Is there a tribe for this? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-27-2006, 01:30 AM - Thread Starter
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anyone who's currently or has had their parents/in-laws live with them because of one needing 24/7 supervision?

long story short, we're considering it, really couldn't imagine it another way, because of my dad's health. It's too much to expect my mom to do it all..anyway, anybody done this? Is there a tribe or something?

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), one 13 wk (10/13) and 5/15 just your average multigenerational living family!!
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#2 of 5 Old 12-27-2006, 07:16 AM
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My dad doesn't need 24/7 supervision or does he live with us; however, he does need most everything brought to him as he has trouble walking and holding something at the same time. So, warming lunch in the microwave and bringing it to the table really can't be done by him. My mother works so I do those little things during the day while she's gone.
~We live next door, across a small pasture, from them. This works best for us. I really, really couldn't see myself and my parents in the same house. I'd be an emotional wreck. It'd be unhealthy for me.
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#3 of 5 Old 12-27-2006, 04:00 PM
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hey stranger, hows it going? how my lil man, and little bean doing? must be busy huh?

, fil came to live with us as he was unable to stay by himself..i'll be honest, its hard! I think in "my" experiance the hardest part was privavcy, i'm a very private person(when it comes to LIVING TOGETHER) and even though he had his own room, i still felt "invaded" even though i wasn't. for the most part it was ok, and worked out.

It is hard taking care of a elderly parent, and being a parent at the same time, i had to often remind myself that all he needed was help, and that he was there to stay.

make sure you give yourself time for "you" and "your family" as often i felt like it was all about taking care of fil(it was) but you do need a break
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#4 of 5 Old 12-29-2006, 02:06 AM - Thread Starter
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Hey stranger!!!!

I can't get into my MSN cauze I can't remember my dang password for the life of me......and then they want to send it to my MSN email, which I need, guess what, THE PASSWORD to get into!?!?!!! *sigh*

anyway back to the topic. I think this will be hard obviously, as it's my dad and I hate watching this happen whether or not he lives in my house. The bottom line is, it's not safe for him to be alone anymore, even a few minutes or anything. He still smokes, and he does things now like forget to turn off the water in the sink. I feel it's only a matter of time till it's a forgotten cigarette somewhere.
He's worse when he's sick, he's also had a lot of stomach issues in the last month. I really think it's something more than whatever's just going around, but he's been to the ER twice in the last month and all they do is rehydrate him and send him home--they did do a cat scan of his head and found nothing the first time, this last time (XMas Day) they did a chest xray and found nothing. He was supposed to have the scope test where they look at your stomach, but he won't go do it.
He was supposed to go back to a doctor the day after X-mas but they are waiting around for him to be able to get into my brother's doctor who is out of town till after New Year's I guess.
He is at the moment doing better--does not seem disoriented, eating, drinking, still taking the anti-nausea pills though, only has one left, seems to still NEED them.
I wish they would actually try to figure out WHY.

My friend's a nurse, has pretty much always worked with the nursing home population, says he is getting some form of dementia obviously, and with the stomach symptoms I've described and his past history of ulcers and stuff, she wouldn't be surprised at all if he's got stomach cancer. (I kind of think HE wouldn't either and that has a lot to do with his refusal to see a doctor.) He's lost a scary amount of weight, I can't look at him in a short sleeve shirt.....

Off topic again---ZZ turned the big TWO in October. He now informs you of this by holding up 2 fingers happily saying 'two'. His word today is "Ga-GAYKUM!" which is his way of trying to say 'salaam alaikum.' His Arabic vocabulary, taught by ME, now consists of "batrik" (penguin) "bossa" (kisses) and "Ga-GAYKUM" I told DH he HAS to take over because now I've taught him EVERYTHING I KNOW
He's bonding with his sister, he has tried to feed her chips and give her a binky via my belly-button. ("Hi, Fo-fee, want chip?) He asks at least once daily "bee-bo?" (bellybutton) then he says "Fo-fee" (sophie) and kisses my bellybutton then says "hug?" then he lays his head on my tummy to 'hug' his sister.
He hasn't felt her yet, but he did see her on "TV" which he will tell people about ("Te-wy" "Fo-fee TV") Teri's my midwife, and well, the ultrasound thing does look like TV! This was a couple weeks ago now, she did a US just so my mom and ZZ could see for a couple minutes, my Sophia was sucking away on a couple fingers and she's got my ZZ's mouth!

I'm not sure what happened, but SOMEHOW we got down to THREE WEEKS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :

so they are happy

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), one 13 wk (10/13) and 5/15 just your average multigenerational living family!!
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#5 of 5 Old 12-29-2006, 02:29 AM
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There isn't a tribe but perhaps we should start one?

My FIL lives with us less due to health issues as to the fact that he is homeless and unemployed and unemployable. He also has some health issues and isn't in dimentia but he is very absent-minded and he does forget to turn off the stove, always looses his glasses, etc. He gets some SS money but can't afford his own place, and there's NO WAY he could live with a roommate. We're also rather afraid of him being on his own and burning the house down, etc. ALthough he would be better mentally, if he were in a more stable living situation.

There are many issues involved with living with parents - I've only posted ranting threads here but I like the idea of an ongoing tribe to share tips and help each other out.

I started one - here it is! If you think of a better title, let me know and I'll change it.

For those who have parents living with them

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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