Oh, the cruel things people say in front of their children... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Ds & I were standing in line at the store today behind a woman (#1) with two children (toddler & a maybe-5 year old). She was trading talk with a lady (#2) behind us. This was part of their conversation:

#2: So, are you keeping busy with the kids this summer?

#1: Not me but the daycare certainly is! They go Monday through Friday. Too bad the place is closed on weekends (she laughs).

#2: Oh, I thought you were staying home after the Joey was born.

#1: What? Where'd you get that idea? No way! I worked too damned hard on my degree to waste it staying home with the kids. Besides, they enjoy the socialization and I get out of the house everyday and can talk to real people (she laughs, again). My salary just covers the daycare costs. Well, gotta go, they had a doctor's appointment today so I've already missed enough work.
((She was wearing an employee badge from our county's social services office)))

All the while, I was watching the 5 year old. You should have seen her face when her Mom made the "too bad it's closed on weekends" and "wasting her degree" comment. Her face looked so hurt. Obviously, she realizes she and her brother aren't real people in her mother's world... Wonder what she hears at home?

Why can't people think before opening their fat traps? :
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#2 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 07:46 PM
 
Raven's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 10,930
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Poor kids!
Raven is offline  
#3 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 07:48 PM
 
LDSmomma6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ITA!! I knew a lady who put her kids in daycare during the summer so that she wouldn't have to take care of them. M-F 8-5pm! I was like whatever!! So she works to cover daycare? How stupid is that? Some people's children!! :
LDSmomma6 is offline  
#4 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 07:57 PM
 
CerridwenLorelei's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: BIG SCARY TEXAS/World of Warcrack
Posts: 5,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What disturbs me is you said she had a badge for your social services on--if she can say that about her own kids in front of them what does she say to the kids of the people she is supposed to be helping???

That poor little girl and her brother..
CerridwenLorelei is offline  
#5 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 07:57 PM
 
kate42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Chattanooga
Posts: 3,507
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



That's so sad. You just know that the little girl will remember that for a looooooong time.
kate42 is offline  
#6 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 08:02 PM
nym
 
nym's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Alberta
Posts: 4,496
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is too bad that the kids had to hear that!
nym is offline  
#7 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 08:07 PM
 
Gidget's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In a state of constant confusion
Posts: 1,372
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Awwww, poor babies. Poor little girl must have been crushed!I would be so sad to have to winess that. How sad that mom works for social services. Not sure I would want to ever call on her with a families situation.
Gidget is offline  
#8 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 09:10 PM
 
Shorin_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That makes me sick. I'd trade my Ph.D. for a daughter any day.

Raising my kids will not be a "waste" of my degree, it'll be a wonderful gift. The degree will ALWAYS be there -- they can't take it away from me. The kids will grow up and leave.

Jess
Shorin_Mama is offline  
#9 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 09:18 PM
 
melaniewb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Lost in the depths of grad school
Posts: 5,179
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So sad. I have been looking into childcare for DS in the Fall, one day a week for 5 hours and it breaks my heart to have to leave him that long. Sometimes I really wonder why some people choose to procreate.
melaniewb is offline  
#10 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 09:29 PM
 
wende's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't get how people can be so cruel. It's one thing to say "I feel fortunate that we were able to find good child care" and "I really enjoy using my degree" but to make your child feel as though child care is great because it gets you away from the kids and that your degree is more important than your child? UGH, I just wanna cry for those babies.
wende is offline  
#11 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 09:52 PM
 
Slackermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorin_Mama
That makes me sick. I'd trade my Ph.D. for a daughter any day.

Raising my kids will not be a "waste" of my degree, it'll be a wonderful gift. The degree will ALWAYS be there -- they can't take it away from me. The kids will grow up and leave.

Jess
ITA. I'd trade my degrees in to stay home with my DD any day.

Stories like that make me so sad. They just make me want to go kiss my baby and hold her tight.
Slackermom is offline  
#12 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 10:21 PM
 
Jen123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We homeschool and I hear the excuse a lot "I couldn't stand to with my kids all year long" . It just breaks my heart when they say that in front of the kids. Say almost ANYTHING else if you feel the need to excuse it.

I hate it when one parent attacks the other thru the child by saying "your idiot father" or "your witch of a mother"
Jen123 is offline  
#13 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 10:46 PM
 
sarasprings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,367
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I worked at a day care center, one mother was seriously upset that we weren't open on Thanksgiving. Her son was so sweet -- always trying to please her.
sarasprings is offline  
#14 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 11:08 PM
 
Jessica36's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Defying Gravity
Posts: 3,566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is so sad
Jessica36 is offline  
#15 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 11:16 PM
 
kimberlylibby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 3,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
that's horrible.

I hear the homeschooling comment alot too.... the "I could never be around my kids!" or "I'm so relieved when September comes and I get my privacy again! I hate the summers when they're home all the time"

What kind of message does this send to our children??
kimberlylibby is offline  
#16 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 11:22 PM
 
luckylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: on a little speck in the universe
Posts: 1,803
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not only these types of comments, but I hate the ones such as "he's such a pain" or "Ugh, boys, I wish we had a girl first" or things alone those lines that people say all the time in front of their kids. It's awful. Poor babies.
luckylady is offline  
#17 of 36 Old 06-29-2004, 11:23 PM
 
kimberlylibby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 3,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
YES, the gender comments are soooo wrong!

I had a teacher at my husband's school say to me "Oh, you're having a girl! I'm SO sorry. I wish I'd never had a girl. They're so much harder." IN FRONT OF HER 12yo DAUGHTER!!!!!
kimberlylibby is offline  
#18 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:01 AM
 
Ravin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Atenveldt
Posts: 5,928
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I could see being upset at the daycare being closed Thanksgiving if you had to work it and didn't have family or friends to back up.

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

Ravin is offline  
#19 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:06 AM
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a woman at the playground not to long ago say to me, right in front of her kids (who had started fighting) "Why couldn't I have some GOOD kids?!?!!" Gee, I wonder.
oceanbaby is offline  
#20 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:07 AM
 
loving-my-babies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: From Chile but live in Pgh, PA
Posts: 6,426
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
POOR CHILDREN!
loving-my-babies is offline  
#21 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:10 AM
 
cinnamonamon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Back home in Michigan...& lovin it!
Posts: 4,877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That reminds me of the time my art teacher complemented me at an open house (to my parents) and my father responded with, "oh no, Carolynn isn't an artist -- just wait a couple years until you get to have her sister in your class -- SHE knows how to draw."

I think I was 12 or 13 at the time, and I still have issues -- even knowing what a @##$^* my father is -- it still hurt, yk? Some people just shouldn't be parents.

I do have to say that kids like that are probably better off in day care -- can you imagine if they WERE at home all day with those parents?!
cinnamonamon is offline  
#22 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:19 AM
 
newmainer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: midcoast Maine
Posts: 1,582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Once I get past my frustration at the parents for their comments, I get mad at our culture and society for not being more supportive of parents and kids. I have to assume that if someone is saying things like that, things are not working for them as a parent, and I wonder where they are missing what they need. So many families and parents are so isolated and lacking in a "village." Its no excuse for making comments like that, but I don't think these things happen in a vaccuum.

I was in a store once and a mom turned to her daughter and told her to "stop being such a freak!" She was doing nothing out of the ordinary to my eyes. Poor girl...made me teary.

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
newmainer is offline  
#23 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:21 AM
 
Izzybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Missing St. Catharines, Loving PA
Posts: 2,948
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OMG!
That's terrible!
Izzybee is offline  
#24 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 12:35 AM
 
shine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
here's one that shocked me:

My friend, saying in a kidding-but-not-so-kidding way, that his son looks nothing like him, acts nothing like him and they should have a paternity test done -- IN FRONT of the kid (15 yr. old!!!) Gee, dad, thanks. And he's usually a wonderful father -- I guess we all have weird lapses in judgment.
shine is offline  
#25 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 11:14 AM
 
dallaschildren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 6,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My heart literally aches when I know a child doesn't feel loved or wanted. In our "social circle" I am the minority...most of the woman do not have to work yet their kids are all in daycare. Why in the hell have kids then? It makes me want to :Puke
dallaschildren is offline  
#26 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 11:32 AM
 
Kleine Hexe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 6,894
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarasprings
When I worked at a day care center, one mother was seriously upset that we weren't open on Thanksgiving. Her son was so sweet -- always trying to please her.
Yes, I remember when I worked at a daycare and people were mad cause we were only open for half a day on Christmas eve. Turns out though that some of us worked a full day and then some because there were some parents who just did not pick up their children. We were supposed to close at 1 in the afternoon and I was there with about 5 children (3 siblings) until after 7 in the evening. Even our normal hours we closed at 6! The parents came after 7 and didn't apologize. They said they had to do last minute shopping....for the kids! I felt so sorry for those kids and I was only 20 at the time but I still felt bad for them.
Kleine Hexe is offline  
#27 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 01:12 PM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a friend last summer who ended up having to work the whole summer. Normally she stayed home, but her dh was out of work and they needed the money. She was at school on one of the last days talking to a bunch of moms about school getting out. One mom said something like, "only 64 days until they start up again!" My friend burst into tears and left. Here were these women with the priveledge of staying home with their kids, counting down the days to get rid of them while she, someone who wanted nothing more than to be home, had to work. She stopped talking to the moms at school :
mamalisa is online now  
#28 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 01:48 PM
lab
 
lab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: everywhere baby!
Posts: 3,657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa
I had a friend last summer who ended up having to work the whole summer. Normally she stayed home, but her dh was out of work and they needed the money. She was at school on one of the last days talking to a bunch of moms about school getting out. One mom said something like, "only 64 days until they start up again!" My friend burst into tears and left. Here were these women with the priveledge of staying home with their kids, counting down the days to get rid of them while she, someone who wanted nothing more than to be home, had to work. She stopped talking to the moms at school :

Oh I hate that!

I get so tired of people asking me if I'm ready for school to start back.

I don't even try to be nice anymore, I just say flat out

"No, I like my kids."

Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
ds20, dd18, ds17
lab is offline  
#29 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 02:46 PM
 
JoshuasMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Gilbert, Arizona
Posts: 1,082
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I always have to ask myself "why do people have children if they really don't want them?" Seriously! Wouldn't it make more sense to stay childless and do whatever it is you want with your life? I realize I am preaching to the choir. But it pisses me off to hear things like this.

You know what? I LOVE dogs. But I don't own one. Why? Because I know that right now I don't have room for a dog in my life. Figuritively and Literally! So I am not a dog owner. But I visit the pet stores and I enjoy my friends dogs. PLEASE I am not comparing children to pets. But come on if I can make that decision for a pet why is it so hard for someone to think out having children?

Ok yes, a pg can be unplanned. Well, here's my thought. If you decide to have the baby then GROW THE ****UP and take the responsibilty to heart. Treat children with respect. Talk kindly to them and about them in front of them...
JoshuasMommy is offline  
#30 of 36 Old 06-30-2004, 02:54 PM
 
rubysmomjess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 676
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
One of my friends at work always tells me how thankful they have daycare. That they would go crazy if they had to stay home with their child everyday. It's such a weird thing to me...I'm always watching the clock until I can leave go pick up dd. I miss her so much. And I love our vacations. We have one coming up and I am so looking forward to hangin out with my little family for a week.

And JoshuasMommy I really respect your decision not to have a dog. In my new neighborhood almost everyone has a dog, but we're the only ones out every morning and afternoon walking our dog (out dog is our first "baby"). Dh goes home for lunch on the days I don't work from home in the afternoon. And the houses here have almost no yard. I feel bad for the doggies that are cooped up all day.
rubysmomjess is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off