please help. im at my end with my mother - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-20-2014, 02:31 AM - Thread Starter
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please help. im at my end with my mother

Ive never posted any where for help so this is a first.i dont know if this is the right site to post this to&it might be long so please stay with me.& my lack of spell check.
First i think its best to give some background.i had a very terrible childhood. I was horrible mentally verbally and physically abused not only will it affect me for the rest of my life but it has actually affected muscle tissue still today. My mother allowed this times promoted it&lied to my entire family about.she abandoned me twice as a young child with my aunt&then when I turned 18 I fled my home to my aunts house in another state escape more abuse in which case my mom blames me for my own abuse
Fast forward to 19 i went to therapy as did my mother(supposedly) and tried to build a normal but guarded relationship with my mother.which was going well at a distance.
When i was 20 i became pregnant with my mom suddenly took an interest in my life&was there for me through out my very difficult pregnancy. As soon as he was born she started treating my like an idiot or a criminal. I was horrified. When my son was 4 months old his father&i had a serious falling out putting me in both an emotional and financial spiral because of this i was forced to move back to California&with my mother in a rental.she gave me 2 weeks to get a job&fully support myself.I discussed with her that I wanted to go to school back to school so that I could create a better life for my child on my own as soon as I started school she raised my rent so I couldn't afford to miss any more hours at work&had to quit school.i had no one to watch my son(even though she was home everyday) so i lost my job to now i am 26 working from home and for every dollar i make she demands 2. On top of the fact that i alone support myself and my son
But the worst thing is shes ruining my child and my relationship with him.
Il give u some of too many examples
When he was old enough to have time outs as a consequence he would throw a fit like any child so my mom taught him how to taunt me by calling me mean mommy while in time-out.anytime I asked her not to feed him something she would intentionally do it til she actually made him sick and then tell him to lie to the time he was 3 any injuries he sustained that were more than a cut come from her allowing him to do things that I asked her not to let him do.she has intentionally handed him very important or special items to me knowing that hel destroy them and then yell at me i somehow cant share with my owm child and im a horrible mother.i am strict on manners such as please and thank you in courtesy but she had made it a point tell him hes little he and he doesnt have to.everything I do in her mind is wrong. I managed to get my small child to be willing to eat spinach and salad because they are healthy in which case right in front of him she always blurts "how disgusting how can you eat that"so then he'll refuse.when he's sick he has to drink tea though its not delicious in which case SHE whines it's gross and tells me that I'm cruel for making him drink it right in front of him so he'll quit drinking it.i spent over $200 for the school clothes for his first year and supplies but all she could say was that he didn't get a third pair of shoes for the first two months of school. when I'm sick she tells him that I'm being lazy even when I've had a fever of 102.she constantly argues with me in front of him robutts me in front of him and tries to instigate me sometimes for an hour at a time in front of him.she's over thrown me so much that now when I try to reprimand him he tells me that I'm being mean tells me that my rules are stupid that grandma thinks I'm stupid too and that I should just leave... it's broken my heart so desperately. that sometimes I feel she has taken so much of my money and energy arguing with her on a daily basis I can't find a good way out of this situation I don't know how to get away from her or how stop her...please help me!?!?!?!

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Last edited by cynthia mosher; 08-28-2014 at 03:59 AM.
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#2 of 5 Old 08-21-2014, 02:11 PM
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I think you need to move out ASAP. Your mother is not respecting your boundaries, and she's taking your money. I don't think enough time has passed for you to heal from the past abuse and have a good relationship with your mother. She continues to abuse you. Talk to a social worker. Maybe you qualify for housing assistance or AFDC and/or food stamps. If you can't afford your own place, find a place with roommate(s). I hope you are able to find a better way soon.
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#3 of 5 Old 08-30-2014, 10:11 PM
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I agree, find a way to move out. Hugs

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#4 of 5 Old 02-23-2015, 09:24 PM
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I would also suggest you its better to move away as soon as you can.
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#5 of 5 Old 04-05-2015, 10:51 AM
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Can you move back in with your aunt?

As hard as i'm sure it would be to leave that's what you have to do. You're an adult, a parent, and you're responsible to some extent for your life. Your mother is using your vulnerabilities to abuse you. Don't let her anymore. MOVE OUT!

I'm pretty confident that most roommate situations would be better than what you've described.

You may wish to move far away, and not tell your mother of your plans. She sounds like an abusive husband and it's likely that she'd try to thwart your plans. You must be smart, and calculated. Devise a plan that will maximize the chances of success for you and LO. Do NOT feel badly for your mom. Think *only* about you and your child. You can do it. You don't need anyone to rescue you. You have to be a self-liberator.

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