Please remind me why I don't spank.. - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-29-2005, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 43,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
I'm very, very angry at DD right now. She should have been on the school bus 2 hours ago, but she was still sleeping. Now she's awake and moping and refuses to get dressed. She's a little under the weather, but not so sick that she can't go to school, she was home sick yesterday, and frankly she's getting on my nerves! It's bad enough my oldest is home sick today (she threw up this morning) but she's sick enough to not drive me crazy today.

How do I get this child to school without dragging her downstairs by her hair? (no I wouldn't actually do that, but i'm feeling very frustrated.)

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-29-2005, 01:16 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 17,836
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
I am still occasionally struggling with this issue myself. My new method is give them a choice. Perhaps, "you can go to school today, or work on cleaning the bathroom, and then I'll find you something else to do when that is done." You could tell her that if she doesn't want to go to school she will be helping you get done all the things you usually do when she is at school. Then make a list of the worst possible chores and let her know that will be her part of the day. Maybe that'll encourage her to get moving. If not, I guess you have to follow through and have her do the chores, which will most likely make the day stink for you, but maybe she won't try this again. I am just talking out of my butt here, but all I could think of. Good luck.

 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 01:21 PM
 
BusyMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 9,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think you just have to ask yourself why she's doing it. My son was really whiny and clingy for a couple of days---TOTALLY unlike himself. I was so irritated at him. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr And, then he stayed up puking all night and I realized he really just felt crummy and I had totally disrespected him. You know your child. Is she just lazy and hates school? If not, maybe she just needs a day to stay in bed and regroup for whatever reason.

Not a fun, TV and bonbons type of day. But, stay in bed and read your books on your own sort of day.

Don't you ever feel that way? Like you're on the edge of being sick and you just want to disappear from the world but since you can't, you'll just whine at it?
BusyMommy is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 01:35 PM
 
ryansmom02's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My 11 yr old DD isa bit more opionated(not sure if I speeled that right) then most kids he age and that is a good thing but man sometimes I just want to knock her out over what she says.... But then I remember that when I was growing up I had no voice and I hated it..... So now I liked and grin and bear it....... I hope she feels beeter soon
ryansmom02 is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 01:36 PM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla
She's a little under the weather, but not so sick that she can't go to school
Only she knows if she feels well or is exhausted. If you think she's faking, you could tell her she has to stay in bed if she stays home. If you are angry and frustrated, that's to be expected because parenting sick kids is so draining!!!!, but only she knows if she is still too tired to go to school.

My kids often have at least one too-tired day after symptoms end with most illnesses.

Are you feeling resentful because you are feeling sick too, or tired and you still have to keep on with your work (or because you had different expectations for today, stuff you had to get done, other plans?) Are you a mom who never gets a sick day so you're kind of jealous when your kid does? I've had those feelings at times.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 43,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
I'm letting her stay home today but she's not allowed to use the computer or the TV until 4:10 (when she would normally be home from school.) Meanwhile, my other DD is allowed to use the computer because I know she's sick enough to be home today- she threw up this morning!

I don't think DD9 is "faking it" but I really don't think she NEEDS to be home today and I'm not going to make it fun for her. Besides, this is her second day home and she was allowed TV and computer yesterday.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 01:59 PM
 
Jaimep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Hangin' with Dorothy and Toto
Posts: 557
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I second the don't make it fun thing. I also think it is a great idea about "go to school, or stay home and help with chores" Maybe not alot of chores if she is maybe still a little sick.

I used to hate school, and would have loved if OCCASIONALLY my mom would have just let me have a skip day. One of the many reasons we plan to homeschool.

Homeschooling mama to 3 Italian babies. homeschool.gif  Due with #4 on Sept. 28! Planning a rockin' Homebirth. homebirth.jpg

Jaimep is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 02:26 PM
 
FreeThinkinMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,081
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would wonder why she was doing it too. Is she experiencing problems at school? Is another child picking on her or does she have some other reason to want to avoid it? I only ask because I used to skip school a lot due to bullies

As for the spanking issue I have been tempted myself. Sometimes dd just really tests me and won't listen. I just have to take a deep breath and remind myself why we don't do it and that it wouldn't work anyway and try something else
FreeThinkinMama is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 04:09 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So the purpose of the chores/no tv/etc is to make home more miserable than school?
If she says she is too ill to manage school today, I wouldn't punish her. If she is not wanting to go to school (when really able to go), that is something to investigate.

But, I am thinking that more importantly, Ruthla, you need a break! With 2 sick kiddos, you are surely stressed--and hopefully not getting sick yourself. Personally, I would let go of the struggle with dd over school today, spend some time talking about school (to make sure there isn't a problem), and then cuddle up together and watch a good movie Can you get some rest time today, too?
sunnmama is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 04:25 PM
 
FoxintheSnow's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: nak
Posts: 5,822
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
2 sick kids at home at once! Thats rough. Sorry Ruthla s
Maybe you could assign her the duty of cleaning up other dd's puke. j/k!
Do you think she wants to stay home because everyone else in the house is home?
What are your plans if she does this tomorrow?

Mother of 3, welcomed a new baby girl July 2011

FoxintheSnow is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 06:48 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 17,836
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama
So the purpose of the chores/no tv/etc is to make home more miserable than school?
Wow, I didn't think of it that way! But it does put an interesting spin on my childhood!

But I have to admit I do remember a few times not wanting to go to school. because I didn't do my homework, had a test, just felt lazy. my sister was staying at home, and I was afraid she'd get more attention than me.

I don't know how your child feels, but I assume you know her better than anyone else. I guess I would just be afraid that if you just let her stay at home with no consequences, if she really didn't need to , that you may be encouraging behavior that you don't want to.

 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
Old 11-30-2005, 03:20 PM
 
Alkenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: ...life is beautiful all the time
Posts: 11,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When my kids stay home from schoo, they aren't allowed computer/tv niether. They are home because they aren't well enough to go to school, so they rest in bed (I do let them read).

If she wasn't really "sick enough", I too would question why she didn't want to go. I had problems with my DD a couple of years ago, she was having problems with a bully at school (who is one of her friends this year, go figure!)
Alkenny is offline  
Old 11-30-2005, 03:31 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If my kids are sick enough to stay home from school, they are sick enough to stay in bed all day (ie. no tv, no computer, no playtime). This means they don't fake it.
Irishmommy is offline  
Old 11-30-2005, 05:47 PM
 
Dragonfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: On the Brink
Posts: 6,550
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also think that the "why" behind not wanting to go to school is important to investigate. I used to call my mom to pick me up from school or try to stay home all the time between the ages of 10-13. Why? Because school was a pretty miserable place to be. Home was safe and more interesting.

As for why you don't spank: Because you want your child to trust you, not fear you. Because hitting another human being is never a decent thing to do. Hitting a human being whose development and care has been entrusted to you is downright reprehensible. Because you're better than that.

Sorry you're having such a rough day.
Dragonfly is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off