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#1 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, not me. My boyfriend. He tried to kill himself last night. He didn't seem himself last night. He said he didn't feel well, and he wanted to stay up and watch some movies. That was at about 11pm. I went to bed. I awoke at 4am, with a bad feeling. I lept out of bed, and ran through the apartment. I couldn't find him. I ran out on the porch in my pajamas. The van was gone. I found his note telling me goodbye. I freaked out, and called 911. I knew the hospital wouldn't be able to tell me if he was there, but if he was, the police would be able to tell me he was safe.

He was in the emergency room. I got a call from him 5 minutes after I called the police. He sounded really bad. He took a bunch of sleeping pills, and hooked the hose up to the exhaust pipe. At the last second, he decided against it, and stumbled into the emergency room.

I am experiencing so many emotions right now. Guilt. Grief. Anger. Frustration. Frightened.

I took a bunch of pills this morning, to calm myself down. I took more than the recommended dosage (not a lethal amount), so I've been pretty out of it today.

I've been trying to reach out to friends and family. I spoke with my mother at 4:30 this morning. She told me she was planning on killing herself 2 ½ years ago, and when she was about to do it, she got a phone call from my dad's best friend telling her his son just committed suicide.

I tried calling one friend today, but she was at work, and I couldn't get ahold of her. I called another friend, and we talked for a bit. My ex came over, and we sat on the porch, talking for a few. A neighbody invited me to dinner tonight, so I talked with her, but she isn't the type of person to make you feel a whole heck of a lot better. I left feeling worse. I sought out another friend of mine at work. He's a good help.

Now, I'm sitting alone. I don't want to be alone tonight. What if I get a call that he succeeded in his attempts at the hospital?

He's tried killing himself before. He even almost succeeded in the mental ward. He's a very smart, creative man when it comes to attempted suicide.

I went to see a councilor today, who also sees my boyfriend. He's known my boyfriend for years, and is very endeared to him. He's supporting me, so I don't have to deal with all this on my own.

I can't deal with it on my own.

My boyfriend told me not to visit him for a few days, until he feels better. The sleeping pills have him completely out of it right now.

I'm scared. When I left the hospital this afternoon (that's when he told me not to visit), I got downstairs, and an emergency code was called for his floor. He was planning on going back to bed after I left, but the staff most likely wasn't going to let him, and his temper may have flared up, and I fear what may have happened... I mean, it could have been one of the other patients, but I find it highly probable that it was him. I'm so scared.

Thanks for listening.
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#2 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:54 PM
 
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Wow. I have no experience with things like this. I am glad you are seeking help for yourself. Hugs!

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#3 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:57 PM
 
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I wish I knew the magic words to help you feel better...

Please get help for yourself, because I have read your previous posts, and I really think that you need help yourself before being able to help your boyfriend. Please find someone to talk to. Don't stay all by yourself.

Hugs

Édith
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#4 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:57 PM
 
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Oh no, so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine the awful pain that both of you are in right now. Hugs.

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#5 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:58 PM
 
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I'm sorry that you're going thorough this. I know it may not help right now to hear this but it isn't your fault there are obviously deep issues that he is dealing with. I'm glad that you are seeking out help - this is not something to try and go through alone.

Myr: wife to John 8/98 and mommy to Willow 06/03, Rowan 04/07 and Linden 02/10
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#6 of 29 Old 11-30-2004, 11:59 PM
 
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oh, mama.
We are here for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Keep us posted.
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#7 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:02 AM
 
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hi journey

my "first love," my boyfriend when I was in high school, attempted suicide many times. Twice I stopped him. This was the reason the relationship ended. The fear and worry of whether he would be alive the next day was unbearable. I am shocked he has not managed to kill himself yet-- he has been better the past ten years or so but when I hear from him every now and then, my first reaction is shock that he hasn't killed himself.

There were many times that people encountered him at just "the" right moment and stopped him. It wasn't a matter of him looking for help. It's like God reached his hand down to stop it.



You won't be able to slay your BF's demons on your own.
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#8 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:16 AM
 
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Hugs!

Stop taking pills. Flush them right now. They'll only make matters worse.
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#9 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:22 AM
 
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journey - you have had a rough couple of months, havent you? i hope everything works out.
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#10 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:29 AM
 
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#11 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:52 AM
 
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we're here for you i'm sorry you're going through all this...
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#12 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 12:59 AM
 
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Wow Journey you are really going through it, I have been following, and I want to say that you are strong enough to get through this!

Please continue to seek out your family and friends for help. Surround yourself with poeple that love and care about you.

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#13 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 01:38 AM
 
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#14 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 01:39 AM
 
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#15 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 02:03 AM
 
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Mama, I am so sorry. That is a heavy, heavy situation.

Take care of yourself.


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#16 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:14 AM
 
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#17 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:28 AM
 
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#18 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chersolly
Hugs!

Stop taking pills. Flush them right now. They'll only make matters worse.

I agree, no pills, alcohol, etc.

I wish we can do more to help
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#19 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:54 AM
 
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I'm so sorry I hope things improve.

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#20 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 05:09 AM
 
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It's tough when someone you care deeply about is suffering ... and even harder when there is little you can do to help.

It's a good sign that this fella has a therapist, but I wonder whether he also needs medication for depression. (My friends uncle killed himself by overdosing on this medication - so you may be wondering why I'm even suggesting it!) I believe if someone is determined to actually kill themselves then they will find a way ... whether or not they have prescription meds. laying around. I believe that the only reason my friends uncle died was b/c he didn't take the medication and begin to think straight ... he just kept filling his scripts and letting people believe he was taking his tablets when really he had decided to save them for a more sinister reason.

I really think that if this bofgriend of yours has attempted suicide, before medication is even considered, he needs to be institutionalised and put on suicide watch by trained staff. At least that way you can have a break from worrying about him attempting it again - as the mental health staff would be supervising his recovery. I really think that this is the only option that you guys have as this fella needs help. He needs proffesional 24 hour round the clock type help that no friend or family member could possibly provide. He needs to go away and get himself sorted out and frankly I'm surprised he's back at home and not commited to a psychiatric ward involuntarily!!!

I have also been reading your other posts and I wonder if you have anywhere else to stay if your not allowed to visit your b/f for a while, can you stay with your hubby??? A friend???

Instead of worrying about him so much- take an opportunity to do something for yourself. Even though every 'cry for help' should be taken seriously, not every one that attempts suicide will actually end up dying of it. Alot of them do realise that suicide is not really want they want - it can often be a cry for help or a form of self mutilation. Many people that survive suicide attempts live to a ripe old age and die from natural causes. You don't know what will happen to your boyfriend in the future, and although this can be very frightening, you should try to remain positive and be aware of the fact you are doing all you can.

I would like to see you leave your boyfriend and patch things up with your husband and move back in with your kids. You were probably attracted to this bf because you can both relate about depression. If he really loved you, he would commit himself, and he would be more concerned about putting you through this. If he does suceed in killing himself this is going to totally depress you further and add more trauma and difficulty to your already unstable life. Have you told him how this hurts you and your innocent children when they see mum sooo upset about something that is ultimately in his own hands? Could he blame you for giving your marriage a second chance when he hasn't put a great deal into the relationship between you? If your bf asks you "how could you leave me?" tell him that it is hard to be involved with someone that is constantly threatening to leave you in death - at least you'll still be alive if he ever needed a friend in the platonic sense of the word.

You have got to worry about your own Bi-polar disorder - and being in the presence of a suicidal boyfriend is not going to heal you in any way shape or form. How can you be with someone that may be a corpse for your kids to find in the morning - you just can't. I know you love him, but if you care like you say you do, you would have him commited.

Oh dear, I really wanted to tell you something supportive and to try and get you to look for the silver lining in your situation but I fear I may have only made you feel worse. I pray that this is not the case!!! I believe that, like evry other poster has said, you can get through this rough patch. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel - you just have a few heart wrenching decisions to make regarding how to help yourself, your kids and this boyfriend all at the same time. Your boyfriend is not your fault, your children are. Try and distance yourself from him for a while. You have the perfect opportunity to think about the situation as your bf has requested to be left alone for a few days. I wouldn't leave him by himself alone - but you are not his psychiatric nurse and need your own space during the time period your bf is getting proper treatment at some facility somewhere.

Don't do this alone!!! We are all here for you and I am hurting deeply for you as this situation is exceptionally emotional and extremely trying. Save yourself, then go back and save who you can. This time of year often see's a rise in suicide rates ... none of this is your fault, journey!

With love from starlite.
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#21 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 06:55 AM
 
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I am so sorry you are going through this!

Desiree

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#22 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 08:32 AM
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You cannot save people from themselves.

If he really wants to kill himself, he will eventually succeed.

It's not your fault nor your problem, no matter how much it might feel like it is.

And with him is definitely not where you want your children to live right now.

And I swear I keep wondering if this is your actual life or if you're just taking a psychology class and writing about our reactions to your incidents!! I'm sorry if this is actually your life.

Starlite gave you a lot of good advice. Sounds like your attraction to this guy has a lot more to do with mutual depression than anything else.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#23 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 11:22 AM
 
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Warning - antidepressants may increase the chances that a depressed person will succeed in killing themselves. New studies show that it can give the person the energy they need to successfully end their life. So, be very careful and ask lots of questions if they decide to put your bf on anti-depressants and he's wanting you to be a part of his healing process.

Now- onto you, Journey. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine the pain and guilt you are feeling, even though you did nothing wrong and there is nothing you can do to control how someone else copes with life.
When I've had very sad, frightening things happen in my life, for some reason I gravitate to comedy. Something about watching something funny, even if I'm unable to laugh, changes my brain chemistry. I know that sounds weird, but it sort of helps put things in perspective sometimes. And...if you're able to laugh, then you'll be helping yourself to heal. You deserve laughter Journey, you deserve happiness and security and unconditional love. Keep reminding yourself of that, do it for me and for all the mamas here who care for you. You are strong, you are caring and you can find happiness again.
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#24 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 02:16 PM
 
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Journey- I hope both of you find peace and happiness soon.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#25 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 02:38 PM
 
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Oh Journey.... {{{{HUGS!!!}}} Now, once again.... breathe.... in.... out.... repeat!

You already know the answer - it may be locked deep inside buried underneath layers of shame, hurt, anger, guilt, etc. But you can find it! If anybody can find it, you can! You don't have to do this alone - I'm so glad you're seeing a counselor - that'll help IF s/he can be unbiased. Just don't do anything you know you shouldn't - for now go by the rules if you have to - do the right thing just because you know for sure it's the right thing. Where you don't know for sure, don't do anything right now. Just talk & think and let go of the negatives. Fill yourself with positive energy - it'll help a whole lot!! Go for a walk, get some good solid hugs, etc.

Hang in there kiddo!
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#26 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 03:05 PM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be praying for you and him and I wish you the best. I hope he wants/gets help.
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#27 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 03:32 PM
 
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#28 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:04 PM
 
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I am so so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to the feelings you are going through. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt... OMG - it is such an awful thing.

I had something very similar happened to me.
Someone very close to me tried to take her life by taking way too many pain killers.
She called me 1 hour later scared saying she was not feeling well and only after I asked SEVERAL times she told me why.
We drove her to the ER, they rushed her in and they told me she would have died had we not taken her right then.
She kept repeating at first that she was not trying to hurt herself and that she just wanted to fall asleep.
We were all in denial - nobody wanted to admit that someone so close to us would try something like that, and some of us - including her - wanted to just put this bad experience behind us.
Thanks God DH convinced us all that what had happened was the real thing and that she was just lucky to be alive. It was a tough but very important step for her.
She then began therapy and is now on medication. She is doing wonderfully and is very very happy she is seeing a Dr. Turns out she had been going through deep depression and nobody had a clue...

There is hope and everything will turn out well. It is important you take care of yourself, keep talking to someone you can trust, and don't let the guilt take over. It is also essential he sees a Dr. and follow the treatment exactly as prescribed.

Best wishes
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#29 of 29 Old 12-01-2004, 04:36 PM
 
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