How to say no?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If you want to decline going to a party. There's 2 parts to this - our parties and dd's parties. Dd gets invited to more bday parties than we like. How do we say a no? I don't want to lie by saying we have something else that day when we might or might not?? But it's also not possible to go to every bday especially when it's not really dd's friend's party but a friend's sibling's. We actually go to most things because we don't really have anything else that day. I'm a low energy person and sometimes I don't really want to go out to a social event but I always find it difficult to turn people down just because I don't have any 'valid' reason. To add to that dh thinks that feeling tired is just an excuse...

 

Thanks.


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#2 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 11:56 AM
 
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I used to feel like I had to give an excuse, but now I realize I just have to say, "Sorry, we can't make it" or "we will not be able to attend."  I think especially for kids' parties, there are many reasons one wouldn't attend, and I just want a head count of who is coming, you know?  It works better when you can just e-mail in your RSVP and do not have to talk to the person.  I like when the machine gets the call.

 

I will say that half the time people don't RSVP in the negative, they just don't come.  I tried telling people to RSVP only if they can attend, but I had a lot of people call and say they couldn't come.  I've seen some RSVPs as "regrets only" which I don't like, because then I have to call.  I left a voicemail on an answering machine of a complete stranger in Manhattan saying I wouldn't be able to attend the bridal shower because I lived in Nevada and had two small children and it just wasn't possible.  But then I felt like I probably offended them because it sort of came across like, "Why are you inviting me?"  What I should have done was sent the gift immediately with the regrets on the tag, or something, but I'm a westerner now, so those fancy east coast ways are lost to me. :lol  (Kidding, I've never had great etiquette).

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#3 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 12:20 PM
 
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I never give a reason. I just say (whether in person, on the phone, via text/email, or in an Evite comment), "Thanks so much for the invitation! We won't be able to make it, but have a wonderful time!" There's no need to say more. They just want a head count.
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#4 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 12:26 PM
 
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I part ways with your DH and think that feeling tired or being low energy is plenty good reason.  If you feel uncomfortable declining without a "reason," it's always valid to say you have plans -- your plans could be a quiet day at home, whatever, they still matter, and you don't have to specify them, and you're telling the truth.


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#5 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 01:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Neera View Post
 

If you want to decline going to a party. There's 2 parts to this - our parties and dd's parties. Dd gets invited to more bday parties than we like. How do we say a no? I don't want to lie by saying we have something else that day when we might or might not?? But it's also not possible to go to every bday especially when it's not really dd's friend's party but a friend's sibling's. We actually go to most things because we don't really have anything else that day. I'm a low energy person and sometimes I don't really want to go out to a social event but I always find it difficult to turn people down just because I don't have any 'valid' reason. To add to that dh thinks that feeling tired is just an excuse...

 

Thanks.

 

In that case, perhaps he could take her.

 

I don't give an excuse, I just decline. 

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#6 of 10 Old 01-03-2014, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. Some of these parties aren't where I could just email/txt. I know some moms who email me and we are not exactly friends but we aren't just meeting at school at drop off or dismissal, so I might have to give a little bit more of an explanation if asked. There's a mom who invited me to the child that was dd's age then another sibling that is a few  yrs younger and dd can't even relate to the sibling just because their age is such. When I am tired dh does take her but he ended up telling a mom at soccer one time that I wasn't at soccer because I have not been feeling well. And I was like I am well and I don't have to be at her soccer and I was cooking.


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#7 of 10 Old 01-04-2014, 06:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Neera View Post
 

Thanks. Some of these parties aren't where I could just email/txt. I know some moms who email me and we are not exactly friends but we aren't just meeting at school at drop off or dismissal, so I might have to give a little bit more of an explanation if asked.

 

I actually think it's rude for a host to ask a guest why they can't attend, unless it's a close personal friend or family member. It's none of their business; you just can't make it. I think it's perfectly acceptable to decline, with thanks for the invite - no explanation required. 


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#8 of 10 Old 01-04-2014, 06:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neera View Post

 
Thanks. Some of these parties aren't where I could just email/txt. I know some moms who email me and we are not exactly friends but we aren't just meeting at school at drop off or dismissal, so I might have to give a little bit more of an explanation if asked.

I actually think it's rude for a host to ask a guest why they can't attend, unless it's a close personal friend or family member. It's none of their business; you just can't make it. I think it's perfectly acceptable to decline, with thanks for the invite - no explanation required. 

I agree.

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#9 of 10 Old 01-04-2014, 06:12 PM
 
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I actually think it's rude for a host to ask a guest why they can't attend, unless it's a close personal friend or family member. It's none of their business; you just can't make it. I think it's perfectly acceptable to decline, with thanks for the invite - no explanation required. 

I agree, and if they do ask, I just say something like, "That day just doesn't work for us" and then change the subject with something like, "So it's a laser tag party huh? How fun, I bet Johnny is so excited!"

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#10 of 10 Old 01-05-2014, 02:13 PM
 
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I think you ought to make an effort for your child to go to SOME of the parties... even if you allow just one a month. Parents do get tired but opportunities for kids to socialize and grow are important. So I guess I side with your DH some on this one.
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