aging parents...the things they say! - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-20-2005, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just beside myself right now. Today my sister had a yard sale since she is moving to Florida next weekend. My dad got there early and was just hanging out. First he gets on his cell phone and has this LOUD conversation with a family friend. Ok, but watch your language - which he doesn't. :

THEN, after he hangs up, these two women pull into the driveway and get out of their car. They were dressed casually, pretty typical "it's Saturday and we're going saleing" attire. They were driving kind of an old beater car, the kind A LOT of us drive. My dad says, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Here come a couple of real winners." I_was_soooooooo_angry!!! I had to walk away for a minute. I went back and whispered to him that if he had unkind thoughts about people to please keep it to himself and not say it out loud.

Oh, it gets better. He says, even more loudly, "I can say any g-d- thing I want to." Then he walks off. I didn't say anything to him after that and he left a few minutes later.

My sister and I have put up with this all our lives. He makes unkind racial remarks and says things that are just, on every level, full on inappropriate and sometimes flat out mean. He turned 81 in June. I know he thinks that his age makes it somehow excusable but IT DOESN'T. Seriously, I don't care if you're 150, going out of your way to be a is unacceptable. I don't put up with this from anyone else, why should I from my dad? Oh wait, I know. Because I do love him, he has been a great dad in so many other ways and I don't know what I'd do without him. But I'm just so FRUSTRATED with his big mouth!!! And the best part is that it is just getting WORSE as he gets older. Maybe he'll move to Florida with my sister.

Ok, thanks for reading my rant about this, just had to get that off my chest.
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Old 08-20-2005, 07:17 PM
 
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No advice, but I'm dealing with a similar situation with my Grandma.
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Old 08-20-2005, 07:25 PM
 
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I'm sorry mamathistle, dealing with parents can be very difficult. I think you handled the situation very well.
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Old 08-20-2005, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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eckmannl, right back 'atcha mama. It just makes things so stressful, doesn't it?

oddeebean, thanks. I just hope he isn't mad at me for weeks over it. sigh.

My sister and I agree that he does seem to be regressing...
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Old 08-20-2005, 09:17 PM
 
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mamathistle and eckmannl. It's a difficult situation. I think we all handle it the best we can.

I have heard my parents say many times to excuse any elder (i.e. any adult older than me), be it family or friend, "regardless of what they say, you need to be respectful to them." and "well, at their age, they have earned the right to say what they think."

:


Personally, I think anyone has the right to say what they think and feel, if it is done respectfully, tactfully, and in at an appropriate time or place. That's just good manners and courteous.

Now if an elderly person were regressing in some way, well, yes, that's different and I can be more understanding.

Loon , dh , dd , and twins ds1 dd2 **Thoughts become things. - Mike Dooley**
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Old 08-20-2005, 09:36 PM
 
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Tell me about it! And my parents are only in their late 50's. I gave my mom a recent photo of me and she said, "You sure have your father's eyebrows." Wow. Thanks, mom. And my Dad seems to becoming increasingly rude with restaurant servers and store clerks. It's so embarrassing!
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Old 08-20-2005, 09:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethla
Tell me about it! And my parents are only in their late 50's. I gave my mom a recent photo of me and she said, "You sure have your father's eyebrows." Wow. Thanks, mom. And my Dad seems to becoming increasingly rude with restaurant servers and store clerks. It's so embarrassing!

But aren't moms always picking on their daughters and making little comments? Or is that just half the moms in the world. :LOL

My mom is the same way at stores and restaurants. And if you try to say, "Gosh mom, you're embarrassing, could you just be a little quieter when you are talking about this stuff?" she will respond with something like, "I used to be just like you, afraid to stand up for myself but eventually you get over that." Or something like that. And it's true because I find myself becoming more and more...assertive...as I get older. I just hope I'm not rude by the time I'm her age.
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