Termination (Anonymous Poll) - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Have you ever terminated a pregnancy?
Yes due to health risks to me 3 25.00%
Yes due to rape/incest 2 16.67%
Yes due to pressure from outside sources 24 100.00%
Yes due to the fetus having medical problems 5 41.67%
Yes, selective reduction due to too many fetuses 1 8.33%
Yes due to not being financially ready for a child 52 100.00%
Yes due to not being emotionally ready for a child 70 100.00%
Yes due to not being in a stable relationship with the father 46 100.00%
Other 13 100.00%
No, I've never terminated a pregnancy 333 100.00%
I'm pro-choice 253 100.00%
I'm pro-life 117 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

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Talk Amongst Ourselves > Termination (Anonymous Poll)
wendy1221's Avatar wendy1221 12:27 PM 07-15-2007
I voted no and that I am pro-choice. I don't think I could ever have an abortion, personally, but who know under special circumstances (like another poster who had a baby w/ severe problems incompatible w/ life.) I don't think I could handle it emotionally. I did consider it w/ my 3rd b/c my 2nd was under 2, and we weren't planning on having another for several years b/c we are not in the best place for having kid sin our life. All 3 have been accidents. I was on Depo w/ my first, micalculation of NFP in the middle of the night after a 2 week vacation w/ 2nd, broken condom w/ 3rd. I can't do hormonal bc, it messes w/ me big time.

I took the MAP just yesterday, though, b/c we had a broken condom, I was due to ovulate today, and we just can't handle having another baby right now. Really can't. Don't think I can handle another baby ever, really, but especially now. 2 of my kids are on the spectrum and dh is a grad student. Plus we live 500 miles away from closest family, and they don't come to visit. I have an appointment to get an IUD, really sucks that we had this broken condom at such a bad time, and so close to when we wouldn't even need them anymore. I don't consider the MAP to me termination. It delays ovulation, so it isn't anything at all like the abortion pill. It's also safe to take while nursing (which I am.)

babymama_nursing's Avatar babymama_nursing 08:43 AM 06-03-2013
I had to go through IVF to get pregnant with my daughter and again with my son. I had awful, horrible, miserable pregnancies, the second worse than the first.

When my son was 9 months old, I discovered I was pregnant. Immediately began feeling SICK and dreading a pregnancy, most of all my certain inability to nurse and parent my baby in arms in the way I want to. I wanted to be excited about becoming pregnant on my own with the baby who beat the odds, but all I felt was dread.

I was 5 weeks pregnant. I chose not to listen for a heartbeat, but to terminate the pregnancy. It was a hard decision, but I don't think I could be the kind of parent I want to be being pregnant and sick with a baby and an older child. I terminated the pregnancy. In my mind, I sent this baby on to my mom, who passed away when I was young.

The day after, I bundled up my kids and took them to the park. Just because I could! The sickness and nausea were gone and I felt relieved! Just so relieved, even though the experience was awful.

I was grateful to the doctor and nurses who were there to help me by doing a thankless job.

Now, I think and wonder about the beat the odds baby, but if you asked me to restart that pregnancy now, I just feel NO inside me. Being pregnant is a misery for me. While I would easily raise more children, I don't think I ever want to be pregnant again.

I remain pro choice. I don't think anyone should make the decision for anyone else.
JudiAU's Avatar JudiAU 05:32 PM 07-09-2013

No, I have never terminated a pregnancy. I don't consider a MAP a termination at all. I do consider myself lucky that with rape and stupidity I never had to deal with a termination.

 

I have three kids now and I've celebrated each one with a large donation to Planned Parenthood. Every parent should be a parent by choice.


erigeron 08:21 PM 07-09-2013

I have never terminated a pregnancy. I reject the notion that the morning-after pill counts as a termination. I am pro-choice because I believe the decision needs to be up to the individuals involved rather than in the hand of politicians. There were times in the past when I would have had an abortion had I gotten pregnant, but thankfully it never came to that. 

 

(This is a really old thread. I wonder if it's still even allowed.)


PrimordialMind's Avatar PrimordialMind 10:28 PM 07-09-2013
Why wouldn't an old thread be allowed? I think that unless a mod has locked it, anyone can still comment.

I have never had an abortion but if I needed to for medical or personal reasons, i would. I understand how difficult it is to carry, care for and raise a child. It is not a small undertaking and i feel that the option to abort is honoring that fact. A lot of women who choose to have one are doing so because they know they won't be able to care for that potential child at the level they would prefer. That is admirable to me--for someone to be conscious about what they are capable of at that point in time and how that will affect a child, then choosing what they should do given that awareness.
erigeron 05:59 AM 07-10-2013

I know that we aren't supposed to debate abortion now, so I don't know if this thread will survive.


Jefinner's Avatar Jefinner 06:27 AM 07-10-2013

I think this has gone supremely well for an abortion topic. nod.gif

 

I have never terminated, nor could I ever. I was 18 and got pregnant after a one night stand. When I thought I was pregnant (I had two negative tests; I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was in the ER after a car wreck), I imagined I would just get rid of it. That I didn't need a baby. Then when it became real, I couldn't. Somewhere in my mind, this switched and became a baby and not just a problem.

 

It was hard, and I was young enough that immature missteps were made along the way, but I have a pretty amazing 17 year old daughter out of the deal.

 

I am very pro-life. And I'm in TX, so this is a HUGE debate, right now. Honestly, I don't agree with either side of the issue (mostly because I believe it's all more about politics than true moral ground for the politicians fighting this fight - I'm not talking about most of the people fighting for their cause...), but I don't know how I'd solve it.


zjande's Avatar zjande 07:52 AM 07-10-2013
Weird seeing this ancient thread and reading my own 6 yr old response. I'd answer differently today. I lean far more to the pro- life side of things now.
dinahx's Avatar dinahx 04:23 AM 10-06-2013
I have. I used Mifepristone/Misoprostol. It was @ 6 weeks, iirc, but that really changes nothing.

I regret it pretty deeply, but it took that experience to shift my perspective on the issue. The moment my perspective shifted was the exact moment I passed the baby/embryo. It was just a sudden epiphany. I really *wholeheartedly* believed the industry rhetoric beforehand. I really thought it was just a liberated & feminist move, but it really didn't feel that way IRL.

In any case, some of it was that my DH & I are both oldest children with a mom (him) & a dad (me) really sensitive to appearances. We couldn't bear to let them down. But now it seems really ridiculous, because in both families, our youngest siblings are making a mockery of any 'standards' our parents were trying to enforce. My youngest brother is quasi homeless and addicted to cr*ck & his sister is fairly open about not 'waiting until marriage' (something we felt we needed to hide less than a decade ago).

The other part was that I always thought my baby would be perfectly nurtured. When I got pregnant I was still smoking a cigarette every day & drinking a beer after work. Now I know that wouldn't have affected the baby, in the first weeks, but at the time I just felt horrible. I will say that the counselor @ PP did not help me clear up my erroneous notion when I shared it with her, I really wish I had had a relationship with a regular OB or MW, to get correct medical info . . . There was a real MW involved in my care, but I only asked questions of the counselor, who IMHO, turned out to be not qualified to answer medical questions (no medical license).

In any case, that is my story. I don't characterize myself on either side of the debate, I just share my real feelings about my real experience & our family's real loss. I love my oldest, who was born a year from the due date of my first. However, I wish dearly that I had had the ovaries to stand up to my family, I will forever be in admiration of women that do.

I do believe in a way that the soul waited for me. I am forever glad I was able to have the experience privately & non-surgically & @ home, but ironically It made it much harder for me to continue believing that this was 'just a choice' . . .

I don't believe the MAP is a termination tho, it is really not the same & is thought to only work in cases where it is able to prevent ovulation . . .
limabean's Avatar limabean 11:52 AM 10-06-2013
For those of you commenting that you're neither pro-life or pro-choice because you wouldn't have an abortion but believe others should be allowed to make their own decision ... thats called being pro-choice. wink1.gif It's not about the choice you would make for yourself, it's about believing there should be a choice available at all.

For myself, no abortions and I'm pro-choice.

ETA: Didn't realize this was such an old thread.
dinahx's Avatar dinahx 12:31 PM 10-06-2013
There is actually something deeply hurtful about that statement to PostAbortive women. I don't subscribe to even 90% of Amanda Marcotte's ideas, but this is one where she really gets it right:
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/08/21/im-pro-choice-but-i-could-never-have-an-abortion/
erigeron 01:00 PM 10-06-2013

I'm not sure what point you thought Limabean was trying to make that you are disagreeing with, Dinah. I agree with the Marcotte post in not liking that phrase, but I'm sort of confused on how it's germane to this discussion. My read on Limabean's post is that she's just pointing out that supporting someone else's choice to have an abortion=pro-choice. That is the definition of being pro-choice. You can be pro-choice while believing you would not choose an abortion for yourself (or would not choose one again). And this clarification of what pro-choice means is often necessary, imo, because a lot of people *do* seem to think that if they wouldn't have an abortion themselves, that means they're not pro-choice. 

 

I am sorry that you regret your decision and feel like other people around you had problematic influences on you in regards to it. 


Adaline'sMama's Avatar Adaline'sMama 01:03 PM 10-06-2013

I terminated a pregnancy in 2006, 10 weeks pregnant. I had partied pretty heavily, DH and I werent married yet and we were  not ready for kids. I can't say Im happy I did it, or that I don't sometimes regret it, but I think it was the best decision at the time.

 

We chose to get married and have kids soon afterwards. I made it very clear to him that I would never do it again simply for the reasons we did it before. I would still terminate if something was wrong with the fetus that made the chances of survival slim- I simply cannot watch another child die. 


myra1's Avatar myra1 01:29 PM 10-06-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by dinahx View Post

There is actually something deeply hurtful about that statement to PostAbortive women. I don't subscribe to even 90% of Amanda Marcotte's ideas, but this is one where she really gets it right:
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/08/21/im-pro-choice-but-i-could-never-have-an-abortion/
I don't know, I disagree with her assertation that saying I would never have one means I consider myself too virtuous or responsible to be in that situation. I could absolutely end up in that situation too (I have!), and don't judge anyone for an unplanned pregnancy.
What I am saying is that in that situation, I would not choose to abort. IMO that seems like a pretty fair thing to say; my choice to not abort is just as valid the choice to abort. And ITA that this thread revival will not last!
anj_rn's Avatar anj_rn 01:48 PM 10-06-2013

I have not had an unintended pregnancy, and I have had a BTL, so unlikely I ever will.  i am pro-choice.  I cannot honestly say if I would have had an abortion in the past, or if I would have one in the future.


erigeron 02:16 PM 10-06-2013

Myra1, I would also bear in mind that RH Reality Check is a site for reproductive health advocates and activists, and that the advice contained in Marcotte's piece is aimed at this audience, not really the general population. It's a discussion of what language to use as a pro-choice advocate, specifically for pro-choice advocates. In that context, I agree with it. I don't think that she meant it to be extrapolated to mean that you or I or some other person should never randomly say in an unrelated discussion specifically about the subject that we wouldn't have an abortion ourselves. 


Jennyanydots's Avatar Jennyanydots 02:26 PM 10-06-2013
Interesting thread. I terminated a pregnancy a few days before my 17th birthday. I didn't tell my parents until years later, and at the time only my boyfriend and best friend knew. They both came with me. It was a very hard and tearful decision for me, and my boyfriend, who was a few years older, was supportive of me whichever path I chose. I was going into my senior year of high school and absolutely could not imagine having a baby then, as my family situation was very hard and my bf and I were not prepared to support ourselves and a child. Still, it was an extremely painful choice. I never regretted the choice, though I did regret putting myself in the position to make it, and I mourned it for a long time.

I am very pro choice. I might have opinions about how others use that choice from time to time, but it is not my business to get involved in others' reproductive decisions.
USAmma's Avatar USAmma 03:57 PM 10-06-2013

No, I have never aborted. But I would if I found myself to be pregnant with a baby with serious problems. I am a peds RN who works with children with horrible quality of life issues. It's all over the spectrum, some are loved and are able to be comforted. Others are clearly having a miserable life. It is not my job to judge those parents, and I'm glad I am not in their shoes. But if I had a baby with certain conditions I would not hesitate to terminate the pregnancy or feel bad about it. I supported a friend through this situation.

 

I also would encourage that anyone who is against termination for any reason (and we all have the right to our opinions!), to strongly consider fostering and adopting the special needs babies that are born and saved. On my unit we get *lots* of NICU graduates with very special, complicated medical needs. They are hard to place. Their parents are unable to care for them in many cases. They come with trachs, ventilators, g-tubes, severe brain injuries, and require 24 hour care because they cannot even move and are at risk for bedsores. We have two long-term care facilities in my area for children. Yes, children live in these nursing homes. They deserve better.


Peony's Avatar Peony 09:26 PM 10-06-2013

I am pro-choice. I've never had to make that choice for myself personally. I will say that after 3 planned children and one very unexpected child that completely rocked our lives, if I should ever find out that despite permanent birth control measures, I was pregnant. I would not continue the pregnancy. Our family can not handle another child with the type of children we get or already have. The breaking point was reached long ago. 


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