Thoughts on age differences? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-05-2013, 05:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It has always been more acceptable for the man to be the older partner in a relationship. While it can be creepy depending on the situation (Courtney Stodden comes to mind), I have never thought it was any one else's business.

 

When the woman is the older partner, though, it seems that commenting is fair game. Why?

 

There is a 17 year difference between me and the guy I am currently seeing (I'm 44; he's 27). While most people don't notice a difference because we both look to be in our mid-thirties, people who know how old I am seem compelled to comment. The consensus is that I must be emotionally immature because guys are always more immature than their biological age. WTH?

 

It's not like I'm looking for a pat on the back or anything. I'm certainly not a cougar who specifically sought out a much younger man. I just want to understand the logic better so that I can have a better come back than "it's none of your business" I guess.

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#2 of 8 Old 12-05-2013, 06:42 AM
 
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I think "none of your business" is a perfectly good comeback. The only logic I see is that whatever women do - stay at home/work outside the home, have kids/don't have kids, get married/don't get married, older partner/younger partner, etc. ad nauseum - it's fair game for people to comment on and criticize. UGH!

 

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#3 of 8 Old 12-05-2013, 08:12 AM
 
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I like the it's none of your business answer too. I dated an older man (18 years older) back when I was 25, he was 43. We were together about two years. My parents thought it was weird, but surprisingly, they didn't give me too much grief. Overall, I never had many issues with people being judgmental, at least not to my face. I'm sure I was judged behind my back. A few times people thought he was my father. That was creepy. There will always be people who don't agree with what you do, but as long as you're ok with it and are happy, that's all that counts. Maybe you can say that too... I'm happy and that's all that matters. You should not feel like you need to explain why you are in a relationship with this man because of the age difference.


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#4 of 8 Old 12-05-2013, 05:52 PM
 
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If you both treat each other well and are happy, then "none of your business" is the right answer for people who want to be judgmental despite seeing that. Affection. love, companionship, respect - none of those things are contingent on a number. Besides, I've know a fair amount of young men who are leaps and bounds more mature and sensible than their older counterparts - so I don't know why some people get so hung up on older women that are with younger men. If he's a good guy, he's a good guy. 


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#5 of 8 Old 12-06-2013, 02:45 AM
 
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My husband is 27 years older than I am and we've been married for 10 years. I encountered lots of prejudice when we were first together. I just ignored it. I think that 10 years of marriage has proved them wrong.:) I'm so glad that I didn't let predjudice keep my away from my wonderful husband

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#6 of 8 Old 12-07-2013, 06:01 PM
 
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I recently dated a guy 10 years younger than me. Um yeah, ill stick to people my.own age from now on lol

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#7 of 8 Old 12-14-2013, 09:46 AM
 
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It's hard enough to find someone you really think you could truly partner up with, without setting arbitrary rules about what age he has to be.  That's closing doors that limit your options further.

Maybe in terms of a comeback you could say something along the lines of, "With the divorce rate over 50% in the general population, it's not like sticking to what everyone else is doing is really a great rule of thumb.  I'll choose based on my heart and hope to do a bit better than what 'most people are doing', thank you very much"


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#8 of 8 Old 12-16-2013, 09:16 PM
 
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People that comment on the age difference with my husband (29 years) are usually people that have been married divorced more times that I can count while my husband and I have been together for 10 plus years I usually could careless, and that's what I usually say.


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