|View Poll Results: Would you leave a good paying job to spend more time with your family?|
|Yes, I would get another job to spend more time with the family||62||78.48%|
|No, I would keep the job and the money||17||21.52%|
|Voters: 79. You may not vote on this poll|
But here goes...
DH has a job, that he isn't that fond of, he has to go to school for his masters (over 1/2 done) to continue in his position. It is getting more and more stressful. He is getting more and more responsiblity and with that more money. It has great benifits (health insurance, dental, vision, 401K, stock options, bonuses 3-4 times a year). Sounds great. Here is the catch, when he is home he isn't here. He is so distracted by the pressures from his job that he can't focus when he is at home. He is forgetful and stressed 100% of the time. His health is suffering, he sleeps poorly, he misses lunch 9 times out of ten, so he isn't eating well (He does call grabbing a candy bar and a soda a lunch... but I don't buy it. LOL).
I feel so lonely when we are together. I realized over this last weekend when the kids and I went out to do something, that I was glad he wasn't there, because he wouldn't have had fun and he would have made the rest of us unhappy too. I hate that. It didn't use to be like that.
He has talked off and on about getting another job, but it would pay less, not sure how much less. Not only does he have no time for us, but even other things he enjoys like his music suffer for lack of time. I want to say, just get another job. We will work it out. We have lived on less for alot of years. And we were happier. He was happier.
He says he can't truly leave the job, as it has a great future (money wise) and that he can only move up (more stress, more responsiblity, less time with us), and that he doesn't want to let us down by moving "backwards". He doesn't want to be poor again.
mama to 6 amazing children married to my main man for 21 years and finally home FULL time
In a sense, I guess we did take the paycut in exchange for family time. But he just never had the "other" job. He could certainly earn more in a different job (his degree is not in teaching). But I really don't think that I'd trade it.
In your situation, without a doubt I'd take the family time over the money!
I was very proud of him. They did however, offer him the job but working only the current hours, so in the end it did work out really well for us.
But I would encourage dh to take any job that makes him happy, regardless of pay.
All the best to you!
So I would say YES! Sounds like he's (and the rest of your family) paying quite a price for the job he has now.
~e, wife to my sweet T , mama to my turtleman (12) , sunshine (9 ), and monkey (6)
Barbara: an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.
Having him home more will allow me to work more if I need to, will save us gas money, will save us money he was spending eating lunch out, etc, so I'm hoping we can get it to even out with some penny pinching.
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My husband is our sole provider and has a goal-oriented, Type A personality or whatever you call it. He is NEVER EVER home before 7 p.m. and rarely before 8 p.m. Plus he works weekends even if it's not in the office. I despise laptops and Blackberries because it means he is basically working all the time with rarely ever any mental break.
We have learned the hard way that the only time DH will go without his cell phone or laptop is if we have plane tickets to go out of town on vacation. It's a good thing he makes a lot of money so we can afford to do that once in a while.
Sigh. I do love having a warm cozy home in a great neighborhood. But there has got to be something in between what he is doing and being at the poverty level. He says he would work that way at any job he does that it's him. I think that's partly true but it doesn't help that he works in an industry where such schedules and workloads and stress levels are the norm.
Thanks for listening.
I think you guys need to have a better plan in place than "some other unknown job".
Look SERIOUSLY at your current budget,m and his realistic other job options and how much they would pay. How drastically would you have to cut your budget to live off of one of those jobs? Not knowing you and your situation, I don't knwo if you are talking about changes like "sorry dear, no more vacations in europe " or more like "We can only eat OUT once pre week on the new budget" or more like "we can only EAT once per week on the new budget" if he switches jobs.
So..i woudl look at that...look at how much you guys would need to have, income-wise, to be able to live in a manner you are comfortable with, and look at what his options are for jobs that pay that.
I think it is unrealistic to say "family time is more important"
Yes, i believe it is...but money troubles can add just as much stress to a reltionship as job troubles, oyou know? You certainly don't want to trade one form of stress for another, unless you know it and willingly make that choice.
Different people "do" being poor differently.
I personally, don't "do" poor well...dh does! So, he is comfortable never being able to go out, eat in restaurants, buy things on a whim(I'm talking like $5 purchases here, lol!), have dd take community classes (dance, etc), rent movies, buy organic food, etc
I am NOT.
I don't think i have expensive tastes or whatever...but to me, being too poor to do anything ever...is ;like a prison sentence. Id rather leave dd/be apart from her in order to work 15 hrs per week, and then have money to ENJOY the other 100 hours i get to spend with her, then be at home all the time and be absolutely BROKE. i LIKE the little things that cost money..yes, i understand there are lots of things that DON'T..but i especially like the ones that DO. Like having our membership to the local zoo..we go several times a week in the summer. Being able, on occasion, to spring for a juice or even ice cream on a hot day....to have enough gas to drive to some of the nicer parks on the other side of town....to be able to let dd take the gymnastics classes she LOVES....to be able to buy her a better carseat that will keep her safeer, etc..
to me, there is a certain level of living i need to have in order to be happy....now, above and beyond that, i don't feel the need to be RICH..but i can't be dirt poor. I know that about myself.
Dh just took a better paying job and has way less time with us.
It stinks but I feel ok with it since
A. It gets us off foodstamps
B. It get us off the medical card
I felt like we shouldn't be using the government if we can make it ok without them.
There is something in your description of your dh that makes me think it's not just the job's fault. So giving up a job where he has fantastic benefits and pay is definitely not the first thing I would look at doing. I would ask yourself and him why, when he's at home, he's distant and stressed, etc., and why he doesn't take good care of himself. I think a lot of people switch jobs or have a "grass is always greener" outlook with regard to jobs, but the core issues aren't necessarily associated with the job and don't stay away for long after switching jobs.
Weary SuperMama to my amazing neurodiverse 6 y.o. DD and to my on-the-go neurotypical 3 y.o. DS
I would gladly cut all of that out (well, maybe switch to Charles Shaw, good ol' 2 Buck Chuck wine) if Dh would quit working so much.
Most of the time one hears about these types of decisions being made after a more troublesome situation arises or life just gets unbearable for everyone involved and it usually takes some time to get to that point. unfortunately, your kids are prob young and NOW would be the best time to make a leap like that----- It seems a matter of learning from those ahead of us.
Hope that makes sense. BEST Of LUCK
To be honest I am torn. I mean truly it has been a hard 15 years of marriage (income wise only). This has been a good year for us, we are paying off debt, putting money away, I can stay home, and we can still do some fun stuff. I don't want to give that up... but I want to be happy again. I want dh to be home when he is home. Sometimes when I look out into the future I wonder what will happen to us. He is a great man, I really lucked out with him. He is sweet most of the time, loving, a good man, a great father. But I feel like he is dissappering. Like that fun loving guy is going away and is being replaced by this man who can not relax. Isn't comfortable here anymore. I wonder if he is feel like he has this huge burden to carry and he can't let us down.
mama to 6 amazing children married to my main man for 21 years and finally home FULL time
What about a plan to get out of it eventually so it seems like there is light at the end of the tunnel? What if you use this current job to work hard at getting the debt paid off and then try to downsize when you are debt free? Money problems are also not fun but I honestly do not think it is all or nothing. There is something in the middle, you just have to find it. I hope we find it someday.
1.) dayshift drama is far more stressful than nightshift drama
2.) on days you have multiple management watching you- including management not in charge of you
3.) nightshift makes a whole $2.50 more- which adds up A LOT come check time.
I cannot handle a lot of stress. So while I would love to spend more time with my family... it would not be pleasent time because I'll be irritable from work. So me working overnights and seeing my family as much as I can is much better than seeing them more often and being a she devil all the time.
But I'm kinda with Periwinkle on this. It sounds like he's withdrawing, possibly due to middle-age or something else. You can also agree to suck-it-out for a set period of time and then get out. I've had a few jobs like that - one while I was getting my MBA. It's easier to cope if you know there is an end in site.
I was making 2/3s of our family income with a well paying job that I'd had for 16 years and I left to stay home when I had the two younger ones. I'd do it again in a heart beat - best decision I ever made. We are having a tough time financially and we are going to have to sell our house to move to something smaller but I'm still 1000% happier than I would have been working and not getting as much time with the kids.
But we are able to do that because we already have equity in our house - if we didn't have that we might not have been able to. It all depends on your particular household situation.
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