My in-laws had a "crappy" christmas and it makes me mad and sad - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-25-2004, 07:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Let me start by saying that I love my in laws. They are awesome ppl who have been such a support to us.

First it stunk becaue of the snow we couldn't get up to see them at all before Christmas. Which is no big deal ecause we can go later in the week. But it was B's first xmas and I know they wanted to see us all.

Then dh calls this afternoon to talk to my FIL. Now I have to give background....

My SIL is 19. When she was in high school she dated this guy for about 2 years. I guess something happened, he dumped her, and then went "nuts". He kept saying tht SIL was pg and that she was being a danger to the baby and he was the father. Well, I guess it got to the point of him harassing her so they got a restraining order. I guess even in court he claimed that she was pg with his baby. She claimed she wasn't and my FIL said there was evidence in the bathroom that she was having regular periods. She even volunteered to take a pg test but they decied they didn't need it.

So, they have the restraining order and everything is "fine". She starts dating this other guy Ben. She claims she is living with a friend, we all knew it to be Ben, but she was lying about it. My FIL is a minister adn this kind of thing ruins ministries or preachers. Anyway, se has become a real horses patoot over the last year. Just doing weird thigns and my FIL even found a letter to a friend about how she wishes her parents would just die because her life would be better.

So, thigns are going as sucky with her as possible. She called FIL this morning and said, we are coming around 2:30 did you buy me a present?? He said, of course. "Well, did you buy me more than one??" FIl is aggrivted but says nothing.

She comes to the house. My FIL bought my MIL a car for xamas. They have some money problems and he has been saving for months to buy her a very cheap but reliable older used car. Their current car has problems and he can't fix them on his own so it makes it hard for him. Since they bought the new car and since we wrecked ours on sunay they gave us their old car. SIL gets pissy about it. My MIL walks up to her, pats her n the tummy and says "When's the baby due?" FEBRUARY 1!!!!!

She lied in court about not being pg. She lied to everyone about everything. So, now she thinks things are great and my FIL is like, Um, you'll have to get a paternity test to prove that baby isn't your old bfs. She still doesn't think she will. BUt the guy they got the order against was teling the truth. She WAS pg then.

Then she says, oh yeah, Ben's parents went with us and we got married last week!!!

I am so pissed off. Her parents have done everything they could to take of her and she thinks that they are worthless. FIL has done everything in his power to provide for her an she thinks he has done nothing.

Needless to say my MIL is devistated. She was a firm APer for my dh and SIL. I know that SIL will be the opposite. I just feel terrible for them.

Oh, and Ben has never wanted to meet us. He hates my dh (lso named Benjamin) just because of lies that SIL has told about us.



Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#2 of 8 Old 12-25-2004, 08:45 PM
 
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(((Megan)))

How horrible, your SIL sounds like a very disturbed person. I hope for her sake and for her babies that she can pull herself together. Sometimes, even when we do everything "right", things can still go very, very, very wrong.

I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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#3 of 8 Old 12-25-2004, 11:53 PM
 
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((((Megan)))) That's awful.
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#4 of 8 Old 12-26-2004, 12:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what really bothers me??

I would lvoe to be excited for her but it was deceit that wasn't necessary. I totally don't understand the point of the lies. Her parents would have been fine if she would have told them the truth. I mean, what was she going to do, show up one day with a newborn and say, Oh yeah, I had a baby!



My nephew could have the same bday as Bryce (which is kinda cool). She is due the day before I was due with Bryce and 3 days before he was actually born.

Anyway, the lying makes no sense. It really doesn't.

Come to find out that the guy she married was under the impression that SIL had already told everyone she was pg! He didn't know it was still a secret! Which FIL actually said to him, "How does it make you feel to know that your relationship has started out with a lying wife? She hasn't lied to just us. She has even lied to you and we caught her so there is no denying it!"


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#5 of 8 Old 12-26-2004, 12:39 AM
 
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Oh, man. She's got some issues that really need working out. I was somewhat the same type of person, although I never went that far. I thought my parents didn't give a damn about me, but they really did. I just needed to grow up and see what really was, not what I wanted to believe.
She's got a really rough time waiting for her. Here's hoping she grows up and is a decent mother to that baby.

Megan. That sucks for you and your family.
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#6 of 8 Old 12-26-2004, 01:28 AM
 
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I sounds to me like she is suffering from depression and is looking for attention. I know, I was the same way, years ago. And even though it was very evident to me, and everyone around me that I was somewhat depressed I failed to admit it. There is not much you can do. I was young so my mom forced me into therapy, and taking meds. But she is not a minor, and can't really be manipulated into doing those things. I don't really know what ya'll can do. I would say try to talk to her but she most likly wouldn't listen. With that said your best bet is tot alk to her new husband. Eventhough she has told lies, so he may be a bit wary of the family, unless he is a total idiot or just doesn't care when you sit down and point out all of the self destructive thigs that SIL is doing, he'll give in and will be a viable link to get her the help that she neads.
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#7 of 8 Old 12-26-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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Oh Megan That sucks!

Your SIL sounds like she needs some professional help. And I mean that in the way that it sounds like she needs a safe and objective outlet for her (obvious) issues.

I'm sorry for your ILs, I know that they are good people and they don't deserve this from their daughter.
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#8 of 8 Old 12-26-2004, 01:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We told her parents years go that she needed help/

She has spent the last 5 years complaining that my inlaws did everything for dh. they gave him everythign and he got to do whatever he wanted. It is total little sister complex. It isn't even true!

We had that accident last weekend. When my BIL () heard that we were getting he said, How many cars is this guy gonna wreck?? Hello freakoid its the ONLY car he has ever been in an accident with!

She was whining because when dh was a sr in high school he lived in a different city with a different family. Regardless of the fact he bounced from one verablly abusive home to he next.

She just has a giant pity party for herself 24/7 and she thinks its dh's fault!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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