Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: In a state of happiness
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, not me. My boyfriend. He tried to kill himself last night. He didn't seem himself last night. He said he didn't feel well, and he wanted to stay up and watch some movies. That was at about 11pm. I went to bed. I awoke at 4am, with a bad feeling. I lept out of bed, and ran through the apartment. I couldn't find him. I ran out on the porch in my pajamas. The van was gone. I found his note telling me goodbye. I freaked out, and called 911. I knew the hospital wouldn't be able to tell me if he was there, but if he was, the police would be able to tell me he was safe.
He was in the emergency room. I got a call from him 5 minutes after I called the police. He sounded really bad. He took a bunch of sleeping pills, and hooked the hose up to the exhaust pipe. At the last second, he decided against it, and stumbled into the emergency room.
I am experiencing so many emotions right now. Guilt. Grief. Anger. Frustration. Frightened.
I took a bunch of pills this morning, to calm myself down. I took more than the recommended dosage (not a lethal amount), so I've been pretty out of it today.
I've been trying to reach out to friends and family. I spoke with my mother at 4:30 this morning. She told me she was planning on killing herself 2 ½ years ago, and when she was about to do it, she got a phone call from my dad's best friend telling her his son just committed suicide.
I tried calling one friend today, but she was at work, and I couldn't get ahold of her. I called another friend, and we talked for a bit. My ex came over, and we sat on the porch, talking for a few. A neighbody invited me to dinner tonight, so I talked with her, but she isn't the type of person to make you feel a whole heck of a lot better. I left feeling worse. I sought out another friend of mine at work. He's a good help.
Now, I'm sitting alone. I don't want to be alone tonight. What if I get a call that he succeeded in his attempts at the hospital?
He's tried killing himself before. He even almost succeeded in the mental ward. He's a very smart, creative man when it comes to attempted suicide.
I went to see a councilor today, who also sees my boyfriend. He's known my boyfriend for years, and is very endeared to him. He's supporting me, so I don't have to deal with all this on my own.
I can't deal with it on my own.
My boyfriend told me not to visit him for a few days, until he feels better. The sleeping pills have him completely out of it right now.
I'm scared. When I left the hospital this afternoon (that's when he told me not to visit), I got downstairs, and an emergency code was called for his floor. He was planning on going back to bed after I left, but the staff most likely wasn't going to let him, and his temper may have flared up, and I fear what may have happened... I mean, it could have been one of the other patients, but I find it highly probable that it was him. I'm so scared.
Thanks for listening.