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#1 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yup, that is what one of my co-workers said to me yesterday. Can you believe it? This woman is such a cruel person. She talks ALL the time about what a good Christian she is and yet she is always so cruel to people. She was in her office and actually called me in to ask!

There is a new co-worker in our office and she is gay. Well this nasty woman, Gladys, brought up how Madonna kissed a girl and went on and on about it. Well this new co-worker is too sweet to say anything, but you could tell how hurt she was. (Gladys isn't too smart either because our main boss is gay).

Another co-worker is unable to get preg, so she is in the process of adopting a child that she has been fostering. It has been a long painful journey for her. Well shortly after she was told that she couldn't get preg Gladys went on and on about how there is nothing in the world like feeling a baby grow inside of you and the connection.

Gladys is a major bully, so no one ever reports her or stands up to her, except for me and my friend that also works there. We work with adults w/ disabilities. She is always on the borderline of being verbally abusive and this is with witnesses. I really hope that she isn't worse when no one else is around.

Any ideas what to do with an adult bully that says tht she follows God's way? (I am not being insulting to anyone but her. She truly says that she is His follower, etc)
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#2 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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Report her to your/her boss.
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#3 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 05:43 PM
 
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Report her. Every time. Without rancor. Just get it on record.

I would also do some confronting. Simple statements, such as "That isn't very nice, Gladys. " People like that love the drama they create. Horrible horrible.
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#4 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 06:32 PM
 
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What a WITCH! Yeah I agree with the others. Report her. Get in on record. Good for you for standing up to her. As for the comment about gaining weight...Once, 3 years ago, I had a co-worker (no longer works with us) tell me that she could tell I was getting further along in my pregnancy cause my ass was getting bigger. Yeah, thanks.
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#5 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 06:47 PM
 
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Actually, no, NOT a witch. All the witches I know RESPECT all beings.

But Gladys certainly sounds like a nasty person.
Hugs to you.
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#6 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 07:18 PM
 
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This woman is exactly what you call her; a bully.
These snide comments are way to enforce her position and are a form of psychological abuse IMO.
Call her on it every time, and I agree with the others, report it, keep a record.
The God she follows must be one that has no shred of compassion or empathy.
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#7 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 07:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizc
Actually, no, NOT a witch. All the witches I know RESPECT all beings.
Thank you.

I agree, report her at every incidence. That kind of disrepect should never be tolerated.
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#8 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 07:49 PM
 
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Wow, I feel sorry that you have to work with such an angry person. I wonder if you can kill her anger with kindness? Or is it a lost cause?

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#9 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 07:50 PM
 
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I have a tendency to confront such extreme people. I'll say somehthing like, "That is a rude, unprofessional question." I, for example, told a coworker that it was unprofessional for him to talk about "titty bars" in the workplace (an expression I'd never heard before moving to Texas!)
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#10 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 08:44 PM
 
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"you know girl we do have glasses coverage you might need a new script."

But if she's into the word have a few quotes handy that might cut her off and memorize chapter and verse.

Or alternatively play old lady with her..
did you just ask me " and repeat it..."
then say I thought that's what you said...then walk away.

or answer her with a totally wrong answer like "35 degrees I heard"

8 might be enough
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#11 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 09:02 PM
 
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OUCH! How could she say that? I might have cried. I'm not very good at confrontation, but I have found one response that helps, which is to sweetly say, "Why do you ask?" or "Why are you telling me this?" Sometimes it helps people realize that they are saying these things just to be hurtful or feel superior.
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#12 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, I did go to our supervisor today and he spoke to her. She left me a an "apology" message, though she never apologized. She is just so sneaky. For example, our new co-worker, Jen, has not told a lot of people that she is gay. Just myself, my friend and Gladys. Gladys comes off as being a really nice sincere person at first. So when Gladys was going on and on about Madonna kissing a woman and how gross that is, no one in the room knew that she was offending Jen on purpose. It was so sad.
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#13 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 09:20 PM
 
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omg what an ugly person, i would have to say something to her. ugh...sad that there are people who claim to follow God, yet who are so dang mean and hateful.

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
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#14 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 10:51 PM
 
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That's aweful. I worked with a woman like that. Fortunatly, my boss knew that she was like that, and I wasn't reprimended when she drove me to calling her a pretty nasty name in the middle of the office one day (hey...I was 9 months pregnant, she should have known better than to piss me off :P). Actually, I got a few pats on the back afterwards.

It really can be hard working with someone like this. Just be sure that your boss knows about it. Can you provoke her into saying something anti-gay in front of your gay supervisor? I would imagine that could help get rid of her.
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#15 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 11:01 PM
 
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How awful to have to put up with that! I agree that she should be reported. It sounds like it will require some outside influence to get her to change.

On the other side, it sounds like she is a very unhappy person and this is her way of making herself feel better. I'm definitely not saying it's right, just hoping to offer some perspective.
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#16 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 11:29 PM
 
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The answer is ' No but you seem to lost your senses of class and tact.' or ' Wow! Did you get hit with the rude stick today? or ' Forget me, how far along are you?!!? Why didn't you tell us?'

Then report her. I would have serious concerns about someone with such a 'bully' personality working with vunerable adults.
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#17 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 11:40 PM
 
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Wow. What a horrible person. I'm so sorry you have to work with her.
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#18 of 26 Old 12-14-2005, 11:57 PM
 
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There's a comment sure to make me cry.

I agree with the PP who suggested the matter-of-fact behavior correction. Makes her look like an idiot without the drama.

OT - I'm an Upstater too!

Mooooom! to  guitar.gifDS (1/05) and whistling.gifDSS (11/05).  TTC fingersx.gifour "ours" after VR on 10/12.  

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#19 of 26 Old 12-15-2005, 12:05 AM
 
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Man, I bet she really poisons the workplace How awful and pitiful too.

ND

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#20 of 26 Old 12-15-2005, 03:56 AM
 
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Keep reporting these situations. Most businesses have an ethical code or set of rules regarding discrimination and treatment of others in the workplace. Sounds like she's been breaking some of them!

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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#21 of 26 Old 12-15-2005, 09:33 AM
 
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uuugh
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#22 of 26 Old 12-15-2005, 10:40 AM
 
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I'm with all the others who have said deal with her openly and report/record EVERYTHING. After dealing with an harassing coworker for 2 years (he finally was dismissed), we found that the straw that broke the camels back was the papertrail he had created for himself. He was the KING of snotty comments and was very homophobic and very afraid of strong women. Go through your company manual and check out the sections on harassment. It should state something about creating a hostile work environment. Use that as your leverage, quoting the manual when possible, when you report these incidents. The fact that this person had the gall to degrade someone's lifestyle infront of witnesses infuriates me!

As for the 'good, christian woman' persona that she has going on...why not ask her pointedly what her faith teaches her about honesty, tolerance, and kindness towards others? But do it in front of a witness, and then remind her of her answer to you every time that she starts berating someone/something again.

Chiromum and SuperChiroDad, joyful parents of: laurel eleanoir, cornelia philippa maximos lachlan pendragon and leonidas snowdon tigernach
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#23 of 26 Old 12-19-2005, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update: Well she was told by our supervisor and his supervisor that she had to apologize. So she leaves me this voice mail "Good morning Kelly. Well, XXXX called me into his office and told me that I offended you. I did not mean to offend you. Merry Christmas." It was DRIPPING with sarcasm.

I spoke with my sup's supervisor and he told me that she has been put on notice so to speak. I heard that a few other co-workers have recently reported her for more of the same.
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#24 of 26 Old 12-19-2005, 09:12 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Shiloh

Or alternatively play old lady with her..
did you just ask me " and repeat it..."
then say I thought that's what you said...then walk away.

[/QUOTE]



You are my new hero, for giving me a MIL conversation technique. Imagine:

Her: Well, once you have a bigger place, maybe you'll be able to have some nice things too! [After describing the crystal wine decanter she got SIL for an anniversary present. If this IS your style, sorry, because it is SOOOOO not mine. Of all the objects in the world, this is the one I least desire to own.]

Me: Um... did you just say, "Then you'll be able to have a few nice things too"?

Her: I meant, you know, um....


Score one for me!



Sorry, that was SO off topic...

Can't give up actin' tough, it's all that I'm made of. Can't scrape together quite enough to ride the bus to the outskirts of the fact that I need love. ~ Neko Case

 
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#25 of 26 Old 12-20-2005, 12:43 AM
 
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Reply: "Have you gotten bitchier?"

No seriously I would never say that to anyone. I totally agree with reporting her and it seems to be working so far.

And repeating what she says back to her. Is it possible she really doesn't realize how she comes across???
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#26 of 26 Old 12-20-2005, 02:58 AM
 
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Quote:
You are my new hero, for giving me a MIL conversation technique.
lol yes conversation enders are always good to have in your backpocket people like well often MIL try to drag you into the muck.... I refuse to play games.

Other ones "I don't know the answer let me ask Bob, Bob have I gained weight Susan keeps asking me."

Basically pass the buck.
Refuse to give a straight answer.
Answer questions with questions (that aren't related) like
Have you gained weight? You know I had to wait for an hour today at the dentist... weight/wait

Phone conversation enders
- is that your line or mine beeping.
There's a priest at my door.


or to things like :
Quote:
So when Gladys was going on and on about Madonna kissing a woman and how gross that is, no one in the room knew that she was offending Jen on purpose. It was so sad.
You know "susan" when I see things that I don't understand I think what would jesus say.... Or what would Jesus gossip about? Do you know what the sin of judgment really is, it is putting oneself above god... Glad I don't know many overly judgmental people as it would be a sad affliction.

Basically I ignore the rude and respond sometimes as if the person said something positive like I agree susan as a christian who strives to accept and love everyone even when I don't understand their lifestyle choices isn't it nice that people aren't hiding in a closet somewhere and aren't forced to lie about who they are. Wow you really are an example for us all to follow as many people just blindly judge.(you will frustrate the crap out of her and probably everyone else will quietly bust a gut)

Susan I think I heard you being paged.
Or whats that on your pants? lol she will look down then start new topic.

My daughter provided the classic one a few holidays back to the 'bigot in law' he was going on about fill in the ethnic group my dd turned to him pretending to hear only the culture mentioned not the explitives associated with it and said we studied that culture in school they have a rich and vibrant history.

8 might be enough
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