Spinoff of relationship rate... What is your main relationship problem? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What is the main concern in your relationship with your SO?
money 18 14.17%
sex 24 18.90%
differing childrearing philosophies 2 1.57%
child behavioral issues 2 1.57%
other child related issues 0 0%
family (in laws) 7 5.51%
ex wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend 0 0%
religion 2 1.57%
step children 0 0%
friends 0 0%
household chores 10 7.87%
where you live 1 0.79%
infidelity 5 3.94%
communication, or lack thereof 37 29.13%
other 19 14.96%
Voters: 127. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What is the #1 thing that you argue about, or that causes the most tension in your relationship?
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#2 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:51 PM
 
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Right now... a huge discrepancy between our "intimacy needs".
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#3 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kamilla626
Right now... a huge discrepancy between our "intimacy needs".
: and my needing to feel appreciated, needed, sexy, loved etc...
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#4 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:54 PM
 
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: My DH would not say $h!t if he had a mouth full of it! :



But damn,

I LOVE that man!
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#5 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:55 PM
 
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I voted communication.
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#6 of 61 Old 10-07-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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We don't really argue a lot. Our problem is DH doesn't give a damn.

I'll list it and hope my post doesn't get deleted ... he ignores me constantly, talks to people on his computer game more than me ... acts put-upon when I ask him to watch DS so I can shower, study, do housework ... knitpicks about my appearance ... makes no effort to talk to me or express his interest in me or my life, and then gets pissed when I don't want to um, have adult time with him ... enough of that because I'm sure this post won't stay up long.

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#7 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:03 AM
 
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Okay I could have voted communication or lack there of and sex or lack there of. But those two things are merely symptoms of the real problem. he's and alcoholic. He uses alcohol to "check out" of any emotional responsability to the relationahip. This also seems to effect the mornings, cause he's hung over and unapproachable when he gets up in the afternoons, wish I could say gets up in the morning.

I guess I'm asking you to add substance abuse to your list.
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#8 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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(((HUGS)))

i don't know how to edit the poll, or if I can. I'm sorry.
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#9 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:16 AM
 
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Quote:
What is the #1 thing that you argue about, or that causes the most tension in your relationship?
Hrm... well, we don't argue about sex, he just whines that he doesn't get enough. Nexttime he slaps on 25 lbs of wiggling fetus while chasing to kids, I'll be more sympathetic

Probably the big things we "argue" aout are schooling and where to live. I don't want our oldest in public school, he went behind my back and put him in school two years in a row.

Where to live is a more pressing, for me, issue. We currently live on the same land as his parents, renting from them. The land is lovely, the rent is cheap. HOwever, neither of us can drive and we're about a zillion miles from anything (not really, but close enough when there's no public transit). I *NEED* people in myulife and I just don't have many of them. He's content to be his normal anti-social self. I'm not like that. another problem with where we live is that there is no diversity here. I can't raise my children in a rich white-bread area, it hurts my soul to think about it. So we discuss back and forth and come to no conclusion.

Those are the biggies. I kind of lucked out with the parenting, he's AP-by-default which is great because his parents certainly weren't. (especially his mother)

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)
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#10 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:17 AM
 
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swimmin_mama -- why would your post get deleted?? I don't know much about "the rules" in those regards. Just curious.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)
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#11 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:52 AM
 
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I know the UA and there's no reason why her post would get deleted.

I think you left another biggie off the poll list: work

We don't fight but have probably had the most arguments over work. He WAH whereas I WOH. It is very hard for me to call in sick or take a day off and I always say "yes" when asked to work, and have sometimes put my job before us.

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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#12 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:55 AM
 
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sex- I have a much higher sex drive than DP...and if mama ain't happy ain't no one happy! I'm sure the neighbors love hearing me yelling "if I could just get laid more often I wouldn't be like this..." :LOL

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#13 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveChild421
sex- I have a much higher sex drive than DP...and if mama ain't happy ain't no one happy! I'm sure the neighbors love hearing me yelling "if I could just get laid more often I wouldn't be like this..." :LOL
:LOL :
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#14 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:07 AM
 
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Oh my goodness! It's interesting to see the results: the big numbers in sex and in communication! If we have sex we communicate better and if we have good communication we usually have sex too! :LOL
We've come to that conclusion so far in our marriage and yet... What is the answer to acheiving that?
.....
.......................

TO DO LIST:
1. Speak to dh, tell him your desires, your aims, your feelings
2. Have sex


EASY EH?
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#15 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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communication, but we're working on it and it's going quite well.

artgoddess and swimmin_mama

laura, when you figure that out, let me know, OK?

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#16 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:34 AM
 
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We definately used to fight about sex, when we first got married and I was feeling emotionally distant and he thought marriage would be an endless sex-fest. But since then, we have worked out all those issues. Our biggest relationship issue is probably controlling our tempers, which I guess would fall under communication, but I don't feel like we don't communicate well, I just feel like when we communicate it sometimes gets extremely loud and things get broken. Luckily we have come a long way in that area as well!

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#17 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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For us it tends to be a circle of communication & sex...I need to communicate to want to have sex and he needs to have sex in order to feel open about communicating! :
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#18 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dukeswalker
For us it tends to be a circle of communication & sex...I need to communicate to want to have sex and he needs to have sex in order to feel open about communicating! :
Oh boy, does this sound like us!
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#19 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 01:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dukeswalker
For us it tends to be a circle of communication & sex...I need to communicate to want to have sex and he needs to have sex in order to feel open about communicating! :

sounds like us too! :LOL
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#20 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 02:00 AM
 
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I picked other, though the topics above have pretty much all been in rotation at one time or another. We tend to get *real*problems resolved- if we can identify the problem, we can usually identify a solution eventually, even if we fight about it first.

What really gets us is the stupid fights about nothing, ie. he falls asleep on the couch, I want him to wake up so he can sleep in bed w/ me, he refuses, I nag until he does it, he gets pissed off and we both say things we don't mean and call each other names we shouldn't use.

So our biggest problem is taking something that is originally a minor misunderstanding or disagreement and turning it into a blowout.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#21 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 03:06 AM
 
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Definately money. Hands down no questions asked. We were at the point of almost gettng a divorce last year and decided we'd just walk away if one of us got mad again.

Here we are, and low and behold I managed to get a private education loan that let us pay off ALL of our bills and my school expenses for 3 terms. It can be defered for up to 7 years, so it's not a major burden. Ever since we were able to pay things off and buy real food and spend a night together at a nice place to eat without worrying about the bill, it has been AWESOME.

I can't wait to get to Japan and start working so it'll be even better between us when it comes to money.
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#22 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 04:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaTaraX
swimmin_mama -- why would your post get deleted?? I don't know much about "the rules" in those regards. Just curious.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)
I was wondering the same thing



I voted other because we don't have a BIG cause of arguement. When we agrue, it is often about one thing or another on that list but not one thing inparticular.

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#23 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 04:10 AM
 
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S.E.X. (or lack thereof)
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#24 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 04:13 AM
 
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sex- I have a much higher sex drive than DP...and if mama ain't happy ain't no one happy! I'm sure the neighbors love hearing me yelling "if I could just get laid more often I wouldn't be like this..."
Yep! ME TOO!

Desiree

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#25 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 04:46 AM
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emotional nurturing and support (feeling loved and wanted) was left out of your poll, which a lot of women need more of from their spouses.
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#26 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 11:05 AM
 
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regarding the deleted post comment -
last time i tried to talk about dh's shortcomings ... i posted on tao about how frustrated and hurt and desperate was...listed alot of the stuff i said in my previous post on this thread...and it got deleted because it was against the ua...i was reaally upset because i'm pretty lonely and isolated and don't have people to talk to about this really...exchanged a couple pm's with the list mod (who i don't blame for this, she's just enforcing the ua) about it...but in the end it was deleted and i always think twice before discussing dh stuff on mdc because i'm not sure what i need to say is allowed.

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#27 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 11:41 AM
 
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bridgette, mama

namaste.gif

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#28 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 11:49 AM
 
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:

That sounds silly. If you can't talk about what you need to talk aout here, where can you talk about it?? I guess there's probably lots of stuff that go agains the UA that I don't know about, haven't read it in over a year. I'msorry that happened to you Bridgette.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)
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#29 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:06 PM
 
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other


my health situation causes us the most friction. I pick fights when I'm in pain.
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#30 of 61 Old 10-08-2005, 12:20 PM
 
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We have remarkably little tension in our relationship. If we fight once a year, that's a lot. I didn't vote because I wasn't sure where to put it, but there is one thing that does create some problems.

My older dd has a primitive clump of neurons in her brain that fire off every time we even think about getting intimate, which causes her to wake out of a sound sleep (if applicable) and want to be at our sides. Needless to say, this has a certain inhibiting effect. :LOL
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