Would this be rude? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in a bunco group, so once a month 12 of us women get together at one of our homes for the dice game. We each bring an appetizer, and the host provides the drinks. All the women except me enjoy wine, so that's the drink that's served.

When I host, I put out the wine along with some infused lemonade or sparkling cider so there's a fun drink option for non-drinkers (just myself, although the other women usually have a glass of one of the other drinks along with their wine), but when other people host, water is usually the only drink provided besides wine.

Sometimes, watching the other women enjoy their glasses of wine during the game, I think that I'd enjoy having a nice coffee or something to sip rather than just water, but I feel like it'd be rude to show up to someone's house with my own drink. What do you think?

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#2 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 03:12 PM
 
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Maybe bring some gourmet coffee mix to share with everyone?


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#3 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 03:55 PM
 
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I don't think it would be rude. At a formal dinner maybe, but not a casual game night. Kinda surprising there isn't anything else offered though.
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#4 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 05:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies.

USAmma, I've thought of bringing something to share, but I sort of feel like it'd be stepping on the host's toes to bring a drink instead of an appetizer, since drinks are the one thing the host provides. Especially something like coffee, where she'd have to brew it in her own pot -- I feel like that'd be putting her out. I was thinking that just bringing one for myself would be less intrusive, but then it also draws more attention to it, which seems rude.

Ugh. I guess I'll just drink water. It's a little frustrating, because if you were going to have a bunch of people, including one vegetarian, over for appetizers, you wouldn't put out a bunch of fabulous meaty appetizers and then just a bread basket or plate of lettuce for the vegetarian, you know? You'd provide something tasty and special for everybody. And when I host bunco, I (gladly) shell out $80 for wine I don't drink, because that's what my guests like. Oh well. They're a really great group of women, and I know they don't have any ill intentions, so I'll just drink what's offered.
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#5 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 05:24 PM
 
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I really think you could show up with your own drink - if they're all drinking wine anyway, they likely wouldn't be "jealous" of not having what you're having or that you didn't bring enough to share, and I don't think it's stepping on the hostesses toes at all. 


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#6 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 08:57 PM
 
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I don't know your relationship w/ these women, but I'm at a friend's house, I am not too shy to ask for a cup of coffee or tea if that's what I want. :)

 

At a really good friend's house, I'll ask her where she keeps the coffee and start a pot!

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#7 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 09:41 PM
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I would definitely bring my own.  Clearly they have had ample opportunity to notice that you don't drink wine; since they aren't willing to step up and provide an alternate fun drink, I think you should bring what you like.  

 

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#8 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 11:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lol, so tonight there wasn't even any water out until I asked for it. lol.gif

skreader, I'm close friends with a couple of the women, but some are friends-of-friends, and the woman who hosted tonight joined the group recently, so I've only known her for a month or two.

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#9 of 21 Old 12-11-2013, 11:13 PM
 
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Maybe sobriety gives one an unfair advantage in the game. Lol. Shouldn't encourage sobriety. Get over it and bring your drink you cheater. Lol.
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#10 of 21 Old 12-12-2013, 12:28 AM
 
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You could bring your own then ask the ladies about it when you are there with cup in hand: "I only brought this coffee tonight, but if anyone else is interested in having a cup I could bring fresh grounds to the next game!"
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#11 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 07:35 AM
 
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I'm a non-drinker by choice. Alcohol doesn't bother me at all, I just prefer not to drink it. It is a very foreign concept to many that not everyone drinks. I would just bring my own drink if I were you, I know I do! I always show up with whatever drink I want to drink. I've never had someone get offended by that and honestly I wouldn't care it they did. I have however, have people get offended that I am not joining in on the wine or beer which I just ignore. :eyesroll


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#12 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 07:57 AM
 
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I don't think it would be rude to bring your own drink. Is there a tactful way you could ask if they would mind? If you are shelling out $80 for wine every time they come over I don't think it's even close to rude to want to have an option other than water.

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#13 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 08:19 AM
 
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well i would kinda be hurt ya know. sorta. i mean no one has noticed. or no one thinks of offering you something else no matter what it is apart from water!!! depends on how long you've been playing together though. 

 

but then as a vegetarian i find most people dont know what to do with me or how to make a vegetarian option apart from a veggie plate or salad. so i am not expecting wine drinkers to understand that there could be other nice non alcoholic drinks. 

 

so. nah. just take your water. but have it often enough at your place so others notice. 

 

another part of me though says - just take your own drink. you have a right to enjoy the evening nursing a favourite drink of your choice. i mean when i go for potlucks i make sure i take a couple of somethings. hmmmm maybe a 6 pack of nice ginger ale or root beer or something fancy - for you to have and share with others - apart from whatever else you bring for the dinner shouldnt be too bad. 


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#14 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 09:05 AM
 
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I have been the clueless one on the other side, not thinking to provide some juice, seltzer, etc. for a non-drinker. They brought their own. I make sure I have something nice for them now! So, yes, I think you should bring what you want - and buy cheaper wine (mulled wine & sangria work great with cheap wine!) for the rest next time :wink


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#15 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 09:58 AM
 
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Not rude at all...... Maybe they don't haven't realized that you don't drink wine...

 

Bring your own coffee in a resusable container (I don't drink coffee so I don't really know what that's called.. but I see a lot of coffee drinkers have one with them every so often.. it looks like a stylish thermos) and if I were you I'd show up in a starbucks container like that so it is obvious that I'm drinking coffee and I bought my own drink) and if anybody suggests 'oh, you brought your own drink. I'd just smile and say 'yeah, I don't drink wine..


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#16 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who would notice something like this. As I said, I know there's no ill intent on their part, they just don't think of it. I was surprised, though, to see NO drink but wine offered last time - I mean, don't wine drinkers just get plain thirsty over the course of 3-4 hours?

And I don't mind spending money on wine when I host -- there are 12 of us in the group, so each member only hosts once a year. It's well worth the $80 for the company of the great women in the group. I do try to model putting out an assortment of other drinks though. wink1.gif We've been playing together for over 3 years (except for a couple newer members), and people are well aware that I don't drink, so ... oh well.

It shouldn't really matter -- I drink water 90% of the time in daily life and am fine with it, but there's something about watching everyone heartily enjoy their drinks while I sip water that just irks me. Even a few slices of lemon or cucumber in the water would be nice. Maybe I'll throw a lemon in my purse before the next game orngtongue.gif

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#17 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 04:09 PM
 
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Only offering wine is just...clueless.  It's baffling to me.  Of course you offer something other than wine. Beer, for example. :wink 

 

 

No, really.  The parties I go to always offer something else, like cool sodas or ice tea or lemonade.  Not offering some kind of nice non-alchoholic drink is weird.  Sure, they don't mean to be thoughtless. But it's just that: thoughtless.  Since you don't get to be the example except once a year  (did I get that right?), definitely bring your own beverage next month.


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#18 of 21 Old 12-13-2013, 05:04 PM
 
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Definitely bring your own. You could get one of those to-go jugs of coffee from Panera or similar if you want to have enough to potentially share with everybody. Or you could bring a jug of juice or cider or some such. 

 

I can kind of sympathize. The book club I attend is pot luck and people really like their wine. But it's a little different because wine is an item that people bring, not one the host is responsible for. Everybody knows I'm pregnant and the hosts will usually offer me water. They do typically end up having coffee after dinner, though. this most recent time I figured I'd bring some cider because hey, nobody else is going to. I think maybe one person other than me drank it... and one family brought their 11 yo, so maybe she's the one who had it. 

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#19 of 21 Old 12-14-2013, 06:24 AM
 
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Definitely bring your own. 

 

I would NOT be offended, and I might even remember to have something for you next time (of course, I will probably have it and forget to offer it)...  I am a terrible host, but I try to make up for it by telling people where stuff is and to feel free to help themselves to anything... 

 

If you came in sipping a cup of coffee, I wouldn't even think twice about it... 

 

;)

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#20 of 21 Old 12-14-2013, 09:15 AM
 
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I bring my own coffee everywhere so I don't think it's a big deal.
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#21 of 21 Old 12-15-2013, 01:01 PM
 
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I think you're way over thinking it. No one should care and if they do that's petty as hell.
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