Let's talk marriage - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 04-11-2017, 08:08 AM - Thread Starter
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Let's talk marriage

A marriage takes love, work, and devotion and this can be challenging.

I have been married for 8 years and been together with my hubby for 15 years. In those 15 years, there were challenges and we work through them.

We have small kids and they have most of our attention and our energy, so I get that our relationship will be put on the back burner sometimes.

However, while we go through this low period now where we are both exhausted from working full time and DS not sleeping through the night. I find myself putting in more effort, I told this to hubby and we talked about it.

But I am still not seeing any attention towards me, even asking me how my day was and listening. Or giving me a kiss when he leaves to go to work and things I make an effort to do. I am not a needy person, but I do need to feel that I am loved and appreciated.

Should I wait and bring it up again?
Should we go to marriage counseling which worked in the past to open the lines of communication?
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#2 of 4 Old 04-11-2017, 04:44 PM
 
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BTDT. I tend to be pretty patient but I will tell him exactly what I need from him. If it's just the basic, we're overwhelmed and there aren't enough hours in the day, I'd try and fix it on my own first. Have you brainstormed with him things you could do to carve out more time together? Have you told him, a couple little things he could do to help you feel more appreciated?

Mine needs specifics. IE, make sure you kiss me before you go to bed, or text me on your lunch break so we can touch base. Stuff like that. We would sometimes meet for lunch on week days if he could squeeze it into his schedule. Now he takes his lunch and works further away so it's not as convenient but he's also not working as long of hours so it's no longer an issue for us.
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#3 of 4 Old 04-12-2017, 12:17 AM
 
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Yes, I agree that it's important to be specific about your needs/wants. It's a romantic idea that our partner will instinctively know what we need from them but it's actually not always that easy to know what your partner wants.

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages book? I find it's "just do this and everything will be fine" attitude a bit naive and simplistic but, if you can ignore that, the idea of learning how your partner experiences love and the best way to express it to them is actually pretty good.


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#4 of 4 Old 04-17-2017, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
BTDT. I tend to be pretty patient but I will tell him exactly what I need from him. If it's just the basic, we're overwhelmed and there aren't enough hours in the day, I'd try and fix it on my own first. Have you brainstormed with him things you could do to carve out more time together? Have you told him, a couple little things he could do to help you feel more appreciated?

Mine needs specifics. IE, make sure you kiss me before you go to bed, or text me on your lunch break so we can touch base. Stuff like that. We would sometimes meet for lunch on week days if he could squeeze it into his schedule. Now he takes his lunch and works further away so it's not as convenient but he's also not working as long of hours so it's no longer an issue for us.
I've given him examples, but maybe some more details would help him. I also would like to know what he needs from me as I know he's overwhelmed. He's the only one that can get DS to sleep, despite my attempts to share that responsibility. This is probably one of the difficult stages we are going through as DS is 2.5 and is in a non-listening stage.
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