Are engagement rings really important?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-08-2007, 08:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, DP and I have decided to tie the knot this year. We are going to have a small wedding for close friends and family. Absoutely no big fuss or bother, but something special, intimate, meaningful and... fun

We've been discussing doing it for ages and in a sudden spurt of action, have decided to finally lock it in. Anyway, obviously we have been together for ages, have DD etc etc. We are saving for a house at the moment, and obviously the engagement wasn't a down-on-one-knee, red roses, big rock moment.

So..... we decided to not bother with an engagement ring. Well, you would think the world had ended. No-one can believe it. My mum is HORRIFIED. Am I missing something?? Does the ring signify the fact that your DP loves you more than if he didn't go and blow a couple of grand of (joint) money? Have we just inadvertantly committed a massive social faux pas??

I mean, I can appreciate a big dazzler as much as the next girl, but I dont really feel the need to have a big rock as proof of how much DP loves me. But is it a symbol of something more than that? I thought the wedding bands were the symbol of unity.

Anyway, I doubt we'll get one but I'd love to hear some more thoughts, just out of interest!
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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I would say that engagement rings are only important if they are important to YOU!!
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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Well, I have an engagement ring. I told DH I didn't really need one, and that went over like a lead balloon. Then I said I'd just as soon have a sapphire or a pearl. That went over no better. So I have a diamond, and I do love it...but honestly I didn't need it at the time, and if push came to shove, I don't NEED it now.

My wedding ring, however, is a plain platinum band and is very, very important to me.
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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We didn't do an engagment ring. We were young, putting money on a house, had one broken down car and other bills. Spending a thousand dollars or more on a symbol wasn't gonna cut it.

Our matching bands have little diamonds on them just for a touch of "sparkle".
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:38 PM
 
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No.

Lots of people don't do engagement rings. It's only important if it is important to you or your partner.

If you really want to mess with people, get a colored gemstone engagement ring...that confuses people, too.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:39 PM
 
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I would say that engagement rings are only important if they are important to YOU!!
Definitely. People get really set in their ways about this kind of stuff for some reason. But if you don't want one, then there's no point.

Oh, and congratulations.
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:40 PM
 
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No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:41 PM
 
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I don't feel they are important. I have one, and had a huge romantic proposal. Which was sweet, and important to dh, I thought it was kinda cheesey. But that is just me. What is important to me, is more the sybolism of your love, which I see in the wedding ring. I see an enagement ring more as a big show, a 'look what I have' type of deal, but that is just me.
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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Not really, I didn't get a ring at all until a year after we were married.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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Old 02-08-2007, 08:45 PM
 
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Oh, I will say I liked having an engagement ring. I like jewelry a lot, though .

You know...with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes, she shall have music wherever she goes...

I love seeing pirate chests full of pirate booty.

But to each her own.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:46 PM
 
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I would say that engagement rings are only important if they are important to YOU!!
My sister's husband and his entire family tried to convince her that a ring didn't matter. It mattered to her and that is all that should have mattered. She pretty much bought her own ring because he wouldn't budge. He was in the mall on the phone with his mom when she picked it out and paid for it.

Signs signs everywhere a sign....sigh.
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:50 PM
 
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I don't think its important, either. But i don't even wear a wedding ring.

congratulations!!!!
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My sister's husband and his entire family tried to convince her that a ring didn't matter. It mattered to her and that is all that should have mattered. She pretty much bought her own ring because he wouldn't budge. He was in the mall on the phone with his mom when she picked it out and paid for it.

Signs signs everywhere a sign....sigh.

God, that is sad. Your poor sis. I agree, if it matters to you, go for it.

There is certainly an appeal to the romantic proprosal. If I am 100% honest with myself, sure it would have been nice to have had that a few years ago. But I got sick, then got better, then got pregnant, then we were parents etc etc. So.. it just didnt happen that way.

If we were rolling in money, and it wasn't an issue, and DP could go buy me a lovely ring, then I doubt I would say no! But to spend 1000s of dollars on it when we cant really afford it, then that seems to me silly.

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If you really want to mess with people, get a colored gemstone engagement ring...that confuses people, too.
haha!! Agreed. We have thought about ust buying a cheapy vintage ring, but it seems like some people are more horrified by a cheap ring than no ring!

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No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).
Good to hear!!

I feel good about our decision Thanks for the congrats!!
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:57 PM
 
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No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).
According to my mother, a marriage is only cursed when its not done in a church. Apparently my marriage isnt even LEGAL since it happened in my backyard and I didnt *gasp* change my name.

But OP, dh bought me a sweet little $35 ring from a local artist. Not engagement looking by any means. Just something he knew I'd like and to have to drop on one knee to propose with. I never did wear it.
And it sits in my jewelery box.

If it doesnt matter to you, it doesnt matter.

Congrats!
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Old 02-08-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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I don't think its important, either. But i don't even wear a wedding ring.
Ditto. I specifically asked for no engagement ring as well. Waste of money, IMO. I have access to a safety deposit box literally packed with rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc from an estate my mother inherited. For something with so much "value" they do nothing but sit in a box in a bank...and never will do anything else.

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Old 02-08-2007, 09:04 PM
 
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I don't have an engagement ring. Neither does dh.

We both wear a wedding ring.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:09 PM
 
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I have one, but I'm not particularly attached to it, lol. But it is welded to my wedding ring. But, then again, I have a "spare" wedding ring that I usually wear that is a plain silver wedding band.
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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When dh asked me to marry him, he gave me a ring. It was lovely. We had a short engagement (1 month). The day before our wedding, dh says, "OMG, am I supposed to buy you ANOTHER ring????" So, I just took off my "engagement" ring and used it for the wedding, too. It does seem like a conspiracy by the diamond industry to get two rings out of you. I really like my simple ring by itself and wouldn't want two.
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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Don't have or want one DH and I will be replacing our rings, as his got crushed at work, while he was wearing it, and I want to match.

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:22 PM
 
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No engagement ring here. My dh doesn't even have a wedding ring. He bought me one because I wanted it. I don't even wear it!

SAHM married to with twin boys  and a girl .  
 
 
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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I actually told my husband not to buy me a ring as I find them an expense which is unnecessary. He proposed with a ribbon around my finger - tying it as he was talking.

I'm on your side.
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Flor View Post
When dh asked me to marry him, he gave me a ring. It was lovely. We had a short engagement (1 month). The day before our wedding, dh says, "OMG, am I supposed to buy you ANOTHER ring????" So, I just took off my "engagement" ring and used it for the wedding, too. It does seem like a conspiracy by the diamond industry to get two rings out of you. I really like my simple ring by itself and wouldn't want two.
Oh! Oh! Oh! [Jumps up and down] I've been nodding my head in agreement with everything in this thread, and your last statement here jumped out at me.

If you must buy a diamond, please do a little research on the history of the diamond industry, especially in South Africa. Diamond mining practices are still very cruel. The price of diamonds is hugely inflated. The diamond industry cultivated this myth that diamonds are rare when relative to other gems they most definitely are not. And they've also promoted this idea that a man is cheap if he buys an engagement ring with anything other than a diamond, never mind that pearls used to be the tradition. On top of that, he's supposed to spend the equivalent of at least a month's salary.

My husband's sister in law periodically gives him a hard time because he doesn't buy me jewelry at every little anniversary. He tells her I don't want the stuff and she doesn't believe him. He knows I like jewelry just as much as the next woman. But I like artsy stuff you can't get from the diamond franchise at the mall. We can't afford it anyway!

Okay, steps down from soap box.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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No way - very trivial. It would've been a waste of money to me. I feel that way about most wedding stuff though.

I know someone who got an engagement couch. That's more up my alley!

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:40 PM
 
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I actually told my husband not to buy me a ring as I find them an expense which is unnecessary. He proposed with a ribbon around my finger - tying it as he was talking.

I'm on your side.
Awwww. I LOVE that! What a great idea.
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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I don't even wear my wedding ring, ok well I don't technically have a "wedding ring" since we eloped and had no ring at all and so dh used his fathers masons ring ( which was wayy to big lol) as a stand in at the marriage ceremony. We bought a ring for me after the fact but I ended up eventually losing it because I'm just not a jewelry person And then he bought me a replacement which sits in a jewelry box.

so no I don't think it's important. What matters is the relationship not a piece of jewelry.
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:16 PM
 
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I totally agree with Journeymom. The diamond industry is not something that I am willing to support. (I know there are fair diamonds and I respect that). I also work with poor people and didn't feel like it was appropriate to have a huge, expensive ring on when a lot of them can't eat. I'm also a feminist and am not really comfortable wearing that kind of symbol of my husband's wealth. . .

We went on a super honeymoon to Europe with the money that would have bought a ring. Starting our marriage out in Paris was amazing and it was a great decision.
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:20 PM
 
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An engagement and/or wedding ring only matters if it's important to you. It was and is important to me to have an engagement and wedding ring. I wear them daily, they are a symbol, and every time I look at my hands (whether accidentally or on purpose, IRL or in a photograph, etc.) I think of how much I love my dh and how much he loves me.

I chose and paid for my own rings. Dh loved that because he would have loved to buy the ring but couldn't afford it, and because he really didn't know what to choose and wanted me to have something I really wanted to wear for the rest of my life.

So I love my rings, and they're important to me. But if it wasn't something that was personally and specifically important to me, I wouldn't have any! Remind people that you are going to do what is right for you (and your family), your whole life long, not what is right for them. I think I tell our families (in-laws and my own) this six times a week!

Julia
dd 10 mos

ETA: I do not know the history of the diamonds in my rings. All I know is both rings are almost 100 years old and one of them was purchased at an estate sale by the jeweler who sold it to me. I don't feel guilty : and I don't boycott everything that comes from an industry that does something or has ties to something I disagree with. : again!
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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Dh and I didn't have any money for an engagement right when we got engaged. I really was fine with that, and so was everybody involved.

Except, a few friends who told me that you aren't really engaged if you don't have a ring! They were so relieved when dh 'got' me a ring. He had the diamond of the ring my great grandmother had left for me reset. When he gave it to me, I yelled at him, because we didn't have money for a diamond, before I realized it was my great grandmothers.

 
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm also a feminist and am not really comfortable wearing that kind of symbol of my husband's wealth. . .
I hear you. And where does the tradition come from? (Wiki - here I come...) When the emphasis is on the price of the ring, I find it has overtones of a 'bride price' a little.

So whilst we were considering a cheap ring, as 'homage' to the tradition, I think I may stick to a bare finger.
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Old 02-08-2007, 10:33 PM
 
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No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).
That is us too. Things are wonderful even without rings!!

Congrats to you and yours!!
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