I'd forgotten just how irritating it was to have to explain my decisions all the time - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 09:47 PM - Thread Starter
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When the kids are young, as most of you know people felt free to question my every decision. It's been a long time since I felt mysefl in the the position of explaining myself.

WE've decided to send dd18 to a private college. Welll, she applied to all the state schools and didn't get in, the private one took her. Every agency we've been to (she has very severe learning disabilities and is entitled to some help, or we're been looking for scholarships) teh staff all feel they neeed to question WHY she isn't going to a local community college.

It would, they say, save us huge money, and if she transfered for her final two years, "No one would ever know." That bugs me. IF the schools are so good, why would we care who knew???

Besides, the savings aren't that great. If she goes to the private school for two years and THEN transfers to a good state school, which have some of the best special ed programs. (she wants to teach special ed) Wanna do some math?

The private college is $28,300 per year. That covers all of her food, (including a ton of snacks) room, Red sox tickets for a game this fall, free movie tickets about once a month, all of her classes, free bus pass, events and activities every month, etc. She qualified for $13,000 worth of fin aid from the school, bringing her total to $15,300. ( some other aid would apply to either school, I didn't count that)

The commmuntiy college is $4064 per year. That covers her courses and an $18 donation to Masspirg, (where she worked for one day and was fired!). THere are a few activities on campus that would also cover. She would need a car, and becasue we live 2 miles down a dirt road and 28 miles from the school, that would mean a GOOD car with front wheel drive, say $8,000. Imagining a car that got 28 miles to the gallon, gas would come to $1000, and then she'd need SOMETHING, tires, brakes, you know the stuff that breaks on cars, lets guess $500. Oil changes, another $100. No food is included. I can't figure her food costs, since I'd be feeding her...but at $30 a week, it would be about $800. THat wouldn't include hanging out in the cafeteria with friends or free snacks at the events thrown at the private school. Or tickets to movies, Red Sox games etc. Or any socializing. I'd imagine she spends about $1000 a year now on movie tickets, going out to eat with a friend. 14,464, not counting that last $1000 for socializing.

Ok, I know that the car would last more than a year. I also know I didn't count everything that's paid for at school. Even if you prorate the car, the difference still isn't enough to pay for my peace of mind, or her opportunities. The community college is off a majr highway and she'd have to drive every day, getting on the only ramp that enters on the LEFT side where the speed limit is 65. I say a prayer every time I get on there. I'd be a wreck with her doing it. Also, since her disability is language based and affects her ability to socialize easily, we felt that a school where she'd be immersed in lots of activities would be the best choice for HER.

She's taking out the loans, she'lll be paying them back. (in the end she only needs to borrow about $6000 per year) The agencies DON'T give her extra for attending a private school. So why do they care?

I'd like to print this up and give it to the next fool who thinks to question our decision!

Warning! This is a rant and should be treated as such! Telling me I'm wrong, my math is bad or that the agency people are right because.........will only get me going! : :

Now I remember how EVERYONE thought it was up to them to ask why I was nursing, why I was nursing twins, did nursing make my breasts sag like that (True question!), why I was using cloth when disposables were so much more convenient, why I didn't get a job and put my kids in day care, why I thought I was competent to homeschool my ds, etc, etc, etc.


Thanks! I needed that!
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#2 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 09:56 PM
 
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As for a car look into a Geo Metro, they are front wheel drive and get 30-40 MPG. Our car we bought for $2,000.

We have a 1996 and my parents had a 1989, both wonderful

Rant away
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#3 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 10:31 PM
 
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i'm a big fan of a good rant!
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#4 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
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No, no, no!!! Fancy private school=free shuttle and bus pass. In the city (small city), everything close by.

No car. She's more than willing to walk since there are dozens of restaurants, 12 other colleges, museums, ethnic groceries, and a zillion other college age people within a few miles.

Here, at home, she'd have to walk 3 and 1/2 miles to get to the country store/post office/'pub'. And when she got there, she'd be surrounded by aging hippies and back-to-the-landers, and NO-ONE under 40.
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#5 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 10:44 PM
 
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Rant away, Red! If finances allow, it sounds like she'll have a wonderful time at the private college. Good luck to your dd!
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#6 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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Sounds like the true college experience to me - she'll have a blast at the private school!!
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#7 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 11:22 PM
 
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My only caveat is that in your planning you work out specifically with the school and your daughter how she'll be getting help in her classes and staying on track. I failed out of my first semester of college mainly because I was away from home for the first time* and I didn't have good study habits yet. I know that your daughter will be sucessful at college because I know that you're there for her.

And you won't let her lie to you about things going 'oh, just fine' like I did to my parents.

*In a huge city with tons of stuff to do, like going out for coffee at 3am instead of sleeping, and hanging out with friends instead of calculus.
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#8 of 15 Old 08-10-2006, 11:43 PM
 
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The private college sounds like a great opportunity! Don't let the wet blankets get to you.
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#9 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
My only caveat is that in your planning you work out specifically with the school and your daughter how she'll be getting help in her classes and staying on track. I failed out of my first semester of college mainly because I was away from home for the first time* and I didn't have good study habits yet. I know that your daughter will be sucessful at college because I know that you're there for her.

And you won't let her lie to you about things going 'oh, just fine' like I did to my parents.

*In a huge city with tons of stuff to do, like going out for coffee at 3am instead of sleeping, and hanging out with friends instead of calculus.

Ahhh, you might know my dd!

I've already set her up with the cousleing center to help her with study skills and social stuff. And they have a center there for kids with LD's. She's already met the director and we've discussed her going 2-3 times a week.

Oh,and while it aint' encouraged, I KNOW her better than the college does, so I plan on meeting iwth her for a lunch date about once a week, then every other week, then every third week, until she's handling it. She'll need extra support!


Thanks for the warning. My oldest lost her full ride scholarship when she started dating a boy!
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#10 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 12:09 AM
 
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Ugh. What a nightmare. I say go for the private college. it sounds like she would get a lot more out of it! And how beautiful that she wants to teach special ed. That's amazing! You've raised a great girl, I can tell!!

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
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#11 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 12:43 AM
 
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you know just reading that made me realize how much thought and consideration you have really put into this decision and you daughter is very lucky to have such a wonderful supportive Mom like you... ... I say private school for the FULL college experience and a big kudos to a kick ass Mom.
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#12 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 12:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red
I plan on meeting iwth her for a lunch date about once a week, then every other week, then every third week, until she's handling it. She'll need extra support!
Wow, I really like your thinking here. i like the way you are planning to offer extra support AND to taper it off.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#13 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 01:12 AM
 
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: Poo on the people who are questioning you--if you aren't asking THEM for donations, what do they care about the cost?!

Private college will be the full college experience and you only get to live ONCE. These are the last years before she has to go off and work and be an adult for the rest of her life--I say if finances allow, go all out. It will be an experience she carries with her for the rest of her life and that's worth the extra $$ right there.

I went the live-at-home community college route and it was a mistake.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#14 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
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You ladies always make me feelso much better. Thanks for telling me I'm doing a good job. (you're never too old to hear that!):
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#15 of 15 Old 08-11-2006, 01:37 AM
 
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Arrgh, so you're telling me the critiques don't end?

I think your dd is extremely lucky to have you. The private college scenario you paint is so much more, well, more, everything!

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