Dating (no sex-related) advice needed - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 01-06-2014, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am recently divorced. A couple of months ago a met a great guy. Because of the recent divorce and the fact that he had recently ended a relationship, we decided to be non-exclusive dating but exclusive in terms of sex. Things were going great. I really like him and think/thought (now I'm not sure) he really likes me.

 

Right before the holidays, texts started becoming more scarce. Plans kept getting changed. I understand he's got friends he wants to spend time with. I do to. I also have kids so scheduling is a little harder for me.


We did manage to get together a few days before Christmas and something changed. I felt such an incredible connection during sex, such intimacy-like I've honestly never felt that, then and there, I decided I really want a relationship with this man. I don't want to see anyone else. I don't want him to see anyone else. But I didn't say anything.

 

Flash forward to today. We were supposed to meet for lunch and a movie. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks now. I was really looking forward to it. We're in an area that is getting pounded by the storm, but we were meeting early enough in the day that we would have been home before it got bad. He decided that he didn't really want to leave his house.

 

Since I've been feeling like an afterthought for him, this just pushed me over the edge. I told him that I understand he wants/wanted to be non-exclusive in terms of dating but that I want to feel more important to him. And if that means being in an exclusive relationship, so be it. I know that age is an issue--I'm 44, he's 28. I know that he would like to get married one day and I don't really think that I'm even in the realm of possibility for that.

 

He asked for time to think about it and that he'd let me know. This sounds like the kiss of death to me. And now that I'm faced with the possibility of not having him in my life at all, I feel like I made a huge mistake. I don't want to try and deny my feelings, but I don't want to lose the friendship either. I'd rather be friends with him and never sleep with him again than never see him again at all.

 

Does that make sense? Is there anyway I can reverse what I said without seeming stupid, desperate, or pathetic? Or do I just have to suck it up and let it go?

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#2 of 4 Old 01-08-2014, 02:11 PM
 
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:HugThe only advice I can give you is that you need to be honest with yourself and with him.  I think you did the right thing.  You don't want to be hanging around in a relationship where you both want different things.  The longer time you are in a relationship like that, the more likely you are to take an even bigger fall.  Hopefully, he'll come back and decide to give it a try, but if he doesn't, it's better to know now than find out further down the line.  

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#3 of 4 Old 01-08-2014, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks.

 

I did a bit of thinking about it and ended up telling him that he should be focusing on finding who he is looking for and I'd rather do the quick band aid pull instead of the slow pull. I feel so much better. I hope he does too.

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#4 of 4 Old 01-08-2014, 05:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vamp127 View Post
 

Thanks.

 

I did a bit of thinking about it and ended up telling him that he should be focusing on finding who he is looking for and I'd rather do the quick band aid pull instead of the slow pull. I feel so much better. I hope he does too.

:Hug


 
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