Handshakes - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 02-01-2014, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
bruna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 248
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Is shaking hands going out of style? I really like shaking hands, and with most people, I much prefer it to a big squeezy hug that is totally out of proportion to the closeness of our relationship.
And I don't think handshaking is less warm than a hug, if you do it right, and actually feel the person's hand and look eye to eye, it can be quite nice. The weird chest to chest hug that people are trying on me is just awkward.
I actually reach out my hand and they shun my hand, and instead rear up like a bear for a big untender sqeeze, or a hold- the -chest- away- and-uncomfortably -pat-back-with-hands manuever.
Do most people just associate handshakes only with business or something?
I really can't imagine why some people find it more awkward to touch someones hand briefly, than to squeeze the whole front of your body on to the whole front of someone else.
BeckyBird likes this.

familybed1.gifbftoddler.gif homebirth.jpgcd.gif  kid.gif 
bruna is online now  
#2 of 13 Old 02-02-2014, 08:37 AM
 
beckybird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Shattered Paradigm
Posts: 1,899
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 42 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bruna View Post

 a hold- the -chest- away- and-uncomfortably -pat-back-with-hands manuever.
 

Lol!!! I know what you mean!


 
 
 "Medical propaganda ops are, in the long run, the most dangerous. They appear to be neutral. They wave no political banners. They claim to be science. For these reasons, they can accomplish the goals of overt fascism without arousing suspicion.” — Jon Rappoport
 
 
 
beckybird is online now  
#3 of 13 Old 02-02-2014, 12:27 PM
 
delightedbutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,631
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)

Nope still shake hands plenty here! Around where I live it's a very transient town and a lot of "important" people (as in because of the town's main industry everyone know everyone and future job prospects are always a handshake away). I'm always being introduced to people and shaking hands is very big :)


Mom to two beautiful girls and  ****5****10****15****20****25****30****35***40**

Come check out MDC's Updated User Agreement  
delightedbutterfly is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 02-02-2014, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
bruna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 248
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
I like business handshakes a lot too. I shook a very helpful shop clerk's
hand at the end of a shopping trip recently, and I hope it conveyed the appreciation I felt.
The city I live in is just super casual in common society. Lots of thanks' thank you', and sorry', but not much eye contact.

Because of the unwanted hugging, I have actually had to say to my young adult stepsons and their friends
"I like handshakes!", when they come to the door and I welcome them in.
smile.gif

familybed1.gifbftoddler.gif homebirth.jpgcd.gif  kid.gif 
bruna is online now  
#5 of 13 Old 02-15-2014, 01:32 PM
 
happyday8598's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Western MA
Posts: 541
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 15 Post(s)

I agree. I love handshakes. I like hugs, but would prefer to save those for the people I feel a heart connection with. Hands feel so powerful to me. The energy exchange that comes from a hand shake is pretty awesome. My grandfather taught myself and my boys how to give a "proper" handshake. We feel like professionals. ;)


happyday8598 is online now  
#6 of 13 Old 02-18-2014, 11:21 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I haven't really noticed this, but would much prefer a handshake to a hug from someone I don't really know. I love hugs, but I'm definitely not the hug everybody type.

 

That said, I also don't really like handshakes. I don't see the need for physical contact when meeting a stranger, and handshakes kind of weird me out...just not as much as a hug.


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 02-22-2014, 09:53 AM
 
P.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,547
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

This really depends on where you are geographically and in which cultural group (not only ethnically) you are, as well as age. I was way more crunchy hippie-dippy in my early 20s and everyone in my circle of friends hugged. I'm 40 now and these days while I'll always be a hippie in my heart I have found I'm a bit more "normal" than I was back then and people don't really hug people they don't know. I hug friends and in my spiritual meditation community people hug....but in the more mainstream "normal" society? I've never seen that. I totally feel ya though I am not really the touchy-feely type and sometimes it gets on my nerves that everyone in my meditation community always hugs. If everyone else in the mainstream society were like that I would go nuts, lol. For example, the other moms from my son's preschool....we would definitely not just hug each other. You mentioned younger people (your stepson) hugging a lot....but do you mean the regular folks in your town and other parents you know and such just all hugging as a greeting? I have never seen that. It must just be the place you live. OTOH, where I live (central western Europe) handshakes are only done in business situations or perhaps meeting someone for the first time although not always, and indeed rather formal.


Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
P.J. is online now  
#8 of 13 Old 02-22-2014, 08:12 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 02-24-2014, 06:15 AM
 
meowmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 811
Mentioned: 25 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 57 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
 

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 

 

This.  I don't really like hugs.  I have some friends who I greet with hugging because I have gotten used to it.  I don't usually initiate, though.  I also only shake hands with people I might do business with or who work with my husband.  That said, I LOVE hugging my kids and like cuddling with and hugging my husband.  I am fairly physical with affection.  But that rarely extends past my immediate family.  


Married, college student, part time work from home mom to DS (12), DD1 (10) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and two rats.
meowmix is online now  
#10 of 13 Old 02-24-2014, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
bruna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 248
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

OP here - loving all of the thoughts on hand shakes...who knew... 

 

I think what prompted me to write about the topic is the idea of the heart connection that happyday8598 mentioned.

I don't like feeling obligated to hug someone whom I don't feel I share an emotional openness with; sometimes a hug will open things up, other times it just feels like it is smothering things.

 

That said, touching hands, and making eye contact, in the form of a handshake, can establish the trust I need before I can build this heart connection. I don't just want to act out or mimic love and affection, I want to experience it!

 

With my stepsons and their girlfriends, it is an issue of a recently blended family, with young adult stepsons. I want to shake hands and make eye contact in order to get to know them. The hugs just feel empty and dis-genuine at this point. I think that they perceive it as formal to them, and they have expressed as much, because they come from a rural, alternative culture, and are young and used to hugging each other hello. A culture clash really; to them it feels formal and uncomfortable, while to me, it feels very friendly. and casual.

 

I am standing my ground on this one a bit, because I think I want to insist that they get to know me, and my culture, on my turf :wink -  Tough handshaking momma here folks.

 

I need to bond with these boys who are the big brothers to my young son. It seems if I don't insist on some things, they don't take notice enough of my position in the family, as I am the strong, silent nurturer type, and often overlooked in the big talking, outgoing masculine dynamic they get going.

 

Last visit was a no hug, and a handshake across the table, so I'm getting somewhere I think :)


familybed1.gifbftoddler.gif homebirth.jpgcd.gif  kid.gif 
bruna is online now  
#11 of 13 Old 02-24-2014, 12:48 PM
 
ananas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 
Same. Handshakes do seem to be less common around here lately, though. I couldn't be happier, I hate shaking hands. A simple hello is good for me.

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

fly-by-nursing1.gif

ananas is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 02-24-2014, 04:06 PM
 
Polliwog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,084
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bruna View Post

OP here - loving all of the thoughts on hand shakes...who knew... 

I think what prompted me to write about the topic is the idea of the heart connection that happyday8598 mentioned.
I don't like feeling obligated to hug someone whom I don't feel I share an emotional openness with; sometimes a hug will open things up, other times it just feels like it is smothering things.

That said, touching hands, and making eye contact, in the form of a handshake, can establish the trust I need before I can build this heart connection. I don't just want to act out or mimic love and affection, I want to experience it!

With my stepsons and their girlfriends, it is an issue of a recently blended family, with young adult stepsons. I want to shake hands and make eye contact in order to get to know them. The hugs just feel empty and dis-genuine at this point. I think that they perceive it as formal to them, and they have expressed as much, because they come from a rural, alternative culture, and are young and used to hugging each other hello. A culture clash really; to them it feels formal and uncomfortable, while to me, it feels very friendly. and casual.

I am standing my ground on this one a bit, because I think I want to insist that they get to know me, and my culture, on my turf winky.gif  -  Tough handshaking momma here folks.

I need to bond with these boys who are the big brothers to my young son. It seems if I don't insist on some things, they don't take notice enough of my position in the family, as I am the strong, silent nurturer type, and often overlooked in the big talking, outgoing masculine dynamic they get going.

Last visit was a no hug, and a handshake across the table, so I'm getting somewhere I think smile.gif

I could see that being hard for them. I haven't lived anywhere where handshakes are even slightly common.
Polliwog is online now  
#13 of 13 Old 02-27-2014, 09:00 AM
 
Beccadoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Juneau, Alaksa
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh my! Hugs are so personal. I just moved from a very huggy place to a very friendly place...what a difference! I love not feeling obligated to hug evrryone...and having the more genine geetings that don't always include contact at all.

Wife to Mark, Momma to Matt & Bryan : Joe & Jonathan - Labor Doula
Beccadoula is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off