skirt)


you could choose to explain why you put money in these places ...  as you do so during the party, if other people ask you why you do it ... chances are ... most people the relatives you suspect of stealing mix with .... are probably already aware of the issue .....

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#5 of 5 Old 07-06-2013, 12:54 PM
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Small claims court?
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