Do your kids friends follow your rules - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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when they are at your house?

The neighborhood kids around here seem to think that they are allowed to do whatever they want at my house because it's okay at their house.

Like playing in the alley. My kids are not allowed to play in the alley. So if the neighborhood kids come over (and bring my kids out to play with them) I feel they also should not be allowed to play in the alley.

They are at my house/yard and therefore are my responsibility, so if I feel playing in the alley or climbing my tree is dangerous, my rule should be followed, whether or not they are allowed to do these things at their house..

Right?
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#2 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 12:01 PM
 
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The alley isn't acually your house, though. Is this an arranged playdate where their parents feel that you are in charge, or are the kids just our playing and happen to be at your house? If it is the former, I would talk to the parents, if it is the later, I would bud out because it has nothing to do with you.

Why can't they climb the tree?

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 12:01 PM
 
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I agree. At our house they eat what we serve and they play by our rules, if they don't like it they can go to their house.

That said, I know that the same is true for my kids though - someone else may allow their kids to eat stuff I wouldn't serve or climb tree I wouldn't normally let my kids climb. Something to keep in mind!

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#4 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Why can't they climb the tree?
Well, if they fell out of the tree I could be sued..
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#5 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 12:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move
The alley isn't acually your house, though. Is this an arranged playdate where their parents feel that you are in charge, or are the kids just our playing and happen to be at your house? If it is the former, I would talk to the parents, if it is the later, I would bud out because it has nothing to do with you.
Yeah, the alley isn't technically my house, but my neighbors on both sides work nights and sleep days, so the kids back there making the dogs bark is kinda rude, to me anyway..

And not really prearranged play dates. The neighborhood kids just flock to my house because none of the other parents will take on all the kids at one time.. They are *always* here. They started showing up this morning, ringing my doorbell at 8 AM! :

I dunno.. I had a "run in" with 2 of the neighborhood girls this morning (8 and 13). My ds told them that they (my kids) weren't allowed to play in the alley but they (the girls) said that they could. I went around back and explained to them (over the dogs barking hysterically) that my neighbors were day sleepers and I wanted them to play inside the fence or in the front yard and they just stared at me like I was stupid.. So I went and had a talk with their mom about it and they were ordered inside and I haven't seen them since.

If they are at my house and their parents assume I have them, then if one of them gets hurt or are bothering others at my house it comes down to my being negligent, if they didn't follow my rules.

I don't think I'm explaining this very well..
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#6 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 12:24 PM
 
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I think I get what you are saying. My girls are not allowed to jump on beds. No way. Ther friends are. When we go over to the friend's house, my girls jump on beds. If they were playing with pointy darts, it would be a different story.

If kids were to show up at my house, I would call their parents when they arrive. if it is 8 in the morning, I would tell the parents that you would be happy to entertain the kids at 9:30. I would call when they leave as well. "Hi, Mrs. Smith, Johnny's leaving!" If my kids were to go over to another house, I would calll the parent and ask if Suzie had arrived, and ask for a call when she left.

I don't know what to do about dog alley.
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#7 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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I have had similar issues. I think first of all,you don't really want to watch them so much, so better to stop the watching part first. As far as kids following your rules, I agree in principle. However, I learned a lesson from a neighbor girl, when I told her she couldnt go past my line of vision, she began to cry and told me that her mom lets her go to the end of the street. I then remembered how bad it felt when another adult (besides my own parent) told me what to do. I always felt like, who are you? Even if they were watching me. So we kind of compromised, and talked it out.
If you try to talk to them from a kind of understanding place, vs. Hey what I say goes, it might work. Or maybe not. It does seem unfair that they are all over your house all of the time, boundaries in that area are prob good. Good luck.
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#8 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 03:29 PM
 
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The other day I was looking after a friend's child and she used the word retard to refer to someone. I told her we don't use put-downs at our house. Would probably have kept my mouth shut if I heard her uttering it when I was visiting at her house. There's no way I would let that go by in my own home though.
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#9 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 03:35 PM
 
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I agree that it sounds like you maybe aren't wanting them over so much, which is fine, but you may want to address that part of it first.

Are they just visiting your kids while their parent is at home, or are you babysitting? If you are providing care for these children, and you do not want them in the alley behind your house I think it's OK to ask them not to be back there. If they are just visiting your kids but aren't being babysat by you, then I would just tell them that them going to the alley is none of your business, but that your children can't play back there. Perhaps just check with their parent(s) about those kids being in the alley to see if it's OK with them?

When my friends' children come over it's pretty much just basic respect that rules. We prefer there be no hitting or that kind of thing, and etc. There are no rules about food or anything.

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#10 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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Our neighbor girl doesnt obey me at all. And I rarely allow her over because she is mean to my middle dd. She does manage to come over and when I tell her she cant be here today she says well my dad says I can be!

Right now my girls arent allowed to talk to her till I talk to her mom and get things taken care of about her dd telling my dd to go away, on my dd own property! She has dont it 3 times twice I told her that we dont say that ect ect. I told my oldest if she says that again to leave and take her sister with her. Well she said it again and my dd on top of leaving said "I'm leaving you".

She also encourages my dd to lie to cover up the fact that she told dd#2 to leave My dd hasnt lied though thankfully



When I was a kid I was expected to follow my parents rules plus follow the rules of whoevers house I was at.
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#11 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 03:52 PM
 
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It drives me absolutely bananas when a neighbor's dd jumps all over our furniture but I rarely say anything. The only "rules" I will say something about are if someone or something is clearly going to be hurt.
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#12 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't mind having the kids over, really, within limits. I like knowing they are all *here* rather than god knows where doing god knows what somewhere else.

But it would be nice if I wasn't considered free babysitting by some of the parents around here.

The girls across the street have come over and asked *me* if I could come out and watch them skate in the street, because they can't play outside unless I come watch them. That's a little much. I always ask "Where's your mom?"

I play with my kids a lot. We do fun stuff like rollerblading around the neighborhood or to the park. We play with playdough, paint sheets with mud and jump in rain puddles, and the kids are always inviting themselves over. Which is fine, the more the merrier.

It's when the neighborhood kids start trying to incite rebellion and just do whatever they want to do that bothers me. And it's always something I *know* their parents aren't going to let them do at their own houses. Like throwing rocks. Or ripping up trash and strewing it through the neighbors yards. Or going in the alley to make the dogs bark so the day sleeping neighbors can't sleep.

And when I bring this stuff up with the kids they just look at me like I've grown two heads and ignore me.

I guess I can't be Fun Mom and The Mom at the same time..
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#13 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 05:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Losgann
And when I bring this stuff up with the kids they just look at me like I've grown two heads and ignore me.

I guess I can't be Fun Mom and The Mom at the same time..
I would ask them to leave if they don't listen. Not forever or anything, but at least for that day/time. They'll learn fast.
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#14 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 06:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Losgann
The neighborhood kids just flock to my house because none of the other parents will take on all the kids at one time.. They are *always* here. They started showing up this morning, ringing my doorbell at 8 AM! :
Oh! I understand better now! You end up playing mom to all the kids on the street who aren't being well supervised.

In that case, I vote that you can have them follow your rules. If their parents think they are at your house, they can't go in the alley. However, if they leave from their houses, never come to yours, and go play in the alley, it isn't your business. I think you need to make this clear with the parents and the children explaining that your kids are not allowed to play there and therefore other children who are at your house are not allowed to play there either. It shouldn't be a horriable conversation -- you are just clarifying a rule for your family, not confronting someone for doing something horrid.

I often have a 3rd child. She goes everywhere with us and is stuck living by our rules when she is with us. If she didn't like it she could go home

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#15 of 15 Old 07-20-2005, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move
Oh! I understand better now! You end up playing mom to all the kids on the street who aren't being well supervised.
Yeah! That's what I was trying to say! :LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move
In that case, I vote that you can have them follow your rules. If their parents think they are at your house, they can't go in the alley. However, if they leave from their houses, never come to yours, and go play in the alley, it isn't your business.
Yeah, there were two teenage boys in the alley yesterday. I heard a banging noise like someone was banging on my fence. I went to check and one of the boys had a hatchet. By the time I'd gotten around to the alley they'd moved on, so I didn't say anything. They were chopping at a small tree limb that they found in the alley.

I didn't say anything.. if I'd caught them chopping at my fence, I would have said something though!
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