Do you have a non stop talker in your life? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-03-2013, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Jesus. I'm about to go mental. I've got a couple of family members who take it upon themselves to give me a headache by pushing me into a 2 or even 3 hour phone conversation.

 

I've tried the:

 

"I have to go now" - But the person keeps yapping on about shit, ignorant to what I've said.

 

"I've only got 10 mins to talk" - But they just ignore and get into a full fledged mindless conversation instead of using the phone call to actually accomplish something (like get an answer to a question, perhaps).

 

"I've got to put the kids some food now/change the baby's diaper" - But their response is "I'll wait until your done" and they. stay. on. the. line. There is no getting rid of them.

 

I've come to not answer the phone in the day time now. It's been ringing out on and off all day and I can't tell if it's a goddamn emergency or just another desperate annoying phone call from the talkative twins. Odds are it's another annoying phone call as they will keep calling and calling until I pick up (doesn't matter if the answering machine catches the call). This scenario is shitting me to no end and I struggle with setting boundaries with these two particular people because they just don't get it. I've tried to give hints (several in fact) that I really cannot do these phone calls anymore, but it's not getting anywhere. They know I've got little ones, are homeschooling and that my time is taken up as is, but they don't seem to care really. They do say/acknowledge that they know I'm busy and my time is precious, but they just miss me and want to "talk".

 

How do you deal with people like this? My only solution right now is to pick up the phone and scream out "What in the &*^! do you want from me????" the next time it rings.

 

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#2 of 10 Old 07-04-2013, 01:12 AM
 
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I pretty much let the machine get most calls if I don't have time to talk.  I don't have any family who will call me just to talk anymore, though, but I do have one friend.  He usually calls me on his way home from work because he hates commuting. But if I can't talk, I don't answer, and he hasn't called in awhile.

 

But yes, I know what you mean, it can be difficult.   Can you say, "OK, gotta go, bye!" and just hang up?

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#3 of 10 Old 07-04-2013, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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But yes, I know what you mean, it can be difficult.   Can you say, "OK, gotta go, bye!" and just hang up?

 

Oh man, I've fantasized about that. I'll get the sob and "Why are you being rude to me" story. It's tiring. I've let it go to answering machine in the past, but a long message is left and then I'll get another call 10 mins later (which also goes to answering machine).. Repeat ad nauseam, except no message will be left after the 2nd attempt, only the sound of a phone hanging up once they realise it's the machine yet again. One time I had no less than 8 of these messages within the span of 3 hours. No emergency. Just want to make contact. When I finally returned the call, it's "Where have you been?? I tried calling like a thousand times". &^%* me. Seriously. I disappeared off the face of this earth so I wouldn't have to deal with your incessant talking!

 

I'm so angry right now. greensad.gif


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#4 of 10 Old 07-04-2013, 05:10 AM
 
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How often do they need these super long conversations with you?  Daily? Weekly?

 

Would there be a regular frequency that you would be OK with, to submit to their need to talk to you?  

 

If so, maybe you could try sending an email or card along the lines of: "I've been having a really hard time recently keeping on top of all of the things I have to do and I have decided that I need to keep any social phone calls to weekends in order to be able to really enjoy catching up with you.  I miss you/love you etc, but cannot spare the time during the day/week at the moment.  I would love to speak to you on Sunday at 5 (for example) and until then, send me an email if there is anything you need me to know."  

 

Also, would it be possible following a message left on your machine to send a quick mobile text message or email to say "I received your message - I won't be able to talk until later, but I will give you a call at 9 (or at the weekend) if I can" to prevent the obsessive calling back?

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#5 of 10 Old 07-05-2013, 06:35 PM
 
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Ergh.

 

Do you think a "Look, I have to go in five minutes" might help, the way it does with kids at the park ("five more minutes and then you need to get your shoes back on")? It might avoid the "Why are you being rude to me?" thing five minutes later, when you firmly say goodbye and hang up.

 

Or you could try making it about you: "Oh my goodness, look at the time! I've been on the phone for thirty minutes, can you believe it? I've gotta dash and get the dinner going, sorry to have kept you so long, bye!" - swift hang-up.

 

Orrrrrr, just be blunt. "I'm sorry, but these days I don't have time to chat on the phone for hours. I'm making it a policy to keep all my calls to X minutes or less."

 

My parents get rung up constantly by a lady from church with special needs. She's lovely, but will ring ten times a day. They've set firm boundaries with her - she's not allowed to ring around dinnertime, for instance, and after a phone call Mum will ask her not to ring back again that day. She doesn't always comply. :p Sometimes she'll ring back three minutes later. But they have cut down on the calls considerably, just by being (kindly) firm and consistent. But then, this lady isn't offended by boundary-setting, whereas it sounds like your relations are. I'm sorry you're in that situation - how aggravating!


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#6 of 10 Old 07-05-2013, 06:40 PM
 
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Got a couple of Aunt's like this...they literally want to talk for hours and the same crap over and over again...After I am done talking I say I either have to go put L to bed or I have to leave for an appointment...Sometimes I don't even answer the phone   

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#7 of 10 Old 07-05-2013, 11:04 PM
 
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I think we have the same relative!!!

Mine is a non-stop talking NARCISSIST, no kidding, a true narcissist. Someone who always talks about herself, and can turn ANY topic back to herself. I tried an experiment once, and thought of some off the wall topics to talk about, just to see if she would turn the subject back to herself. She succeeded.

 

Like you, I don't like those hour+ phone conversations. Worse, she will talk with me for an hour, then call someone else immediately after and talk about the same exact thing! How can anyone talk about themselves all day long? I do love her though, so it's a tough situation. Sacrifice your time to please someone you love? If the person is an "emotional vampire", who feeds off your attention and leaves you drained, when do you stop the cycle to protect yourself?


 
 
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#8 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 07:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LoveOurBabies View Post

 

Oh man, I've fantasized about that. I'll get the sob and "Why are you being rude to me" story. It's tiring. I've let it go to answering machine in the past, but a long message is left and then I'll get another call 10 mins later (which also goes to answering machine).. Repeat ad nauseam, except no message will be left after the 2nd attempt, only the sound of a phone hanging up once they realise it's the machine yet again. One time I had no less than 8 of these messages within the span of 3 hours. No emergency. Just want to make contact. When I finally returned the call, it's "Where have you been?? I tried calling like a thousand times". &^%* me. Seriously. I disappeared off the face of this earth so I wouldn't have to deal with your incessant talking!

 

I'm so angry right now. greensad.gif

 

And would it make any difference to them if you were the one in tears and pointing out how rude they were being to you?  Seriously, it doesn't matter if they're concerned about how it's impacting you, as long as you're concerned and tend to that.  A cheerful "I'm hanging up now, love you!" is not out of line.  It's not what they want, true, but just because someone's offended does not mean you were offensive.  They'll have to get over it, or die mad.

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#9 of 10 Old 07-09-2013, 09:06 AM
 
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i have really bad ones. REALLY BAD.

 

Friends. not family.

 

if they ignore my limitations

 

- i hang up, wait a few seconds and then take the phone off the hook. they are on the cell phone so they think it dropped the signal. i do this to the person who i can go take a pee and come back and they wont even know i wasnt there nor does it affect the conversation. 

 

- i have had to do 'gotta go now. bye' click

 

- wait for the answering machine to pick up and see what they say. 

 

i have friends who are really really NEEDY. i feel i spend a lot of time with them IRL. not just on the phone and i do things for them. so i dont want to spend my time on the phone too. if i do have the time i talk, otherwise i tell them hey i only have 5 mins. for some i say that when i actually have 10 mins coz i know it'll take them 5 mins to say bye. 


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#10 of 10 Old 07-09-2013, 09:10 AM
 
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And would it make any difference to them if you were the one in tears and pointing out how rude they were being to you?  Seriously, it doesn't matter if they're concerned about how it's impacting you, as long as you're concerned and tend to that.  A cheerful "I'm hanging up now, love you!" is not out of line.  It's not what they want, true, but just because someone's offended does not mean you were offensive.  They'll have to get over it, or die mad.

This, exactly. So the consequence of you setting boundaries and sticking to them could be that they get sad/mad and call you rude ... So what? They're being rude and they don't care one bit. Let them be mad, maybe they'll call less often. wink1.gif

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