ok for large women to wear skimpy clothes? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi ladies,

Give me your opinion on this. Yesterday when I was in the drug store, in the line in front of me were a mother and daughter, both large in girth, wearing very skimpy clothes. Skin tight jeans that were low enough to expose a small amount of their derriere, and skin-tight halter tops. In between the halter top and the jeans were many rolls of fat exposed. I thought to myself, why would such large people wear such skimpy clothes?

But then it occurred to me, why not? Does being fat mean you lose the right to wear certain kinds of clothes?

So what do you think? Is it different for a "large" woman to wear skimpy clothes, than for "fit" women?
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#2 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 11:00 AM
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Sure, why not ? I see it all the time, particularly with African American and Latina women, and i always am awed by their brazenness and courage in being sexy no matter their size. I won't lie: some times i do think 'Ugh, that is just TOO much flesh flopping around', but it's still their right to wear whatever they feel good in. I myself am not terribly fat, but i am heavy; i wear short skirts and fitted, low cut tops. I have great legs and bodacious boobies, so all that stuff in between doesn't matter much to me, and dh thinks i'm the hottest mama around . I walk tall and with great pride as we go out and he ogles and drools all over me, and i care not what anyone else thinks .
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#3 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 11:06 AM
 
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Not for this large woman... I prefer to keep my many rolls of fat incognito when I can. Although... I do accept that people notice that there are rolls there even when I'm well covered. I just don't feel THAT comfortable inviting stares & gasps all day, every day.

However, I do try to find a balance.... I do refuse to hide under a potato sack & will not stop living/having fun just because I'm heavy. I will go to the pool/beach, wear a bathing suit and swim to my heart's delight & yes, I'll give you a dirty look if you give me one. I'll get out on the dance floor and wiggle around and stick my tongue out at you if you gasp, and I'll put my poofy butt in the air & get down on the floor to play with my DD and roll around giggling without a care. Life IS too precious to waste time worrying about what other people think.

If somebody doesn't like my rolls - don't look and certainly don't be rude as I am respectful of other people's differences, too.

But, I'm sick of size being an issue at all for any one - anywhere and everywhere in between "too" skinny and "too" fat.
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#4 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 11:07 AM
 
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In general it doesn't bother me much, IF they're adults. Why should someone have to change their sense of style and fashion just because of their weight or body frame? I'm totally in awe of their comfort with their bodies to be able to dress that way

I really, really HATE seeing FAT (not chubby, I'm talking .. 80lb 4y/os .. yes, they do exist, our neighbor has one) in sports-bra type tops and short shorts .. not to play in the yard, but to go out to eat. But I guess then too, it's not really what the kiddo's wearing that bugs me .. It's that anyone would stuff their 4y/o so much that a kiddo the height of a german shephard weighs more than the dog
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#5 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 11:21 AM
 
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YES! I may not liek it but so what! I hate when people say it is ok for a thin woman to wear it but not a heavy woman. WHy? Cause our society says thin is beautiful, fat is not. I see it alot, I admit I find it ugly-but WHO CARES what I think? I hada woman (no lie) close to 400 pouns sit only to expose her "sexy" thong to me at the bus stop. At first Iwas (in my head) like "WHY?" then I thought "IF she was thin, it'd be OOOOH how sexy b/c Iwas conditioned to think that" Not exactly but you get my point.

I am not thin, and get so annoyed by our cultures backwards standards!
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#6 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 11:22 AM
 
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I personally think it's gross, and would never wear something that unflattering. However, it's a free country and people can wear whatever they want, at least until I'm elected as fashion policewoman.
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#7 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:11 PM
 
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I personally would appreciate some restraint, but like everything else there is a place for it. I'm not happy to see thin people showing their rears and breasts off in the supermarket, either. But I won't hold it against anyone if they want to wear a bikini at the pool, no matter how big they are. I don't begrudge a large woman the ability to wear a skimpy shirt on a hot day at the zoo, either. I just appreciate a little situational decorum. When not pregnant I'm pretty decent looking body-wise, and I don't wear skimpy things out-and-about either.

But look at the language - I'd *appreciate* a little restraint in the what-to-wear-when department, but I really think that this is something that isn't that important - what do I care if they're showing fat, how does that really affect me? Why do I even think it's gross? One of the sexiest ladies I know has some extra fat on her (she isn't huge, but is at least 25 lbs overweight), and she puts on a bikini and looks stunning - it is all about her confidence and how she carries herself. But she doesn't go to class with 10 inches of belly showing.

And in all fairness, it is difficult to get plus-sized clothing that fits well and is at all stylish. I've shopped with an aunt and cousin that are quite well overweight (in the 300-325 lb range at 5'2") and it is TOUGH to find good clothes. Ever worn the wrong thing out of despiration? I'm sure it happens a lot more when it is so difficult to find the "right" thing and everyone is hyper-critical of you (and has their own opinion about what it is "right" for you to wear).

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#8 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:19 PM
 
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NO! But I also don't think it's alright for thin people to wear skimpy clothes. Now, I'm not saying you can't be stylish and have to dress all dowdy...I for one love those hip hugger jeans and wear them religiously, but I also buy shirts that cover my stomach. It's just a matter of taste...walking around half naked is not very tasteful...especially if you're at a store or something like that. Now going to a club or the beach is different...there are places where it's appropriate to wear less clothing...just use taste.

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#9 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:22 PM
 
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I'm a VERY large woman, and "I" don't dress that way. But I don't see what the difference is if a 115 pound woman dresses that way or a 315 pound woman...if they're comfy showing it, then show it, girl!

The only time I ever think twice about it is my mom...she dresses that way and is a big woman too. But she doesn't care what people think niether, so who am I to judge.
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#10 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:33 PM
 
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This is an interesting question. I often see woman/girls wear clothes I could never imagine myself wearing. Spandex (sp?) really gets me. It seems you always see the 300lb. women in black spandex pants and a tent for a shirt. But now with the styles and low hip jeans and half shirts I see all kinds of rolls and bellies hanging out. After I got over my own issues with fat people wearing clothes so revealing I realized why not? Maybe I can't bring myself to wear those clothes but if you can more power to you.

It wasn't until I got pregnant that my own body image changed. Those prego hormones are powerful! I would avoid situations and people because of my weight. But when I was preg I felt like Super Woman. I LOVED my body for the first time EVER. And that feeling has stayed with me to a degree. I no longer hide or worry. I feel like this...there is a whole lot more to me than my body! And if someone can not "see me" than I am better of without them in my life.

Yeah, I still make strives to lose weight. I still desire to lose weight. But not for any of the reasons I use to. And that helps the mental juices a lot! Now I strive to be a healthier woman because I desire to be a healthier mommy. I want to live many healthy active years while raising, loving and playing with my child. Would I fall on the floor in a tantrum if I were able to wear a size 8 again? No. But I would feel just as happy and blessed to wear a size 14.

So, maybe "those" woman learned something about their bodies a whole lot sooner than it took me. So I raise my glass to them.
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#11 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:39 PM
 
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I think there are a few reasons people dress in a skimpy way:
1. It gives/gets them sexual attention
2. It's hot out so the fewer clothes makes them feel cooler
3. They dont put too much thought into what they wear and just buy what they think looks nice

Since it's pretty hard to tell what someone's motivation is for wearing clothes like that I choose not to venture into judgement no matter what their size. Although nowadays Im too preoccupied with DS and the task at hand to even notice what people are wearing.

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#12 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 12:52 PM
 
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This is slightly veering from the topic at hand. But what I find interesting are those tv daytime shows like Maury or jerry and the such. The "She thinks she's HOT...but she's NOT" episodes. Have you ever noticed how ppl in the audience LOVE to knock down the big ppl a notch or two. Now granted a lot of the "guests" come out strutting it and I think that automaticly puts ppl on the defensive. But the audience gets such a thrill out of telling these ppl they're fat or whatever. Um....they know. and um...don't care. Now I will say a lot of times the women/men on the show are wearing something SUPER tacky, no matter what size.
I have a friend who is a very big girl...don't know how much she weighs, I'm not good at guessing weight...but maybe 280-300? But this girl almost always is the best dressed in any room. She has style and makes things work for her. She knows what is unflattering for her and stays away from it. Honestly tho, I've never seen her wardrobe limited to anything...except maybe really TIGHT clothes. My point is, I'm sure it is difficult to find clothes that fit well and are trendy, but it can be done. There's something flattering for everyone to wear.
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#13 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 01:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mthomas
My point is, I'm sure it is difficult to find clothes that fit well and are trendy, but it can be done. There's something flattering for everyone to wear.
it can be done-- if you have a fortune to spend. all of my clothing is too big or too small, nothing fits me right. the overwhelming majority of it is not stylish or cool, and doesn't suit my personality.

i'd love to say that people shouldn't walk around half clothed, but you don't know why they're doing it so you can't comment.

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#14 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 02:22 PM
 
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People should be able to wear whatever they want to wear that is comforable and useful as clothing. In hot weather large people have the right to wear a bakini just as much as some model. Society has ruined our perception of beauty and it is not right nor fair.
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#15 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 02:23 PM
 
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That's so true... all it takes is money and a sense of style.... I have neither - unless comfortable is a style! :LOL

Sadly, my level of comfort is at least somewhat determined by what other people might think if they see me in something. I hate that! I wanna be FREE - I wanna love every spare inch I've got and be brave enough to flaunt it in the face of Jerry Springer, et al. But, I'm not... I'm still a prisoner of society... but I'm not willing to give up the fight!
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#16 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think Elizabeth Edwards looks fabulous every time I see her on TV-- but I'm sure it costs lots of $$$ to have those clothes. She is one of those women who maybe looks better "large" than she would skinny. I liked her clothes during the Dem convention. There was a light blue one, right? That one stands out in my mind.

I am not fat but I'm not stick thin either. This last pregnancy left me with some extra "squishy parts" if YKWIM. I can't imagine wearing half the things I see on women today, fat or thin. But it does make my heart ache to see little girls dressed like hoochie mamas.

I struggle with one of my DDs on this issue. The tighter, the pinker, the skimpier, the better in her opinion. And she is only 5!
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#17 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:25 PM
 
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Nope.
But the same clothes I don't want to see a big woman in, I equally don't want to see a skinny woman in. Of course though, it's personal choice. And what I think looks cheap/slagish/nasty is obviously what the woman/girl wearing those clothes thinks is sexy.


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#18 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:31 PM
 
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I am so disgusted by this thread that I feel physically ill. Is this seriously a conversation about what kinds of clothes fat people are "allowed" to wear? This is discriminatory and just plain wrong. I'm apalled that anyone would think it would be okay to talk about this. It is none of your business, period. If you have this much time to think about whether or not someone else is too "fat" to be wearing something, you might want to consider a hobby.

Only skinny people are sexy? Only thin bodies are worthy of being exposed in daylight? Who makes this crap up? Why do YOU get to decide what looks good on someone else and what doesn't?
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#19 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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You're missing the point. Why is there any discussion about this at all?
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#20 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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I think discression in dress is something we all ought to have. In my thinking, it has nothing to do with size.

I don't like to see people dressing in tight skimpy clothes. I think people can look nice without having to paint on thier pants or show all but the nipple on their breasts. I live in a very small college town and the things I see the young ladies wearing are pretty atrocious. My dh calls it "the hooker collection". They really do look trampy and trashy...but hey, that's the style these days. I just shudder to think my daughter might want to dress that way....or that my son (If/when we have one) would like that.

The biggest issue is that people, especially young women, seem to feel the need to dress like that to be seen and get attention. I think you can look sexy and beautiful without your breasts spilling out of your top and your belly showing and your pants painted on.....regardless of your size or shape!

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#21 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:51 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Alkenny]I'm a VERY large woman, and "I" don't dress that way. But I don't see what the difference is if a 115 pound woman dresses that way or a 315 pound woman...if they're comfy showing it, then show it, girl!
And I'm the 115 pound woman who doesn't dress that way either. The cliche is true for me: to each her own as far as this matter is concerned.
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#22 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CarrieBeary77
Absolutely. I see little 2 yr old girls - same age as my daughter - dressed in skimpy clothes that show their bellies and platform shoes and just... NOT clothing becoming of a small child.
That drives me nuts! I can't believe some of the clothes parents let their very young children wear. There's not much I'll say "never" to, but I will NEVER let my 2 year old daughter wear "sexy" clothes. It's just wrong on so many levels.

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#23 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 03:56 PM
 
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There's not going to be a "correct answer" for this post, cuz when it comes to clothing and taste, its "different strokes for different folks". My thoughts on the subject are that what you wear affects how people perceive you. In my teens and twenties, I experimented with different looks and found that different outfits definitely get different responses. You find what you like, what works for you and stick with it, no matter what your size

For some reason, this post is making me think of that "I like big butts and I cannot lie" song LOL
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#24 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 04:29 PM
 
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What on earth was unclear about my post. It doesn't matter WHAT you say about this topic, it is wrong to even talk about it. It is none of anyone else's business what ANYONE wears, no matter who they are. This is all about discriminating against and hating on fat people.

How ridiculous would this post be:

I saw this woman wearing flannel in the mall yesterday. I think flannel is so tacky! Should people be able to wear flannel? What do you think?
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#25 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 04:50 PM
 
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You are not reading all the posts. You see what you want to see. I have no opinion on this matter at all; I'm just reading. So far I have not read any posts that "hate" on fat people. If someone wanted to start a thread about how tacky flannel seems to her, that's ok too. It's your option to open and read a thread. Who are you to judge what women talk about in this forum? Clearly, you are discriminating against women who have various opinions on many different things. That to me is the ultimate in tackiness.
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#26 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 04:53 PM
 
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I am not huge, but I am not skinny, and I wear whatever makes me feel best about myself and yet stays flattering on me. I have learned to love my body for its curves, and always feel sexy in my skin, with or without clothes.

I do think some of the fashions now are not flattering for anyone regardless of size. We leave too little to the imagination now, and it explains why our girls are growing up faster and faster each day.

But I as a larger woman do feel that it is any woman's right to wear what she feels good in, not have to only wear a mumu because she is not whatever society deems the right body type. Be yourself,mamas, and love who you are.
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#27 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 04:57 PM
 
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Just want to chime in to say ITA w/ CarrieBeary77...as usual ...

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#28 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 04:57 PM
 
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But mothra, it's not really about the clothes it's about the flesh that the clothes don't cover. Personally there are many parts of peoples bodies that I would prefer to keep to themselves no matter what their size/weight/shape. I don't much want to see anyones navel in the grocery store. Or their butt crack. Or their hip.

That said, I do see your point that it may be inappropriate to have started the thread from the POV of "should large people be doing this" but I'm not sure I agree with you that the discussion shouldn't take place. Because if you look at the course the discussion has taken it has started with a common assumption (that maybe big people should cover up more than slender people) it has examined that assuption closely and has rejected. I guess I am trying to figure out how we can examine and overcome our prejudices if we can't discuss them. Is there any way we can discuss these issues for the purpose of advancing our undestanding of the brainwashing our society has done without hurting anyones feelings? I don't know.
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#29 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 05:02 PM
 
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Can we please remember that it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable. Even if you disagree with Mothra can we keep in mind that she is our friend, a fellow member and that it is clear this discussion hurts her feelings? Please, respond with your thoughts but keep her feelings in mind.
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#30 of 104 Old 08-09-2004, 05:02 PM
 
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why care what anyone else does as long as they dont hurt others?

if it offends you to see something, stop looking.

Hi, I'm Tabitha. I'm a homeschooling mother of four: ds (11) dd (9) ds (7) ds (5) And I'm expecting a fifth in 2014! Find me at http://www.omelay.blogspot.com
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