Do big families bother you? - Page 12 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do big families bother you?
No. 282 100.00%
Yes. 48 100.00%
Don't much care 66 100.00%
It depends on the situation 155 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

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#331 of 348 Old 08-09-2006, 11:59 PM
 
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I like big families. But not as a rule. I just see nothing wrong with them. I also agree with whomever said "as long as the last name isn't Duggar." They creep me out but I have to admit to loving that documentary on them because I was like : on their home organizing and life simplification tips.
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#332 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 03:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SiValleySteph
I would be interested in hearing what those who plan on/have large families feel about this. Is it not important to you? I cannot have a large family and reconcile it with my feelings on conservation.
We're adopting. We have two bio's, are in the process of adopting 16yo dd, and might have another adoptive child soon (7yo).

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#333 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 03:31 AM
 
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I don't have time to do more than just skim the thread, but I would like to make a point concerning the "population/resources" objection.

In order for a population to remain the same size over generations, there needs to be an average of 2.1 live births per woman (over the course of her lifetime). Obviously one for her, one for her partner, and a little more to cover children who don't live to reproduce and other statistical anomalies.

Right now the U.S. birth rate is 2.09 live births per woman. So, barely enough to hold steady. Large families obviously get factored into that average, balancing out the people who have zero or one children. If it weren't for the large families, the U.S. population would actually be dropping.

So, unless you are of the extreme view that the U.S. is so evil that its population should voluntarily drive itself to extinction, the overpopulation argument holds no water. (Given the generally left-wing tenor of MDC I am sure that opinion is not unheard of, but then the obvious question would be: why do you get to have kids? What makes you so special?) To those who don't hate Western civilization, but somehow think that population reduction (rather than, say, technological advances to change our impact on the earth's resources) is good for the country, I have three words: Social Security crisis.
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#334 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 04:43 AM
 
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I have a large family (4 working on 5) and I love large families, I love small families, I love my single friends who will never have kids.

I am sorry to the OP for people making crappy remarks. That is just messed up. Go give your babies hugs and smooches.

And someone commented way back on the first or second page (I have not read the whole thread!) that large families were ok as long as the older kids didn't have to care for the younger kids or do alot of chores! ??? Why the heck not. It is called team work. Whether you have 1, 2, 23 kids they have to help out. If it means the 12 year old watchs the baby so mom can shower... it will happen. If it means the kids do the dishes and help with the wash, and what not... WHY NOT? What makes kids so special as they don't have to help with the stuff they need? When did mom become a slave to all the kids needs? Even if you just have one child, they should be helping out. It is what it means to be part of a group. Sheesh! At least at my house the older kids fight over taking care of their little brother. And they help out around the house with out it being a problem.

H

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#335 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 05:11 AM
 
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mamaof3...I think the person who posted that was referencing when 11, 12 year olds are RESPONSIBLE for caring for the younger kids and are denied a childhood (spare time, sports, play, etc) because they must care for the little ones. Or when it's a 12 year old's job to cook dinner for the whole family every other night against her wishes.

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#336 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 07:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bri276
it's none of my business how many, or few, children anyone has who is responsible and loving towards them.

I would never make a derogatory comment towards a mother or family with many children- no matter how many.

And while I still maintain it's none of my business, I don't like to see older siblings parenting younger ones. A bit of babysitting or housework is normal and healthy, but in some situations (like a certain tv show we've all blabbed endlessly about) it can be excessive and unhealthy to have a teen or adolescent spending the vast majority of their free time caring for younger children. This can happen with any number of children, of course. That's why I say I don't mind one bit as long as the PARENTS are responsible for their kids. All of them.

I don't come from a large family but my mom had my brother when I was 11. Afterword and to this day she has a lot of heath problems. I played a MAJOR part in child care and raising my little brother. You may think this weighs down a child but I loved the expereience. It taught me responsability and because I was to yougn to know what you are "supose" to do with babies it taught me to use my instints. It taught me to protect my self, babies are hard work and I definatly wasn't ready for my own yet. Following this experience I became interested in Early Childhood development, when to college and unforcunatly still working on my degree (3 classes left!) and have worked with children for the past 10 years. One thing you have to realize is in other cutures that is preficly normal not some huge cramp in a teens style.

Sorry for misspellings I'm on my way to work and mdc has no spell check

Erin Mama to thing 1 and 2 WAH with CELIAC?! Living and Learning
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#337 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 08:18 AM
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As with so many other things, children helping out needs to be balanced.

I think the Duggars, for example, give their older children (particularly the girls,) way too much responsibility. A 10 year old should not be a sibling's "buddy." Neither should a 18 year old, for that matter. (for those who don't know, the Duggars assign a buddy to a child when the child is weaned at approx. 5 or 6 months old, the buddy feeds, bathes, dresses, entertains, prays-for and tucks-in, and helps with any homeschooling. I think children become buddies at about 8-10 years old. These children also have chores like doing wash (for 18 people!) and cooking (for 18 people!!) Girls are especially exploited under this system.)

Now, this past June, I had a college class. I needed my family to help me. As it turned out, each of the older able children took a turn. Jess took them Tuesdays, Jeanette on Monday, Jonathan on Wednesday, and my bro., Jim on Thursdays. No one person was saddled with it, and everyone really seemed to enjoy the experience.
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#338 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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Duggers aside... what is wrong with older able children cooking dinner? I don't get that. Some night/days I don't want to do what needs to be done, but I still cook dinner for everyone. I know this goes against the flow of Mothering, but having kids have responsiblity isn't a bad thing.
The older my kids get the more they actually don't mind doing and enjoy it. I still don't let them mess with the stove, but my dd loves to cook (with me putting the stuff in the oven). I know my little rant is OT, but still... it is shocking to me that an adult has to "do" all this stuff whether they want to or not, but a child can say "naw, I don't want to help out my family" and everyone is OK with that.
I lucked out, as I said, because my kids help out with out much fuss. They have chores, but that is because we all need to help out in a family. I guess I just don't get it... a kid can say I don't want to help out with, let's say, cooking every other night, and that is OK? Why? Is it OK for me to say, I no longer do the wash, or cook? UGH!
I didn't have kids to make them servents, but even if I had just one child, I would expect some help around here, especially as they got older.
What are we raising kids who feel the need to be cared for without helping out? How does that benifit them as they grow up?

H

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#339 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 12:55 PM
 
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I think people aren't referring to kids "helping out" in general, having chores, etc., but a very specific phenomenon where older girls become full-time mini mothers and miss out on the experiences of youth, usually due to unsavory ideas about the roles of women which also play into why the family is so large in the first place.
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#340 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
Duggers aside... what is wrong with older able children cooking dinner? I don't get that. Some night/days I don't want to do what needs to be done, but I still cook dinner for everyone. I know this goes against the flow of Mothering, but having kids have responsiblity isn't a bad thing.
The older my kids get the more they actually don't mind doing and enjoy it. I still don't let them mess with the stove, but my dd loves to cook (with me putting the stuff in the oven). I know my little rant is OT, but still... it is shocking to me that an adult has to "do" all this stuff whether they want to or not, but a child can say "naw, I don't want to help out my family" and everyone is OK with that.
I lucked out, as I said, because my kids help out with out much fuss. They have chores, but that is because we all need to help out in a family. I guess I just don't get it... a kid can say I don't want to help out with, let's say, cooking every other night, and that is OK? Why? Is it OK for me to say, I no longer do the wash, or cook? UGH!
I didn't have kids to make them servents, but even if I had just one child, I would expect some help around here, especially as they got older.
What are we raising kids who feel the need to be cared for without helping out? How does that benifit them as they grow up?

H
I agree. My kids will kick and scream to be able to make dinner and do chores. I have to tell them no sometimes because it feels cruel to let them do so much. Provided they are still young, and it will probably change, but I have no problem with letting them help out.

On the other hand, I do have a problem with it when it comes to extremes. From the time I was 11, I was the sole cooker/maid/babysitter in my house. I had to get a babysitter to go to prom, I was responsible for getting my 3 younger brothers to school and back, doing their homework, cleaning them, changing diapers, etc. I did NOT have a choice.

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#341 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 01:15 PM
 
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That isn't what I am talking about though, and from what I could tell that isn't what the pp I was refering to was talking about (but maybe I am wrong).
I don't think it matters if there is just one child in the home or 10, they need to help out. And honestly they can help out at a pretty young age, and you aren't being crule. Once a week I give everyone something to do... sweep, dishes, dust, wash the windows.. they help no problem, the younger ones LOVE it. Because they know what they are doing is helpful and fun (to them)... cleaning windows with vinegar and water, dusting with the feather duster, etc.
I just don't understand why it is "bad" to have kids help, even if they crab about it sometimes? The stuff still needs to get done, so is it just Mom who does it? That would make me nuts.
As a side note there are things I enjoy doing that the kids don't do... which they are grateful for... like cleaning the bathroom.
I just invision a bunch of kids going out in the world (like my dh) who never washed a dish or folded clothes or cooked a thing. How does that make healthy happy kids?

OK so I am done ranting:
Back to your regularly scheduled topic!

H

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#342 of 348 Old 08-10-2006, 02:06 PM
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Oh, I'm not talking about helping out, I'm talking about *depending* on children to do what would normally be regarded as adult levels of work.

Being solely in charge of a younger sibling 24/7/365, for example, or being the *only* one responsible for doing wash for 18 people.

Note the patriarchal attitudes as well, lots of gender assigned jobs. Little maids cleaning up after little men.
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#343 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 04:24 AM
 
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Now I agree with you there. That is messed up. But I wasn't talking about that, and I don't think that is what the pp was getting at (or maybe they were and I just didn't pick that up. ).

Ok I am done, I swear!

H

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#344 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 04:42 AM
 
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I think stupid people should stop breeding so those who wish to have big families can do so without worrying about overpopulation. :

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#345 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 07:33 AM
 
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It depends on the situation. I think it's wrong to have a HUGE family & expect "government handouts" or "fundraisers from the community" to support the family. I have no problem with kids completing household chores or babysitting younger siblings BUT let them be kids too & have fun in THEIR life.
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#346 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 08:35 AM
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There was a family on the news, they had the sweetest story.

The couple adopted a set of Russian twins as babies and discovered they had older siblings in orphanages. Two more sets of twins!!!

This lovely couple adopted both sets of twins for a grand total of six children, all twins.

*That* large family is certainly the kind that should have community fundraisers, not the family, like mine, that just has their own biokids one at a time :
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#347 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 09:59 AM
 
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Adding to this extrememly long thread...
Large to me is over 6 kids.
I know of no large family at our church that is on government assistance, dfs of our have 7 with #8 on the way, they own their house, they have no debt and the man of the household is a computer software engineer of some sort and makes a very desent living and the woman of the house is ms. fugal thrifty (if I ever want advice on cutting back, she's the woman to talk to!)
Now I did run into a woman with 7 children who was recently divorced and struggling. Let me just say, there is no way you can raise 7 kids without assistance without the man's support. I have a df with 3 children who is drowning without the child support. After this experience with my df, I will never be quick to judge anyone using food stamps or WIC (shoot, I've been on WIC). Public assistance has a purpose and who are we to judge the criteria by which the government issues it out??? It's hard to qualify, let me tell you, I tried. You can not have assest over $2000, and in some states that includes your vehicle value. (the $2000 figure was from 2003, so things might have changed).
Anyway, some great come backs here. I get looks with only 3, wait until I start showing!!! I've even gotten comments from people with my 3, absolutely amazes me that strangers feel the need to speak ill of a personal choice.
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#348 of 348 Old 08-11-2006, 10:44 AM
 
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Only MY big family bothers me.

ALL freakin' day!


Homeschooling mom to four kids, ages 18, 18, 10, and 6. 

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